Chapter 19 - Home

BPOV

"I think it's time to talk."

The words seemed so inadequate for all that was happening inside my head. Yes, we needed to talk, about what had happened, what this would mean for us and about the future. At the same time, my mind kept wandering off. There were so many distractions, not in the least the very naked man I was addressing at this time. My single-minded focus of earlier, first on revenge and after that on claiming my mate, had vanished, leaving me hollow and vulnerable to anything else. There were too many sounds, too many smells and too many emotions to be sorted through.

It was as if Jasper understood this instinctively. He dressed and sat down cross-legged in front of me, looking into my eyes purposefully. I calmed instantly under his gaze, providing me focus and a source of serenity. I mimicked his pose and extended my hands to him, needing his touch to keep me grounded.

"I know I said just now that we needed to talk, but frankly, I don't know where to start, Jasper. It's all a bit much at this point."

"I understand, darling. You're doing really well, actually." There was a hint of surprise in his tone which confused me.

"You're a newborn, Bella," he clarified. "I'm surprised you can even sit still like this." And as an afterthought he added with that sexy smirk of his, "I'm even more surprised that we're dressed again. I'm having the hardest time not ripping off your clothes."

As much as I wanted to have a go at him again, I bit my lip and ignored that comment. If we started again, I was afraid that I'd lose the fragile grasp I had on my meandering thoughts and emotions. Noticing my reaction, he squeezed my hands lightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm a sex-depraved horny bastard. I'll keep my tongue in check."

Fuck me, the man was too hot when he acted like that. I nodded in thanks and started gathering my thoughts again. Where to start…

"Do you want me to go first?" he asked after a couple of seconds of silence.

"Yes, please. There's so much going on inside each time I think I find what to say first, something else pops up."

"Okay," he said and suddenly seemed nervous. "I guess I should have told you this the first moment I laid eyes on you. I love you so much. Life sucks without you. And I want you forever by my side."

That was the moment the final burden lifted from my shoulders, one I didn't know I carried.

"I love you too. And I don't think I could live without you anymore."

At that point we were both sporting shit-eating grins and we lost ourselves in the most loving, gentle kiss we had ever shared. It was like a flower opened in the center of my being and when I opened my eyes again, our bond as mates was complete. He looked at me in wonder, clearly having gone through the same experience. The whole thing was so unlike us, we burst into a fit of giggles.

"If we keep this sappy shit up, we're gonna have to get you a new set of balls soon, cowboy," I couldn't help but tease.

"You just make sure that the rainbows and butterflies stop shooting out of your ass first, baby."

God, I loved this man.

Still, there was a lot that hadn't been said yet and I now knew where to start.

"I need to tell you what happened between Edward and me."

"No, you don't. It's in the past, Bella. You don't need to tell me shit."

"I do, Jasper. I want you to know all there is to know. No more secrets."

In the following hour, there were a lot of growls, some tree-uprooting, much pacing and a fuckload of swearing, most of it from Jasper. I, myself, was uncharacteristically calm. But as I let it all out, the darkness was gradually leaving me.

"I want there to be no resentment between us, Jasper. I'm not apologizing for what I did to make it through, but I also want you to know that I don't hold it against you for trusting Alice and being a tad late in finding me."

When I spoke Alice's name, he froze and a flash of guilt came my way.

"You haven't told me the part where Edward filled you in about her plans with me," he suddenly interjected.

"He didn't tell me anything about her. But I suspected it. The whole damned thing was too well-prepared. So I confronted her and she betrayed herself by running away. When I went after her, I wanted her to suffer like I did. But the bitch was just crazy and deluded. She really loved you, you know, and thought you'd stay with her forever. In the end, I felt sorry for her and promised to make it quick."

I shrugged. She wasn't worth the trouble. As long as she couldn't hurt me or my loved ones again, I couldn't care less. Jasper chuckled and pulled me into a hug.

"You're the most amazing woman I've ever met."

We sat back down after that while he filled me in on how the chase had gone. I loved Charlotte even more after he told me about the instant dislike between her and Alice. He was clearly dealing with major guilt issues, but I told him in strong words that I would have none of it. It wasn't going to be that easy, but I was convinced in time, we'd both be able to let it go.

I had become increasingly uncomfortable while Jasper had been talking. My throat was itching like crazy and now the feeling switched over tiny pin pricks to a full-blown burn. It became difficult to stay seated and I started pacing. Still, I had no idea what was happening.

As soon as the pin pricks started, I felt like running, just running no matter where. The pacing helped for a while, but quite suddenly I couldn't take it anymore and while Jasper was in mid-sentence, I took off.

The run was exhilarating. I went so fast I was almost flying, my hair loose in the wind. I was vaguely aware of Jasper trailing me, but slowly falling behind. And while his absence felt like a physical part of me was gone, I knew this was something I needed to do by myself. After weeks of being cooped up and imprisoned, this truly felt like freedom. I could run wherever I wanted to and nothing could stop me.

It wasn't long before I passed the first signs of civilization and only then the penny dropped. I was hungry. Or was it thirsty? With that realization, I could have stopped and waited for Jasper. But that urge, it was bigger than me. I had been ignoring it for too long.

A single car was approaching from my right and I took a sharp turn towards it. With a sense of theatrics I didn't know I possessed, I jumped on the road, right in front of the car. It smashed into me with a tremendous bang and the noise of ripping metal not unlike the sound Edward's limbs had made when they came off. I ripped off the car door and dragged the unconscious driver onto the asphalt. Blood was dripping from a deep gash in the young man's head. The blood flowing freely was all I could think about, the smell of it tantalizing. I dove for the pulsing artery in his neck, when I was thrown aside and landed a couple of yards from the wreck.

A vampire was crouched between me and my prey, shielding the man from my view.

"Bella, please don't do this. Think about it first. You'll hate yourself for this, I know you."

The voice was familiar, as was the tone, but I didn't want to know, didn't want to acknowledge the words. The only thing clear to me was that this vampire was standing between me and what I wanted. His stance was not exactly threatening, so I moved closer. In response, he growled and slowly moved back his sleeves, intentionally showing me the scars on his forearms. My instinct screamed to submit, but that was something I would never do again in my life. I would get what I want or die. No compromises, no in betweens.

When the decision to attack was made, I didn't hesitate and didn't hold back. I ran towards the other vampire as fast as I could, a move he clearly expected of me. He easily threw me over his shoulder, trying to catapult me away. Instead of flying way over the car, I hooked my foot under the open door and used the leverage to change my trajectory. I had no intention of actually fighting a skilled warrior. All I needed was to land close enough to the bleeding man, so that I could reach him first. By the time the vampire had realized his mistake, I had my victim in a death grip and buried my teeth into his neck. I drank quickly and greedily, barely tasting the blood on my tongue. The more I took, the more my sanity returned. When the man's heart beat its final beats, I was very aware of Jasper watching me intently from a couple of feet away.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have foreseen this. I should have taken you hunting immediately. I'm sorry I couldn't stop you. I didn't want to hurt you…"

I looked at him, perplexed, and then at the dead body I was holding. My hands were covered with blood and judging by the stickiness of my face, that was covered as well.

I just killed a man. I killed a man and drank his blood. Not only that… Jasper had tried to stop me and I would have killed him or die myself to get to the man. Even with my massive vampire brain, I couldn't wrap my head around this new development. Somehow I knew I should feel guilty, but I didn't. This was natural. He was food.

"I don't feel guilty, Jasper. Is there something wrong with me?"

He stepped closer and pulled me into his chest.

"I don't know, darling," he whispered in my hair. "Feeding off humans is the basest instinct a vampire has, but we've never talked about what your food source would be. I thought we were going to have more time for that."

At the sound of a car approaching, Jasper tensed and dragged me out of sight. When a tow truck appeared, Jasper sighed in relief.

"Know-it-all motherfucker," he swore under his breath.

Peter jumped out of the truck and quickly started attaching the hook to the battered vehicle on the road. Charlotte came up to us and told Jasper to go help her husband; she would take care of me.

"Don't worry about it, doll," she said, rubbing my back. "It all happened to us when we were newborns. It's normal to lose control like that."

"I don't feel bad about it," I said entangling me from her embrace. "I felt free and powerful and natural."

She frowned at first, but then smiled at me.

"I'm glad for you, Bella. Let's go home."

She took my hand and we started running. The pace was moderate this time, but just as freeing as before. So far, I loved being a vampire. I couldn't wait for what the future held.

Charlotte and I ran for ages and I was glad to notice I didn't tire anymore. I could have run all across the country and not break a sweat. After a couple hours, Jasper and Peter joined us, and we switched hands so that I was holding Jasper's. I finally felt I was home.

AN: I wanted to thank you all for your wonderful words. This new chapter being finished so quickly is because of you.