Never Tell a Goblin King Where an Author Lives

By: Neko-chan

A/N: Okie, okie. I know that I'm supposed to be working on Through a Child's Eyes or The Labyrinth: Another Tale....The Sequel. But I dun wanna!! Anyway, this fic is inspired by Sallie Drazzi's "The Visit". So, of course, this fic is dedicated to her! (I hope you like it!) And before I forget....I dun own the Laby or the Goblin King. *pouts*........or eBay. ^_^

Neko-chan moaned and stared at her computer screen in despair. "Damn it!!" she growled, poking it to see if it was the computer that was having the problem, not her. She hadn't added ANYTHING to her Laby section for months--she was at a standstill and knew it.

She sniffled pathetically and pouted. She had to type something!! She had that urge....the need to write. But what, she didn't know.

"What's wrong with me?" she complained to her extremely chewed up pen. (She always chewed on it when she was bored or stuck with a story or two. As you guessed, it was one VERY chewed up pen.)

Bob didn't answer her. Neko-chan growled in frustration and threw the pen over her shoulder, muttering curses in Japanese.

"You should be careful with that," a deep voice purred from behind. Neko-chan blinked. She KNEW that voice......she had memorized every line of the Labyrinth, listened to his songs, bought the CD after months of looking, and idolized him in fanfiction. It was Jareth, the Goblin King. Continuing, he said, "Next time, you should look before you throw things. This could've taken my eye out."

Slowly getting over her shock, Neko-chan scowled. "What are YOU doing here?" She didn't really mean to be rude. It's just that, usually, when she was stuck with a story and people bugged her about it, she tended to lash out at them. And Neko-chan had the feeling that Jareth had come here to talk about her stories.

Jareth grinned. "You got that right, kiddo."

Neko-chan growled and stamped down the urge to kick him. She hated being called kiddo...and Jareth knew that. "How did you find out where I live?" she finally asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

The Goblin King smirked. "Sallie Drazzi, of course."

The red-headed cat girl moaned aloud and started to seriously consider the option of just ending her misery and killing herself right then and there. Once the Goblin King found out where an author lived, he never stopped visiting. Jareth was hot, but he was also annoying.

The said Goblin King rose an eyebrow. "Annoying, am I?"

Neko-chan started to seriously consider stabbing herself with Bob, the extremely chewed up pen. She had forgotten that Jareth often enjoyed reading other people's minds. Hot, annoying, and NOSY. A description of the King in three words.

"And I heard that, too. Anyway, I'm here not to discuss your stories. You're doing alright on those. I especially liked how you write about how I have a daughter. Not many fan fiction writers do that. And I also like Through a Child's Eyes. What made you think of that particular story?"

Neko-chan shrugged. "I dunno. I was watching the Labyrinth....for the 1,986,402,206 time....and I started wondering: What were you like when you were a child? I don't think any other writer did a story about that. So I decided to be the first."

Jareth nodded absently. "Very good. Actually, I came here to discuss your relationship with your boyfriend."

The red-head nearly choked. "WHAT?!" she yelled and picked up Bob, brandishing it like a sword. "Why do you want to know THAT for?!"

The Goblin King grinned evilly. "I don't. I just wanted to see your reaction."

Neko-chan frowned. Scratch off 'hot' and pencil in 'comedian-wannabe.' Maybe instead of stabbing herself to death, she could seriously consider getting rid of one annoying blonde Goblin King. But, then again....if she did that, fan fiction writers would be after her head.

"So what are you really here for?" she asked warily. Neko-chan knew that she had to ask the right questions or the Goblin King would try and skirt around an issue for as long as he could. He was very evasive and liked playing those types of games.

Jareth looked down at the light brown carpet. "Actually....I've come here to ask you about your stories. Are you going to make me gay in any of them?"

Neko-chan blinked, then snorted. "Gay?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "You?"

Jareth nodded and raised his head, scowling at her. "Yes, I want to know if you're going to make me gay in any of your stories."

The red-head's eyes sparkled and she tapped her lips thoughtfully. "I dunno. Depends on what you would do for me...." She grinned suddenly: "Why do you want to know if I'm going to make you gay in any of my stories?"

Jareth blinked innocently and his full lips pouted. "No reason...." he answered airily.

Neko-chan thought for a minute, then her grin broadened. "It's one of the fanfiction authors, isn't it? One of them is thinking about making you gay...or has done so already. So now you're checking up on each one, to see if they're going to do the same in their stories, also.... Now, I wonder which author it is that's got you so worried....."

Jareth blinked once again, this time in amazement. The suave Goblin King was flabbergasted. "You and Sallie Drazzi get more and more alike each time I see her. It's....scary, that's what it is. Soon I'll have to deal with two Sallie Drazzis!!"

The hyper cat girl grinned. "Or two Neko-chans."

"God forbid...." she heard him mutter. Then, he once again directed his attention to her. "What do I have to do in order to make me not gay in one of your stories?"

Neko-chan blinked, then her grin turned more sinister. "What does every female Labyrinth fanfiction writer dream about? Could you be any more dense?" That said, she closed her eyes and puckered up her lips, waiting for his kiss.

After about five minutes of waiting, Neko-chan opened a gray eye and scrutinized her prey. "Well?" she asked. "Aren't you going to kiss me?"

"No," Jareth said. "I'd rather be gay in one of your stories than kiss you."

The redhead shrugged. "Fine, suit yourself. I guess I'll just have to follow in my fellow fanfiction writers' footsteps and write a story about you being gay. Let's see...." Suddenly, her grin turned evil and Jareth could imagine little devil horns popping out of her head. Continuing, she said, "I've always thought that you and Hoggle would make a good couple....."

Neko-chan's reply was a loud thump on the ground. Blinking in bewilderment, the girl turned around and there, unconscious on the ground, was the Goblin King. He had fainted from terror. The girl shrugged and began searching for rope. Once she found some, she quickly tied Jareth up.

Sitting once again at her computer, Neko-chan began to compose a letter to Sallie Drazzi:

Dear Sallie Drazzi:

I love how all of you fanfiction stories are going! They're all so great! Anyways, do you remember how Jareth stopped by your house a while ago? Well, when you told him to go and bug someone across the Atlantic, he took it literally. He's now here. And tied up. What do you think about me 'n' you starting a Goblin King slave auction on eBay? Write me and tell me what you think! Ja ne! ^_~

~Neko-chan

That done, the redhead turned around and eyed the still-unconscious Jareth thoughtfully. "Hmm....well, until I get a reply from Sallie Drazzi, I guess that means that you're my new muse!"

And so, grinning happily, the now satisfied Neko-chan began to write, immersing herself in the story of the Labyrinth and all of its magical creatures.

A/N: So, ladies....what's the bidding going to start at? ^_^