A/N: A one shot for the 'Emmett Gets a Job' One-shot contest on the two sides of twilight forum.

www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/myforums/dontcallmeLeeLee/1848664/

This is set sometime in Eclipse.

Disclaimer: I don't own Emmett or Jasper, although I made Jasper smug for a reason. If you talk to me on the forum, then you'll most probably know why. But I do own Marie... and Bert.

Employee of the Month? I Don't Think So!

Emmett POV

I looked up at the ceiling, watching the dust particles drifting in different directions. This was just a joke. Why was it, when we had a perfectly good day outside, that no one wanted to fight? Jasper was having some private shit with Alice, Edward was upstairs with Bella – as usual, Rosalie would kick my ass if I even suggested such a thing, Esme would disapprove and the old man was at work.

I needed something to do, something that would occupy my whole day, I'd been hunting the day before and so I didn't want to do that, and anyway, it's no fun without something to go with. I flicked on the TV and started to scan the channel listings for anything good to watch. Food Network? No. World News? No. CSN? Not today. Nickelodeon? No.

I sighed dramatically and started flicking through the channels manually, hoping that something would catch my eye. And catch my eye it did.

A short, plump man appeared on the screen and waved at the viewers. 'Are you bored of sitting at home and not having anything to do?' the man exclaimed. I found myself nodding in response. It wasn't as if anyone would see me anyway!

'Do you want something to do?' he continued. Once again, I nodded. 'Then come down to Burger Island where we'll be sure to find you a job! But don't be lazy, 'cause they'll go like crazy! Pick up an application today or visit our website.'

It was as if the light bulb had just lit up in my mind. Of course! I would get a job! From up on the third floor, I heard a short muffled laughter. My eyes narrowed in response.

"Edward, where are you going?" Bella asked, confused.

"I'll be back in a minute, Emmett needs to talk to me," he replied. Such a liar. He was downstairs in the next second and making his way into the room I was in.

"Emmett, you want to get a job?" he asked, his tone incredulous. "At Burger Island?"

I nodded. "What's it to you? Jealous?" I taunted, raising an eyebrow at him.

He snorted. "As if I want to work in some greasy burger joint," he scoffed.

"What's this?" Esme asked as she peaked her head around the door, her eyes were lit up with excitement, she already knew what was going.

"Emmett wants to work at Burger Island," Edward replied, the disbelief was evident in his voice still.

"He wants to work at Burger Island?" Jasper asked as he joined us in the room. "This is comical."

What is this? A family discussion? "So what if I want a job, its more than what the rest of you are doing."

"But Emmett, you do realise you'll have to actually cook food,right?" Edward asked.

"So?" I replied, shrugging. "I'll wing it. It can't be that hard."

"You'll... wing... it?" He was almost incoherent he was that shocked. "But you don't even eat!"

I shrugged again. "At least they won't have to worry about me stealing the food."

Jasper smirked, I could feel his amusement being projected around the room.

"Well I think it's a very nice idea," Esme mused as she smiled in my direction. "Emmett is setting a very good example for the rest of you boys."

"Boys?" Jasper snorted. "You wound me, Esme."

"Yeah me too," Edward said. His response was one second too slow. I burst into fits of laughter making the chair I was sitting on shake.

"Edward... he.... he isn't wounded... he's a boy... so... so funny..." My hands slammed down on the side of the chair with each word. I could hear Bella making her way down the stairs, obviously she could hear the 'commotion' downstairs.

Edward turned around and sprinted out of the room before she could make it down one flight of stairs, he met her halfway.

"What's going on? Was that Emmett?" Bella asked, once again, she was confused.

"Yes, that was Emmett," Edward muttered sourly, I'd hit a nerve.

"What was so funny?" she enquired as he turned her around and led her back up to his room.

"I'll tell you later." Like hell he would.

I turned my attention back to Esme and Jasper. Esme gave me a motherly smile then disappeared back upstairs.

Jasper watched her leave before turning back to me with a knowing look on his face. "I bet, if you get this job, that you won't be able to last one day."

I smirked, this would be easy. "Deal." I shook his hand briskly before standing up and going to find the application form on the website.

Alice was sitting beside me in the uncomfortably small plastic chairs outside the interview room. She was the only one, out of the whole of my family, to actually come with me. Esme claimed that she was busy with some new housing plans which meant that Alice had to come with me. But I knew better, of course. Esme was sending Alice so that she could tell me if they chose me or not. I didn't complain, I wasn't one for waiting for something I wanted.

"Do you see anything yet?" I asked for the millionth time today.

I heard her teeth clench together. "No," she muttered without looking in my direction. "I'll only see what they decide when they've decided. Now quit asking me that or I'm out of here."

I sighed and sat back in the chair. This was really boring me now. As I said before, I wasn't one to wait for something I wanted, and I was being made to wait right now. I looked around at the other people waiting for their interview. A couple of them looked up when I glanced in their direction, but as soon as they caught my eye, they looked away. Apart from one girl who gave me a timid smile before looking away.

"She's going to talk to you later," Alice murmured, her voice was so quiet that only I heard her speaking.

"What?"

But she didn't answer me. I turned to look at her to see her eyes were glazed over. Finally! She was having a vision. I waited patiently for her to finish her vision, I really didn't want to interrupt her when she's in the 'zone'. Jasper tried that once. Never in my life had I seen anyone so scared of someone who was half their size.

The interview door opened and a spotty kid walked out with a grim expression on his face. He had clearly failed his interview. The interviewer looked down at her list then looked around.

"Emmett Cullen?" she called out. I raised my hand and stood up; his eyes widened as they travelled the length of my body. I smirked and took a step towards her, but as I did, Alice reached out and took my arm.

"Vegetable lasagne," she whispered.

"What?" I hissed, staring at her incredulously. She had finally lost her marbles.

"Just remember it, vegetable lasagne," she repeated then let go of my arm and turned away. I inwardly shrugged then turned back to the interviewer and followed her into the interview room. She seemed almost nervous as she told me to take a seat in front of her. She kept diverting her eyes as she introduced herself as Natalie.

"So," she began after a long, silent pause. "I've looked over your résumé and I must say, it's very..."

"Amazing?" I said with a smirk. My résumé would knock everyone else's right out of the ball park.

She chuckled, that was a good sign. "I was actually going to say unbelievable, but I guess amazing works there, too."

I smirked again, this was a very good sign.

"You were top of all your classes at Forks High and received the highest grades possible in every exam that you took, I must say, this is all very surprising. No offence of course," she mumbled, giving me an awkward smile.

"None taken," I replied. I was used to it by now from my two brothers, and on occasion from Alice and Bella.

"Good," she replied, smiling softly. She met my eye then and I smiled at her, the kind of smile I knew Rosie loved. She wouldn't be too happy about that... I must not let Rosie know about that when I tell her about the interview later.

She cleared her throat then looked back down at some papers in front of her. "So, what made you apply for this job?"

"Well, I saw the advert on the TV and I thought it would be cool to get a job here," I replied, sitting back in my chair. She nodded at me slowly then looked back down at the papers in front of her, she didn't look convinced.

"Do you like burgers?" she asked, taking me by surprise.

I pulled a face. "No!"

She frowned slightly at my words. "Oh..." Not a good sign.

"I'm a vegetarian," I backtracked. "But the way I see it, is that at least you know I won't be eating any of the food for free."

"That is true," she replied and nodded, but this time she was smiling. "So what is your favourite meal?"

My eyes widened slightly. Hmm, let me see. Can I say a nice big grizzly bear? Damn. What the hell do I tell her? Come on, Emmett, think! She's waiting!

And then I remembered. "Vegetable lasagne," I said, my voice was natural, there was no hint that I was lying whatsoever. I would have to thank Alice for that later.

"Oh I love vegetable lasagne!" she cried happily. It was almost as if she liked that we had something in common. Too bad it wasn't true.

"So what do you think you will be able to contribute to this business?" she asked. Her voice changed, became more professional once again.

"When I set my mind to something I get really competitive, and of course, I like to be the best at everything and so working here, you can bet anything that I'll be the best employee you've ever seen." I smirked as I finished.

"And just so you know, I can go for hours without stopping," I told her with an amused lilt to my voice. I suppressed the urge to wink at her.

I saw the faint blush form on her cheeks as I finished. She had definitely noticed the innuendo in what I had just said. And as she cleared her throat once again, I wished, for once, that I had Edward's mind reading ability.

"I have a question," she began. Her voice, I noticed, was more throaty than before. "Do you not think you are a little over qualified for this job?"

I shrugged. "Not really. Those grades don't define me, I go my own way."

She seemed to like that answer, for some reason. She scribbled something down on the paper she had in front of her for a short while, then looked back up at me and smiled.

"That'll be all, Emmett," she murmured. "I'm sorry it was so short, but as you can see, I have a lot of applications to get through."

I nodded and stood up when she did. We shook hands quickly then said our goodbyes. Alice was waiting for me directly outside the door, she had a massive smile on her face, which indicated that she'd just had a good vision.

"She's going to employ you," she whispered as we started walking away.

"What?" I asked, excitement laced my tone. "Is she really?"

"Yep," she said, popping the 'p'. "She really likes you." She frowned slightly. "A little too much if I say so myself."

"Maybe we shouldn't mention that fact to Rosie," I told her, suddenly worried about the uproar Rosie could cause.

"I agree, we should keep that one on the down low," she muttered as we stepped outside and started on our way back home to tell everyone that I'd joined the world of the employed.

Alice had been right of course, Natalie had rung me three days later telling me that she had seen potential in me and wanted me to start straight away. Alice told me the exact time Natalie would call, right down to the very second. And if Alice says its going to happen, then it will. You never bet against Alice.

But I do bet against Jasper, our bet that I wouldn't last one day was still intact. This was a bet that I would win... hopefully. I was sick of the smug look he had on his face every time he won another of our bets. I just had to stop myself from messing anything up so that I could get through my first day without any mishaps.

Which was why, when the assistant manager gave the new recruits a welcoming speech and a quick tutorial, I listened to every word he said. They had employed ten out of all the candidates that had applied. The majority of us were young lads, but I recognised the girl that had smiled at me I the interview waiting room. She'd already smiled at me three times this morning.

After the tutorial was over, we were all assigned to different tasks. I was assigned to bringing in the supply boxes from outside. I think it was a very wise choice for Bert, the supervisor, to make. But because of my strength and occasional use of speed, it took me all of about three minutes to bring thirty boxes into the building.

When I got back inside the main area, I looked around for Bert, I would be needing something else to do now that my first task was complete. But before I could spot him, I saw the girl who smiled at me trying to grab a box from a shelf that was too high for her. I walked over and reached for the box easily and got it down for her.

"Thank you," she murmured quietly when she saw it was me who had helped her.

"No problem," I replied with a smile. "Where do you want this one to go?"

She looked around and pointed towards an empty table. "It's okay, I can take it from here. I'm sure you have work to do," she said as she held her hands out for the box.

But I shook my head. "I haven't got anything to do. Don't worry, I've got it."

She smiled then followed me over to her workspace where I placed the box on the table.

"You surprise me, Emmett," she said in a thoughtful voice. Wait, how did she know my name?

"What?"

"Sorry, I just pegged you to be the 'look, I'm going to flex my muscles while I carry this small box' type of guy," she explained, then blushed furiously when she'd said it aloud. She was lucky I didn't take it to heart so easily.

I laughed, which eased her burning cheeks a little. It was silent for a moment before she spoke again. "I'm Marie, by the way."

I smiled. "I'm Emmett, although you already know that."

She blushed yet again. "I heard them call your name earlier," she replied, looking down at the ground. I was about to reply when I heard Bert calling my name. I said bye to Marie and went over to where Bert was standing by the front desk.

"You finished already?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, it didn't take long," I replied, shrugging.

He nodded then signalled for me to follow him. "You can be the first to serve customers then," he exclaimed as he led me toward a row of tills. He gave me a quick tutorial on how to use it then left me to it.

It was silent for a few minutes, but soon enough the doors opened and a group of three girls walked in and came straight towards my till. As they chose what they wanted, I prepared myself to serve my first ever customers.

"What can I get you girls?" I asked as I pressed the button on the touch screen to start the order. But it didn't react to the touch of my finger. I did it again and again, but each time it would stay exactly the same. Shit.

"Can we have three burger meals with two strawberry shakes and a coke, please," one of the girls said as she reached for her purse from within her bag.

"Uh, just wait one minute... this thing isn't working," I said as I repeatedly tapped at the touch screen without response.

"Why don't you use the pen?" the other girl said. She was talking to me as if I was retarded. I looked around for the pen she mentioned and found it sitting beside the till. Well Bert didn't mention that in the tutorial, did he? I thought to myself sourly.

The girls started tapping their fingers against the counter as I entered their orders into the machine. Good job everything was named or else I wouldn't be able to tell anything apart. That was one of the problems with never eating, you never know what anything is anymore.

The order went through to one of the other new employees and soon enough my first order was almost complete.

"Can we have some mayonnaise?" She didn't bother with politeness now. What the hell was mayonnaise? I looked down at the screen, but it wasn't mentioned anywhere. Shit shit shit! Where the hell is it?

"Take your time why don't you," she snapped. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from replying with something just as snarky. My eyes darted from shelf to shelf looking for this mayonnaise, but nothing was labelled!

"What are you looking for?" Marie hissed as she came to stand next to me. "They are attracting Bert's attention."

"I'm looking for the mayonnaise, where the hell is it?" I demanded in a hushed voice. I had to stop myself from saying what the hell is it? That would have been an awkward position to get out of.

She reached up and grabbed some packets from a box right in front of me. "How did you not see these?"

I shrugged awkwardly and turned back to the rather pissed off girls. "Sorry, this is my first day here. Enjoy your meal."

They snorted quietly and turned away without saying a word. I felt like flipping them off, but I knew that Bert was watching, and doing that to a customer would get me sacked instantly.

"Thanks for that," I whispered to Marie as I turned to face her.

She shrugged, as I had earlier. "It's alright, you looked like you needed some help."

I chuckled. "You can say that again."

The rest of my shift on the till flew by, after the first mishap with the three girls, I managed to get everything else done without any mistakes. Apart from when I didn't know which shake I was meant to be using. I had to signal to Marie so that she could help me again. Whatever next, me, the big, indestructible Emmett, was dependant on a girl that was no taller than Alice.

But finally I was taken off of the tills and moved into one of the rooms out back where they prepared the food. I inwardly groaned when I realised that I would be dealing with substances such as mustard, mayonnaise and some red stuff called ketchup. I just hoped I wouldn't get them mixed up.

Luckily for me, Bert placed Marie on the work bench next to me, which meant that I wasn't on my own back here. The other employees, the ones that had already been working here, were rather unwelcoming to us newbies. I felt like telling them to take the stick out of their asses and beat each other with them. I doubted that would go down well though.

I was stuck putting the fries into the fryers and the burgers into the buns, but as I lifted the fries from the boiling hot oil, I dropped a bun into the fryer by accident. Without thinking, I reached in and plucked it from the oil. Interesting, that didn't hurt at all.

"Oh my god!" Marie cried as she ran over to me. "Did you just dip your hand in the fryer?"

My eyes widened slightly at her words. Shit, she'd seen me. I discreetly wiped my hand on my apron and showed it to her.

"Do you really think I just did that?" I said, feeling ashamed of myself for making her look stupid, but it was the only way.

"Oh, stupid me, of course you didn't do that," she mumbled. "Sorry, it just looked like it from where I was standing."

I laughed and decided to change the subject. "Watching me, were you?" I winked.

Her heartbeat spluttered and started beating rapidly as she blushed a deep shade of red. Poor girl. I couldn't help but smirk, though I did try to hide it.

"No... I... I wasn't looking... I just saw... that... I..." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, busted, I might have been looking."

I didn't try to hide the smirk this time.

The blush faded on her cheeks as she turned away and went back to her workplace. I didn't really know what she was doing, she was sprinkling flour onto something. God knows what the flour did, but she had a massive bag on the stuff in front of her.

Once a big batch of fries were cooked and in the heating tray, I moved onto the burgers and started squirting the yellow stuff, which I found out was mustard, and the ketchup onto the burgers and sending them to be wrapped up. I think I was using too much mustard as it started oozing out of the sides, but humans liked a lot of mustard, right?

I was halfway through my own batch when I looked up and saw one of the older employees opening a burger and spitting into it. My face was a mask of horror as I watched him close the burger once again and wrap it up in paper. I was once again glad that I never ate human food anymore. And after seeing that, I'd be put off eating food from places like these for the rest of my life.

That guy was disgusting. And as I watched him place the burger into the pile, an idea came to me. I picked up an empty bun casing and squirted a generous helping of mustard and threw it in his direction. I had to hold back the snort of laughter as it splatted into the back of his head, making him scream like a little girl.

"Who did that?" he roared as he spun around and looked in my direction. His eyes narrowed when he noticed the smirk that was still on my face and he stalked towards me with his finger pointing at me. Was he trying to be menacing?

"You!" he cried. "You threw it at me!"

"You spat in one of those burgers!" I yelled as I slammed my hand down on the table. I was overreacting. The tremor from my fist, travelled through the table and made two bottles of ketchup, one bottle of mustard and a jar of mayonnaise fall and smash on the floor. It went everywhere.

At exactly the same moment, Marie came walking around the corner with a big bag of plain buns in her arms. She could barely see over the top of it because of her height, which meant she couldn't see the mess of sauces on the floor. Of course, because she was wearing ridiculous dolly shoes, she started to slip.

I rushed forward, only just using my vampire speed, and caught hold of her before she fell to the floor. The buns in her hands went flying over her head and somehow managed to open up and fly everywhere. It was raining buns.

But even my own stability couldn't stop my feet from skidding on the floor, and so as I caught her, I lost my balance and grabbed onto the table to keep myself from landing on top of Marie and crushing her to death. But of course, because today was just my day, I grabbed hold of the bag of flour instead and poured the whole contents onto my back, making a cloud of flour rise into the air.

The whole room went silent after the first few seconds passed, I looked down at Marie who was clutching onto my shirt with all her might, her eyes wide with shock.

"What just happened?" she whispered. It was barely audible, which meant no one, apart from me, would have heard her speak.

"I... I don't know," I replied, I was in shock myself. If this was anyone else, I would be laughing right now, that I knew was a sure fact. But at this present moment in time, no one was laughing.

"Oh my god! What the bloody hell happened in here?" Bert cried as he entered in through the doors. He must have been out front when all it all happened.

"That big oaf over there threw a mustard covered bun at my head!" the spitter shouted. I stood up then, bringing Marie with me.

"Only because you spat in one of those buns!" I exclaimed once again. As soon as Bert looked at Marie and I, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

"What...? Why have you got flour all over you?" he demanded. He looked angry. Really angry. This wasn't going to end well.

"I uh.. kind of tripped over and pulled a bag of flour on top of myself," I replied sheepishly. Someone to my left snickered at my response. I didn't bother to turn around and see who it was.

Bert sighed and signalled with his hand as if he wanted me to follow him. "Come with me Emmett, I think we need to have a talk in my office."

I groaned quietly and stepped over the mess on the floor and followed Bert, I looked back one last time and saw Marie looking at me with guilty eyes. I smiled at her to show it wasn't her fault. It was mine, I was the one who threw the bun at Spitty McSpitson.

It went completely silent once as Bert looked me up and down, a look of horror and disgust still etched across his face.

"I don't know what happened out there, Emmett, but it seems as if you were the one who was at the centre of it," he began, his voice was solemn, it was as if he was building up to the I'm sorry, but we will have to let you go speech. Aw crap, Jasper is so going to get me for this.

"You've worked here less than 24 hours and already you have caused more problems than any of my staff have in the last three months. I'm sorry to say this, Emmett, but I don't think this line of work is right for you."

I grimaced but didn't say anything. I knew where this was going.

"Look, Emmett, I think its best if we call it a day," he informed me, a grim expression was on his face. I clenched my teeth and thought about the ribbing I was going to receive from Jasper when he found out. Or... I could tell him that I decided to quit! Yes! That would work, I'd tell him I didn't like the job, so I quit after my first day.

"And I'm afraid, because you didn't complete a full days work, we can't pay you for the hours you worked today," he continued.

"What?" I cried. "I don't get paid at all?"

He shook his head sadly.

"Urgh, fine," I growled and turned away from him. That was just putting the cherry on top of the cake! I've basically wasted a whole day for nothing. But before I could reach the door, Bert stopped me. Hah, Bert, what kind of a name is that anyway?

"Um... Emmett, we'll be needing your apron and badge before you leave," he mumbled. He didn't sound as confident as before. I didn't bother taking it off properly, instead I ripped it from my body and threw it onto the table in front of him. It was pretty much a pile of shredded material now.

"There, have your stupid apron," I grumbled. I turned away then without another word and left the room. I didn't bother going back into the kitchen area, instead I walked out into the front where customers were waiting.

I was almost at the door when I heard someone calling my name. It was Marie.

"What happened?" she asked, out of breath.

"I got fired."

"What? They can't fire you!" she cried. "Oh my god, this is all my fault, I'm really sorry, Emmett."

I shrugged and smiled at her, she was a really sweet girl. "It's alright, Marie, don't blame yourself for this, I'm not."

She nodded, but she still looked sad. "It won't be the same without you now."

The smile faded from my face. "Maybe I'll come back some day to see you. As a customer!" I added. Though I certainly wouldn't be eating anything, even if I were human.

"That would be nice," she replied, making herself blush once again. She reminded me of Bella whenever she did that.

"See you around, Marie," I murmured.

"Yeah, see you, Emmett," she mumbled, she sounded really upset. I was about to turn away, but then I thought, stuff it, and I turned back to her and embraced her in a Emmett style hug, though it didn't have as much force as normal. I wouldn't want to crush the girl.

We said goodbye once again as I pulled away and I waited until she'd returned to the back rooms before leaving myself. I was just thinking of what lies I should tell Jasper when I was confronted with the majority of my family standing outside.

Jasper was in the middle, his face was full on smug. "Leaving so early, Emm?"

I glared at him then turned to Alice. "Did you tell them to come here?"

She blinked innocently then shrugged. "I might have mentioned a few things..."

"Damn you, Pixie," I growled then stalked away from then, but Jasper wasn't giving up so easily. He was the only one to follow me.

"So... a little birdie told me you got fired... on your first day no less," he said, I could tell he was trying to keep the amusement out of his voice. But he was doing a very bad job of it.

"I'm assuming your silence means the little birdie was right?" he continued, then sighed. "It seems like I've won yet another bet, Emmett."

I turned to face him and glared. A smug smile spread across his face just before I lunged at him.

Smug bastard.

A/N: I hope you liked it! Please review! =)

If you liked it, voting opens on January 31st. To vote, or read the other one shots, visit:

http://forum[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/topic/66481/22193389/1/#22309168