I do not own hetalia.

Umm this isn't anything I said I would be adding but, I just wanted to write it coz I felt like it. I love this type of writing but I don't think highly of my skills in writing it.

(Originally an) AU one-shot about Canada (but I was writing it in my head and I think I will make this a series if there is feedback)

Deals with suicidal thoughts, some homophobia, low self esteem (and maybe if a series, forbidden love in general)

Fireworks filled the night sky with beautiful colours and designs celebrating the New Year. A small town celebrated their New Year passing greetings around and gathering outside to enjoy the firework display being put on courtesy of a someone people nicknamed Hong Kong.

The entire town was nicknamed after countries and that was probably the one of the very few things Matthew was included in. However, they forgot him as usual right after they nicknamed him and didn't even remember his real name. Matthew hadn't been sent an invitation to the display directly but he deserved a right to wander outside during New Years, so he did. He just so happened to be there at the same time.

Matthew "Canada" Williams, watched from the display further than the rest of the crowd feeling bad if he joined in for he wasn't invited, but he knew even if he did they wouldn't notice him, or see him and think he was a new person who moved to the town and rechristen him again as Canada… again. It had happened before and they all ignored him as he tried to explain he had been living there for a solid four years already- five soon.

He clutched his polar bear which he had found as he followed the rockets with his eyes as they shot through the air and exploded in a brilliant shimmer of different colours. He had found the polar bear a few years before but nobody paid attention to his discovery of the animal.

Matthew walked down the small country path he had found holding a limp creature in his arms. It was injured as if though it was captured and abandoned by poachers. The ball of white fur was still breathing, but barely.

He had tried to ask for help but was ignored by everyone. A polar bear was just found in the middle of nowhere and nobody cared because it was Matthew who had found it. If Alfred had found it, of course it would have gotten attention. In fact, if anyone else had found it, it would have gotten a lot of attention but unfortunately, Matthew had.

Nothing unusual.

Matthew took it to his small house and cared for it until the polar bear could move properly and he could take it around with him safely. Even when he walked around with Kumajirou- the polar bear's name, nobody found it unusual.

A tear drop ran down his face slowly as he looked back on the previous year. It was the same as the years before and surely the New Year wouldn't bring anything else special. All he had wanted was a little bit of love or care in his life, but never did Matthew get any. Maybe he had a few people hitting on him for fun like Francis, but he nobody really cared for him.

From his birth, he was destined to be forgotten in a life of misfortunes. His mother and father had an unstable marriage which their mother thought would be made stable by a child. However, their marriage only got worse for she gave birth to twins and they were hardly economically stable enough to support themselves already. After Matthew and his brother Alfred were born, their mother took Matthew and left after her husband demanded her to do so. She happily left and took her maiden name back and gave it to Matthew as well.

"Just leave!" Their father shouted through the house.

Alfred and Matthew were in their room. Alfred was sleeping soundly through the whole thing but Matthew listened and heard them shouting. He knew that something was wrong and was very worried. The young child wanted to wake up his brother because he was scared and needed support but he got pushed away.

"My pleasure! I'm taking one of twin's with me!" Their mother replied with a scream as loud as their father's boom.

Matthew heard his mother storm up the stairs and move around in her room. He knew that she was packing things quickly and they were going to their grandma's house. It happened often but the shouting that night seemed even more aggressive than usual.

The frightened child, who was sharing the same bed as his brother crawled out and sat in the corner of the room, shivering. His tears flowed out and he told himself that crying wasn't going to help, but it relieved him.

Matthew was correct in his assumption that they were going to their grandmother's house. However, he didn't realize it was only him going.

His mother stormed into the room as Alfred slept on. She spotted Matthew in the corner crying and ignored his tears. She roughly pulled him by his arm and dragged him all the way down the stairs and outside. He was in his pyjama's with no shoes. The sharp rocks he trod on hurt his feet and one even cause him to bleed, but his mother paid him no attention and ignored his pained protested to being dragged around. His mother shoved him onto a train and she threw their bags into the empty seats next to them.

When Matthew awoke, he was in his grandmother's house in Canada. He wouldn't see his dear brother in a long, long time.

Their parents didn't take into account the children had already grown up with each other and had clear memories of the other. Matthew always missed his brother but knew his mother wasn't in the correct emotional state to ask about his father and brother. He kept quiet all the years he grew up and eventually got fed up with his life and ran away from home.

He thought after all his misfortune that maybe he would get a little bit of luck when he met his brother on his journey but his brother had completely forgotten about Matthew and was shocked to find he had a twin.

"That's cool! You have the same face as me! What did you say your name was again?" Alfred, Matthew's older brother asked.

Matthew muttered his name holding back his urge to cry. He had loved his brother so much over the years and thought that he would have too but Alfred had completely forgotten about him.

A pathetic smile appeared on Matthew's face as he mused on how foolish he was for thinking he would have some sort of drama where the long lost siblings would finally meet and they would live together happily like in those stories. Instead, Alfred had already left his father and was wandering around when Matthew found him. They both got separated and lost but Alfred found someone named Arthur who brought him to this town of wandering young people and Francis had brought Matthew. Of course by the time they were reunited in this town they called "Runaway Village" Alfred had forgotten about Matthew and so had everyone else.

The Canadian boy blinked his tears out of his eyes, holding his polar bear, Kumajirou closer to him. He felt like Kumajirou was the only one who loved him, like how a dog and man have a close friendship, but Matthew knew that of course Kumajirou wouldn't be able to share that sort of bond with him. However, the bear merely snuggled into him trying his best to comfort the person he often saw, but not quite grasping who he was yet.

Matthew stood gazing upon a happy scene of young people celebrating, happily. Their faces filled with smiles and the air full of laughter when there were no fireworks. He spotted his brother, among them. His brother was so popular and outgoing. Nobody failed to notice him. His smile lit up his face as he ran around recklessly with his golden hair shining around him and his sapphire eyes glinted with happiness.

Matthew felt more tears immerging. He knew that smile belonged at home in America with his mother and father. The pain within Matthew's heart twisted up and clenched tighter everytime he remembered that he caused his family's collapse. If only Alfred had been an only child, the Jones family would have been well off and very proud. Alfred would have made them happy. Matthew only brought gloom.

He left his house because he felt like his mother hated him. As if though, he was the source of all her problems. The poor boy believed she hated him.

"Hey, Kuma, do you think everything would be better without me?" He mumbled to his polar bear.

The white bear turned and stared up at his owner and gazed into his violet eyes. A strange colour, but it didn't seem so rare as Roderich (nicknamed "Austria") shared the same, however, since nobody noticed Matthew, it seemed unique. The violet eyes contained so much pain hidden behind them. The pain which everyone failed to see in front of them.

"I…I've been thinking…" The teary Canadian paused before continuing, watching a firework and it's beautiful display.

"I shouldn't be here. In this world I mean…" He continued speaking to his only friend in the town.

Kumajirou shifted slightly in Matthew's arms, as if trying to lift itself higher, but ended up pulling his sleeves up his arms, which seemed to be the true goal of the bear's actions.

Revealed on his wrists were a few scars and some unhealed scabs from previous low points during his life. Matthew's eyes seared, overfilling with more tears which dropped onto Kumajirou's head.

Matthew sat on the floor of his room, a broken piece of mirror which he smashed, disgusted by his own reflection in his hand. He clenched it until his hand bleed and he brought the sharp edge to his wrists. He cut a small line where small beads of blood appeared but nothing more. The red liquid was joined by a clear, salty droplet. His tears.

Kumajirou walked in and nudged Matthew's side which made Matthew drop the glass from the mirror and treat his wound, too afraid to visit the doctor. He would be questioned but then he thought about it carefully and he realized the doctor wouldn't even care about him.

Attempted suicide?

He laughed at himself for trying.

"I'm even too much of a coward to do that though!" He yelled as the finale of fireworks began.

He dropped to his knees keeping Kumajirou- the reason he stopped cutting himself, safe from his suddenly fall. He wept and sobbed loudly, unheard by the people of the town, as they cheered at the display. They laughed, he wept, their hearts filled with joy, his filled with his sorrow.

They failed to acknowledge him, so of course they wouldn't be able to notice his problems. Matthew was always over shadowed by everyone and everything. They paid more attention to a trail of ants than himself when he had left his house for the first time in weeks with his injured wrists.

Matthew had always been on the edge of the line between depression and suicide. Everytime he wanted to cross over, he felt to afraid. He was always close, but never quite there. Even in normal situations, he was never quite intelligent, but never quite dumb. He wasn't super athletic, but he wasn't a weakling. He was just, never quite there. "There" being perfection.

Matthew let out a dark and pathetic laugh, laughing at his own existence and cowardice. There wasn't any reason for him to be alive. He was so pitiful yet everyone failed to notice him. He found it amusing, the story of his life. He could see the ending already, he decided that with the decade's ending, he should end his own life. There was nothing to be scared of anymore. He didn't care. It would be less painful killing himself than living in the world where he saw, heard and felt everything, when nothing would do the same to him. He planned to go make his way to the forest nearby town where people hardly went and hang himself.

He thought about how much the people would care. How much would his brother care?

He wouldn't.

Tears kept falling out, and Matthew was crying at a louder volume. The fireworks were still going and nobody even knew he existed, so how would they notice him crying? If they noticed the crying they would all think it was a ghost of some sort. Matthew just needed love, just a little bit of care would make him happy, but he was cursed to have nothing.

"Hey can you not cry? It's not awesome."

Matthew looked up and met a pair of annoyed looking eyes.

Even though they looked annoyed, Matthew looked past that and admired the beauty of the colour. They were a beautiful ruby red that seemed to shine in the dark sky. He was more attracted to the man's eyes than he was the fireworks.

Matthew blushed but it didn't seem noticeable in the dark. He had never really called another guy beautiful before and he didn't want to make a habit out of it. Everyone in the town were only friends- family at the most, but they would surely shun anyone who showed any signs of being gay.

"Well because I told you to stop crying you have to listen because I'm awesome." The man stated as fact.

Matthew felt his tears stop, as he looked up to the man standing over him. His face was smug as he noticed at Matthew in fact did stop crying when he said so, for he always wanted things to work for him. They did because he was awesome like that.

"Anyway, may my awesome presence grace you sometime again." The mysterious man called as he went to join the crowd.

The people were still celebrating the New Year and when the man went to go join the crowd, a few people seemed to greet him. It seemed like he was well known by them even though Matthew was positive the man didn't live there. It was sure to be true since Matthew saw everything.

Kumajirou nudged Matthew a little, pulling him out of his little world. He realized that he was staring at the man. Even from a distance he was amazing. The feeling he gave out to people seemed to differ with the villagers, but he was well known among them. Maybe he had joined the "Runaway Village" as they called it, left before Matthew and Alfred had joined? Well one thing Matthew knew was that the man was definitely the opposite of himself.

Kumajirou trotted off towards Matthew's house, leaving his owner to gaze at the person who noticed him. The watched the man while slowly releasing his hands from their balled up position.

Just looking at him made him feel… different. It was a feeling which Matthew had never felt before. It was a feeling within his body which made his heart full of something, twisting up. His stomach was just the same, feeling tight yet somehow loose at the same time for it seemed to flip. The feeling made his cheeks hot and made him happy yet upset at the fact he had some uncertainty about something.

Matthew questioned the feeling. He tried to think back on things and think about what it was. Nothing he thought of made him feel the same way until he remembered reading a novel. It was a novel written in first person about a woman…

In love.

Matthew quickly threw that concept out of the window. He knew it was stupid because he was a guy and so was that man. It was ridiculous for him to be attracted to another man because he knew it was… was… just wrong. He himself had a slight case of homophobia but respected them for they were human too. However there was no way he was going to accept being attracted to him, because even though he respected them for they were brave enough to show they were in love with someone the same gender, he knew he was slightly indifferent to homosexuals.

It was just that because he was noticed, he was happy.

That all there was to it.

After realizing he was staring, Matthew stood up and left the people celebrating to go join his beloved pet in his house. It was small and cold inside the house, but his heart was still warm from the feeling of being noticed. Matthew tried to recall the last time he had felt happy or had the lovely warm feeling inside him but couldn't think of anytime he did. He was so pitiful… he had not felt the feeling of happiness for so long, he couldn't even recall it.

"Happy new year Kumajirou." Matthew whispered as he curled up in his bed, hoping his year would finally change.

But would it?

---

"Did you hear?"

"Yeah about that dead person they found!"

Well a kinda ambiguous ending. We don't know what's happened so it could be anyone. But I haven't decided.

I started this near the beginning of the year so it has the New Years theme.

About "The Runaway Town" I never got to develop it. It was actually meant to be that they were a bunch of lost young people (In this case the hetalia cast) who have run away from their life and in the end, find themselves in the town and most of them were runaways so they renamed themselves after countries to get rid of their old names and memories. (Or something like that in my head.)

Well no lessons on Friday coz it's my School's founder's feastday~! And there's non-uniform. Oh and sales for people in Haiti. I've donated quite a bit of money and please if you have a chance help too!