NOTE: Oh man I don't even want to say how long it's been. I'm not sure if anybody's still following this, but if you are, THANK YOU and I'm sorry for the wait!

This was supposed to be the Sorting chapter, but I got a little carried away and decided to split the chapter into two, sorry this one's a bit short and straightforward...but it was a lot of fun to write! The Ed's are such great characters, and a lot of the show is character-driven, so I sort of let them take over. (or at least tried to!) And of course I don't own either Harry Potter or Ed Edd n Eddy, or the bits of Harry Potter lines that I yoinked.

The train lurched to a stop, wheels grinding on the tracks. White smoke drifted hazily from the engine, fogging up the night sky and obscuring the full moon. The doors opened and students swarmed out. They huddled together in the cold air.

As the last people filed out of the train, three incredibly disheveled Eds trailed after them. Their new robes were rumpled and the little hair that they had was tousled. Each bore pink lipstick marks on his face.

"See you later, boyfriends!" The Kankers giggled to themselves as they disappeared into the crowd.

The Eds stood there in a sort of stupor.

"Eddy, I can't feel my legs," moaned Edd, his knees trembling.

"I can't feel my face," Eddy mumbled vaguely.

Ed didn't say a word.

Edd waved a hand in front of Ed's face. Ed neither blinked nor budged. "I believe Ed is still reliving the mo-"

"WE'RE JUST CHILDREN!" Ed screamed, staring at the visage of May still burned into his retinas. Blown back by the force of his words, Edd crashed into Eddy and they fell in a heap on the cobbled floor of the platform.

"Now I really can't feel my face," Eddy said in a muffled voice, planted face-first on the ground.

A loud shout suddenly cut through the chatter of the students. "Firs' years! Firs' years over here!" Edd looked around for the source of the shout, but it was too dark to make out anything other than a yellow lamp hovering in the distance.

"Get off me, Sockhead," Eddy growled, ripping his face free from the ground.

"Firs' years!" came the shout again, and this time a slow trickle of scared-looking first years detached itself from the rest of the crowd and hesitantly followed the bobbing lamp.

Edd adjusted his askew collar and wiped the smooch marks off of his face. "We'd best follow suit," he said nervously.

"High collars and shiny buttons!" Ed agreed, grinning as the encounter with the Kankers faded a bit from his memory. He ran after the first years, arms flopping behind him.

"Hey! Wait for us!" Eddy yelled, running after him.

"Oh, dear," Edd said, following Eddy.

They caught up with Ed and the rest of the first years, who were gathered before a very large and extremely hairy figure.

"My word!" Edd gasped. "Is that a man?"

Eddy squinted. "Looks more like Rolf's back to me."

Someone a few students ahead of them turned around at the mention of his name. "Ed-boys?" he exclaimed.

"Rolf!" Ed yelled.

"Oh great, it's you again," a voice next to Rolf sneered.

"Kevin," Eddy said through gritted teeth.

"Hi, guys!" A girl next to Kevin smiled and waved.

"Nazz?" Edd squeaked, breaking into a nervous sweat.

"Boy, Plank, sure is a small world after all!" a boy behind Nazz sniggered.

Before one of the Eds could respond with the appropriate name, the mammoth man, who introduced himself as Hagrid, called out, "Any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!"

The group surged forward down a narrow path, stumbling a bit in the dark. Eddy heard rather than saw Edd trip over minor cracks and pebbles and mutter worriedly to himself about the condition of the grounds. But Eddy couldn't care less about where his feet were walking. His thoughts were focused with growing eagerness on magic, school, and best of all, new suckers to make a few quick bucks from.

"Yeh'll get yer firs' sight o' Hogwarts in a sec," Hagrid called, interrupting Eddy's vivid fantasy of swimming around in quarters and moolah. "Jus' round this bend here."

Suddenly the path stopped and the quiet group burst into exclamation at the sight before them. Eddy, too short to see whatever it was above the heads of the other students, strained to get a look over their shoulders, screaming in frustration.

"It's magnificent, Eddy!" Edd enthused, forgetting his worries for a second. "Just a touch archaic, but very quaint, don't you agree?"

"I would if I could just-get-a peek-" Eddy jumped up and down in his spot, furious.

"No more'n four to a boat!" Hagrid pointed at what must have been a fleet of boats, and the first-years dispersed. As the taller kids in the front left, Eddy finally caught his first glimpse of-

"That's it?" he scowled. "It's just some stupid castle!"

"It's not just 'some stupid castle,' Eddy!" Edd chastised. "Hogwarts is a very important landmark of 10th-century architecture and it's-"

"-boring!" Eddy finished for him, watching Kevin, Nazz, Rolf, and Jonny board an empty boat. "C'mon, all the good boats are gonna be taken."

"I got us a boat, guys!" Ed yelled from the shore of the lake, holding a dripping boat over his head. Eddy ran towards him, Edd struggling to keep up. Once Eddy reached the spot, Ed slammed the boat over his head, effectively pinning him inside.

"No refunds will be…nece….ssary…." Eddy mumbled, dropping in a dead faint.

Once Ed saw Edd approach, he lifted the boat again meaningfully.

"I think I'll board the regular way, Ed," Edd said nervously.

"Sure thing, Double D!" Ed beamed, dropping the boat back into the lake with a splash of cold water. Edd clambered onto the boat as Hagrid shouted, "FORWARD!" and the rest of the fleet zipped away.

"Dorks!" came an already distant jeer.

Edd looked down at their motionless little boat.

"It's not moving," Edd clapped his hands to his mouth, eyes widening. "It's remaining stationary! Gentlemen! We may have a serious dilemma here!"

"Lumpy broke it!" Eddy said, coming out of his state of unconsciousness.

"Ed will fix it, guys!" Ed leaped on the head of the boat, rocking it to and fro. "Giddy-up, horsie!"

"It's not a horse, you idiot!" Eddy screamed, frantically trying to free himself from the hole Ed had made slamming the boat over his head.

"Eddy, don't!" Edd said, panicked. "You'll spring a leak!"

"What are we gonna do, Double D?!"

"I don't want to be expelled!"

"Aauuuuugghh!"

"ED WILL FIX IT, GUYS!" Ed jumped to the back of the boat and, yanking on his ear, started up his lips like a motor. He dunked his head into the water and-

ZoooooOOOOOOMMMM!

The Ed-powered boat sped across the lake, faster than imaginable, cold night air rattling Edd's teeth and whistling through the gap in them, reaching the rest of the boats, zipping past them, leaving them behind, further and further into the distance, faster and faster-

"Ed!" Edd's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at the sight of the cliff looming over them. "Watch out for that-!" A tangle of ivy smacked into his face as Ed mowed past the curtain through an opening in the cliff face, down a dark tunnel, and both passengers screamed as they watched the oncoming harbor rush closer and closer to them-

The boat crashed into the harbor and continued a good eleven or twelve feet into the rocky shore before finally losing its steam and admitting defeat.

A clammy hand gripped the edge of the ruined boat. Edd, his pale and sweaty face still framed by ivy, tried feebly to haul himself out, eventually collapsing on the ground.

"I'm filthy," he moaned.

Ed shook his head, water sloshing around in his empty skull. He pounded on one ear. Water dribbled out of the other, followed by a pebble, two fish, and a massive anchor.

"Nice hair, Double D!" Ed said, smiling as he lifted a strand of ivy. "It suits you!"

Eddy, meanwhile, had been rocket-launched out of the boat when it crashed, and was now struggling to free his upper body and head from the stone wall.

"All right there, you three?" came a bellow from behind them. Ed and Edd turned to see the rest of the fleet of boats sailing smoothly into the harbor, Hagrid in one boat to himself at the front. "Didn't get yerselves killed?"

Edd, upon seeing the closest thing to an authority figure, started to apologize profusely in a teary voice about the state of the boat, but Hagrid clapped him on the back, dislodging the ivy from his head. "Don't worry about it," he said gruffly. "Though I should probably mention something ter Flitwick about this…." he indicated the fast-sinking wreck that was, just five minutes ago, a perfectly working boat.

As the rest of the first years clambered out of the boats, Hagrid seized Eddy around the middle and in one rough motion yanked him from the wall and set him back down on the ground. Then he plucked something else from the ground.

"Oy, you there! Is this your toad?"

"Trevor!" a pudgy boy said, accepting the toad with relief.

The students hurried after Hagrid's lamp, which was already disappearing up the passageway. Finally, the damp stone underneath their feet gave way to smooth grass. The castle loomed over them.

Hagrid led the huddled crowd up a flight of stone steps and before a huge, oak front door.

"Everyone here? You there, still got yer toad?"

He knocked three times on the castle door.