Disclaimer - I own none of the characters in this fanfiction, for they all belong to the phenomenal J.K. Rowling, nor do I make any money from it.

Summary - This story is just two entries from Remus Lupin's journal that he began for Hermione. Sadly, it is AU, and possibly OOC. Oh, and Tonks? Who is Tonks? DH pretty much thrown in the rubbish bin.

A gigantic 'thank you' to the brilliant Remuslives for beta-ing this for me. If you haven't read her stuff, forget this and run to her page. ;)

Warning - 18 and over readers only, please. Explicit sexual content. Not even close to work-safe. You could make lemonade with these lemons, baby.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Journal Entry Number One - January 21st

I stand here, waiting for the doorknob to turn; I know you are on the other side of the door. I can hear your breathing, with my sensitive ears; I can picture you pacing with each clunk of your modest pumps hitting the hardwood; I can feel you on the other side of the door, your hands sweating, your heart pounding. And yet… you do nothing. You stand outside my bedroom door, pacing back and forth, probably wondering what on Earth I would do if you did happen to knock someday. It has been going on like this for the three weeks, and I am becoming worried. You talk to me in the daylight hours as if nothing is wrong, as if all is normal in Grimmauld Place, and yet… you pace in front of my door every night on the way to your room. Why?

Are you worried about something? Sirius, yourself, Harry, myself included, are all well and happy. We have been living under the same roof for over four years, and yet there you are, too afraid to actually speak with me. Why? These few weeks, I have been doing nothing but asking myself why; it keeps me awake at night, and troubles my sleep. I dream of you, pacing in the usual business suit you wear to your job at the Ministry, your hair flowing behind you as you pace, puffy and wild. Or perhaps you would be raking your hands through your mane, pulling it back as though you were going to put it in a ponytail, but then letting it drop back down, as you do quite often when you're nervous or frustrated.

I've considered asking you, but I'm waiting for you to be ready to talk. I know you; I know everything about you, and I know better than anyone not to push you. I've had hundreds, perhaps thousands, of intelligent conversations with you, and probably just as many heated arguments. I must admit, you are one hell of a person to verbally spar with. You are quick witted and possibly the most brilliant woman I have had the honor of knowing. And yet… you haven't the nerve to just tell me what is bothering you. It irritates me; it makes my blood boil, that I don't know what is going on in that vast brain of yours. Sometimes I wonder if you know I can hear you, just waiting for me to open the door and ask you what the hell you are doing.

However, the days that I have decided to try and catch you at it, you are always gone by the time I, myself, pluck up the courage to open the door. You frustrate me to no end, in so many ways that I cannot even begin to explain. Hell, I might as well attempt to explain it to you, if you ever actually read this, that is. There are days that you come home, your hair a wreck and your attitude on the negative side, all because of some idiot at work berating you for doing too much work. I try my best not to laugh, I truly do, but you are extremely attractive when you're flustered. As you know, my working at the Ministry is a joy and a curse; a curse because I am, even now, constantly looked down upon for my 'condition', but also a joy because I get to have lunch with you most days. I cannot say that I regret the decision, even though some days I come home, whining at you, that I do. I have to say, you take my complaints in great stride, even on your bad days, reminding me of why I took the job in the first place, pointing out all the high points.

When you and Ron broke up, just before you moved in, you Apparated here, in complete disarray. I was the only one home, and you just fell apart in my arms. That's one day I am never going to forget, because the pain in your face was so obvious. I'm not going to remember it just because you were so distraught, but also because I vowed that day, to do anything and everything in my power to make sure I would never see that look again. I know that you two are friends again, even though it kills you to see him with Lavender. I know you've told me time and time again that it isn't because you caught him cheating with her, it's just because you do not like her as a person, which is thoroughly understandable; she is quite annoying.

Anyhow, I apologize for bringing that up… again. Now that I think about it, maybe I should be pacing at your door. This may come as a shock to you, if you ever read this, but I am completely head over heels in love with you. I have been since that day you stumbled into Grimmauld Place the night you left Ron. I held you in my lap on the couch as you cried, and I lost my heart to you in those hours in the library. I look forward to the lunches we have every day, and the long talks every night over dinner, the hours spent on the weekends just sitting in the library reading, or going to the new restaurants in town. I would have to say my favorite part about you is your mind, though. Don't get me wrong, you're beauty is unsurpassed and I find you, to be put simply, gorgeous. But as I was saying, your mind is beyond anything that I have ever seen, and you saved my life; firstly with making me the Wolfsbane potion, then actually taking the notes Severus left for you, and making the potion that changed everything.

I know you were surprised that I trusted you enough to actually take it, but that night, when I stood outside, with you beside me, and you took my hand as we both stared at the full moon in the cloudless sky, both of us human, I was so deliriously happy that I can't even explain it…. I know you thought you were the first one to cry, but I still think I beat you. It wasn't just tears of joy, it was tears of hope, and of appreciation. I remember everything so clearly, from the tears in your eyes spilling over just as I turned to look at you, from that earthmoving feeling of your body pressed against mine as you hugged me. I remember the sound of your laugh as I picked you up and swung you in circles, shouting at the tops of my lungs just how wonderful you are. I remember your dainty hands wiping the tears from my face and laughing with me as we jumped around the yard like children in the moonlight.

The sound of your heels are gone now, and probably have been for awhile; some nights I just block them out, not able to think of you out there and the possibilities if you were in here instead. I just need to know if…. Did… was that… a knock? No, it couldn't be…. But there it is again. I'm sure it's nothing, but I'm going to go and investigate.

Journal Entry Number Two - January 22nd

You're laying, naked, on my bed right now, curled up against my chest as I write this. You are the epitome of beautiful. I don't even know how to put into words how completely wonderful you are. Just in case you are under some kind of mind-altering spell, I'm going to write everything in here for you. I apologize if it's not exact, but I assure you that I was listening to you with rapt attention.

Now, let's see… where was I? Ah, yes, the knocking. Well, needless to say, you did indeed knock, and I did find the courage to open the door. I was right, by the way, your hair was a wild mess, and might I add you looked so sexy. You don't understand the things you do to me with that tight little business suit you wear, especially the dark grey one, which is the one you happened to be wearing last night. You looked so surprised when I opened the door, your eyes wide and your mouth dropping open; you were adorable. You stood there until I said something, which just happened to be brilliant, I might add.

"Hermione," I said, slightly breathless.

"Hi," you said, biting your bottom lip.

I couldn't understand why you looked so nervous. "How are you?" I couldn't help but mentally slap myself for asking, seeing as I had spoken to you not even two hours previous.

"Uh, I'm all right, I think," you replied, still chewing on your bottom lip, not having any idea what it was doing to certain parts of my body.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, concerned.

You looked at me for a few minutes, eyeing me. "Uhm, can I, talk to you… for a few minutes?" You're nervousness was beginning to rub off on me.

"Certainly," I said, stepping aside to allow you into my modest bedroom.

You've been in my room on numerous occasions, but you still walked in with a small amount of trepidation, surveying the room as if you had never been in it before. I realized I had left my journal open and, closing the door, I quickly walked past you to my desk, surreptitiously sliding it into a drawer before turning back to you.

"What is it that you wanted to speak to me about?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

You stood in the middle of the room, looking unsure. "I was just wondering if you… and I… uh… if we could…," you stopped there, sighing in exasperation.

I tried not to chuckle at the adorable faces you were making. "Hermione, you are rarely unable to speak your mind; what exactly has you so nervous?"

You eyed me again, your chest rising and falling with the deep breaths you were taking. "Remus," you said quietly but seriously, "please, don't joke with me right now."

I took a step towards you, why I'm not sure. "I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "I just…. I apologize."

You nodded your head, but I don't think you were really paying attention to me. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course," I replied instantly.

"With no jokes?" you asked.

"None," I replied, gesturing with my hands as an Umpire would if someone was safe at home base, as if to reiterate the fact that I would not make fun of you.

"And you don't have to answer, if you don't want to."

I couldn't help but smile. "Just ask the question, Hermione."

You stared at me for a moment longer, and then looked at your feet. "Why have you never asked me out?"

Even with my hearing still being superhuman, I had to strain to hear you. "Can you repeat that, please? I just want to make sure I heard you correctly."

"Why have you never asked me out?" you repeated, still looking at your feet.

I was baffled, to say the least. "I don't… I didn't know that you wanted me to, Hermione," I said slowly, unsure exactly how to proceed. "I mean, we do go to lunch every day, and we have dinner together most nights and I just -"

"That's not what I meant," you said, cutting me off, "and you know that. It's okay, Remus, I'll just go."

"No!" I said loudly, and you froze mid-turn; I'm assuming you were headed for the door. "No, Hermione, please don't leave." I cringed slightly as I heard the desperation dripping off each of my words.

You met my eyes finally, and I took a few steps towards you. "Why should I not go, Remus? I'm just going to make an idiot out of myself."

"No," I said again, still unsure what I should say. "Just… tell me what's going on, please."

"I want to know why you have never asked me on a date, Remus," you said quietly, but thankfully not looking away from me.

I just said the first thing that came into my mind. "I never thought you wanted me to."

"Oh, please!" you said with a laugh that didn't contain any humor at all. "I've done nothing but try to get you to ask me out. I eat lunch with you every day, I turn down any man who does ask me, I do nothing but hang around here with you and the other guys, who are rarely here."

I stared at you, dumbfounded. "You… you want me to ask you out, on a date?" I asked, confused.

"Yes!" you practically screamed, your arms rising and falling in what looked like defeat. "I was hoping you would become so annoyed with my pacing in front of the door that you would just rip it open and start yelling at me and then perhaps I would have the courage to tell you."

"To tell me what?" I asked, my mind not quite keeping up with all the new information.

"Nothing," you muttered, looking at your feet again.

I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I walked up to you, putting my fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at me. "Hermione," I said with a sigh, "had I thought, whatsoever, that you would have accepted an offer from me to go on a date, I would have asked you the day you moved in."

Shock isn't a strong enough word to describe the look on your face. "You can't be serious."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Why would I lie to you, Hermione?" I asked. "What would I gain from it? You know me better than that. I never thought that you would want to do something like that… with me, I mean."

"Oh, Remus," you sighed, your hand coming up to stroke my cheek; I leaned into your hand, confused but happy. "I… I've wanted you to ask me for a long, long time."

"How long?" I asked, not able to contain my curiosity.

"I had a crush on you in third year," you said, your cheeks turning a dark shade of pink. "I've always had a thing for you, I just…. I was with Ron, and that was pointless, and then here, but I just thought you saw me as a former student, and then just as a friend, nothing more."

"I see you as so much more than that, Hermione," I said, not able to contain myself.

"Really?" you asked.

"Yes, really," I said, brushing my fingers along your jaw line.

You sighed, sounding content.

"What did you want to tell me?" I asked.

You looked at me for a moment, your hand stilling against my face. "I… I don't know if I can," you whispered.

In that moment, I decided it was now or never. "Would you feel more comfortable, perhaps, if I told you something first?" I asked.

"Yes," you said instantly, looking somewhat relieved.

"Hermione," I said, my voice barely over a whisper, "I don't know how to tell you this, I don't. I have kept this to myself for so long, that I don't know how to say it."

You looked at me, your face softening. "You don't have to say anything, Remus."

"I want to," I replied.

"Okay," you said simply. "I'm ready whenever you are."

My hand brushed along your cheek and the words just spilled out of me as your caramel eyes stared back into my grey ones. "Hermione, I think you are the most wonderful woman I have ever known, and had I of known that you wanted me to ask you out, I would have, in a heart beat, for all of them belong to you. I love you, Hermione, and I don't expect you to say anything back, I just wanted you to know that I -"

Before I could finish my sentence, you closed the small amount of space between us, pressing your full lips firmly against mine, cutting me off in the most effective way possible. "I love you, too, Remus, I love you so much," you muttered against my lips before boldly plunging your tongue into my mouth.

The next little bit just sort of blurs together now. I remember your hands, underneath my white cotton shirt, running your nails over the dozen or so scars across my chest and stomach. I tried to stop you, but you rebuffed me, telling me that my scars were apart of who I was and you wanted all of me; I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I don't recall the entirety of removing your clothes, but suddenly you were standing before me, completely naked. To say you looked amazing would have been the biggest understatement. Your body is perfect, curvy and full in the right places, your breasts round and perky, your stomach flat but soft, your thighs tight but supple.

I now recall suddenly noticing that I was naked also, and your hand was wrapped around a certain appendage, ripping a moan from my chest. I vividly remember picking you up and laying you down on the bed, kissing you passionately before making a slow trail of kisses down to your tight little womanhood. When my lips fell upon your bundle of nerves, you let out a loud moan. My tongue made a cautious swipe, causing you to arch off the bed and pant so loudly I was concerned for your breathing. I sucked in your little bud and swirled my tongue around it, growling as your hips bucked, my mind going crazy with the sounds you were making. I wanted to take you so badly, but the desire to taste you overpowered my extremely erect member.

Finally, I brought my tongue to your opening, collecting your arousal. "Exquisite," I murmured, tasting you.

I believe you shouted my name, as well as quite a few obscenities, when I penetrated you with my tongue, letting it mingle inside your tight, wet walls before withdrawing to circle your labia with my tongue. You bucked against my face again as I brought a finger to your opening, plunging it inside you at the same time as I lapped at your clit again. I glanced up to you from between your thighs and your eyes were closed, your mouth open, breaths being drawn in and out in short gasps, your hair disheveled and fanning around your head on the pillow (which is the sexiest thing, just for future reference), your hands clenching the bed sheets. Your walls clenched around me as I added a second finger, pumping them in and out of you with no mercy, my tongue matching my movement within you.

"Don't stop, Remus," you called, your hips now working in time with my ministrations. "Oh, I'm going to…."

Your words were cut off as I sucked your bud into my mouth again, my tongue working wet, messy circles around it as you exploded around my fingers, your core convulsing before lubricating my fingers more fully. I groaned and bucked against the bed, so unbelievably turned on by you that I about came myself. Your body shuddered and quivered as your orgasm calmed, your breathing fast, but slowly coming back to normal. Your hands slid into my hair and you tugged a little, indicating that I should move.

I obliged your request, sliding your legs off my shoulders before covering your body with mine again. You pulled me down to you and kissed me greedily, moaning as you tasted yourself on my lips. I plunged my tongue into your mouth as your hips rocked into mine. Your hands left my hair and pushed on my shoulders, forcing me to break the kiss and roll onto my back. I hadn't even fully rolled over yet and you were atop me, your legs to either side of my hips. You once again brought your lips to mine, kissing me so passionately my head started to spin. You ground yourself against me and I couldn't help the moan that rose from my chest. My hands found your hips and I gripped them, trying to tell you what you were doing to me.

You seemed to realize it, but still you maddeningly rubbed yourself against me, pressing your firm breasts into my chest. You abruptly pulled back, straightening yourself up before slowly running your hands along my chest, tracing the largest of my many scars. Typically, I feel self-conscious when in regards to my scars, but you made me feel as though they were nothing, just tiny reminders that I am indeed human; it was one of the greatest feelings in the world. I am not a particularly muscular man, but since eating properly every day, as well as working out, I am confidently toned, and I do believe you enjoyed running your nails over the contours of my torso, no matter how many times I shivered at the sensations, goosebumps rising on my skin in the wake of your nails.

I was so caught up in the feel of your hands on my skin, I nearly jumped as you leaned down to place an opened mouth kiss on my neck, my collar bone, my chest. My breathing became labored as you ever-so-slowly slid down my body, the trail of kisses following the only line of hair that I have on my torso. You paused to look at me while I watched you, your breasts resting atop my very obvious arousal. I groaned as you slid past it, my erection bobbing into view. I do not claim to have the largest tool in the shed, but I am proud of my above average size, and seeing as you did not look repulsed (quite the opposite actually), I took that as a good sign and found my chest puffing out slightly in a 'manly man' kind of manner. You gave me a slight smirk before placing a kiss on each of my inner thighs. I mirrored your position from a few minutes previous, my hands gripping the sheets, anticipating your next move.

As I expected, your lips moved to my tip, lightly kissing the topmost part, causing a moan to be torn from my lips. I nearly cried out in pleasure as your plump lips hesitantly enveloped the mushroomed head, your soft tongue licking one side before making a deathly-slow circle around what was in your mouth. I couldn't help the loud groan as you slowly slid your wet lips down my shaft, your mouth opening more, your tongue doing anything but being still, your cheeks caving in slightly as you applied a bit of suction around me when you came back up. Your movements were slow and steady, and I knew if you sped up whatsoever, I'd lose the last bit of self control I had.

As if reading my thoughts, your hand made small advances up my thigh, occasionally brushing against the sensitive flesh of my testicles, causing me to hiss and involuntarily buck my hips. You were bold enough to eventually just run your fingers over them, applying the smallest amount of pressure. When you did this, my hands shot to your hair, silently begging you to stop. You hummed around me, the vibration of it running down my shaft, causing a rush of pleasure through my entire body.

"Hermione," I managed to breathe out, "you need to stop, please."

"Why?" you asked, very carefully removing your lips from my member.

"Because, Love," I panted, "I want to be inside you; I do not want it to end like this."

I realized I called you 'Love' and I feared for a moment it might make you uncomfortable, but your eyes flashed with desire and you crawled up my body, your breasts bouncing invitingly as you straddled my hips again. I took advantage of the position, propping myself onto my elbows and hungrily found one of your hardened nipples, sucking it into my mouth before lavishing it with my tongue. Your moan filled my ears and went straight to my groin, my erection bobbing. Your bottom ground into it and I groaned around your nipple, just causing you to moan again.

"Remus," you panted, "may I?"

I unlatched myself from your breast and looked deeply into your beautiful caramel eyes. "May you what?"

Your cheeks colored pink with a blush, your eyes hooded with desire. "May I proceed?" I was too turned on to register exactly what you meant, and you seemed to notice. "May I continue on top, or would you prefer something different?"

I ran my hand over your soft yet flat stomach, mulling this over as your breathing increased from my touches. "However you'd like," I said finally, but I don't know if you were really paying attention or not, for your hips were sliding back and forth along me as I continued my feather light touch around your stomach and hips.

After a few moments, I stopped and cupped your face in my hand, slowly bringing you down. Your lips found mine quickly, and I groaned as you sucked my bottom lip into your mouth, massaging it with your tongue. Your hand found my face, slowly running your fingers over my cheek. I placed my other hand at your hip, silently telling you to do as you pleased. Without breaking the now-heated kiss, you raised up your hips, allowing my erection to stand straight before perching yourself above it.

I put pressure against your cheek and you pulled back; you seemed to understand what I wanted and you stared back into my eyes as you slowly impaled yourself. To say that your mouth did wonders was nothing compared to what it felt like to finally be inside you. You were slow to go down, your eyes fluttering pleasurably with every inch you took into your extremely wet cavern. You were so tight, I would have guessed you were a virgin, however, no barrier came; just pure pleasure. At long last, I was fully sheathed inside your tightness and you leaned forward, your breathing labored, to place your forehead against mine. You experimentally rocked your hips forward, a small moan sounding in your throat.

"This feels so good," you panted, rocking your hips again.

I made a noise in the affirmative before lifting my hips into yours, going just that extra centimeter further. "Lean back," I whispered. "I want to see you."

You hesitated for just a moment before raising to full height, your head involuntarily falling back as I pulled your hips towards me before pushing them back again. Our simultaneous moans filled the room as you lifted yourself up my shaft, before making the slow descent back down. My eyes practically rolled into the back of my head as you rotated your hips when you settled back down. It went like this for awhile, just enjoying the feel of being joined so intimately. I pulled you back down for a sloppy kiss and you picked up the pace a little, and I fought through my fuzzy brain to meet your thrusts halfway every time, filling you to the hilt.

"You're so wet," I moaned against your lips as you rotated your hips again.

"That's what you do to me, Remus," you panted back. "Every day."

"Tell me," I said.

"You make me so wet, Remus," you replied, not needing to ask what I wanted to hear.

I moaned again and pressed your torso against mine, my hands on your hips pumping you faster, your head falling to the side as your breath hitched with each thrust. I held you more tightly against me, stilling inside your for a moment before, with surprising ease, flipped us over, still sheathed inside you.

"Fuck," I hissed, the new position making it feel as though I were even more deeply inside you.

"Yes, please," you moaned.

I nearly chuckled. Your eyes were half lidded and your mouth open as you panted. You hitched your legs up, placing your heels into my upper thighs, digging in enough to let me know you wanted me to move. I obliged you and once again our moans filled the room from the new angle.

"I'm not going to last very long like this, Hermione," I managed, that lurch rising in my stomach.

"I don't think I am either," you said, your voice husky and breathless.

I paused inside you, trying to hold off my impending orgasm, enjoying the feel of you. I lifted your leg higher on my hip and you moaned as I hit some spot deeply inside your warmth. I nearly lost it as your nails dug into my back, seeking purchase as I picked up the pace. I hunched slightly, my mouth finding your breast again, my tongue lapping at your puckered nipple. Your leg came up to parallel the other before wrapping both of them around my back just as our thrusts became sloppy and fast. I felt your walls convulse around me and I closed my eyes as I licked your nipple, trying to let you ride out the orgasm I knew was boiling.

"Oh, God, Remus, don't stop," you cried out, your back arching.

I didn't reply, but continued mercilessly pounding into your tight willing body. You cried out my name and your nails raked down my back as your inner walls clenched around me, your body shuddering under mine as your orgasm took over.

"Come with me, Remus, please," you cried out.

I suddenly felt a rush through my stomach, just as I felt your release, your juices lubricating my manhood, your walls milking me into my own release and I obliged you, spilling deeply inside you. Your arms tightened around my sweaty body, forcing me down on top of yours. I kissed your moist neck, loving the salty taste of your skin. You shuddered at the sensation before brushing the hair off my forehead. I felt your legs quiver a little before sliding back down to rest beside mine, our chests rising and falling heavily as we tried to catch our breath.

"I'm going to hurt you," I mumbled against your skin.

You snorted, making me chuckle. "I've waited years for this, I'm not ready to let you roll away yet."

I smiled and kissed your neck again. "I'm not planning on kicking you out after that, Hermione," I said. "Why don't we just roll the other way, you weigh quite a bit less than I do." You snorted again and I nearly rolled my eyes.

Despite your protests, I slowly raised myself off you, allowing my softened member to exit the warmth I loved so much, before rolling onto my back. I leaned to reach my wand on the bedside and turned back to you.

"What's that for?" you asked.

"I just figured you wouldn't like to wake up in two months, pregnant," I explained, feeling my cheeks burn with a blush.

"Oh," you said simply. "No, I take a contraceptive potion, it… uh… helps to keep me regular, and I figured that if this ever, uhm, happened… that I wouldn't have to really worry about it."

I smiled at you as your cheeks turned red, your eyes not quite meeting mine. I performed a cleansing charm before replacing my wand. "Come here," I whispered, raising my arm.

You didn't hesitate at all before rolling towards me, your body molding into mine as we tangled limbs, your head nuzzling into my shoulder. "Remus?"

I leaned away from you enough to be able to see your face as you tilted your head up, our eyes meeting. "Yes?" I asked.

"I love you," you said, just over a whisper, not breaking eye contact.

I couldn't help but smile. "And I love you, Hermione."

I kissed you then, slowly, languidly. When we finally broke apart, you snuggled back into me, both of us sighing contently. You fell asleep just before I did, and I managed to get the blankets tucked around us before letting the exhaustion of our lovemaking take me over, falling asleep as well.

I've now been awake for two hours, enjoying the feel of your warm body against mine, and I felt the need to write all this down. Perhaps you'll find it a little odd, but seeing as I had already begun writing to you yesterday, I figured I might as well continue. Not to mention, I know your eyes are open and you are reading this, even though I can't fully see your face. I do believe, if you are willing, and now that your hand is making a slow trail under the sheets, I'm pretty sure you are, that I am going to stop writing about it, and ravage you in person.

HOWEVER, before you get too far, my little minx, let me just reiterate, in writing, how much I truly love you, even though I can tell you in person now, thank Merlin. Perhaps I'll continue with this journal, in private, and one day give it to you, completely full of our time together, which I hope will be many, many years to come.

Now, on with the activities.

"Mischief managed."

A/N - Thank you for reading! I'll probably add to this every once in awhile, if inspiration hits. Hint - Reviews breed inspiration. Loved it, hated it, made you happy, disgusted you, whatever, let me know!