Live with an Orange Menace

- - -

Hyuga Conspiracy

- - -

Hiashi slowly sipped at his tea, contemplating the paper in front of him.

A request for marriage from one of the branch members. A marriage not approved of by the elders, especially since the guy wanted to marry out of the clan. And a civilian at that!

Approved.

And let the old goats choak. He chuckled lightly. He loved paperwork. Not only did it give him an excuse to sit in his office all day, drinking tea. It also meant doing so uninterrupted. And as an added bonus, he could tweak the noses of the clan elders while doing so. Without them being able to do anything about it. Life was good.

He sipped his tea again. Hmm empty, a quick glance at the pot confirmed, it was empty too.

He stretched, an opportunity to move around wouldn't go amiss, sitting idle for too long at a time wasn't good. He would end up like those harpys, if he kept it up.

Opening the door to the house he immediately noticed it. The noise. Now the house always had a certain background noise, but usually it was very muted, barely noticeable in fact. Today though. It was as if every member of the house was busy with the most noisy task they could think of.

He frowned, activating the byakugan he had a quick look around.

Well, it seemed everybody was busy with the noisiest task they could think of, also talking, they were all talking animatedly with each other. Nothing unusual about talking. But, not quite with that intensity... or that manic cheerfulness for that matter. These grins were slightly unsettling.

Carefully he made his way to the kitchen, keeping an eye open for anything strange.

It took him half the way, to notice it. It, was orange. Apparently Uzumaki Naruto somehow had made it into...

He looked at the path Naruto must have come through, a path filled with branch members, who all didn't see him?

He looked closer, though he never stopped walking towards the kitchen, Uzumaki wasn't his problem after all.

It was interesting to note, that Uzumaki couldn't have taken another path, than the one he was currently walking. A path that would take him right into Hiashi's arms very soon. At every opportunity to deviate from it there were branch members, busy with one thing or another.

He blinked, confused. They were guiding him?

He slid the kitchen door open, and came face to face with a branch member, byakugan also active, probably tracking Uzumaki.

Hiashi quickly checked the path ahead. Hmm, led straight into the elders rooms...

Behind him Uzumaki just rounded the corner. His shocked face, as he spotted the two Hyuga watching each other would warm Hiashi's heart for some time to come.

"I'm out of tea." Hiashi said, ignoring the boy.

The branch members eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, he opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds. Rather like a fish. Hiashi had trouble keeping his face impassive.

Naruto was standing there, doing his best impression of the Hokage monument. Well, the best impression of his fathers part of the monument.

The branch member caught himself, and nodded slowly.

"Of course." He bowed slightly and went to collect a new pot. Naruto meanwhile had reacquired himself with motion, if not stealth. He hid himself behind a crude painting of a wooden fence. Hiashi dearly hoped nobody heard the snort, that had escaped him there. The boy now stood out worse, than in his orange jumpsuit.

Ahh this took him back. The boys father had been just as much of an idiot when he was that age. Hiashi desperately suppressed a snicker, as he thought back to the day Minato had tried to prank the elders.

He frowned thoughtfully, there was something about that... he fought back through the fog of memories.

It had been a busy day then too. But all the branch members were, for once, smiling. The elders were out then too...

The branch member he had sent for tea was threatened to the image of Hiashi desperately attempting to suppress gales of laughter. He was shaking with the effort.

"Uhh sir?" The man asked. "Is everything alright?"

A snicker escaped Hiashi, as he nodded. He didn't dare speak. Like father, like son. And both duped by the branch members.

He looked quickly at the moving fence in the hallway, the branch members look following his. Both looked at each other. And now the branch member, a lot of branch members, who kept observing Naruto, seemed to have trouble not breaking out in gales of laughter, giving the jig away.

"Now what's this?" A withered old voice cut through their attempts to stave off laughter.

Hiashi gulped, old Furui Kara, the lady of the kitchen, as far back as Hiashi could remember. Was she always this old? He didn't think so. But then, he didn't think about her at all if he could avoid it. She scarred him.

"Two grown men just standing in the hallway, staring at each other." She shook her head. "Don't you two have work to do?" Both men gulped under the glare. Hiashi hastily accepted the proffed pot of tea, as the branch member excused himself and left the vicinity of the old bat.

She looked at Hiashi. "Well, I suppose you can do what you want. And if that is to stand around staring at branch members, " Her eyes flickered in Naruto's direction. And a slightly... nostalgic, smile fought it's way to her lips. "There isn't much I can do." Shaking her head she turned to walk away.

Then she turned around again, took Hiashi's free hand and dropped something into it.

When she left Hiashi examined the object.

A bonbon. He had just been bribed, or maybe rewarded for his silence with a bonbon.

He didn't know whether the old bat simply went senile or whether she actually knew what she was doing.

A bonbon!

His eyes shifted. It had been a while since he could indulge himself in any sort of sweet. Damn rules of Hyuga conduct never left him alone.

The treat disappeared. Nobody would talk about today, a bit of self indulgence was just fine.

He made his way back to his study. Naruto had reached the elders rooms by now and was causing whatever havoc would cause.

Hiashi set the pot down.

Lifting an eyebrow he noticed that at least one main family member had noticed the boy, was in fact watching him with rapt attention. From the safety of her room, of course.

How cute, his little girl had her first crush. And like any good Hyuga she was "observing her target, to ensure his or her worthiness as an addition to the Hyuga clan", as the elders liked to put it.

In other words, she was stalking the boy, since she just didn't get the nerves up to talk to him.

Or, if it wasn't his daughter, it was just plain stalking without a chance of getting caught. There was a reason why all elders and many adult Hyuga, male or female no matter how much they did not protest, always had advanced copies of Icha Icha.

But his daughter was different. She didn't talk to Uzumaki because she was shy. Not because she only wanted to watch, for now.

He was perfectly fine with her crushing on the Uzumaki boy. If he was anything like his father...

And he was. The pranks, the stupid stubbornness, the utter denial of reality.

No, he was his fathers kid. And if he survived his first few years as a ninja, which wasn't certain for any ninja, he would probably make an exceptional one. No matter what his grades said. Not as if his fathers where much better. He chuckled as he thought back.

Minato always showed more interest in the practical aspects of being a ninja. Though show him an interesting application of a mental problem and that stubbornness would carry him through the more intellectual challenges.

Hmm yes, if Uzumaki did survive to grow into his potential. And if his daughter still was interested...

And the faces of the old foggies. Those alone would be worth it. And if Hinata didn't get over her weakness, marrying the son of Minato would still net her considerable political power.

He shrugged, that was all in the future. And he would do his damnest to make sure Hinata did get over her problems. She couldn't afford to be weak as a ninja. It was just far too dangerous out there, and she was just a little girl...

He relaxed his grip on the cup. His knuckles white. His little girl would become good enough to defend herself.

He looked at her again... was she having a nosebleed... he might have to explain a few facts of life to her rather sooner than planed. He wasn't looking forward to that talk. And not just because it would be embarrassing her and him. Mostly he wasn't looking forward to it, because he would have to wake her up again every few seconds.

He leaned back, Uzumaki had made it out of the compound. Nobody important the wiser.

He stopped all movement as a thought came to him, clear as night. Hinata used her byankuan to spy on Uzumaki. From her own room. Halfway across the compound!

Maybe all she lacked to be a truly terrifying kunoichi was motivation. Though capturing Uzumaki and using him as a prize for her wasn't all that appealing. Too much hassle, too loud and the hokage wouldn't approve.

Well there would be other ways. Hopefully. First though he would have to deal with whatever Uzumaki had wrought. And with his desire to laugh in the elders face. Today would be difficult, if amusing.

- - -

Sarutobi looked at the little boy in front of him. Oh, he appeared to be cowed, head bowed and quite for once, but from his position the Hokage could see the almost manic, grin on his face. No question of whether he was guilty or not, he had written it all over his face.

The question was, how did the boy manage it. How did he manage to sneak into the Hyuga compound, through the compound and into the rooms of the elders?

It was almost inconceivable. No one had ever.... well besides the boys father. And there was the incident with Iruka. Then there was Crab a few years earlier. Not to mention Anko when she was 7...

He looked at Naruto suspiciously. And it was always the elders. Not anybody else, not from the main family nor from the branch... just the elders.

Sarutobi leaned back, stroking his beard. He looked at the elders, who now sported pink heads,hands and probably a few other body parts that didn't bear thinking about. Made them look a hundred years younger.

He stopped the chuckle before it had a chance to escape.

He looked at Hiashi, who somehow managed to look stern and angry... and ridiculously pleased at the same time. Now and again he looked at Naruto, and Sarutobi didn't like that looks at all. They reminded him of Anko, when she was about to eat a dango. Or an unfortunate, or very fortunate, depending on his stamina, young man. Though it was crossed with Danzo's look, when he watched new recruits. There was little doubt that Hiashi knew who Naruto's father was. The two had been friends of a sort.

"So, what exactly happened?" He finally asked, not that he didn't know, but hearing their side of the story would at least be entertaining.

"The brat somehow snuck into our home!" One of the elders started, voice trembling in outrage.

"Since we are hosting an important guest tomorrow all members of the clan were busy, with preparations." Another took up the narration seamlessly, Hiashi nodded dutifully a serious, unless you knew him, frown on his face.

"And he somehow managed to sneak bombs into our rooms." The last elder continued. Were they practicing that Sarutobi wondered.

"All our rooms are pink Hokage-Sama. Pink!" The firs again.

He didn't look at Hiashi, who was doing his damnest not to break out laughing. It was a good thing he wasn't facing the elders.

Instead he looked at Naruto. "Is that true? Did you plant those bombs in their rooms?"

Naruto lifted his head, all pretense of shame gone. "Yeah I did! I'm just that awesome!" He laughed loudly.

"Aha!" All the elders shouted together. "He admits it!"

If Hiashi didn't get out here soon he would have an aneurism or something, from trying to stop the laughter. Sarutobi wondered when he got a sense of humor, or if he just hid it better most of the time. As it was, he looked constipated.

"Yeah! And nobody can stop me!" The blond crowed to the world.

Shaking his head, Sarutobi sighed. Where did they go wrong? Once upon a time ninja were about stealth, about not being seen. Of course, that was before chakra became used as much as it did today. But did that mean they had to call attention to themselves?

Well his fault too he supposed, he didn't stop Jiraiya from turning into a loudmouthed pervert... not that that was a bad thing , of course. But that led to Minato not focusing enough on stealth in the academy curriculum... and that part had already been in decline...

"Yo old man, are you there?" Naruto's voice cut into his thoughts.

He coughed, as he forced his thoughts to return to the present.

"Yes, yes I'm here Naruto, just thinking." He sighed, deeply. This was going to take a lot out of him, keeping a straight face when faced with Naruto's pranks always was. Well it was when he actually managed to tag a ninja. Rare that. Even rarer for them to admit it. Usually they didn't tell, they got even.

"Naruto." He continued in his best I'm disappointed with you voice."What you did was very wrong..." A gurgle came from Hiashi, allowing him to stop his speech. Instead he focused on Hiashi. "I'm sorry Hiashi, is something wrong?" He asked the man, who looked rather pale.

"No, nothing is.... " He managed to stammer out, before standing up straight. "I mean, I must have eaten something that disagreed with me. With your permission Hokage-sama, elders, I'll take my leave. I believe we have some herbs at home that will help me with that." He said, in perfect Hyuga form, elders nodding approvingly at the display of self control.

Sarutobi nodded once, it was better the man didn't start laughing like a madman, or Anko, in his office.

Hiashi quickly left the office, shoulders shaking, face a hard mask.

"I hope Uzumaki will be appropriately punished. Maybe painting some fences." He said. "Or maybe he has to clean the walls in the house."

Naruto blinked, and looked at Hiashi in suspicion. Oh dear, didn't Iruka say they had just made fence covers, to hide behind in the academy?

Hiashi had seen him! Without a doubt Hiashi had seen Naruto and let him get away with it!

No wonder he was as amused as he was. And the branch house was probably in on it too.

No wonder kids managed to prank the elders every few years. Well suspicion confirmed. This meant of course, that he couldn't punish Naruto too harshly. But cleaning the rooms wasn't that bad a punishment. Especially since he would be supervised by the branch members.

"Yes, Hiashi's proposal has merit. Naruto will clean the rooms himself." He said.

The elders looked at each other, frowning. "But what about our faces?" Elder number one.

"We can't have him get away with that!" Elder number two.

"And there were important documents in our rooms!" Elder number three.

"They are ruined!" One again.

"Huh? There were only those little orange books in the room." Naruto exclaimed, wounding the vaunted Hyuga pride severely

And there was silence.

Feet were shuffled, coughs were discovered and looks exchanged.

"Well cleaning the rooms should be enough." Number three agreed, bowing ever so slightly.

Sarutobi nodded, once. "Good, still I think I'll have a little chat with Naruto. To remind him what he is," a pregnant pause made Naruto shuffle, "and isn't allowed to do."

Nasty smirks appeared on the elders faces, but they left without another word.

Sighing Sarutobi looked at Naruto. "What am I going to do with you?" He asked, though he did smile softly.

"Give me your hat?" The young boy asked hopefully.

"Not quite yet I'm afraid." he coughed, leaned forward and waved Naruto to come closer.

The boys eyes shifted left and right, then he inched closer.

"Now Naruto, why don't you tell me exactly, what you did to them?" he whisperd.