A/N: I'm trying to update more than once every two months so here we go. I'm sorry about the POV breaks, I'm really trying to fix them. The ones I was using originally worked fine and now they won't :( So I had to reupload the last chapter so I hope that worked out. Well here we go! Oh and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS. Honestly they are the reason I choose to sit at my computer typing rather than unpack and do laundry (what I should be doing).

Disclaimer: I still don't own it, I still can't stop believin', and Kelly Clarkson owns "If I Can't Have You"

Chapter 6: If I Can't Have You

I'm Quinn Fabray. I used to be Queen Quinn Fabray but you let one smooth talking Jew talk you out of your panties when you are buzzed off wine coolers and you become Quinn Fabray, living proof that you should have stayed abstinent.

A lot of it just stems from life not being fair, I think. I mean Santana freaking Lopez has had sex with half of the (decent looking) male population and she can still hold in her pee for longer than twenty minutes.

I sigh loudly and all Puck does is roll his huge arm onto my chest and he is so warm I can't take it! He is a dead weight when he sleeps so taking his arm off of me is a daunting task and once completed I lie very still and try to cool off. I put my body pillow between my legs as comfortably as possible and fall into a light sleep. Except it is anything but a light sleep and I dream...

My lower back hurts as I walk slowly down the halls to English Lit class. Between juggling my messenger bag and propping my left hand along the small of my back I find that the path between buildings is much too long for a pregnant girl to have to trek.

Wait. That's can't be.

But it is. I see Finn holding Rachel from behind and I drop my messenger bag on the floor as I see her look at him and she reaches up towards him and kisses him softly on his lips and giggle. Suddenly I feel hot from head to toe and I feel a wave of possessiveness as I stalk towards the couple, my messenger bag on the floor, forgotten.

"What the hell, man hands?" I yell but my fury slowly drips off of me as I see her turn towards me slowly taking off her yellow peacoat only to reveal the crisp red and white of a Cheerios uniform.

"NO!" I scream as I wake up with a start causing Puck's arm that had already fallen over me again to slap him across the face.

"Shit, Quinn!" Puck yells angrily at me and then I see the anger in his eyes dissipate. "I mean, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I dismiss him quickly, resuming my previous position with my back to him, "Just a bad dream." and I go back to sleep.

...oOo...

Contrary to popular believe Puck isn't really a bad person. He's just made a lot of bad decisions. Most of them stemming from his love of the ladies. I do notice the little things he does, the way he grabs my messenger bag whenever he is with me, the way he always has a Pepcid or a Tums with him in his wallet just in case I need one. The way he really has stopped sexting Santana. Sometimes I think he might just love me. I know he loves the fact that a part of him is growing inside of me. And I know he vows not to be a Lima Loser, and I know that the odds are stacked sharply against him.

I know it hurts him that when I see Finn in the halls I drop his hand like it's on fire. It's just that there is one thing I will always love Finn for.

The way Finn would look at me. Like I would never hurt him, that I was beautiful. Except now he looks at Rachel like that. He looks at her like he used to look at me. I feel the tears well up behind my eyes as I realize he looks at her differently from the way he looked at me. He looks at her with love. To him I was just a title.

I was Queen Quinn Fabray.

And now I'm just knocked up Q. A cautionary tale. He has a girl who he deserves.

Puck is lightly massaging my lower back and I turn and catch Finn's eye. It's no longer the look of betrayal, or sadness. It isn't love or adoration. It's not quite pity and it's not quite anger. It just is.

And I walk up to the podium and hand out the sheet music to the band. I look down at Puck and smile ruefully. He's going to be angry but Mr. Schue always says that Glee is about expressing how you feel. Even if right now I don't quite know how I feel.

I begin to sing and look straight at Finn, "Hearts break too fast, when they're sentimental. Won't stay, won't last, when it's love at first sight. So why are my convictions blinded by your spotlight?" I begin and say spotlight with extra venom, directing it at Rachel, only to see her look down at her hands uncomfortably.

"Can't breathe, can't sleep need some medication. I'll kiss goodbye to my reservations. I know there's other fish out in the sea." I can see Puck looking at me with hurt and confusion, "Not for me, I want you. If I can't have you, then I don't want anyone! If I can't have you, then all the damage has been done! Baby, you can break these rules if you wanna have some fun. Think of all the love that you will lose. If I can't have you!" I can see Brittany and Santana gossiping with their mouths whispering into each others ears but this is so freeing and I know there is going to be hell to pay in two minutes but I continue, "Heartbeat, cold sweat, thoughts slipping under. Can't fight, no threat 'cause there's just no use. One look, no hesitation, I'm slipping into you." I see Puck grab his messenger bag and walk out of the room and I begin to falter, "Forgive these eyes, these lips you're tasting. No time to waste on an invitation. My shame, my self-control has suffered enough. And everybody wants to be loved!" As I catch Finn's eyes I see Rachel see it and she storms out, but not in her true Glee fashion. She walks out defeated and Finn follows her and I'm trying so hard to finish, "If I can't have you, then I don't want anyone. If I can't have you, then all the damage has been done. Baby, you can break these rules..." But with Finn out of the room I lose my steam and just let the band continue as the tears fall down my face.

This is the part where the main character thinks "What have I done?" But I know what I've done. And I don't even know what I expected to happen. Did I expect Finn to come back to me? Did I want Finn to come back to me? Damn these hormones! I want Puck to look at me like he loves me. I'm just another conquest to him. And it hurts me so much. I walk outside the choir room and head to the bathroom. I see Finn standing by the door and I turn to talk to him but before I can even get close to him he starts.

"Don't even start Quinn. You were out of fucking line." He looks towards my belly, directing his next statement to it, "Sorry." His eyes refocus onto mine, "Rachel did not deserve that. I thought you were better than that."

I stumble towards him and all I want is to feel his arms around me but he steps back before I can latch onto him, "Finn, I," the tears are coming down more forcefully, "Finn, I'm sorry."

"I know you are," he says ruefully and begins to walk away.

"Finn, it's just," and suddenly I have no idea what I want to say, "Finn I love Puck, and I think he loves me but he doesn't look at me like you used to!" But I'm yelling at nothing because he's walking away and his back is a brick wall I can't penetrate.

I turn towards the lockers and begin crying at full force. I hate these hormones! I feel an arm around me and I look up and it's Puck, and I cry even harder because I know I've ruined everything.

Instead he looks at me calmly and begins to speak, "I can't look at you the way Hudson used to because I've always known you were hiding claws. And if you can't deal with me knowing the real Quinn Fabray then let me know." And as quick as Finn, he walks away leaving me against the lockers. I slowly push the door open and walk into the bathroom.

I turn the faucet on and start throwing water on my face and will myself to stop crying. I can hear someone else crying and I know it's Rachel. And I know I can't face her right now so I grab some paper towels, avoid looking towards the handicapped stall in the far corner of the room and walk out.

Think of all the love that you will lose
If I can't have you