A/N: I DO NOT own any part of the Law & Order franchise. Yay! My first sequel!!!! And SVC was my first finished work. So here is Love, Loss, Life. The second part of John Munch and Jodi Stanford's (soon to be Jodi Munch xD) relationship after her rape. Yay this is so exciting!!!

Loss

"What?" John asked quietly.

"The baby...it didn't make it." Dr. Stern repeated.

The room grew silent with the exception of the sound of Jodi's monitors.

"What baby? There can't be a baby. She can't get pregnant." his voice broke as he attempted to repeat what she had told him before.

"Look Detective, it was evident from the moment we got her in here. She was two months along."

John's blood ran cold.

"You must have made a mistake Dr. She...she can't get pregnant. Besides, we would have known. She would have missed her period or something and I'm sure she just had one the other day."

"I'm sorry Detective. Yes, the extent of her cervical scarring makes fertilization unlikely, but there is always a chance. And some women do go along with their menstrual cycles during pregnancy."

John leaned against the wall. This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't. Everything was finally going right. They were set to get married. They had talked about having children. How had she not known she was pregnant?

"I'll leave you two alone." Dr. Stern bowed his head before leaving the room and closing the door behind him quietly.

John fell in a chair next to Jodi's bed, and felt the unfamiliar feeling of tears prick his eyes. Her getting pregnant was a miracle, and now he was facing the fact that their baby had died. Was it because he was too old? Was it because she had been raped again? The doctor said two months so it had to have been his...but what if it wasn't. What if it was Scott Lucas'?

Jodi's heart monitor began quickening as she woke up. She moaned as she opened her eyes slowly then looked over to John.

"What happened?" she groaned.

He looked up at her, his eyes red and swimming with tears. The look on her face suggested she had absolutely no clue what had happened.

"John?...What's wrong? Am I alright?" she started to sit up but he grabbed her arm before leaning over putting his arms around her as best he could. He cried into her shoulder freely, and she stroked his head, still unsure of what was going on.

"Um..." he began to choke out before taking her face into his hands. How the fell was he supposed to tell her this? His job required him to be the bearer of bad news but it was different when it was someone you cared about. Someone you loved.

"John?" her voice panicked.

"Jodi...I don't know how to say this. Y-you were pregnant...and you lost it. We lost it."

She absorbed his words for a moment before her face turned bright red.

"What? No. I can't...I can't have been pregnant. Are-are you sure?"

He nodded and she looked into his eyes, searching. Hoping there was some sick joke behind it although her mind went on a reel. It was her fault. All the drinking she had done after their breakup. All the strangers she slept with. Her change in mood. Her increased appetite. Her increased libido the past few days.

"Oh god!" she cried loudly before breaking into tears. She cried unlike anything he had her before, her sobs turning into wails before she grabbed at her stomach.

John pulled her into his arms, shaking along with her.

"My baby. My baby." she repeated over and over in angst. There was finally the hope that she could have a child after being told she would never be able to and...it was gone. She killed her own child.

He rubbed her back and fought the tears that spilled into her red hair.

"It's my fault. I killed it." she choked out loudly.

"No, no it's not." John assured her as he rubbed her back.

"After we broke up I drank so much. It had to have been me."

John looked down at her, feeling a mixture of anger and pity. It couldn't have been her fault because she didn't know, but still....

"No. It's not your fault." he repeated in a dead voice. He had to be sure. "You need sleep." he brushed a lock of hair of hair out of her forehead. She laid back in the mattress before burying her face in the pillow.

As he got up he held her hand gently before kissing it and walking out of the room. He wiped the tears from his face before opening the door. Right outside were Dr. Stern along with Fin and Olivia.

"Munch is everything alright?" Olivia asked immediately. Upon seeing the look on his face she backed off.

"Dr. Stern I need to ask you something." he looked over at the blonde man. The doctor nodded before leading John down the hall.

"What is it Detective?"

"...A few weeks ago we broke up and Jodi told me she drank a lot ad I need to know...."

"If her alcoholic consumption was the cause of the death of the fetus? That could have been a factor, but it looked like the death was a simple accident. Thousands of women suffer miscarriages each year, with no distinguishable cause. It could have happened even if she hadn't consumed alcohol. Try not to beat yourselves up over it." he put a hand on John's shoulder before turning and walking away.

John walked back to her room, staring at the ground.

"You okay man?" Fin asked before he put his hand on the doorknob.

He looked over at his friend, trying to hide his emotions before sitting down in a chair outside her door. He felt Fin and Liv staring at him leaned forward putting his face in his hands before they saw the tears. Now he was crying in front of them, great.

Instead of saying anything Fin put an arm on his back whole Olivia sat down on his other side and did the same. Both of them knew it had to be bad if he was breaking down to tears in public.

"Just tell me when you're ready alright?" Liv said gently as she rubbed his shaking shoulders. He hadn't cried like this in years and it was a cross between flatout embarrassing and nice to know Liv and Fin were there.

Fin's phone rang and he walked down the hall to answer it in private. Meanwhile, Liv switched seats ad took his place.

Looking up at her concerned face, John felt the words fly off his chest.

"Jodi miscarried." he croaked.

Olivia stared in shock.

"What?" Olivia gasped before taking in his words. "John...my god! I'm so sorry! I...I didn't even know she was pregnant! Well...there's still time to try again." Olivia tried, simply shocked at the thought of them having a kid together. Jodi was so young. Their age gap had always kind of bothered her but she never said anything.

"She's not able to get pregnant. It was a miracle she did. We didn't find out until today."

"How many months was she?"

"Only two."

"....John I'm so sorry." she shook her head.

He stood up, preparing to go back. Olivia stood up as well. They both looked at each other for a moment before she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. No matter how much they made fun of him, he was still one of the sweetest guys she had ever met and it was safe to say he didn't deserve some of the things that came his way.

"Thanks Liv." he sniffed before pulling away and grabbing the handle to Jodi's room. He gave her a small smile before walking in. Jodi was laying facedown, her sobs muffled by the pillow.

Remembering what seemed so long ago he took off his shoes and climbed into the bed with her. He wrapped his arms around her before burying his face in her shoulder. Taking a risk, he moved his hand down so that they rested on her stomach. She placed her atop hi before rolling over to face him, her stunning face now red and streaked with tears and pain.

"We'll get through this." he said reassuringly before resting his head on her chest. Her took her left hand, kissing the ring before closing his eyes. Through all the horrific things he had seen, this seemed to be the worst.

****************

"Here you go." John handed a tall glass of grape juice before sitting down next to her on the couch.

"Thanks." she said quietly before curling up against him. The past few days had been hard but to his surprise they were making it through them. He had managed to convince Cragen to let him work half-days that week and since nothing much was going on, he surprisingly agree.

All around them were dozens upon dozens of flowers from friends of Jodi' John had never even heard of. It was she who had told him that when you went to a private school with snobby rich girls, nothing ever stayed private. There was no such thing as a personal life, and that extended beyond graduation to the rest of one's life. Olivia had also stopped by a couple times to visit. John wasn't sure if it was just sympathy for Jodi, or the fact she was actually getting to know her but Olivia seemed to become warmer towards her. Elliot had come by once as well, which made John naturally uncomfortable but he dealt with it.

He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, her red hair pulled back completely. She took a long sip from her glass before grabbing a coaster from the end of the table and setting her cold glass on top of it.

Over the past few days, John had been thinking. While he had been in now rush to have the actual wedding before, somehow the situation had changed his mind and he wanted to tell Jodi.

"I was just thinking." he began.

She looked up at him. Huge dark circles were under her eyes but that was it. After basically force-feeding her the first few days, he steered her away from severe depression.

"I think I want to get married before this summer."

Her face somewhat brightened at the thought and she sat up.

"When?"

"I dunno. April, May I was thinking."

She nodded.

"Are you sure. I don't want you to feel like you have to rush into anything."

"No. I want to." he said before grabbing her hand.

"Wow...well then I guess I better start planning if we only have three or four months left." she smiled weakly before kissing him for a moment.

"Yeah...after doing this four times I can tell you upfront...I want absolutely nothing to do with the planning part so please don't drag me around the city picking out dresses and flowers and whatnot."

She chuckled lightly. The first time he had heard her laugh since the incident.

"Don't worry, I know about straight men and wedding planning. How about you come with me when we pick out food, how does that sound?"

"Sounds good. I got you something by the way." he pulled a folded envelope out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Open it and see."

She quickly ripped open the envelope and pulled out two tickets. Both were to a Hawaiian cruise for two.

"Wha-?"

"Honeymoon gift. All I have to do is call and confirm a date, which we can do right after setting the wedding."

She held it in her hand, frozen for a few moments. He never ceased to amaze her.

"Your doing better with planning than I am." she looked up at him.

He grinned before giving her a much-needed kiss before tuning back to the TV.

************

"Hey, I'm just stopping in for lunch, I've gotta head back out in-" John stopped short as he walked in to the living room only to discover a stranger along with Jodi instead of just her.

"Hi honey! This is Betsy Roshav, we went to high school together. She graduated in '07."

"Hi. You must be John." Betsy grinned, only slightly shocked at John's age. Jodi had made no reference to him being older.

John looked at her. She had shaggy black hair, a slightly-pudgy body, and tattoos covering her arms.

"Yeah I am. Nice to meet you Betsy." he nodded, unsure of whether to question further as to what she was doing in their home.

"Betsy here is the best wedding planner in New York. She's done over a hundred weddings since she graduated."

"Wow." John nodded then looked under the coffee table underneath him. It was completely strewn with what appeared to be photo albums and on Betsy's side, dozens of empty Monster cans and on Jodi's a glass of wine along with a half-empty bottle next to her.

"How about I make you lunch?" she chirped before jumping up and grabbing his hand to lead him to the ktichen. He hadn't seen her that happy in weeks and it was almost alarming.

She rushed to the fridge before taking out the fixings for a sandwich.

"So, I was thinking about a date." she said with her back to him as she made his food on the counter.

"Yeah? Shoot."

"How does...March 23rd?"

"Is that day special or something? That's awfully close."

"No, I just liked it. Is that okay?"

"Yeah that's fine. What all are you doing in there?"

"Just picking the general theme right now. Then we're going to start with floral arrangements."

She brought a plate and set it down in front of John before walking back to the fridge to put stuff back in before pulling out a bottle of water as well and handing it to him.

"Thanks." he said before putting an arm around her waist and pulling her lips down to his. For the first time in days she kissed him back intensely, diving back into his mouth. He found himself letting his hands move to her butt and thought briefly. What with the accident and his previously troubling case, they hadn't had sex since getting back from California.

"You know...we haven't..." he trailed off riskily, since she seemed to be in such a good mood.

Automatically catching his drift she smirked.

"Tonight. I promise." she grinned before leaning in and kissing him.

"I'll be looked forward to it." he smiled back.

******************

"Hi Jodi, I'm Trevor Langdon, a friend of Alex Cabot's."

"Hi?" Jodi asked curiously, wondering how he had gotten her cell number.

"I'm a criminal defense attorney, and I was wondering if I could meet with you."

Jodi stood in the middle of her bedroom. Betsy had just left and John wasn't due home for a few more hours. What the hell could this guy possibly want with her?

"Um, may I ask why?"

"It's about your father." he continued.

"What does my father have to do with anything?"

"To shorten things up for you, I was out with a buddy that works at Sing-Sing and you came up. He's a prison guard there on your father's block and he was telling me how he came to be there."

"Alright...so what's the correlation between you two?"

"I would like to represent your father. I think he has been wrongfully imprisoned."

"That's very kind of you Mr. Langdon, but he plead guilty."

"That won't be the first time an innocent man has pled guilty to protect someone. Juries are so much more understanding these days."

"...This is a really kind offer and you have no idea what it means to me but...I'm sorry I just think it's a lost cost."

"I understand that, but I'm really asking that you meet me and we can talk about it."

"I'm not sure."

"Jodi, I am giving you my promise. I will do everything in my power to assure your father goes free."

"Why?"

"Because. Out of all the people I've represented, there have only been a handful who were actually innocent."

"My father wasn't innocent. He admits it."

"Yes but he killed for a just cause. His daughter."

Jodi sighed. It was such a long shot, but now she was roped in.

"Fine, where do you want to meet?"