A/N: This is a rewritten version of the first chapter, once thought to begin this story anew. Considered not posting it at all but it might be fun to see how much I grew as a writer between posting the first chapter in 2010 and writing this in 2015.

Peace.

Chapter 1 – How It All Came To Begin

Day eighteen; 2:04 A.M.

Three questions keep running through my head. What the fuck happened? How the fuck did it happen? And why the fuck did it have to happen to us?

But honest to whatever sick perv of a god there is, I'm afraid of the answers.

Shit. It all turned to shit. Absolutely everything. Blink of an eye and it's all gone. All I'm left with is fucking shit. And her.

...

Fuck.

Aight, fellas; shitty introduction, no doubt, but I'm having a real shit time to focus right now what with the night I've just had. Fuck it; these last... Seventeen days I've had. That's the kinda shit they really should teach you in school; there aren't any securities in life. None whatso-fucking-ever. It can all just change in the blink of an eye, flick of a switch, drink of a beer. And then BAM! Nothing's ever the same.

This's gotta make no sense to you, of course; I'm just rambling on without explanation here. Well then, let me introduce myself.

Name's Eddy. Eddy McGee. Unless that went and changed too.

I'm on a train right now, riding away from the only life I've ever known. I don't know why, I don't know what the fuck is going on but what I do know is that she shouldn't be here with me. It was a real dumbass move from my side to even bring her out with me when I noticed the smoke but I didn't wanna leave her at home 'cause what sane fuck would do that? I should've though. I should've left her there, sleeping innocently without a problem in the world, instead of bringing her with me. Hell, if I'd had any sense at all I would've let their damn aunt and uncle taken her straight away.

Max. This is not the life I wanted for you, this is not the way your existence in this fucked up world should start. You deserve more. So much more. But still, every single one of my fears came true and now here you are. In life-threatening danger. All because of your fucked up old man.

She's my kid, if you hadn't figured that out yet. Don't blame you if you didn't, hell; I can barely believe it. That I made you. That every mistake, every screw-up, every fucked up choice I ever made would bring this beautiful little princess into the world. The only achievement in my entire life I'm actually proud about.

So you're probably wondering what the fuck happened, eh? For me to end up here, a fugitive parent? Scratch that, I don't even know if anyone's even after me.

They probably are though. From an outsider's perspective, this all gotta look kinda suspicious. But then again, if the feds ain't after me then I'm sure as hell that Double-D is. Double-D, my best friend. And I'm pretty damn sure he's out to kill me.

Fucking hell, this is all so... Surreal.

I don't know what to do. In any other case, I probably would've gone to good old Sockhead for help but now I can't even do that. So I'm all alone. Me and my baby girl.

Let's just cut to the fucking chase; you wanna know the story of all this shit? Fine, I'll tell it.

The story of how three best friends' got torn apart by a bitch sister who decided to bring about a reign of chaos into their happy lives.

The fuck do I know what day it was; 3:15 p.m.

"Can y'all believe it's been a year already? Feels like just yesterday you were stumbling around Nazz's living room, trying to croak out the words to 'We Built This City' while downing a shot!" This is where my story starts; walking home from school with Ed and Double-D, mid-September. Must've been Friday; Nazz's party for the freshmen were always on a Friday. Now that I think about it, stupid fucking thing to have; alcoholizing the poor kids before they've even been dipped head first into the gym cans. But hey; tradition was tradition and we always had a blast.

"Is there even the slightest chance that I will ever manage to live down that night's unfortunate behavior?" Sockhead had resisted the calls of Jack Daniels all of sophomore year, insisting that being 'straight-edge' was the best path for his 'intellect' or whatever, but Ed and I suckered him into at least tasting a drink at Nazz's party junior year which quickly snowballed into him hammering a hole in the beer keg and gulping down the river that emerged; I've never seen someone turn so green that quick in my entire life.

"Depends on how drunk you're getting tonight!" This is what was starting to separate the three of us (not seriously driving us apart, just proving that we didn't have to hang out every second of every day) in the later days; alcohol. Ed was fine with partying but rarely got drunk due to some kind of metabolical thing, Sockhead preferred watching a movie or just talking shit while I never hesitated diving head-first into a tequila fueled adventure. So often, I'd be out with some of the other guys (Rolf, Jonny, sometimes Kevin) while Ed and Double-D would do whatever the hell it is old people do when they reach 65.

"For the last time, Eddy; I'm still rather uncertain about whether or not I should be-"

"Yeah, yeah; bonjour, Eddy, it is very rather impervious that I am in bed by midnight as I am adjourning to de la France in the morning, ooh la la!"

"Your choice of 'nitpicking' then; the horrid attempt at a French accent, the incorrect usage of 'impervious' or the fact that you think I would ever use a phrase as cliched as 'ooh la la'?" His parents were dragging him to Paris for a week the next morning so he wasn't all that hyped up at the idea of drinking until his liver was singing Disney songs backwards.

"Definitively the accent; he's got Dick van Dyke beat." It was still weird to see Ed so... Articulate. I don't know if it was just growing up or getting glasses and braces or the shitloads of weed we'd been smoking over the years but there was a really noticeable difference; so cool and calm, actually seeming smarter than he'd ever been. He was still the worst fucking airhead I've ever seen but at least he was able to contribute more to a conversation than just "Buttered toast!" and "Gravy!".

"Seconded, Ed."

"Y'all know what I mean."

"Of course, Eddy; it's just-"

"Look, I respect that you gotta get up early and all that but you can at least swing by the party; feels like months since we did something like this together!"

"Point for Skipper."

"Shut up, Ed. Besides, Sockhead, if I know you correctly you've been packed and ready to go for like a week or something."

"... Well beside the point. But it's always a necessity to make one last inventory check of the suitcase to make sure-"

"Which takes, what, five minutes? C'mon, we've always been going to this party together and unless Nazz wanna get a cradle-robber reputation, this is gonna be the last freshmen party she hosts." Senior year; I'd always imagined that it would be different. I dunno, that being the oldest guys in the entire school would feel special in some way, get more respect from the younglings and teachers or some shit. I'd been hella wrong to look forward to it though; while the freshmen and sophomores were still terrified of us, it wasn't worth the shitloads of homework that got dumped on us every day. College, important shit, sure. But I wanted to be able to live a little before heading out into being another unemployed idiot who doesn't know what the hell he wants to do with his life.

"Tradition, Double-D; the core family value. Are we not a family?" So poetically put by Lumpy, I could've kicked the bucket right there. Double-D sighed and hung his head in defeat.

"Valid reasoning, gentlemen. I'm afraid you have bested my original intentions and I admit myself defeated."

"Is that medieval-speak for 'I'm wrong, you're right'?" I swear, his kids will starve because he's busy arranging their Alpha-Bits into Shakespearean monologues.

"In an uneducated nutshell, yes." I grinned and threw my arms around their shoulders, something I hadn't done in ages.

"Boys, tonight's gonna be epic! The three of us, a house full of babes, Nazz on the prowl, tons of alco- Hey, did you just call me stupid?"

God, I was so... Young and blind. Seriously, chickity-check the different problems and ambitions I had then and have now.

Then. I wanted to get drunk and bang a chick that night, the dream would be Nazz herself. That's about it.

Now? I got a kid and I got dangerous people after me. Hell, I might not survive the week.

Right, sorry; railed off.

Anyway, Sockhead headed to his place to manically check his travel gear and eat while Ed and I went to my house. While I showered and dressed, then re-dressed 'cause Ed almost laughed his head off at my first two outfits, Lumpy made us dinner which we ate in front of some shit show on MTV about teen drama and pregnancies. Irony.

Throwing on some more cologne, we went to Ed's for him to shower (yeah, that's a thing he was forced to start with sooner or later) and dressed; the guy'd developed some style over the years, I'll tell you that. So, being fresh to death in our button down shirts, we headed up into the hallway.

"Monobrow, all I'm saying is that you shouldn't be worried if I pop off in the middle of the night; I probably just snagged Nazz or something."

"With Kevin looming like a bumblebee, would it be worth it?" Yeah, right, forgot that. Ol' Shovelchin and Nazz had broken up at the former seniors' graduation that spring, or rather she dumped his ass in front of the whole school and their uncles, and if he'd been crazy overprotective before... Let's just say that the nurse's office had had a few visits from guys' with some serious facial injuries.

"To do Nazz? You know, Lumpy, I think you'd have a better outlook on the world if you just got a girl to butter your-" My clever parable was cut short when I bumped into his back, the big guy having stopped abruptly when we finally reached the hallway.

"Where are you going this late, young miss?" Looking past Ed, I saw what I then considered to be the demon spawn from hell's inner circle sent to Earth to rain fire upon all our lives.

"To Nazz's party, you idiot!" Sarah had been a pain in Ed's, as well as my own and Double-D's, ass since the day she was born and I still saw her as a snot-nosed little bastard who ran to her mom whenever something didn't suit her. That's not saying she wasn't still like that sometimes but that's not the point. The point was that she looked... Good. I wanted to drench my brain in bleach for even thinking about her as anything less than a soul-sucking succubus but it was almost impossible. Even worse? That was the first damn time I saw her as a teenage girl.

"Not dressed like that, you're not!" Normally, I just stayed the hell clear of any arguments that Ed engaged her in (if he wanted to die trying to be a good big brother, that was his business but I was kinda fond of my life) but I couldn't have jumped in to his defense even if I wanted to; I was too busy trying to figure out when the hell she'd gone through this transformation.

"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" Those curves sure didn't happen overnight. That couldn't have been the first time she'd applied makeup and she damn well knew what she was doing combining that top with those leggi- "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT, FISHFACE?!"

"Huh?" I snapped out of my newly found disgusting horn dog thoughts to find that she was staring at me, furious as fuck. "I was just thinking the same thing Ed was-" I didn't even finish the sentence before she socked me right between the eyes, the sheer force of the punch sent me straight through the kitchen wall; only the Firefly fridge managed to stop me completely.

"Sarah! We only want your best; the stories we could tell of these-" The familiar sound of knuckles hitting face rung through the ground floor of the house followed by a loud crash and Ed's enormous exhale as his lungs emptied; something must've cushioned his flight into the wall because he didn't join me in the kitchen.

"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, DICKHEAD; ME AND JIMMY ARE FRESHMEN AND WE'RE ALLOWED TO GO, MOM SAID SO!" With that echo from our childhoods, the front door slammed shut; effectively rocking the whole house and digging in a jar of something deeper into my thigh. I'd completely forgot; the two twerps'd finally hit high school. Had probably just been too sleep deprived and drowning in homework to hear her angelic voice ring through the halls. What a blessing.

"They grow up so fast..." Ed limped into the kitchen, hunched over 'cause of the table lodged in his back, and offered a pained grin.

"Yeah, that's kinda what happens when you got a Ferrari stuck up your ass..." I groaned, there wasn't a part of me that wasn't in horrible pain, and stretched out my hand. He grabbed it and with a quick and painful yank, I was free and dangling in his grip; glass, metal and the Firefly's dinners for the coming two weeks slowly dripping off me. "Let's go."

"Don't you wanna change? You smell like pickled cabbage and sour milk!"

"I'll rip some cologne off of Sockhead, let's just leave this damned place." Nodding thoughtfully, he threw me over his shoulder and made his way out the door to Double-D's house. "Seriously, how can you live with that thing? It's like she's constantly on her period!" My voice cracked in the middle of the sentence as I began tearing out pieces of glass from a pickle jar from my back.

"I hang in the junk yard when that happens, only way to keep my face intact." That meant that he'd be up in that old, abandoned retro van that had been around since our childhood smoking weed.

Aight, this could grow to be a big-ass elephant in your room so I'm just gonna come clean with this; we smoked weed. That's it. I don't give two shits what you think about it, I'm not trying to convince you that it's the greatest thing since sliced bread and sex and you don't even have to be cool with it; just know that it's something we did every now and then to take the edge off. We even got Sockhead in on it once we started making brownies and cut out the smoking part which was the only problem he saw with it. So just... Chill. That's what we did.

Where was I?

"Good lord, Ed; did you brush your teeth?" Double-D threw open his door, dressed up and ready to go, and quickly clamped his hand over his nose.

"Yep!" The doofus grinned and lowered me to the ground.

"That's me." I raised my hand and then brushed what looked like salsa off my shoulder.

"Whatever were you thinking? You can't venture to a social gathering without having a shower first!" Rolling my eyes, I pushed Double-D aside and made my way up the stairs.

"I did. Then I took a fist to the face."

"Better than an arrow to the knee."

"Who punch-"

"Sarah."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Sir Lump-a-Lot and Sockhead followed me upstairs into the second story bathroom. "I was thinking if I could take some of your cologne or some-" I reached out for the mirror cabinet when I felt a hand on my arm.

"May I suggest that instead of invading my privacy that you take a shower instead? I fear an entire bottle of perfume would be needed to cover up your current... Ahem, fragrance."

"Would his holiness really grant a peasant like myself access to his most sacred spot of cleanliness? Merci, Padre; merci buttercup!" I threw myself at his feet and squeezed his knees in mock reverence.

"Would you like to use my shower?" It was more of a deadpan statement than a question, following a melodramatic sigh.

"Yeah, sure." I got back up and leaned against the sink.

"Then please desist your continuous boucherie of the French language!" He threw a bath towel in my face, smelled faintly of strawberries.

"A regular old Peter Sellers, this one." Ed smiled smugly, something I didn't even know he could do, and leaned back against the wall with crossed arms.

"If you too had joined my study group, Eddy, had the possibility opened for you to be on the same linguistic level as Ed here."

"Study two days a week? Get bent."

"Of course, I should've known it took a certain character to admit to such a task..."

"Oh, real mature, Teach! Like Lumpy's French is that much better!"

"Au contraire, mon petit ami!"

"Smugness doesn't suit you, Ed."

"You could probably get Miss. Pompidou off your back if you actually bothered to study."

"That wasn't my fault; she really should've known how easy it is for 'Brother Jacob' to easily be mistranslated into a sexually charged death threat!"

"Frère Jacques, frère Jacques-"

"Aight, that's it; out, both of you! I ain't spending a Friday night discussing school stuff!" I hustled them in the direction of the door with the help of the towel, Double-D raising an eyebrow.

"Are you really ordering me out of my own bathroom?"

"I sought audience with the Pope and I can now rightfully use his Holiness' crapper!"

"... Come, Ed; let's see if we can occupy ourselves while Brigadier General de Gaulle here makes himself presentable."

"I understood that reference!"

"Good to see that at least someone pays attention during class." Shaking his head in disbelief, Double-D closed the door behind himself and Ed, leaving me alone in the hauntingly clean bathroom. I grumbled to myself, who the hell speaks French anyway?

I stripped out of my relish covered clothes, dumping them in a pile on the can, and stepped into the shower. Turned the water on and started washing some of Ed's mom's leftovers out of my hair and it wasn't long before my mind began to wander. To Sarah. Personality wise, she hadn't changed since we were kids; still the ever present pain in Ed's, as well as my own and Double-D's ass, that she'd always been. But why? She had to be a really narrow-minded person to hold a grudge for five-six years; I could get the bad blood back when we were dishonest swindlers but nowadays even Kevin hung out with the three of us once in a blue moon. Of course, the answer could just be really simple.

Sarah was just a colossal bitch.

...

Sorry.

Either way. From there, it was only a matter of time before I thought how much she'd changed physically. Those were dangerous thoughts. Really, really, dangerous thoughts. For fuck's sake, we're talking about Sarah here! Ed's sister! It was just... I don't know, I was messed up; one part of me wanted to barf right there in the tub at the thought of Sarah in a sexy way while another part of me seemed all too eager to ride those curves like a racetrack. The way her boobs seemed too big for her bra and how her ass was accented upon by those leggings, I wouldn't mind running into her at the party.

... I was a disgusting pig, aight? It's called hormones and there ain't no cure for it. Well, there was one and I was just about to admit defeat and administer it to myself when the door to bathroom flew open on the other side of the curtain.

"Clothes, courtesy of Double-D!" I froze mid-action at Ed's voice, raging rod of hormones in hand. Coming to my senses, I said something in the spirit of "Fuck off, Ed; I'm buck naked here!" and leaned back against the wall, turning the taps and let the cold water cool me down.

What the hell had I been thinking? Was I seriously about to have a wank in Sockhead's shower? Thinking about Ed's sister?! If either found out, they would've dismembered me as painfully as possible! Good god, I needed booze; this much thinking was bad for my general health.

I threw on the shirt and pants loaned out by Sockhead, having to admit that he too did have some sense of style, as well as my own socks and broke Double-D's trust by rummaging around in the cabinet above the sink. Calvin Klein; not something I'd use myself but an emergency is an emergency. I joined the two down in the living room where Ed was blasting some LMFAO to get psyched. Double-D didn't seem as thrilled.

"Is my bathroom intact?"

"Your worse than my mom; yeah, it's intact."

"You didn't burn it down?"

"What the- How in the hell would that even work?!"

"Oh, you'd make it work."

"You're despicable."

"Duck season!"

"Shut up, Monobrow. Snarky? Let's go."

"Oh, Snarky; how original of you, Eddy." We packed up and left, 'Party Rock Anthem' still pumping from Ed's cell phone. Yeah, I was psyched, sure, since a party's always a party, but the thoughts about Sarah and her... The thoughts about Sarah was still there gnawing at the back of my mind. I mean- No, y'know what? I wasn't gonna let one dame in tights throw me off my game for the night; there'd be plenty of tail to chase at the party, Sarah was just all up in there 'cause it seemed like she'd just popped up out of nowhere. It was way, way, better to shove her back down into that nowhere; no way in hell would I want to touch that bag of crazy with a six foot pole.

"Aight then, let's talk tactics." I was feeling a little out of place in Sockhead's threads, pants chafed a little around the legs, but fresh to death anyway. Other two weren't too bad either.

"Before you pull us down your dark, demented path of attracting females, may I take a moment to discuss my own plan for the evening?" Double-D frowned slightly when I pulled out a worn and torn cigarette pack; only smoked at parties and stuff, not counting herbs, but he'd never liked it the least. "In my clothes, really?"

"I'll throw 'em in the machine soon as I get home, aight? Might even use fabric softener to take the stiffness out of you!"

"Not sure what surprises me most; that you are aware how to operate the mechanics of a washing machine or that you haven't managed to drink the fabric softener in an alcoholic haze once you ran out of rum." My upper lip curved involuntarily; never in my life would I touch that Caribbean demon piss again. Long and horrible story.

"Don't even mention that shit; I got bile in the back of my throat just thinking about it." I lit up a fag to push it back down. Sockhead sighed in defeat. Ed kept bobbing to the music, lost in a sphere of partying.

"Just please be aware of the temperature so they don't shrink." He really could be worse than my mom sometimes. "As I was about to say though: I can grant you my presence-"

"You really see the pope hat and staff every time you look in the mirror, don't you?"

"For a good three hours or so before I really need to retire to my home. Does that suit your plans of perversion?"

"Plans of Perversion; that'd make an awesome rock band." You could never be sure if Ed actually paid attention to a conversation or not but as the years went by, it became clear that Ed just didn't always have his two cents to add. Which was good, Sockhead and I could have enough witty banter to last three lifetimes over sometimes.

"True, true. Aight, yeah, that's good and whatnot. At least you're going, that's always something." Double-D playfully punched my shoulder.

"See, is it so difficult to be humble from time to time?"

"I got a note from my doctor saying I sprained my humble bone after the run-in with my bro, gotta take it easy." I shot him a grin when he just rolled his eyes.

I'm gonna miss those moments most of all. When we were just hanging out, talking shit. Sure, partying was always fun, chasing tail likewise. But the three of us, we had that sorta bond that could easily last into the next lifetime. We'd probably come back as squirrels living in the same tree, scamming nuts from the pigeons or something.

Whatever. I'm off track again.

"Well, it would appear that this joint is already rocking." Sockhead, the sarcastic bastard he is, was right. People were sprawled out the lawn with their respective drinks, some were on the front step chain smoking, the front door had been unhinged and thrown into the hedge. Not to mention the music that, by the you hit the hallway, was near fighter jet levels. If there's ever been a more raving way to kick off another year in school, Peach Creek hadn't heard of it.

"This is where the fun begins!" Depends entirely on what Ed meant by fun.

"..." Nazz tore herself from a couple of cheerleaders, think they could've been juniors, and wobbled over to us where we stood frozen in the door. I'd seen a lot of radical parties in my days but this took the prize, drank gin out it then demanded the guy working the McDonald's drive thru to flatten it and make a Chicago style pizza with it. I guess third time was the charm.

Couches, armchairs, kitchen chairs; everything was pushed back to the wall to make room for the enormous crowd of people going crazy in a booze fueled frenzy, dancing like there was no tomorrow. Or floor for that matter. The TV was gone, which I only noticed 'cause it had always been this huge fucking thing, but even if it still had been there, it would've looked like a cell phone next to the dozen speakers that were stacked on top of each other. Standing next to them probably would've been like sticking nails in your ears. Lights were flashing like an epileptic with a seizure, the dance floor looked like a crime scene with its ultraviolet glow and there were a shitload of people. Everywhere. Not crowded. But still a shitload of people.

This was my element.

"..." Nazz gave us each an affectionate hug, can say I enjoyed mine a bit too much, and started talking about god knows what. I watched her for a moment, those lips really distracted me, before I put a hand on her shoulder. She looked at me curiously before realizing that we hadn't heard a single word she'd said; there wasn't a popsicle's chance in Spain that anybody was going to hear conversation in this room. This room was for freaking the fuck out.

She motioned for us to follow her. I elbowed Ed, who seemed to be looking through the huge group of dancing people, who in turn elbowed Double-D, who looked to be trying to equalize the pressure in his ears.

We followed her into the kitchen where a couple of people were hanging out, actually making a god honest attempt at talking and succeeding damn well. Soon as the door closed behind us, we understood why.

"I can think again." Ed broke the silence (it was nowhere near silent, the music was still blasting through every wall of the house, but at least there was a bigger chance of hearing someone speak) and brought his hands up to his ear, tryingly covering them. I knew the feeling, it sounded like everything was coming to me from the other side of a tunnel.

"Hey, dudes; rad you came!" Nazz's family must've renovated since last year because there was a kitchen island that hadn't been there the year before and on it was enough alcohol to take down the whole NFL mid-season and that would definitely not be there when the night was over.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world's end!" Sure, my chances of scoring with Nazz were pretty low but if I made a cucumber-cool impression on her now, maybe she'd think back to it once she'd gotten hammered so I could do the- Aight, I wanted to bone; can we just let that be the underlying theme that we don't mention ever again? I mean, daughter in arms and all that.

"Judging by the decibel levels, I'd say we're about thirty minutes away..." Sockhead looked genuinely nauseous, grasping onto a kitchen counter for support.

"You get sorta used to it after a while, man; don't worry about it! Here!" She swatted his discomfort away, flapping her hand to tell us to gather around the booze. "You've got just about everything you need and if you, like, run out of anything there's probably more in the basement!" If there was one thing I absolutely loved about Nazz's parties, it had to be the booze. So much of it, so many different kinds, so very free of charge; it was like Irish heaven.

"Nazz; may I inquire where...?" Sockhead trailed off; after all these years, Ed and I hadn't managed to break his strong sense of moral nitpicking.

"Oh, Jo and her boyfriend came by with like a truck full of it; said I needed to do this one properly and that it's her graduation gift to me!" Ah, so it was free of charge for everyone then! Right, Jo's Nazz's incredibly hot older sister. Like, imagine Nazz; captain of the cheerleading squad, ample bosom, the blonde girl next door. Now Jo was everything that Nazz is and then some; couple years older, ran track, ampler bosom, clever as shit and an ampler ass. So if Nazz's a ten, Jo's definitely Spinal Tap.

"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life." I wiped away a pretend tear; it really was a sight for sore eyes. Two kegs, enough wine to flow through the streets of Paris, tequila, rum, gin, vodka, whisky and-

"Hey, Double-D! Wouldn't you say the kitchen looks fresh as hell? Oh, Nazz; whenever did your family make this fantastic decision?" If he even came close to the stuff the night'd be over before it even started. I grabbed Sockhead by the shoulders and gestured widely towards the cupboards, frantically waving Nazz over.

"Ehm, April, I think. Yeah, it's all really good; definitely opened up the whole kitchen." Both looked at me really confused but I just kept on going, acting marveled over the smallest details.

"Oh, and the color of those cupboards! What is that; eggshell?" Double-D squinted, apparently taking my question seriously. Seeing my chance, I dipped in towards Nazz and whispered a single word. Her eyes grew wide in panic, throwing a quick glance towards the table, before quickly stepping to Ed and whispering in his ear.

"No, I do believe it's a bit too bright to be considered eggshell; if I didn't know any better, I would almost perceive it to be titanium white..." I couldn't help but roll my eyes; there I was at the start of the biggest party the block had seen in years and I was talking about paint.

"Yeah, yeah; Mrs. Cipriano would give you a big, cadmium colored A for that observation." Having seen the bottle slide into Ed's back pocket, I grabbed Double-D by the shoulders again and turned him back towards the table. "Now! What're you having?"

"Hmm..." His eyes swooped across the table, trying to locate something I knew damn well wasn't there. He sighed in disappointment. "Well, I suppose a glass of wine would be beneficial."

"Edkeep! One glass of your finest grapes for my friend here!" He threw a suspicious look at me as Ed grabbed the first bottle of wine he could find, making sure that his back was turned away from us.

"I'll be the first to admit that you have always been supportive about my decision to drink but this is a bit too enthusiastic..."

"Come on, dude; he just wants you to have a good time, last party and all!" Nazz put her arms around me, giving him a comforting smile over my shoulder, while Ed shoved a comforting plastic mug of wine into his hands.

"That much is true, I suppose." He took a cautious sip, looking at the three of us like we were maniacs.

"Oh, yeah; some guys were asking about you in the basement. I think one of them was... Leo?" Nazz must've been on her good way to head into the misty mountains of margaritas and mimosas; the slight slur in my ear sent a shiver down my spine.

"Ah, it would not surprise me if the rest of my associates from my assorted forms of extracurriculars have assembled down there. Eddy, would you mind if I-"

"On the contrary, my dear Sockhead; go and be merry!" He nodded, shot Nazz a smile and, with one last look of confused suspicion, headed back out into the sea of sound waves. Nazz let go of me and we all sighed in relief.

"That sure was close."

"Good thinking there, dude." She playfully punched my shoulder before stretching out for the closest wine bottle.

"Seconded." Ed hoisted the bottle out of his pocket, looking it over in disgust. "Not sure what Double-D sees in this fairy snot."

"Anything to avoid a rerun of the seniors' graduation." That's a story in itself but just to give you a quick rundown: There'd been this outstanding party, almost as wild as the one we were at, after last year's graduation which we'd gone to. Sockhead managed to disappear half an hour after we showed up and we found him much later with his face firmly planted between a well equipped cheerleader's tits; one hand squeezing her ass while the other threw around a bottle of absinthe. We don't know how he got it, or the bottle it turned out he had downed before that, but we made damn sure he would never get his hands on another bottle of the stuff.

"Oh, but Eddy, surely a little fun with a big chested lass can't be that bad?"

Our sworn promise wasn't because of that; it was when he stripped out of his shirt and pants to run down the main street, screaming at the trees because they didn't have the know-how to combine Einstein's theory of relativity and photosynthesis to reveal the secrets of time travel. Oh, then the cops showed up. Then we had to bust him out his holding cell. Then he threw off his underwear, trying to fly home while chanting "Go, go, Gadget chopper!" before telling us to grab hold of- Look, he was just a huge pain in the ass, aight? Shows what a bit of booze can do to an otherwise sane man.

"Can you guys make off with it? I gotta head back out there, make sure no one barfs and covers it up with a couch cushion again." Yeah, it happened. The bigger the party, the bigger the cleanup. Hosts sure didn't have time to be hungover.

"You can count on us!" Ed didn't even look up from the tap of the keg.

"Choice!" She squeezed my shoulder, which did some stuff to me, and quickly went back into the living room.

"No, wait! I forgot; Sarah!" Lumpy shot up, completely oblivious to the mug in his hand flowing over, and stared at the door.

"Forget about it, man; she thinks she's grown, she's grown!" And boy, was she- Oh, for fuck's sake; Sarah grows some sweater puppies and I'm acting like some kind of horny teenager all over again? I had to get drinking and start chatting up some babes. Or, you know, dive straight into the dancing moshpit and start fishing.

"All in good time, Eddy, but still she is a freshman!" ... I had to give him that; freshmen always had a tendency to get the drunkest at those parties, mostly since that was the point of it all.

Christ, never realized just how fucked that actually is.

"I got you, I got you; I'll be aight." He grasped my shoulder tightly with his left and held a firm hold of his mug with the right, a face of serious determination.

"You are a good man, Eddy."

"Thanks, grandfather. Now off with you!" He scurried off after Nazz and left me there next to the booze, including the bottle of absinthe. Grabbed a mug and poured myself a beer which I downed instantly, quickly pouring another one. I felt good. It was going to be an amazing night, with or without Ed and Double-D. Things just had a way of coming together once you had a beer or two in your system.

"Hey. Hey, McGee." It came from some miserable looking guy sitting on a kitchen counter in the corner. Hadn't noticed him, mostly because you didn't really seek out the drunken weirdos, and I was thankful for it; slumped over in a hoodie three sizes too big with the hood up.

"What do you want?" It was way too early to start talking to complete strangers and tell them you love 'em.

"Your ear for a minute or two; that bottle of Leprechaun piss looks pretty good too." He just sat there, staring at the floor, and I wondered what to do. Wasn't really too hype on talking to this guy but if it'd get rid of the absinthe then whatever, I suppose.

"Yeah, aight." I shrugged, grabbed the bottle and went over to him. What little I could see of his face was really pale, like he'd already barfed three times already. "Hey, you sure you should still be drinking?"

"Haven't even started yet." His hand reached forth for the bottle but I held it back.

"Hey, who are you? How'd you know my name?"

"Oh, Eddy McGee; you're breaking my heart. Do you not remember our summer time flings?" What the hell was this guy on about? "Those nights drinking cheap beer, smoking until the sunrise, making sweet love on the ottoman standing in the tastelessly decorated vestibule of life?"

"Aight, you're clearly fucknut bananas but each to his own; just take the damn thing." I tried giving it to him but he didn't take it. Something was really off with this dude and if I'd have to punch him I sure wouldn't mind.

"Disappointing; I thought we could drink until we both knew the Gaelic language fluently. Oh, well, I suppose I'll just have to go find another jig partner then." He caught me off guard when he jumped off the counter in one swift motion, standing a few inches taller. My arms tensed, fists clenched; if it was a fight this lunatic wanted, a fight he'd get. "Still, you could never really dance to begin with so I'm demanding miracles here." I was just about ready to block an attack when he raised both his hands but he just pulled down his hood instead, revealing the rest of his pale face.

His pale, stupid face. The face I'd spent nights partying with, days laughing with; a bolt of pure energy that wreaked havoc on Rethink Avenue. Possibly the greatest guy I ever met in my entire damn life. He was perfect in every way and if I could...

...

Sorry, I thought Max here was still awake. Little... Daughter of mine. Cool then.

That stupid fucking face I'd spent countless days and nights with. Annoying as hell at times; always was too filled with energy to stay still for a single fucking second, running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Attention span worse than Ed's. He was a bastard in every sense of the word but he was also one of my closest friends.

"Holy shit, man; I was getting ready to sock you!" He relieved me of the bottle and we shared a one-handed hug, both grinning like mad; it'd been a while since he came to visit.

"It's early yet, old friend." Max motherfucking Flywheel had returned to town.

Quick break here.

I'm gonna take a wild guess that you know who I am, or at least used to be back when I was around twelve or so. Same with Ed, Double-D, Sarah, the other kids and the Kankers; word really got around about the shit we used to get up to. I'm correct, yeah?

...

Thought so.

This is why you're probably wondering "Who the hell is this asshole who just popped up out of nowhere?". I'll tell you.

Max and his family moved into that abandoned house we all thought was haunted the year we all turned thirteen; couple of months after that whole business where everyone found out my bro's true nature. It was him, his two brothers, Simon and Linus, and his two sisters, Olivia and Spencer; all the same age and all my age. Quintuplets, so they said. They were all blonde, all average looking and no one was like the other. The others'll pop up later in the story so let's just deal with Max for now.

Over-energetic, attention lacking, hella positive and always on the move. That's the best definition of him. Whatever we did, he almost always seemed bored with it; constantly looking for new ways to entertain himself. He was fun as hell to be around, never a dull moment with him, but the closest he ever got to sitting still was a movie night. Even then, he rarely shut up.

This was all back in the day, if thirteen could be considered so; the whole family moved on up out of Peach Creek after a year and a half, think their dad was relocated or something. They still came back to visit every now and then though, keeping their old house as a vacation home. How the hell they could afford that, with five kids and all, is fucking beyond me. Or, was.

He managed to calm the fuck down after a time here, especially after annoying Sarah to the point of having a tooth punched out, and he was the perfect drinking buddy whenever he came around. I can't tell you how many times I've awakened still drunk next to the guy never knowing where the hell we'd ended up; every party we hit up was like a sequel to the 'Hangover'. Grandest adventure we ever had was heading to an event uptown with some Jägermeister and waking up two days later in a tent pitched in a forest outside of Toronto.

Life could sure be crazy sometimes.

"How the hell are you, man? Haven't seen you since graduation!" Oh, yeah; he was there the night Double-D drank absinthe, talking about the different ways you could get back at teachers for unfair grades with anyone who would listen. Some did and tried it. Some did and cranked it up to new levels of weirdness. Principal actually called a school assembly first day of the semester to address the issue; Mrs. Thistletwat hadn't left her house all summer out of fear for the durian-fed skunks that patrolled her lawn. Seriously, Animal Control took one whiff of the place before calling in the CDC.

"I'm holding on, holding on." He unscrewed the cap and took a swig from the absinthe. Shook my head when he held it towards me. "How about you then? Life as a senior oughta be treating you rather good, judging by the... The surrounding elements." I could see what he meant; out of the five groups in the kitchen, ours was the only one in which two people weren't trying to swallow the other's tongue.

"It's sucking all forms of ass so far. For the first time, I actually have to sit there in class and listen to what the teachers are saying!"

"Harsh." He sniggered.

"Life sorta went and died at the start of the year too; ain't got time to do anything on weekdays since everyone's locked away doing homework. Don't even mention the weekends." I grumpily drank from my mug, annoyed that school was managing to annoy me even when I wasn't there.

"Aight, I won't mention-"

"Do you have any idea how many books we've been given to read Friday to Monday? So many, this is the first time since vacation I'm having a beer without thinking about Jane Eyre at home lusting for attention! It's like being married, this education shit..." Don't get me wrong, I absolutely hated things having to do with school when I wasn't in it. But I loved complaining about hating that shit.

"Best get used to it; doubt college is gonna ease up on the speed." I downed the rest of my beer and went for a refill.

"That's another thing-" He hadn't followed me to the Isle of Booze, instead leaning against the kitchen counter, staring longingly at a couple across the room who were feeling each other up. "Hey, I'm trying to complain here!"

"Hmm?" His head turned towards me, his eyes lingering a second before they too followed. "Ah, sorry; been kinda down lately, girlfriend troubles."

"Say what? I didn't even know you had a girl!" Seriously, we'd been friends for five-some good years and there were still things like that that he could just bring up without a second thought.

"On and off for some time now; she finally went and left me." More absinthe down his throat.

"That sucks, man. How long?"

"Since we were ten, I suppose." Since- Since-

"SINCE TEN?! What the hell- That means you've been with her longer than we've been friends!" He blinked twice and counted silently on his fingers.

"Yeah, how about that?"

"How come I never heard about this, man? This is huge!" It was, at least in my world. Look, Peach Creek was small. Like, really small. You didn't meet that many new people that often and the ones around your own age who were actually hookable were people who you'd been to school with for your entire life, meaning they knew every embarrassing little detail of the shit you'd done. There was a reason us Eds' were still single. Or, well, me and Ed at least; Double-D probably could've walked up to any girl in school and asked her to drop her panties there and then and the entire hallway would comply. I'm not kidding; the girls viewed Double-D and Kevin as the sex gods of Peach Creek High for some reason. Don't ask me, I never thought twice about why someone would wanna get into Sockhead's gym shorts. Some even thought they were so perfect in their own rights, they should get together and become a power couple. Nazz got a lot of shit for her relationship with Kev because of it, especially from this weirdo sophomore Goldberg.

Maybe it was their chins. Mash their respective DNA together and you've got the next Jay Leno, I kid you not.

Hang on, when the hell did I get onto chins? We were talking about relationships here!

"Sensitive subject, all through the years. It's... Complicated and long; not something we should discuss on a night like this." He pushed off from the counter and nearly fell forward before falling back against the counter hard. "Well, not trying that again. What are you doing with this stuff anyway?" I felt a little nauseous watching the green liquid crash against the glass.

"Me, Ed and Nazz were trying to keep it away from Double-D, wouldn't want a repeat of graduation."

"Oh, yeah! 'Go, go, Gadget chopper'!" He let out a guffaw. "That was a weird-ass night, man."

"Tell me about it. So how was the summer?" We stayed there in the kitchen for a good hour, doing some catching up. Apart from the rare call or text, we didn't really get a chance to talk. Sure, we'd been great friends when we were living on the same street, still were for that matter, but it was just so easy to get caught up in your own life that you sorta forgot the other one existed until you actually thought about it. I mean, I was here in Peach Creek, he and his fam were on the other side of the country in New York; it was like two different planets when you've got school and shit. But hey, I guess it's not a true friendship if it can't survive a little distance.

Anyway.

I think we were talking about some Brazilian guy his sister, Spencer, had gotten a restraining order from when we heard something. Or rather, we could hear each other better than we had all night.

"You hear that?" He shook his head.

"No."

"Me neither. Cops?"

"Not enough commotion. Parents?"

"Only one way to find out." I quickly downed the rest of my beer, not a clue which number that one had had, filled up a mug and downed it instantly as well while Max pocketed a bottle of wine; if the party was over then we might as well not leave empty handed. So after grabbing a half full bottle of vodka, hiding it best I could against my side, we made our way into the living room where the music had been turned off. It was far from quiet though, every drunken asshole who'd been spazzing out of control on the dance floor had a thing or six to scream at the cause of the sudden silence.

"Holy shit, is that Double-D?" I followed his surprised gaze and found he was right; Double-D was standing hunched over on the TV-bench with a couple of his nerdy friends from the Chess Club or whatever standing right next to the sound system, fiddling with a some wires and his cell phone.

"He's gotta have a death wish if he thinks this crowd is gonna think about the neighbors." A lot of knuckles were already being cracked in the room. Nazz stumbled out of the now still moshpit, trying to get to where Double-D was.

"Ahem." Double-D's voice resonated through the walls, flowing freely out of the speakers. He was holding his cell phone, connected to some wires connected to the stereo, an arm's length away from his face and he was happily looking out over the gathering of people like he was making a toast at a wedding.

"Liquid courage?" Max fished the wine bottle out of his pocket. I sighed and shrugged dejectedly, raising the vodka bottle. The two connected and we unscrewed the caps.

"Liquid fucking courage." Right; "Liquid courage" was a signal we'd worked out over our partying years, meaning that shit was quite possibly about to go down, meaning we might end up having to hit a motherfucker, meaning we were gonna get hit like motherfuckers, meaning it hurt a lot less if you down half a bottle of booze before heading off to hit the motherfuckers in the first place. It still hurt, but less so if the alcohol managed to get a hold of you during the fight, make you absolutely shitfaced and give you a pain threshold that could rival Ed's. It also meant you'd start sucking ass at swinging your fists and getting a lot better at getting hit, but you probably wouldn't remember it the next day.

I didn't say it was a good signal. And yeah, we probably came up with it while already hammered.

"I apologize for so abruptly interrupting the musical entertainment-"

"YOU DAMN WELL BETTER!"

"THE FACT THAT HE'S SO POLITE ABOUT IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH HIM EVEN MORE!"

"I WANT TO SEE BLOOD!" Safe to say, that escalated quickly. Nonetheless, Sockhead droned on.

"- and I can surely understand your graaaaave disappointment in suddenly hearing my voice coming out of these monstrosities-" He gestured wildly to the speakers surrounding him and nearly fell off the TV-bench. He was clearly drunk off his ass and if he was physically weak in a sober state, he wouldn't fare much better there and then.

"Let's move." Max nodded and followed my lead, inching closer to where Double-D was speaking.

"WAIT, LET'S HEAR WHAT HE HAS TO SAY!"

"WHO THE HELL SAID THAT? YOU WANT SOME OF THIS, HUH?!"

"SHOW ME BLOOOOOOOOD!" Double-D had better get to his damned point and that fast, at least one person was in the mood for something other than a drink out there.

"- but I wanted to take an opportunity here, before we all cavort off into the misty deeps of our respective beverages-"

"GET TO THE POINT!"

"NO, SHUT UP BEFORE GETTING THERE!"

"GET THE BLOOD FLOWING, NOW!"

"Who the hell keeps going on about blood?"

"Yeah, that's just weird, man."

"That's me, guys."

"Mike! What's up, man? Glad you could make it!"

"I was trying to mack on this hot chick when this doofus cut the dope sounds and started talking about cavorting into shit."

"She hot?"

"Ten. Out. Of. Five."

"- to thank you all-"

"WE WANT BLOOD!"

"TEN OUT OF FIVE!"

"I always thought Mike was gay."

"BRING ME HIS HEAD ON A PAPER PLATTER, SILVER'S TOO GOOD FOR HIM!"

"CALM DOWN, EVERYBODY!" Nazz had, without warning, jumped up on the TV-bench, huddling close to Double-D due to a lack of space, and snatched the phone from him. "I've known this guy all my life; he's cool, aight? He wouldn't hijack the system without a good reason, so just chill for a minute!"

"YEAH, aight."

"Let's hear the guy out."

"TEN OUT OF FIVE!"

"Shut up, Mike; we all know any girl's just another beard for you."

"Thank you, Nazz." He wobbled a little, to which she enveloped him in a firm grip that looked an awful lot like a sideways hug. Something surely related to jealousy seemed to arise in me, probably amplified loads by the liquid courage.

"She wants him." Max stated matter-of-factly, sounding sad.

"How'd you know?"

"I've experienced that sort of... Hugging, I guess you can call it, before. Both given them, both received them. It's more intimate than friendship; it's an embrace that whispers 'I want you' seductively in your ear while you're on your last ball at the pinball machine because it wants you to lose. So you and the voice can better acquaint yourselves in the bathroom of the bowling alley while the waiting staff stands politely outside the door, trying not to hear the kerfuffle going on inside, while waiting for the tip they deserve having delivered thawed chicken wings and diluted beer all evening." He swayed and put the wine bottle to his lips. I only got half of what he was trying to say; mostly because he was starting to slur his words but also because he lost me right around the time he went to the can to fuck a voice.

"Kerfuffle?"

"That's what you got from the whole story?"

"I don't know, something about a pinball machine; has anyone ever told you that you're really hard to follow when you're drunk?"

"Only the guys in the drive-thru, they keep telling me the speaker freaks out over all my slurring." I didn't know if he was serious or not and I didn't find out either because a loud scoff behind us caught my attention. Normally, it wouldn't, but any sort of noise made by overusing the throat could easily turn into a nice little pile of noises all over the floor if you weren't careful. I was talking to a broad once who couldn't hear what I was saying; leaned in close, cleared my throat and left her with Mom's meatloaf in her lap.

...

You proud of your old man, little girl?

"Hey, Kev; what's up?" Kevin was propped up against the wall, arms crossed with a beer can in each hand, glaring daggers and knives at the guy currently holding a passionate speech to a group of drunken bastards who really weren't in the mood for it. Kevin had been the guy to scoff, if that wasn't already clear.

"My fists if Double-Dweeb doesn't get his act together." I glanced back and, yeah, I could understand it; though probably not intentionally, Double-D was so focused on speaking his mind that his free hand was roaming over Nazz's body like an out of control lawn mower. "Who the fuck does he think he is?"

"If he's shitfaced, probably Socrates or Plato." He shot me a glance; could've been annoyance, could've just been impressed. "Actually did some homework this week; can you believe the workload they're throwing at us?" I wasn't really too hype talking to Kev, about school or anything for that matter (we'd never really been on the best of terms but we could at least be civil about it), but if it was distracting him from punching another gap in Double-D's teeth then I was Dr. fucking Phil.

"Look, McGee, I'm with you; school's shit. But it's a..." His eyes narrowed, his teeth grinding; Double-D's hand had made contact with Nazz's glorious behind and didn't seem to be letting up. "A Friday and I'm not in the mood to talk about shit like that."

"Hey. Kev. Look." I threw my arm around his shoulders and offered him the vodka bottle. He didn't say anything, but took the bottle nonetheless. "I've been on the kinda down low about the whole thing that went on between you and Nazz because, you know, it's not really any of my business." That was true; the break-up was Kevin's and Nazz's business. And the seniors who'd graduated. And the teaching staff. And the families of every senior graduating. "But I gotta ask, is there any chance you'll get back together?" Hit the nail on the head; his shoulders slumped slowly and he took a long drink from the bottle.

"We-" He stopped and coughed furiously, vodka doing it's job. "We talked about it a couple of times- at least I did, she just kinda sat there while I pleaded my case- but no, there probably isn't." I was thankful for the alcohol, not sure he would've shared so much otherwise.

"Let me give you some advice then." Damn, I was in full psychoanalyst mode now. "Enjoy the night. I get that it's hard-" I had absolutely no idea how hard it could be. "- and I get that it kinda hurts moving on from the misery-" Like you wouldn't believe, I can say now. "- but at some point, you gotta get back out there. If you didn't manage to get back together during the summer, the dreamscape of freedom, then I'm sorry; you're not gonna work it out now." He took another swig and glared at me.

"Is there a point to this, Skipper?" I paid the name he'd called me no mind and went on, I was really on a roll now.

"Well, yeah; you're the fucking Cap and quarterback of the football team! This is senior year, the time when you get to rule. You could probably get any girl in here just by flashing them pearly whites you got!"

"Not the girl I want."

"Think of the times you actually did have then. Remember the things that were off-the-charts fantasticular-" Not a real word, but anything sounds real if you say it confidently and avoid to slur so much. "- and cherish them but also learn from the mistakes you made and carry them with you. This is the last year we get together. Starting tonight, I say you make the most of it."

"Yeah." With a final mouthful of vodka, he handed the bottle back to me and flashed me a thankful, though sad, smile. "Thanks, man. I'm gonna go grab a beer and see what I can do about getting this life thing everyone's been talking about."

"Tried it once, kinda overrated." We bumped fists before he disappeared into the kitchen. It felt good, helping out an old buddy like that. Hopefully I had actually helped somehow and not just shat words all over him. But holy shit, it had sounded like the Dalai Lama was speaking through me at the time. I joined Max again.

"What's Sockhead on about?" To my surprise, it actually seemed like people were listening to him with their fullest attention. To my greater surprise, he and Nazz hadn't fallen off the bench where their hands were starting to get friskier.

"I started thinking about pie somewhere in the middle but I think the general theme is that as a senior, this is the last time Nazz hosts this party and that you should hold this night dearly in mind when you go back to school on Monday. He also welcomed the freshmen and hoped that their time at Peach Creek High would be as exciting and filled with adventure as his has been. Oh, and it wouldn't surprise me if he and Nazz head off to pork each other's brains out after this." He took a sip of wine from his bottle. I attempted to do the same from mine, but discovered that Kevin, the bastard, had finished it off.

"- so with that, ladies and gentlemen; let's cement this night's placement INTO THE LEGENDS!" With those final words, to a speech that I'm sure was very moving, Double-D dropped the phone and turned, giving Nazz a passionate kiss while the nerds by the sound system turned the music back on, deafening the roaring cheers that arose from the people around the room. With a sly look, Nazz took a step back and gave him a weak push. It was enough to make Sockhead topple backwards, off the TV-bench and into the hands of the party people who started passing him around over their heads.

"Must've been one hell of a speech." I shouted into Max's ear. It really must've been; the only time I'd ever seen someone crowd surf at a party was... That was also Sockhead, at graduation. I'm starting to think that could've been a better story to tell than this.

"Considering how much he must've poured down his gullet tonight, it really was; if he's this good now, can't wait to see him hit the podium as Valedictorian." ... Right, graduating. That was a thing.

"You coming out for it?"

"Well, of course. Wouldn't miss it for the world!"

Alright, you know what? I can't do this.

Let me summarize the evening for you: Me and Max got drunker, Ed carried Double-D home after he'd almost gone to third base with Nazz in a cupboard, Kevin pissed off with some random chick halfway in and Jimmy and Sarah were nowhere to be seen. Not that I actively tried to look for the two twerps, even though Ed made me promise to look after them. Yeah, I suck like that sometimes.

The point is that we drank ourselves into a state of absolute darkness, I have zero recollection of what happened after we helped Nazz clean up a garden gnome who'd been the victim of walk-by vomiting around eleven. This wasn't unusual; I mean, we thought it was fun to just let loose a little every now and then and every now and then, we'd get so knackered that we'd lose every lick of sense we ever had. Just to dull the mind.