Lesson
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
„Are you okay, Bells?"
Any other day Bella would have lied, knowing all too well that Jacob knew she was not saying the truth. But she would have tried, nonetheless because she wanted him to believe. Wanted him to believe that he made her feel better and he did, just not enough to say that she was okay.
"I was just… thinking," she whispered more to herself than to her best friend who was crouched over the engine of his Rabbit, working without a pause.
"About what?"
"Everything. What is… the sense of all this. I mean, in the end it all comes down to… one person. To myself, my life. It´s just me, really."
Bella did not realize that Jacob had slowly walked towards her and she jumped a little when he was suddenly right in front of her where she sat on his work bench like a child on the kitchen counter.
Her knees nudged against his bare stomach, feeling the warmth through the thick denim of her jeans.
"That´s not true," he said calmly and slowly, taking her hands in his, pulling her a little closer to himself than Bella felt comfortable with, but she had given up the fight against him, the constant inner struggle to maintain her safe distance.
"You see people, you change them. You make them think. And you know that, even if you don´t admit it. You touch people, although you barely ever let them in. Those walls that you built – you want people to break them down. To see who cares. That´s the way it is – you want people to care and take notice and they do. So what you say is not true. In the end it does not come down to just you. It´s the people who notice and people who you changed."
Bella did not dare to look into Jacob's eyes, her own dropped to her knees, now pressed against his sides, holding him in place.
The soft touch of his thumbs drawing circles on her palms made her feel nervous and sad, knowing that he understood. So much better than she did herself.
"And who are those people? Who is it I change?"
Her voice was so low that she could barely hear herself, rather feel the soft vibrations in her throat, tickling her in the deep and heavy silence.
"Everyone. That is what people do – change other's. Subconsciously. That´s life, Bells. You meet someone and maybe they will think about you once in a while, maybe they will remember you when they are older, maybe they stay, maybe they leave. But you met them and you interfered in their lives. You become a part of their story."
"I don´t understand."
„That´s life, as well. The unknown. There are so many things we don´t and will never understand. But just give them a chance. Try to believe in them, although you don´t understand. Have some faith. Who knows… maybe the birds are singing about you. Who can tell?"
Inhaling deeply Bella lifted her head to see Jacob smiling down at her and she did not fight when he pressed his forehead against hers and nudged their noses playfully.
"Start to live, Bells. You don´t have all the time in the world. But all the chances," he whispered, his hot breath damp against Bella's sensitive skin and in that moment she for once was the one who understood.
"I'm a part of your story?"
"No, Bells. You are the best part of my story."
Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
lyrics from Use Somebody by Kings of Leon