What dreams that came true can do?... Apparently, Chiaki Shinichi saying "I love you"… Mukya! ^^

Lovers Always Quarrel

"But you always say that, Sempai!" Nodame burst while stomping her foot at the wooden floor.

"Mattaku…" Shinichi cursed inside his head.

There he was, inside his dressing room with his so-called girlfriend while arguing about something that he refused to admit was his fault.

It should have been a wonderful night. His orchestra, Roux Marlet, held another great concert performance with Schubert classics. It was overwhelming and to top that, his favorite girl – who was busy practicing Rachmaninoff even though Finals were over -, Nodame came and made her way to his dressing room to personally and be the first one to congratulate him.

But the damn reporters should not have come.

Shinichi, as always been accommodating to fans, reporters and the likes, stood there with questions hitting him and camera lights, blinding his dark eyes. It was okay at first but then an over-observer reporter noticed the young lady in his dressing room.

Although expecting for the question, Shinichi's words were still caught in his throat when he was asked who is the young lady he was with in the dressing room. He felt his palms turned moist and his face terribly became hot. There was no way out.

But then, maybe there is! Nodame can save it for him.

But as he reached for her expression, all he can see was a face also anxiously yearning for an answer. It definitely didn't help at all.

It should have been easy if Nodame blurted out something like: "I am his wife!" or "He is my fiancé!". In that way, he will just agreed or disagree to whatever she will proclaim. It was much easier and comfortable than, him saying "She is my woman…" and slayed himself because of the discomfiture and shyness. But the circumstances were against him, Nodame didn't help and she was also asking for an answer.

This is bad...

And yet…

Despite the promise he made to himself that he will try his very best to please Nodame in every way after almost loosing her because of the false judgment in her proposal, he still –yet regretfully- blurted out…

"She's an important friend…"

Important friend?? FRIEND?!?

The reporters' ooh-ed as they found something interesting about the young conductor, they certainly didn't believe that she was just a friend. They asked many questions regarding to the last statement but they were no longer entertained as Shinichi didn't bother to answer any of it and just kept his guilty gaze at the brown haired girl with a broken expression. She was definitely disenchanted.

He knew it was time to explain although they both know how much he hated explaining himself. He excused themselves to the media and closed the door leaving the space private for him and Nodame.

She was always the one to spoke, he was just defensively answering but before he knew it, they were already arguing.

"You know that we are always more than that Nodame… I don't need to explain when it was already obvious…" he said calmly trying to ease out the tension while rubbing his temple with his fingers. He was tired, he just wanted to relax with her and a useless argument like this was the last thing he needed.

His nonchalance made her more angry and upset.

"You don't need to explain it, Sempai! If you just told them that Nodame is your girlfriend then it will be very well understood! Why Sempai? Aren't you considering me as a such?" She said with half-raised voice.

He was tired. Really. And the argument she was pushing were helping to lessen his patience, and he knew, sooner he will snap and ready to fight back.

"Then why didn't you said that? You always addressed yourself as a such, right? Why do you need it to come out of my mouth? You can do it by yourself! After all, it was your expertise right?"

Too late, Shinichi snapped.

Her teeth gritted inside her mouth. The sarcasm and growling was very bad and the statement was even worst.

It hurts.

She went silent. Her hands clenched into a fist at her side and her head was tilted downwards. It was definitely a gesture Shinichi found distressing.

For the moment, he wanted to take back his words.

"Nodame need it to came out from your mouth, Sempai…" she muttered quietly but enough for him to be heard.

Shinichi wanted to apologize and say that he didn't mean it but unfortunately, the stoic and egoistical self held him back.

"Nodame needed it, Sempai…." She continued and he watched her talk with her hair downcast covering her eyes.

"I want to know how you consider me in your life… I always addressed myself as your wife or fiancée or girlfriend but you never argued to correct me! More on… not even agree to that…" she told him as her voice began to crack.

"What am I to you Sempai?" she continued and finally had the strength to look back at him.

Shinichi noted the tears welling in her eyes. He was now convinced that he had hurt her so much, and he gasped.

"Nodame is not a cat for you to just feed or nurse… Nodame is a person, whom wanted to know if she was being loved, Sempai…"

Shinichi was frozen there on his spot finding himself unable to stop staring at Nodame's teary eyes.

"Remember Sempai? Nodame asked you before if you love Nodame… And I didn't get any response to you but a sincere proposal from me that was taken as a joke…"

He then realized that the argument was taking much serious than the other usual cat fights. This is serious, she was serious enough to brought up the grudge he think she was holding from that day. He will not blame her, it was really his fault. At least now, he admitted it.

"She didn't need to bring that up…" he inwardly thought while feeling a pang or two of guiltiness from that day.

"Nodame still wanted to know the answer… I thought, your answer to that reporter will free me from that difficulty… At least I will know what I am to you… At least I will know what you feel for me!"

This is getting serious..."Noda--"

"Maybe… Your answer was really the answer to Nodame's question… I am just a friend Sempai… It's a shame because that was not I was hoping for…" she bitterly told him as some tears involuntarily came down from her eyes.

"Nodame… Y-Your wrong! What are you saying? You know very well that it wasn't the answer right?" Shinichi stumbled in his words.

"But you told them that I was just an important friend! Why important, because I can make music that pleases your ears? If it wasn't the answer, then what is the answer Sempai?!" she aggravatingly blurted out.

He pursed his lips and he knew he was not ready to answer it, though one thing was for sure, music was not only the obsession he needed from her. It was far more beyond that. The problem is, he was just not ready to say it out.

"See Chiaki-Sempai? You can't answer it… If you don't tell me, how am I supposed to know? Should I guess for your feelings for the rest of my life?"

Another question and yet, despite the urgency, he can only stay silent and unable to avert his eyes to Nodame's crying ones.

She waited but he just kept on staring at her. Why? Pity? Sorry? She didn't know. But his silence really ripped the heart out of her. Maybe, she was just being delusional of what she thought Chiaki-Sempai feels for her because the truth is; it doesn't exist in Chiaki's system. She was just a mere custom, a routine, a habit.

And yet, she can't go away from him, to the extent of accepting she was just a mere pattern, not a partner.

Nodame surrender to the feeling of being defeated and berated in this night. She was also tired and she didn't have enough strength to continue this argument. Besides she have seen that this won't go anywhere other than the usual between her and Chiaki-Sempai.

Abruptly, she rubbed the tears away and Shinichi, like a dumb statue, just stood there watching her.

"Nodame will settle for a habit…"

"W-What?" he asked as if like he didn't knew what she was talking about.

"Cat or dog, Nodame will settle for whatever you think of her… Nodame needs Sempai… That was for sure… Even Nodame run away for you, in the end, I will still need you and made my way to come back… That's why, Nodame will settle for a habit…"

"What are you saying?" he asked, although he understood. In some way, it hurt. She was not a habit for him. She was more than that, if she only knew.

"I have to go Sempai…" she said averting her eyes from him, "Nodame have to practice…"

"Finals were over… How come you need to practice?" You are just running away…

"I have to practice for something…" she added and kept her eyes averted from his.

"Nodame… Please don't be like this…" he helplessly uttered while ruffling his hair.

But it seems like she didn't hear him.

"I'll see you when…" she stopped unknowing when exactly would she want to see the young man. "I'll see you when I see you Sempai…"

Shinichi wanted to do something to stop her, but the self-worth pushed the thought aside.

"That was a wonderful performance… Congratulations again, Sempai… Goodnight…"

Nodame didn't wait for his respond; she just hurried herself to the door and get out of it. It was stuffy and she wanted to breathe out the unpleasant feeling of being denied and rejected.

Like a stupid, Shinichi was still inside his dressing room, now all alone. What happened was really a pain.

He had done it again. He made her mad, he made her upset and he failed because he made her cry.

I always make her cry…

It was too much disappointing of a day when even before the performance started, he already made plans. The plan was to bring her in one of those fancy restaurants in the Paris streets after the performance. After dinner, he will let her spend the night in his abode and will secretly thank the gods if she'll sleep beside him.

That was the plan.

So much for a perfect night.

Now really messing his hair up because of exasperation, Shinichi sighed frustratingly.

Deciding that the planned date won't be granted and the only thing that was left to do was to go home and so, he did so.

He was guilty and he didn't know what to do. It was always inquisitive when things have something to do with her, but he knew that the things he made her feel were something she didn't deserve, but what can he do? He was like this, always like this even before she came in his life, as a matter of fact, he already changed a lot for her sake, but it seems like it wasn't enough.

What do to?

He know what to do, he just don't want to do it.

Right…

He was stoic and he doesn't want anybody to ruin his veneer coolness, even Nodame. Why? Wasn't she worth it?

She was worth it. Always worth it.

Then what's the problem?

That he didn't know.

He already crossed The Forest of Perverts but it seems like he still didn't know what the hell he was doing inside it when the very one who allowed him to be there was himself.

He LOVES Nodame for Pete's sake! That was the answer; he was just too foolish to admit to himself that he was in love with someone like her. The weird and hentai antics didn't have anything to do with his denial. She had been with her for almost four years and those unpleasant antics slowly became not so unpleasant and hard to admit, made her cute in his eyes. So what's the problem again? He can't admit to himself that maybe, he loves Nodame more than how Nodame loves him.

He was never been this in love to a girl, and it was scary. She was scary, careless and always discarded him in the very situations he didn't want to be rejected. She was all worthy all right, but it was too much. He wanted to regain something for himself so he chose to be stoic and unfeeling towards her, he thought she would knew despite the cold veneer, but she was Nodame and she won't get it.

He's the one who was not worth it. But she still chose to be with him even though they both know that she can very much live without him, or could she?

She could, she just doesn't want to.

Why would she study in Paris and pursue her piano playing? Sure it wasn't just because of being the Golden Pair with him, but it still have something to do with being with him. She pursued and worked hard so she can still see the same sky he always looked upon to.

Mattaku…

It was enough, he was already guilty and he didn't know if he should make it up or not.

It's time to go home in his abode, without her…

She was walking his way to her apartment –that was formerly his- with the pamphlet of the recent Roux-Marlet Orchestra performance in her hand. It was like a collection. She collected the tickets and the program pamphlets so that one day, she can let it see to somebody who was interested and tell them that she had been to almost every orchestra performance of the person she loved the most.

She hoped that that interested person will be him.

But it's not the time to think about it. This night was disappointing when she already made plans.

After the performance, she was thinking of requesting him to take her in one of the fancy restaurants in the Paris streets to have dinner. After that, she will push herself to sleep in his home tonight and wish for the millionth time that he will be too much drank that he will let her sleep beside him.

That was what she had in mind.

But it was ruined.

A fight like that was more than usual, but lately after her rejected proposal –that she didn't try again-, she became somewhat over reacting. Was it her fault for feeling more pain?

She should be used to his unfeeling demeanor, but who would be used to when the very person you treat as your life will make you feel that you're the most unimportant person in the world, contrary to what he said, an important friend.

Nodame thought that after she said: "I can't continue loving you, Sempai!" and he made a way to make them back together, things will somehow change between, but her hopes were too high.

It was a pleasant feeling that there were back now because of his efforts. But nothing had changed much except for the fact that she became more sensitive.

She was in the front of her door and when she opened it, she found that it was clean again. Despite that he had performances this night, he still came to her apartment and do the cleanings saying that she will kill herself if she continue to make this place a pile of garbage.

The guy has its ways of expressing his limited feelings and she was happy although he knew that it will always be limited as Shinichi will always be Shinichi.

He was great and awesome. Great talents and looks, not to mention kindness he possessed for her. It was such mind-boggling that with just a Mozart Sonata for two pianos made her fall head over heals for him… twice.

The guy and his music made her realize that she really needed him in her life so much that despite the situation she was in now, she was still more than willing to continue it.

But like she said earlier, it still damn hurts.

She walked directly towards the bed and took off her shoes and settled herself on the crisp sheets of her bed courtesy of him.

It was frustrating. She should be in his apartment now and not there, she should be beside him now and not the plain white pillows.

Damn, it felt so bad.

Making up her thoughts, she got up from the bed and move to her closet. She pulled out a hanged white used polo shirt of Shinichi together with the clean clothes he laundered for her. She smelled it and it smelled very much like Sempai. It was relaxing and at the same time, sad. It should have been the original and not just the cloth.

She moved back to her bed with the polo still in her hands. Spotting the plain white pillow beside her, she had the idea of putting his shirt around it and she did it so.

Going back to her position in the bed, Nodame cuddled the pillow with Shinichi's polo on. It wasn't the original and the original was so much better, but all she can do was to settle for the Shinichi pillow in her arms.

It was really his scent, and it smelled so refreshing yet sweet. It can help her to feel a better. It did, but only a little, just a little.

"Sempai…"

Closing her eyes as she was ready to fall into her slumber, she wished one more time that whatever good dreams with Sempai she'll have, hopefully when she woke up, it already came true.

It was empty and unsoiled when he came back to his apartment. Like he always wanted it to be, empty and clean… but not cold. She wasn't there to make it warm.

He didn't bother to take a shower or eat or change clothes, he just slumped to his bed and felt the coolness of his sheets under the skin of his face.

This should have been warm…

It should have, but it didn't happen.

Alright, alright! It was his fault, and the minutes he spent thinking while lying in his bed made him make a resolve that it was his fault and he was ready to throw away the pride and make it up to her.

Silly. He already made the fight this far when in the first place, if he just made that resolve earlier, then she should had been sleeping in his arms by now.

Why did he only make decision when things were on the edge? He didn't enjoy hurting her, it's just that he always became aware of her worth when she shows alarming situations to him.

Ironic.

But no matter how ironic it is, he will definitely make it up to her.

How?

He didn't know. For now, he will sleep and having only his blankets ease his cold.

"Nodame…"

He murmured before dozing off.

Hope his dreams in the Forest of Perverts with her favorite mongoose girl will make him feel better. Just a little better…

That's for the first chapter! Err… Yeah… The idea of the argument, to tell you honestly, was something I got from someone… I think it was the best way to make an argument so please, I hope she understand it.. Oh.. You know who you are… Hehehe…

So this fic will not be a drama…It will be a romance and humor genre so please look out for it neh?

Please do review… My English was bad because it was not my first language but I assure you that I tried my best to write it as decent as possible...

Please review but no flames… Acceptable criticisms will do…

I promise that it willl be updated soon! Mukya! ^^

Thank you guys! ^^