Exactly how NOT to write a good Percy Jackson fanfiction.
By the "wonderful, wonderful" Clara Elizabeth Fonteyn.
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Sick of flames? Having issues with no readers? Although your story is absolutely perfect (in your own eyes, at least) I'm quite sure that there's at least a few things you can do to improve it.
So read on and watch your eyes open in wonder (is that possible?) as you realize:
Your story probably S*U*C*K*S!!!
"Wait," you ask. "But you just said that my story was perfect!"
Ah, young one. That's where you have been misled. I said "In your own eyes." That means:
Your story probably S*U*C*K*S!!!
…to everyone except you, at least.
Face this fact of life. The faster you do, the better. So start now.
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Alright, moving on. If you're still alive after realizing the fact that:
Your story probably S*U*C*K*S!!!
The get prepared to hear much, much worse.
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We'll start with the FIRST thing people notice: the summary and title of your story. Along with your story, your summary probably sucks as well. Sad, but true.
First of all, let's have a mini-lesson in biology. Pretend there's a lovely flower--or video game, or book, or whatever you would prefer-- in front of you. What draws you in? What makes you think it's lovely?
The colors, of course. You like the way it looks. You like the way it sounds. Whatever the case may be, you are attracted by the outward appearance, aren't you? Of course you are. Everyone is.
If you want me (or anyone, for that matter) to read your story, then you have to make it appealing. FOR THE GODS SAKE, DO NOT--DO NOT WRITE CRAP IN YOUR SUMMARY FIELD!!!
A few things to remember:
1. DO NOT write, ever, "I suck at summaries." or "Horrible summary."
Now you'll ask "Why? It is true, after all."
The answer to that is, "WHY DO I WANT TO WASTE MY TIME OPENING A FIC I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT OR WANT TO READ?"
Ahem. How calm.
I know it sounds harsh, but it is true. And I'm putting it nicely, compared to a lot of other people on here. I don't have time to write anymore, but I do have about half an hour of free time in which I like to read fanfiction stories. If I'm not interested in the story, then I won't read it. That's obvious, right? Good. You get my point then. Don't write "I suck at summaries." or "Bad summary" or "Summary inside". Why? Because I don't feel an urge to open a story that I don't know anything about/am not interested in.
And believe me, neither than the rest of the world. So just don't do it!
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2. Don't write rubbish such as 'asgas' in the false hopes that someone will open your story out of curiosity. It is more likely that they will open your story to flame you.
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3. Don't write stuff like 'Dis is, lyk, my 1st story so lyk no flms." Why? First of all, I HATE text speak. I hate the way it kills the English language. I can tolerate it when people are using it IN text messages or IM's (instant, not iris) but if I see a fanfic using that kind of language, I'll report it.
"But," you interrupt (rather rudely). "But we're talking about the summary, not the story."
First of all, smack yourself for interrupting. Yes. Bad person! Now, listen.
If the summary is like that, then why wouldn't the story?
That's the kind of reasoning people use. That's why it's very important to use proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation. And don't give me the bullsh*t about "But grammar's only for school."
Go ahead. Try that sh*t on the rest of the world. See what they think.
And yes, I did actually get mad enough to swear. It's very rare for that to happen.
(By the way, you should use proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation in a request to someone to read your story for the same reason.)
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4. Don't EVER, EVER, EVER write either of the following in your summary: "Don't flame" or "My first fanfic" (or heck "No flames because this is my first fanfic". )
I don't give a crap if this is your first fan fiction or your billionth. I'll judge you EXACTLY the same way. Even if this is your first fanfic, hopefully it isn't your first time writing something in your life.
And if you're 13+ and it is the first time you've ever written anything, classwork included, then you deserve to be flamed.
Don' t flame is basically an incentive to flame, simple as that. Reverse psychology.
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Now for the title.
Don't write something like "Can't think of a title" or "Suggestions welcome" or "No title".
Why?
Would you read a book that was titled, "Can't think of a title"? Of course not! It's dumb. Believe me, any stupid, cliché, overdone title is better than "No title" or the like.
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Ah, my dear friends (or perhaps enemies) this is the end.
Well, of this chapter. :D
So…see you next time on "How not to write a Percy Jackson Fanfiction"…
And don't forget that:
Your story probably S*U*C*K*S!!!
The "wonderful, wonderful" Clara Fonteyn is leaving, ladies and gentlemen! Save your rotten tomatoes and stones until the reviews!