iCrossover.

Writer: Invader Johnny.

Plot: AU It's a typical day in the "restricted" cafeteria of the Nick studios, why? Because a certain blonde delinquent and insane robot are having a little talk involving their favorite animal… in a different way, insanity assured.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, he belongs to Jhonen Vasquez and iCarly belongs to Dan Schneider, if I did own them then I wouldn't be doing a fic involving these two shows in a crummy crossover now would I?

Author's Notes: This storyline is set in an alternative universe or "AU" where "IZ" never got cancelled and the iCarly gang does the web show for "real" under a contract with nick, similar to the episode iCarly Saves TV.

I also need to point out that, this fic takes place in a universe where real people and cartoons coexist kinda like in the universe of "Who framed Roger Rabbits?".

Just so you all know, this ideas was just a crack thing it actually came to me one day after watching an old cartoon network bumper on YouTube of sheep from "Sheep in the Big City" trying to find a seat in the cartoon network cafeteria.

Also, since both Sam and Gir love pigs in their own strange way why not have fun writing a conversation involving these two obviously insane characters?

This is my first crossover so if I did a mistake in any of the two shows tell me about it ok?

Zim quickly gets out of a room full of screaming people.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" The Irken snarled irritated "I'm leaving already; don't need to pester Zim for being in the wrong room!"

He gets smacked by his own big and a girl sneers "This is the girl's bathroom genius, learn to read!"

The door slams closed.

"Stupid humans and their stupid gender like rules!" He thought in frustration.

He neatly puts his wig on his head and began to walk in the direction of the cafeteria only to be face to face with a certain brunette teen.

She giggles and waves.

Zim narrowed his eyes "Not a word Shay human" He snarled "Zim is not in the mood for your nonsense."

Carly did not say anything for a while but rather smiled knowingly almost as if that said "I wouldn't dream of it"

He began to march away from the girl only to hear footsteps coming from behind.

"DON'T FOLLOW ME!"

"I'm not following you; this is just the fastest way to the private cafeteria" Carly pointed out.

"Your still following me."

The brunette decided to change the subject quickly before she did something she would later regret, even thought Carly was not a violent girl, she sometimes had her moments of frustration and with Zim that moment almost came, keyword being almost.

Apparently having a bizarre older brother and a delinquent for a best friend kind of made being around an insane fictional alien normal

She snorted in amusement at that thought.

"Ok so would you care to explain to me how is it that the almighty Zim keeps getting in the girl's bathroom?" Carly asked while pointing at the purple door.

Zim shrugged "Well it looks exactly like the door of my house so it's easy to confuse it"

Carly gaped "You're kidding right?"

"Believe what you want human girl, but even the amazing Zim can make mistakes… not many because I'm flawless but I blame this building for its many hallways and confusing signs and… and stuff!"

The teenager raised an eyebrow "You do know you just contradicted yourself more than once right Zim?"

"YOU LIE!"

Carly sighs "Sometimes I wonder why we're friends"

"We are?"

"We'll why else would you hang out with me, Spencer and Freddie at lunch?"

"I dunno… because I'm forced to?"

She shakes her head "Ok, fine you got a point but let's just go already, knowing Sam she already stole from the bending machines and is on her way to the lunch table and you know what happened the last time she and Gir were left alone"

Zim shudders, "The horror… all that pork… it was everywhere!"

"Ok, so you do remember, good now come on let's go! Don't wanna be late today its spaghetti day!"

Carly walks faster to her desired destination, leaving behind a very annoyed alien "Humans and their stinking poisonous food!"

Gaz was playing with her game slave 2 her brother not so far behind, he had two plastic trays in each hand.

She kicks open a door that was labeled "Detention Cafeteria for troublemakers"

"Why the Nick studios even has a detention cafeteria is beyond me" Dib commented perplexed "I mean it's just stupid."

"Shut up and get me food, I don't pay you too talk" Gaz said not getting her eyes off the gaming system.

"But you don't pay me!"

"I pay you by not beating you up now get to it or else!"

He sighs "Fine… what you want?"

"Pizza… you should know that by now"

The raven haired boy leaves to get the food while Gaz seats in one of the two tables available.

She sat down next to Spencer Shay who was poking his food, "whatever this thing is, it was certainly not spaghetti"

"Stupid blood pigs!" Gaz growled "Not going to lose on this level again!"

Spencer gives the girl besides him a strange look "You might wanna chill, I mean it's just a game not like it matters in real life or anything!"

Freddie snorts while he sat down on the seat farthest from the scary pre-teen "Says the man who played pack rat for more than thirty six hours."

"That was different!" The man whined.

"How?"

Gaz interjected here by opening one of her eyes menacingly "I'm only three levels away from making it to the final boss so if you two want to keep all your limps you are gonna keep your mouth shuts or else I'm gonna make you wish you were never born"

Freddie was not amazed "You know I have a friend who's a she-beast so your threats don't scare me"

Spencer on the other hand was terrified "You can't be serious!"

Gaz glared at the man "Try me"

"You would only beat him up because you know he's a better gamer than you" Freddie said while grinning "And I bet that haunts you"

Gaz's death glare was now on the technical producer "What did you say?"

"Um Freddo, please don't help out"

"I said Spencer is better at video games than you"

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is dork?" She sneered.

"Hey I'm right here, is anyone listening to me?" The man bellowed trying to get the attention of the children.

"What?" Freddie asked stunned "Are… are you making a bet with me?"

Clearly the Benson boy didn't not expect that to happen, if history ever taught us anything is that Freddie always lost when he made a bet with a psychotic girl and it was obvious he only wanted to annoy the Goth girl not get into any kind of bet.

Gaz applauds sarcastically "So there is a brain in that head of yours… I'm surprised really"

He glared at the pre-teen and said viciously "I'm pretty sure that Spencer could and would finish that stupid game of yours without breaking a sweat!"

"As if"

"Hellooo is anyone listening to me?" The adult whined pathetically "I'm right here! What I'm I suddenly invisible?"

"Um, actually that would be pretty cool" The man thought afterwards.

Gaz scoffed "I been playing this thing for the past seventy two hours straight so I doubt this man-child could do any better"

"MAN CHILD?" Spencer yelled frantically, obviously insulted "I'm no man-child!"

"Ok then" Gaz growled "You're mentally challenged".

"Ohhh" Freddie said "You went too far Gaz, too far".

"Gimme the game!" Spencer commanded sharply "I'm gonna kick your butt!"

Gaz smirked evilly "Wait your turn, after I'm done I'll reset the game and we'll see how long it takes you to finish it"

"Ok… hey wait a minute!" Freddie yelled, something coming to mind "How do we even know your not lying about the amount of time you been playing that game slave thing?"

The purple headed girl raised her head, paused her game and gave both males a glare that would make an elephant run for his life "There is a few things I don't kid about and video games IS one of them so if I tell you that I been killing vampire pigs for the past three days then you better believe it or else… do I make myself clear?"

Spencer and Freddie glanced at each other fearfully, it was a sure thing that angering the pale child was way more dangerous than getting in between Sam and a piece of bacon and THAT was probably saying something.

Lucky for them, Gaz's attention was re-directed when the door opened and she saw two of her least favorite people in the world coming in.

Zim and Carly.

The alien sat right in front of the scary girl while the brunette walked right passed Gaz and sat next her to her elder brother.

"Hey what's up?" Carly chirped.

"Um, I'm not really sure" The older Shay said slowly "I think… I think I'm in a hostage situation."

Carly's eyes widened drastically "Say what?"

Gaz rolled her eyes "Drama queen".

"I heard that"

"Good, you were suppose to, now shut up I'm in the zone"

"What's this I hear of a hostage situation?" Carly screeched.

"Your idiot friends did something foolish"

"How foolish?" Zim asks while he takes out a brown bag with the Irken symbol on it.

"Oh they simply made a bet with me about who could finish my vampire piggy hunter video game me or preppy girl's stupid brother"

"Stop calling me stupid!" Spencer yelled "Names hurt you know?"

Zim chocked on his sandwich and began to crackle insanely "Oh that… that is… oh you two are doomed.. so doomed… this is priceless.. wuahahahahahaha!"

Carly poked the extraterrestrial roughly "This is not funny!"

"It's kinda funny" Dib said, coming out of nowhere, holding both his and Gaz's lunch, he sat down next to his enemy and gave his sister her pizza.

"How much did you hear?" Freddie asked.

The young paranormal investigator shrugged "Enough to know that Zim is right, you guys are screwed"

"HEY!" both Freddie and Spencer bellowed.

Zim grinned darkly "Just outta curiosity, what does the winner get?"

Carly glared at him "Your not helping"

"I'm not here to help I'm here to laugh at the expense of others.. Here I go ha ha ha ha ha!"

Gaz opened an eye "The moron does have a point" She rubs her chin and grinned cruelly "What if the winner in other words me gets free pizza for a year"

"Oh you are so full of yourself" Carly mutters sardonically.

"Whatever" The younger girl sneers.

"Ok for the sake of argument let's say Spencer wins, then what do we get?" Freddie questioned "I mean just because you are good with this game, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll could beat him"

"YEAH!"

"How about if the Gaz-beast is nice to all of us for an entire year?" The Irken suggested sadistically.

"Stay out of this Zim" Gaz snarled "This doesn't concern you"

"No, no actually that's an interesting suggestion" Carly said while smiling "I would just love to see that happening"

"Well you might as well forget it princess because it won't happen… ever"

"What's the matter, are you scared?" Freddie taunted.

"I'm only gonna say this once dork" She seethed "I… don't… get… scared!"

"Then prove it!" Zim teased "Take the damn bet"

She growls "FINE! But hear me well when I win, all of you will pay!"

"You'll have to wait a year for that" Spencer commented.

Before the pre-teen psychopath could say anything else the door opens again, this time the reason why both members of different shows had to have a lunch room for themselves.

Gir and Sam.

"I will destroy them" Gaz swore under her breath.

Sam was holding a bunch of fat cakes in her arms while Gir hugged a rubber pig the way a mother would hug her baby, taking the top of his doggy disguise off he puts the rubber animal in his mouth and began to suck it like a pacifier.

"You think that by now I'd be used to weird stuff like these going around my life" Carly said.

Both the blonde and the robot made their way to a table that said "Reserved for pig lovers"

They sat down in front of each other, Gaz munching on her snack while Gir got a sombrero and a mustache and put them on, then began to eat tacos that appeared out of nowhere "yummy taco clowns!"

"Ok, what on irk is going on?" Zim asked confused am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?"

Dib rubs the back of his head "I dunno, they aren't ya know… destroying stuff?"

"Oh thank god, I am not gonna have another chat with the nick executives about keeping Sam in line!" Carly said happily "maybe I can go home early today!"

"Not if I can help it" Gaz thought in vindication, she got a wrap piece of bacon out of her pocket.

"Uh what do you have in there?" Spencer asked with caution.

She threw the piece of bacon at the next table, getting in between the two craziest pig lovers on the studio.

Sam eyes the piece of meat like she suddenly won the jackpot while Gir eyes the bacon with dislike.

"Oh crap… Gaz what the hell did you do?" Dib asked exasperatedly "Do you want to get us all in trouble?"

The pale girl didn't respond and just kept one eye in her game and another at the table in front of her.

Zim got a camera out of his PAK.

"What are you doing?" Carly asked annoyed.

"Tapping this"

"Why?" Freddie questioned.

"So I can put it on YouTube"

"Again... why?"

"Because I want to, why? Does it bother you?"

"Yes it bother me!," The teen snapped "I wanted to tape this for iCarly!"

The brunette looked at her friend and yelled in disapproval "Freddie!"

"Oh calm down and enjoy the show princess" Gaz quipped.

"My best friend is about to make a scene and you just want me to enjoy it?" Carly asks incredulously.

"Um yeah!" Everyone else said.

While the other less delusional characters were talking both Sam and Gir continued to stare at the bacon, daring the other to touch it.

"You take it away from me and I'll break you in half" Sam scowled.

"You eat it and you'll make my piggy friend cry!"

"Pigs can't cry"

"Yu-huh!"

"You didn't even know bacon was made of pigs until I told you! You thought bacon was made out of waffles! WAFFLES!"

"Eating pork is wrong, piggies can't have owies!"

"Pigs can't even think!"

"Yu-huh!"

Sam went for it and grabbed the delicious piece of meat, until Pig jumped on her and grabbed the bacon from her prying hands "I'LL PROTECT YOU PIGS NO ONE WILL EAT YOU FOR I AM GIR PROTECTOR OF PORK!"

The insane little robot started to make "whoo" sounds while he flied like superman.

"Get down here and gimme that or else I'll hurt your little friend here!"

The blond grabbed the tinny rubber animal and puts a spork where its neck should be.

The robot gasped in horror "You are no pig lover, your mean, don't hurt my friend!"

"Then give me the bacon and I'll slowly let him down"

The android hugs the bacon "No, you'll eat it!"

"Well duh"

"I don't wanna"

Sam grabs the head of the rubber pig and yanks it off it's body.

Gir gasped dramatically.

"I warned you… now gimme the… what the hell are you doing?"

Gir hovers above the fat cakes.

"Oh don't even think of touching those!"

He puts them all in his sombrero and flew out of reach so the crazy blonde wouldn't catch him and slowly began to eat each small meat like product slowly so as to torture the screaming girl bellow.

"I SWEAR THAT ONCE I GET TO YOU I'LL CHOP YOU INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES AND SELL YOU FOR SCRAP METAL IN MEXICO!"

"Say sorry for hurting piggy and I'll give you the last one!"

"Sam Puckett never says sorry!"

Gir shrugged and ate the last fat cake "Yummy!"

"Arrrgggg, I'll kill you!"

She began to jump on the lunch table in hopes of reaching the demented robot

Zim, Spencer and Freddie were laughing their asses off while Carly and Dib just looked exasperated.

"Can´t we ever catch a break?" The brunette muttered.

"Nope" Dib responded.

"I love it when something goes right" Gaz thought evilly.

Gir continued to taunt the blond until he finally got out of fuel and dropped right into the arms of the Puckett girl, she glared at him and was about to strangle him until a noise catches her by surprised.

The table broke.

Immediately Carly ran over to her best friend and yelled over and over again "Sam! Sam are you ok, answer me!"

"Carly?"

"Yeah it's me"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything Sam"

"Did I get the bacon?"

"Ugh SAM!"

"Hey!" Zim said suspiciously "Where is the bacon?"

Indeed the piece of meat that caused this mess was nowhere to be seen, Gir then came out of the remains of the table and gleefully hollowed.

"BACON IS SAFE, IT'S IN MY TUMMY!"

Zim frustratedly smacks his head.

"YOU LITTLE HYPOCRITE!" Sam bellowed "NO ONE CHEATS ON MOMMA!"

She jumps onto the blue eyes SIR Unit and starts to choke him, the scene happening would be a lot more threatening if Gir wasn't giggling.

"YAY IT TICKLES!"

"Your not suppose to like it!"

"SAM!" Carly screamed "Let him go, he doesn't know what he did wrong!"

"THE HELL HE DIDN'T!" The blond snarled "He acts all cute and innocent when the cameras are on, behind them he's a little sneaky.. two timing machine!"

Zim who was still holding the camera said sneakily "Did you know he eats tacos that are made of pig?"

"I'LL HURT YOU!"

"DON'T ENCOURAGE HER" The brunette yelled.

"Uh Zim, why are you making her madder?" The tech producer questioned in confusion. "And more importantly are you trying to get your robot killed?"

"Uhhh"

Clearly the alien had not thought of that.

Gaz snorted "moron."

No one knew that Gir didn't eat the bacon he just opened his chest to protect it.

The Tallest come right in and Gir smacks on the wall, then Sam jumps on him and starts to beat him up only to get hurt in the process.

"Ah god, forgot you're made of metal"

"Heheheheh hug me again!"

Red and Purple glanced at each other exasperatedly.

"This is why I hate eating here" Red growled frustrated.

"SAM-Human!" Zim bellowed "Don't you dare rip his head off!"

"Stay out of this shorty!"

"No one calms Zim Shorty!"

The Irken jumps using his spider legs to gain the edge with the full intention of hurting the blonde but it didn't do him any good since Sam simply punched him on the stomach before he could lay one hand on her.

The alien was now on the floor moaning in unberable pain.

"Ah! My Squeedly Spooch!"

"Pff whiner."

Just another day in the detention cafeteria of the nick studios.

Well I hope you liked this insane little crossover idea, took me about a week coming up with a way the fic should go and about two days or so to write it down, can't rush such an idea after all, am I right?

Also Gaz won the bet and Freddie and Spencer will buy her pizza for a year.

As for the others, they did pay, how? Some things are better left unsaid.

And to make things clear the reason why the "IZ" and "iC" Cast have to eat in the same room away from everyone is because the chaos Sam and Gir cause when bacon is involved.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.