Disclaimer: I do not own poto.

The first shade of black

I was fourteen when I first met him; to be precise I was thirteen and only two months away from my fourteenth birthday. I was your average teenager full of wide eyed wonder with ambitions that were as high as the moon. Nothing was out of reach, for my life was just beginning. Little did I know that my life had already been decided, had already been carefully planned for his intentions. He claims I was born for him only, that the stars had foretold of our love and connection of our soul's years before man was created. That love like ours is one of the reasons why God decided to create humanity.

Hmm interesting how one can manipulate Gods own design of the heavens and make it all about them. Sounds more like what Lucifer had done, or maybe the man who calls himself my husband. Can't really make a big distinction between the two, not that I have known Lucifer in the flesh but I think Erik (that is who he claims to be) is as close as it gets to the prince of darkness.

He has more money then I can comprehend. That is how he was able to get away with all that he has done to me. To steal away a sixteen year old girl is not something that will go unnoticed. But with enough money and influence I guess you can even make the most important person on the planet just disappear. He has everything one could want. And yet he had to have me. Why I don't know, I constantly think about that; day in and day out. It has become a sort of puzzle that I must put together or else it will drive me to insanity. But maybe I shouldn't figure it out, for what if I do and my only reason to stay sane disappears. Maybe my drive to figure why he chose me is the only reason I haven't lost my mind.

Questions after questions are constantly being thrown around in my head with no answers for them. They beg and cry, they yell out in pain for just a simple answer but all is given is silence. He won't answer any questions for he says that, it just is and that fate can never truly be explained for it requires knowledge that even he doesn't have, for only the one who sowed together the delicate fabrics of destiny can truly comprehend it all. That one answer, if one can call it an answer, is all I get. And it is the only time that he will admit to not knowing something.

He is smart. I will give him that much. I have learned an immense amount of knowledge that I know I wouldn't have acquired had my path not crossed his. I don't know if that should be a good thing or bad. The price for it seems a bit too high but sometimes worth it I guess.

He sings to me everyday, of passion, devotion and undying love. His voice is quite extraordinary. It's actually become the highlight of my life now. For those few minutes that he sings I can close my eyes, hear his heavenly ethereal voice and imagine myself in heaven. Far, far away from the madness that has become my life. But that little bit of peace was taken away from me as well. He must have noticed that whenever he began to sing and play the piano that I would close my eyes and try to ignore his presence. He now commands that my eyes be open and if I am to dream, I am to dream of him only. Insane isn't it? Well now I just sit and stare at him as he plays. I try to pretend that he is a normal man wooing his beloved with a melody that is only a beginning promise of the wonderful things yet to come.

In a way he has and is fulfilling those promises I guess, for I lack absolutely nothing. He does everything I have ever dreamed of. He has fulfilled my fantasies in ways I thought not possible. He is intuitive to my every need. Listens to my thoughts and considers them with weight. He is a gentleman through and through. He reads, sings, plays and writes music so unearthly that sometimes I don't know if a man could ever have this much grace and knowledge. All of these qualities that I mentioned are ones that every girl or should I say women would want in a man. Then why do you say am I complaining……I don't seem to recall anymore. So much time has gone by that the past struggles have become diluted, almost non-existent……almost.

He has also thought me to sing. It actually makes me laugh to think of it. I never thought I could really sing. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect a voice so smooth and hypnotizing would come out of my mouth. I don't think I can discredit him there, for only someone with a unique gift to teach could have molded my voice to what it is now. Many hours in front of the piano as he directs your every move is pretty nerve-wrecking. There were times I wanted to just close the lid of the piano on his fingers just so I could cause a disruption in his perfect "stay within the lines of my technique" moto. Well I didn't want to stay in the lines! I wanted to go in and out of those stupid lines. As if the life he led was a normal "in the line" type of life. He was so out of the lines that you couldn't even see the line that divided the road.

I told him once too. That he was crazy and completely out of his mind, I yelled and hit him continually as I blamed him for every thing that had happened. I had expected a slap or him raising his voice but he did none of that, to my utter surprise he just listened and took every hit that I threw at him. He only grabbed my wrist when I was about to hit his mask. That is when he carried my sobbing self to our room and settled me on bed, kissed my forehead and shut the door as he left. That is the only time he has allowed me to "vent" out my emotions. His reason being that I was too young at the time to take in all that had happened and that it would be unhealthy for me to continue to hold frustration inside. Apparently I am not frustrated anymore, according to him.

I have been with him for two and a half years in this massive cold mansion he calls our home. With 15 servants I am never allowed to even lift a finger. My duties as he says are to be a respectable and obedient wife and by my nineteenth birthday maybe a soon to be mother. Since the day he made me sign those marriage papers I had dreaded signing those papers because of what he would expect from me especially since I was 16 at the time. But he made a promise that he would not so even as touch me inappropriately until my nineteenth birthday and the fact that if I wanted my family to survive a certain bad tragedy I should comply with his wishes.

That was how he always got me to stay with him and not even think about committing suicide. Knowing that even if I were to kill myself and leave him forever he would without a doubt kill all the members of my family. He had made it very clear and the crazy glint in his eyes was all I needed to see to believe him. He would kill without a second thought especially if it meant in keeping me.

Well I guess I should start with my story for if anyone ever comes across these papers they will know who I was once and what I become and how it all happened.

My name is Christine Petorsian or I should say my name now is Christine Levine. I am married and live in a mansion only best described in fairy tales. I have servants tending to my every need and a husband who is constantly keeping me occupied with his attentions.

"There you are Christine, I was beginning to think you had retired for the evening so soon. Come let us go to supper"

Forgive me diary for it seems my husband requires my attentions at the moment, I will continue at a later date to catch you up on my life. Till then, goodbye.