A/N – We are at the Meadow in New Moon, Bella hasn't seen Jacob since the night with Mike at the Movies.

Disclaimer – Everything twilight belongs to Meyer.

[Bella POV]

The meadow doesn't look like it should, doesn't feel like it should.

It is cold. Where is the sun, the flowers, where is …he…?

I slumped to the ground in despair, the pain gripping at my chest, halting my breaths so they came out sounding strangled.

I can't keep going, I can't think, I just don't want to be without him anymore.

Leaning forward I braced my hands on the ground, choking, gasping, the wind tangling my hair messily around my face, tears streamed from my eyes and I was too tired of it all to even wipe them away.

It was all starting to slip away, everything that mattered, everything that I cared about. It didn't matter what I did - I couldn't keep him…them…anyone. My stomach began to churn and my head began to spin, that sickening feeling threatening to overwhelm me. I leant forward and squeezed my eyes shut, desperate to stop my head from spinning.

"Bella"

I froze, I think every single part of me stopped, even my heartbeat, my breathing, everything. Please don't let it stop, please, anything God anyone, don't let it stop.

"Bella…open your eyes"

This was it, the moment, the drug I craved. I can't move, can't break it. Please...

"Bella…run…Bella…please"

"Isabella"

What…no…who?

My eyes snapped open and I lifted my head, blinking from the tears and hair tangled in my eyelashes. I saw him then, standing not four feet from me. His eyes pierced through me and I inhaled sharply as I saw the brilliant red.

As I pushed myself up, he advanced forward, feline, graceful, lethal.

I scrambled back and he dropped to match me, crawling forward until he was between my legs, his hands now on the ground either side of my body.

I knew I was going to die now, the same way I had known when James was pressed against me in the ballet studio. They were the same that was probably what drew them together. It wasn't just my blood he wanted – it was my fear.

I felt the seconds tick by. I should be dead by now if it was just about killing me.

I looked him straight in the eyes and calmed my breathing.

I flinched as he moved his hand to my face, then the sickness flooded my mouth as he stroked my hair back from my eyes.

His hand ran down my face and neck trailing his fingers over my pulse, it was the way…he… used to touch me, this wasn't right. My sense of dignity took over. Killing me was to be expected but this I wasn't tolerating.

He moved forward pressing himself against me, oh God – he was aroused. This was disgusting.

I sucked in a large breath and shouted out "Get off me you pervert!" pushing uselessly at his shoulders with my hands.

He cocked his head to one side, looking at me quizzically. His mouth opened to speak, then his head snapped back and he jumped up as if he had received an electric shock. He began stepping quickly backwards staring at the trees behind us.

All sense of self-preservation went out the window as I turned my back on the blood thirsty vampire who seemed to be planning to rape and kill me to look at what had apparently frightened him.

I squinted, struggling to make anything out of the darkness between the trees. A sound behind me made me turn and I saw him now several paces away from me. As I watched, his eyes widened and he spun starting to run at his inhuman speed. Snapping my head back I went to squint, then realised I could make out the shapes of several animals coming out of the trees. They were huge and for a moment my mind struggled to work out what they were.

Two crouched and then sprung forward, running furiously at a pace that was as inhuman as the vampire, tearing off after him. The other two came forward to where I was still sprawled on the ground.

I was breathing so fast my chest was beginning to hurt. One stood back looking in the direction the others had run. The other animal came very close and I froze for the second time today. Its coat was long and I felt the hairs brush my arm as it got closer. I could hear the panting sound of its breathing and I held still as I felt it sniffing me.

I was trying to remember what Charlie had said about holding still - oh but hold on - wasn't that for bears? Does it also work for over-sized wolves?

It sniffed by my neck, nudging my hair out of the way then turned its head towards the other and let out a whine. The other wolf then crouched and sprung in the same way, running after the others.

I glanced down looking at the brown hair or was it fur? and watched as it carefully moved its paws back from me. The huge animal moved itself as if to leave and in that split second I looked up.

My eyes locked straight into the deep brown of the wolf's left eye and suddenly, everything and nothing in the universe made sense. I felt my arms trembling as they began to move of their own accord, pushing me up towards it. Oh god I was moving, don't move - bears, but no I have to touch it, to feel it, to…love it? I placed my trembling hand on the fur, its eye didn't move from mine.

There was a howl in the distance and then in a blur the wolf was gone, charging in the same direction as the others. I watched as it tore away powerful and strong.

I pulled myself up, glancing around.

What the hell was I doing here?

What kind of craziness did I call my life?

Hold on, why am I not crying?

I began moving myself off towards the path, trying to work out if somewhere on my adventure I had lost my sanity as well as my bearings?