Lengthy apologetic Author's note...

One of my major regrets in my writing is the ending to this story.

I wrote it during a difficult personal time, and really took my own pain out on Emily and JJ. It was an impulsive and stupid thing to do, and I have regretted it ever since, for more than one reason.

It turns out killing one of the major characters in the middle of everything, without resolving any of the (absurd) plot lines in the story was incredibly unsatisfying. It has always haunted me. Still, it feels wrong, and like cheating, to go over and replace the original chapter just because I regret it or people don't like it.

History can't be rewritten, life just isn't like that. Still, this story has been hanging over me, and I have received many comments and emails asking me to take the ending back and keep going. I won't erase the original ending completely, much as I would like to, I feel I need to leave it there as a reminder to me to be careful with my words. And it also feels like cheating to just be able to erase one of the biggest mistakes i've ever made. It should stay there. But I have continued the story here... For the many people who have asked and encouraged me- so this is a re- written chapter 9 – continuing from the ending of chapter 8.

If you don't want to read it, then please don't.

I'm the first to acknowledge that the ending to this fic was horrible. Not even so much for killing Em, but for the way it all just ended with no resolution to anything. I appreciate the support of all the people who told me so in a honest and respectful way. However the people who wrote me abusive emails and death threats were not appreciated in the least. It is, after all, just a story. And sad to say those few messages kept me away from this fandom for a long time. Even now it is with the greatest hesitation and sense of foreboding that I revisit this fic. I don't expect everyone to like everything, and I've always been more than happy to receive constructive feedback, and hear the things people don't like about the story as well as what they do. I am just hopeful that there won't be any more abusive or threatening messages.

So, for anyone who is willing to erase the last chapter from your mind and continue on with the story, Here is Chapter 9 – revisited.

Xoxox

CC

Chapter 9

Garcia finds her at the office, throwing files around the desk aimlessly.

"JJ?" She calls hesitantly from the doorway.

"Not now." JJ answers coldly, refusing to look up.

"Talk to me. Please JJ." Garcia pleads, cautiously stepping into the office.

JJ stops her furious reorganisation of the files on her desk, and sits with her head in her hands. "I suppose I shouldn't be angry, I shouldn't even be surprised." JJ utters in defeat, tears welling in her eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Garcia asks, perplexed. She places her hand on her friends shoulder.

"Emily and...him." JJ can't even say his name, it makes her sick to her stomach.

"You don't really believe Emily and Will ….?" Garcia finds that she can't quite finish the sentence either.

"He admitted it to me, Garcia. Looked me straight in the eye and admitted it to me. God knows how long this has been going on for. How could I be so blind? And the worst thing is, I deserve this."

Garcia doesn't quite know what to say to that. "What did Emily say?" She asks instead.

JJ only shrugs.

"You don't think you owe it to her to hear her side of this? Maybe it's a misunderstanding?" Garcia suggests.

"A misunderstanding?" JJ scoffs bitterly. "There isn't much to misunderstand. My finance and my..." She can't find the word that fits what Emily means to her. Meant to her.

"JJ..." Garcia interrupts her. "How well do you really know Will?"

"Not well enough obviously, I never thought he was capable of cheating on me."

"It's just.." Garcia hesitates a moment as the thought forms in her mind.

"Spit it out, Garcia."

"His fingerprint was there, at Emily's place that night."

"I am well aware of that, thank you."

"I'm not a profiler, and this might sound crazy. But has it occurred to anyone that Will might have been the one to attack Emily that night?" Garcia finally voices the suggestion that has eluded the entire team since the beginning.

JJ feels like someone has punched her in the face. The suggestion horrifies and sickens her. To think of Will, the man she went home to every night, the father of her unborn baby, capable of such a heinous act of violence against Emily.

And then, JJ takes a breath. And after a minute it sinks in. And somehow it feels better. Somehow it is easier to believe that her fiance (ex-fiance) is a crazy violent psychopath, than to believe Emily would betray her. Suddenly it seems to preposterous to imagine Emily and Will together. There is some other explanation for the way Emily was dressed, the two wine glasses. It doesn't matter what. The point is- Emily would never betray her with Will. And JJ turns over the possibility in her mind that Will was the one who attacked Emily. She thinks over the cold madness in his eyes earlier that day. It's all too plausible. It makes her sick. But not nearly as sick as picturing Will and Emily together.

JJ grasps hold of this new suggestion of Garcia's, claiming it as the truth. "I have to talk to Emily." And she is out the door before Garcia even knows what's happening.

…...

Every step is excruciatingly painful, and before she has even reached the car park, Emily is beginning to wish she hadn't been so foolish to leave the hospital. She doesn't even know where she is going. She can't bring herself to go home, to the place she was attacked. The place where she and Will supposedly...she can't even finish that thought. It makes her sick. She hasn't a car even if she had somewhere to go. And so she walks aimlessly.

Everything in her is screaming out that she could never, ever have been with Will La Montagne. But everyone is so convinced. Her team, her family, the top profilers in the world. They can't all be wrong. Even JJ believes it. And it matters very little in the end if she is innocent or not. What matters is that no one believes in her. And she has no where to go.

…...

Garcia is out of breath by the time she reaches her car, just in time to watch JJ speed away. Her hands are slightly shaking as she reaches for her phone. The full reality of the words hadn't sunk in until she replayed them in her head. She hadn't even realised she was thinking it until the words came out- Maybe Will was the one who attacked Emily? She can tell from JJ's reaction that it's more than possible Will is capable of such a thing. It makes so much more sense than the other absurd scenarios. It leaves a couple of unanswered questions though- Who had Emily been entertaining that night if not Will? And the more disturbing mystery than that- What on earth had JJ been doing with a man like Will La Montagne in the first place?

Garcia knows she has to call Hotch, to warn him, because Emily and JJ both might be in danger.

"What is it Garcia?" He answers. He is not particularly friendly, that's not unusual, but this time there is anger in his voice. However, she has no time to dwell on their earlier conversation.

"Sir, I was just talking to JJ, And I know it's not really my place..."

"Get to the point." He orders.

"JJ and I, we were just wondering, what if Will attacked Emily?"

She can almost hear the thud over the phone as the penny finally drops in his mind.

…...

When the team arrive at the hospital, they are informed by a nurse that Emily is gone.

"Gone?" Echoes Reid quietly, instantly assuming 'gone to a better place.'

"She left. Against medical advice. Discharged herself. About an hour ago." The nurse explains.

"She is injured, you just let her walk out of here?" Rossi demands.

The nurse only shrugs.

"We are too late, Will has her." Reid utters bitterly.

"Maybe not." Morgan interjects. "I think it's possible she just left. She tried to leave the other day when Garcia and I were talking to her. Has anyone tried calling her phone? Calling JJ?"

"Emily's phone is switched off, and JJ isn't answering." Reid informs them.

"Get Garcia to track down JJ's cell phone location." Hotch orders.

…...

It's quite by accident that JJ catches sight of Emily in the hospital car park as she had been on her way up to the hospital ward to visit Emily.

"Emily." JJ calls out, and the name rolls off her tongue so perfectly. How she has missed that name. For a moment, as she catches sight of Emily from behind, she forgets all that has transpired in the past days. She calls out, and half expects Emily to turn to her and smile, to run to her and embrace her.

But Emily turns at the sound of her own name, out of surprise more than anything. And the darkness in Emily's eyes brings JJ sharply back to reality. It pierces her like a thousand knives. It makes her stop in her tracks, for just a moment. But it doesn't make her turn and walk away.

"Emily." She says again, cautiously, softly. She is lost for where to begin. JJ takes a hesitant step towards Emily, and Emily quickly backs away.

"Emily please, we have to talk, I want to apologise."

Emily says nothing. She had always been gifted in the silent art of communication. Her icy stare never wavers. JJ flinches and looks away, inspite of herself. She takes a deep breath and steps towards the other woman. She hasn't quite the courage to stare Emily in the eyes. Not after everything. Not with the oppressive crushing weight of guilt pressing down on her. With her eyes cast slightly downward, JJ can feel the full force of Emily's stare burning into her. JJ's eyes catch sight of the slight movement of Emily's right hand. It takes a minute for JJ to realise that Emily is reaching for her gun.

"Emily, what the hell are you doing?" JJ exclaims.

Emily hadn't even realised she was reaching for her weapon. It was a reflex. An instinct. She felt threatened. In any case, she doesn't find her gun, being that she has just left the hospital. She has nothing in her possession but the clothes on her back. She feels her heart rate quicken at the realisation that she is defenceless.

"Leave." Emily says to her. She tries to make it sound menacing and forceful, but she sounds only weak and afraid.

"Emily, please listen to me. Give me a chance to explain. To apologise." JJ pleads, but it falls on deaf ears.

Emily backs up against a brick wall. JJ has her cornered, there is nowhere to run. Besides, she can barely walk let alone run. JJ would catch her in seconds. She has nowhere to hide. Emily Prentiss thinks of herself as strong. She prides herself on the fact she can look the starkest horror in the face day after day and never flinch. People think she is cold. Heartless. But she merely learned a long time ago that the only way to survive was to compartmentalise everything. To shut it away in a deep dark place in her mind, and never visit it again.

She tries, in that moment, to stand firm. She closes her eyes and chases herself through compartment after compartment in her mind, trying to find refuge. But JJ, damn her, has managed to invade every single dark private space in her mind. There is no refuge. Not from her. Not from this. She feels a sharp pain in her side, and suddenly she is back in that moment of darkness. She can feel the piece of glass as it pierces her flesh. She recalls the fear, the agony, she recalls feeling the perpetrator so close to her, she can feel their breath against her skin. But she can not recall the face of her attacker. She wills herself to focus, to remember, but everything is foggy in her mind. There is only dark confusion.

She is startled back into reality as she feels JJ's hands upon her, gently grabbing her wrists. But this time, Emily is not afraid. Something in the other woman's touch puts her instantly at ease, in spite of everything.

"Emily." JJ says, gently but firmly. "It's ok."

"I'm sorry." Emily whispers. This time it is she who can't make eye contact as she feels tears forming in her eyes.

"No." JJ tells her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who is sorry."

JJ is overwhelmed by the look of haunted vulnerability in Emily's eyes. It's something she has never seen before. It's something she feels responsible for. All she wants is to make it go away, but she doesn't know where to start.

"It's ok, I will explain everything. This is all a big mis understanding. Come with me back to the hospital. Everything will be ok. All that matters is that you're safe now."

"No." Emily tells her defiantly, as she pulls herself free from JJ's grasp."I'm not going back there."

"I will take you home then. We can talk." JJ suggests, trying not to be insulted by the coldness in Emily's voice.

"No." Emily tells her, shaking her head slowly. "Not there."

JJ pauses for a moment. She can understand Emily wouldn't want to go back to the place she was attacked. And she can hardly invite Emily back to her own house. The house she shared with Will. Finally, it hits her.

"OK. I know somewhere that's safe, we can talk. Please Emily, just come with me and talk to me. Please."

It's not that she is entirely convinced that going with JJ is such a bright idea. It's more the fact that she has no where else to go. That, and the fact that she has never been able to refuse JJ anything. Not when JJ is standing so close, not when JJ is touching her so gently, not when JJ puts her arm around her.

JJ hasn't been this close since she left Emily for Will. She certainly hasn't touched her. Emily knows its wrong. But she can't help but miss JJ's touch. She can't help but think she would follow JJ to the ends of the earth. All she wants is all this to go away. She wants to turn back time. She wants to bury her head in JJ's embrace and let go of every last terrible thing that has ever happened. She doesn't want to think about anything anymore. She has had enough of questions, of talking, of accusations and guilt and blame. She just wants JJ to hold her. So, this time, she doesn't pull away as JJ pulls her close and leads her towards the car. She rests her head on JJ's shoulder and walks silently beside her.

It doesn't occur to JJ that Will might be following, might be watching them. It doesn't occur to her that the team might wonder where Emily had disappeared to from the hospital. All that matters is Emily, she has to talk to her, to find out if it really was Will who attacked her. She has to apologise for not believing Emily. Apologise for the way she broke her heart, the way she ditched her for Will of all people. She has to find a way to make Emily forgive her. And maybe, just maybe, she can win Emily back.

She doesn't notice that her cell phone has inadvertently fallen out of her pocket, and sits discarded on the muddy ground of the car park.