Red Desert A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

Authors Note: This is a collaborative work between lgmtreader and kathiann. We have chosen to have kathiann be first author because (a) the idea originated with her, (b) she probably did a bit more of the writing (lgmtreader, knowing that kathiann would be first author, tried to let that happen :) ), and (c) kathiann is a much better known writer here and so we felt that the story would get wider circulation. But while each of us separately wrote out different parts, we both also did quite a bit of editing of all parts, often simultaneously, using the magic of google docs. So this is a truly collaborative, jointly-authored work. (So, we don't really have a beta, but rather served as each other's betas.)

Finally, this work is a multi-chapter story, and is COMPLETE; kathiann will be publishing each chapter on a regular basis if she remembers (but lgmtreader will probably be reminding her anyway).

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

Warning: Rated M for a reason. Pure fluffy smut will ensue in future chapters.

Spoilers: None, really. Characters slightly OOC, because, let's face it, as much as we'd like it to happen, it never will.

Chapter 1: The Speed Bump in the Road

"Remind me again why I let you drive?" Lisbon leaned her head wearily back against the passenger seat of Jane's little blue car, now parked uselessly at the side of the road. "I knew something like this would happen."

"Liar. Besides, you know you can't resist my charm – and what's to say that this wouldn't have happened anyway, even if you had driven?" Jane asked, turning and smiling at her from the driver's seat.

"Jane, your car broke down. In the middle of nowhere. We don't even get cell service out here. The closest town, if you could call it that, is five miles down the road. My car is in perfect condition. This would not have happened if I had driven." She grabbed her stuff out of the car and slammed the door.

"Hey, the engine has problems, there's no need to break the door! Wait, where are you going?" He called after her, watching her walking down the road. Man, is she sexy when she's mad. Wait... where did that come from? Lisbon is not sexy, she's the opposite of sexy, she's ... Lisbon. Confident that he had managed to talk himself out of thinking of Lisbon as sexy, he hurriedly snatched up his own overnight bag and ran to catch up with her. "Are we going to walk back to the town? It's five miles!"

"Yes Jane, we are going to walk. Feel free to sit out in your hot, dead car if you prefer!" She continued on, not slowing the fast pace she had set. It was a sweltering afternoon, and she wanted to get to somewhere with air conditioning and cold drinks.

He finally caught up with her, grabbing her arm in an attempt to get her to stop walking so fast. The searing look she shot him made him drop her arm as if it burned. She never let up her brisk pace, and they were at the small town at the crossroads between the two small highways in less than an hour. Jane was sweating profusely, even though he'd removed his coat and vest; he was gasping and out of breath, as if he had just run the five miles. Who knew that a woman that small could walk so fast?

She headed to the first building they came to, the office for the one small motel in town. It had definitely seen better days, but luckily there was a functioning pool beside it, and he looked longingly at the cool water before following her into the office, which was blessedly not nearly as hot as it was outside. Lisbon was already speaking with the woman behind the counter asking about rooms.

"We only have one room; I hope that's ok. I know it doesn't look it, but we're a very popular place. There's good hunting in the canyon lands; the wives stay here while their husbands are up there hunting. It's only got one bed, that's why it's so cheap; the other bed was damaged beyond repair and we haven't had the chance to replace it yet."

"That's fine. Is there a phone in the room? We don't appear to be getting cell service right now," Lisbon asked as she handed the motel clerk her credit card.

The woman laughed. "That doesn't surprise me! The way the canyons are, even if we could get cell towers in here, the signal would just bounce back and forth. Phone in the room, local calls only." Lisbon raised an eyebrow. "If you need to make a long distance call, you can use the phone right here. Gas station has a tow truck, and the general store on the corner has most everything you could want. The diner stays open until 9:00."

The woman handed Lisbon a key to the room and smiled at her, gesturing to the phone on the counter. "Help yourself."

Lisbon nodded her thanks to the woman and picked up the phone. A quick call to Cho to inform him that they were stuck in the middle of nowhere, and that no, she didn't know if it had a name, and didn't care, and she was out the door, headed towards the gas station across the way. As she brushed past Jane she glared at him again, clearly still mad at him and his car.

"You will be paying me back for this, Jane," Lisbon growled. "I hope you brought a credit card, because I am not paying to have your piece of crap car towed to the gas station." He had to run to keep up with her again, and again came in on the conversation halfway through.

"…tomorrow. Driver's stuck up in the wash. Hope you folks can wait that long." A big man with greasy hands was speaking to Lisbon.

"Don't have much of a choice." Lisbon spoke kindly to the man then turned and snapped at Jane, "Give him your keys, Jane; that way they can possibly get to it earlier, and maybe we'll even have a chance to get out of here tomorrow."

She glowered at him as he handed over his keys to the big man. Jane was so busy trying not to look at Lisbon and the smoldering angry look in her eyes that he didn't even make his normal basic observations. He wisely kept his mouth shut until after they were outside the mechanics shop.

"So what are we going to do?" Jane asked, risking a glance at her.

"We're not going to do anything. This is barely a speed-bump in the road! There's nothing here but the few folks who live here. Why don't you go mess with their minds like you so often do, and leave me the hell alone. Do try not to get into too much trouble; at this point I'd probably let them arrest you and throw away the key," she added sarcastically as she marched off to the small store on the corner, leaving him standing there watching her go.

Preview for Chapter 2: There's only one room in the inn, and they have to share. Jane does his best not to notice his boss's attractiveness as things get more casual; a stop by the pool and hot tub to cool off doesn't help…