Dear Yamato,

How many ways can we make ourselves miserable?

I have asked myself this question too many times, and each time I can come up with a different answer: - I could watch you with her - I could think about you - I could imagine me being with you and-

See? Thousands of endless possibilities, with one constant: You.

When I was younger, I liked loads of boys. Some of them, I can look back and laugh at – they were so silly! A couple... I've been tempted at times to call them and see if they were ever interested in me. But I tell myself it wouldn't be right. It would be a treatment, but not a cure. You're my cure.

I miss you when you're away. I know you probably wouldn't guess it, considering I don't talk to you much, but I do. It's not just when you're on a different continent, either. Sometimes I'll miss you after I've just seen you. Most of the time I'll miss you because I haven't seen you in a few days. I like how you come around all the time, even if it's not to see me. I usually leave the two of you alone and go study or go out because I'm always afraid that I'll embarrass myself.

I used to have a scrapbook about how much I loved you and why. Then I burnt it because I realised just how sad and needy it was, and just how embarrassed I would be if someone – anyone – found it, especially if you found it. Sometimes I just wish that you and I Sometimes it's hard for me to really explain how I feel. I've always been quiet – you know that – and I've always listened to people, but never talked to them. My own fault, mostly. Once, I had a dream that you came round, but I was the only person in, and instead of leaving you just stayed, and we talked for hours. I think that was possibly the best dream I've had in a long time.

You probably won't get this (I'll probably burn it, just like I burnt my scrapbook), but I wanted to try and tell you everything.

I'm going away soon. I need to move and start afresh, begin a new life where I'm not constantly haunted by 'if's and 'but's and 'could's. I'm sorry. You're happy as you are, and I've got no right to interfere. I'm sorry if I don't burn this and you find it and you feel like you have to change affected. That's not how I want it to be.

Take care of her, because you know I'll kick your ass if you don't.

Yours with love

Taichi