Doves And Crows

.:Chapter Three:.

Quietly as autumn comes, the days are getting shorter one by one…

There had been many things discussed within the past days. On Elle's end, those days remained uncounted. She mumbled stories in her sleep, or at least the shaman said so. He had a name, an odd name. Crewe is what they called him and what he went by, and it was just as odd as all the other people cluttered around the shaman's home.

She didn't't believe everything he told her—and he told her several things. It felt like he was teasing her, mocking her—the way he told her of potions and elixirs that have been made in order to help numb one on the inside, or rituals that were played out in order to help one forget… That one intrigued her the most. These barbarian's had rituals that could make one be in a state of total and complete… serenity. This, she had to see done before she allowed it to happen to her.

… Of course, she's help set up a ritual before, so she had little doubt of the ability of these Kocari folk.

She had her own special hut for herself. It was odd, yes. Everything was strange, but she found it a comfortable checkpoint when taking a break from her brooding. It wasn't't as though she could walk outside whenever she wished, though. The hut involved most of her stay, and though the sweet smells that wafted in through the window calmed her, she still didn't't completely understand the looks she was given by passing chasind. They all look dumb-struck, as if they never saw an elf before… but that was fine. She wasn't't being forced into slavery.

That was one thing she could appreciate. The chasind never forced anyone into slavery, or at least history has never mentioned as such. That would've been something Elle would've liked to ask Morrigan… Ohhh, how she missed that woman's company. She wasn't't the best, but she would at least say something that would help with this heart ache. Probably something along the lines of, "Love is for the weak and this weakness you'll just have to overcome just like any other."

Though you have to own a pretty grim outlook on life if you're supposed to take "advice" from Morrigan.

Maybe Wynne would've been a better shoulder to lean on—cry on? Elle wasn't't really familiar with the expressions. Maybe if she was a bit more well-rounded in all the fields or something… but no. Too late now.

It was too late. She was already days away from where she was last, years away mentally. Elle would spend as many days as she could lying within a bed, crying her heart out, if it only meant that she'd be able to convince herself that there was no other way, and no going back. Besides… even if she did—or even if she could, what would she say to those who would ask?

And so she remained in the hut, alone for the most part—with the idea that she'd be fine. Everything would be fine and there was nothing more that needed to be done now… All that needed to be done now was to try and fall through with a ritual, a chasind ritual.

Every morning, Crewe appeared at the door, knocking quietly. He came in with incense to burn, to keep the evil spirits away… or so he says. Elle didn't't mind. Then he'd sit at her bedside for an hour, watching her and listening to what she had to say as she consumed whatever food he gave. She thought at first it would be poison, so she ate eagerly, but after what felt like a week, it was soon discovered that there were no such things in her strange meals. She would've been dead long ago.

It was a little disappointing, but she wouldn't't voice her disappointments to the one man who was being so kind to her. Though it didn't't change the fact that he was very strange and nutty. She had a strong feeling however, that he knew much more than she did, to an extent. It was very difficult to put in words, really.

It was another day, and today she felt a little more laxed with every intake of the incense. Crewe had let himself in the hut once again… He was at his usual seat, and he was acting quite inquisitive despite everything. Everything including the rude quips from the elf herself and cold morning sleet that blanketed the outside.

"It's been a while since we've talked about the past." He would say… the most absurd things… but he was very charismatic for a chasind, in his own way. Most chasind reminded her of cavemen.

"What is it now? If you want something answered, you'll need to speak plainly." She chewed on a boiled root of some kind, something that tasted familiar. There were days when they served roots at the camp, but not too often. Crewe grinned and leaned against his walking stick, ignoring the attitude she gave.

"You've plenty to hide, but for few reasons." The elf shifted in her bed, which she had grown to dislike a little more each day. Much like how she hated his visits. She slouched and fanned the air some, finding herself lightheaded with all the sickening incense lit up for the day.

"What are you trying to say, ham? Do you think I put my nose into places it didn't't belong?" Crewe squinted his eyes for a moment and then smiled. She frowned at the nods he made in response to her question, and she sighed finally.

"… Well, where do you want me to start? Hm? You're not really asking any specific questions—"

"The beginning sounds like a promising start." He muttered, and her lips twitched to a frown as she narrowed her eyes, shoulders dropping at the way he seemed to say such a thing as if it were obvious. He really did have a way with words.

"Alright. I'm of the Dales. The reason I'm here before you today? Many things factor into it… but I supposed you… could say I… involved myself in… a… exploration gone wrong. Because of my poor choice of words and decisions, I ended up ruining my friends life—and almost my own." That was as vague as she could put it. She didn't't want to say more than that, seeing as how obviously he was trying to find out something in particular.

"This is trouble you stumbled upon, how long ago was it?" Elle scoffed at the question, finding it hardly worthy of any questions.

"I don't remember. A very long time ago."

"Years, would you say?" And then she paused, rubbing her eyelids as she thought it over… Then she finally answered with the shake of the head, and he nodded, stroking his beard. Elle gave him a long sigh and looked to him with an exhausted look in her eyes. It's strange how, even after all the hours of sleeping and doing nothing, she's still this tired.

"No, it hasn't't even been a year yet." None of the answers she gave him, actually satisfied him, not really. She could tell, somehow.

He stood abruptly and went to the door, giving an abrupt end to the conversation. Odd, because he'd only been here for less than ten minutes. She shifted and placed her feet on the floor, only to see him spin around and raise his hand.

"Please, don't get up." This caused her to look to the old man with a confused expression. Before she could ask, she was silenced again. "What we have going on outside isn't ready for your introduction yet." The elf drew in another tired sigh and tucked her feet back up on the bed.

"That doesn't really make an—"

"You'll be taking part in the ritual, won't you?" And then Elle drew a blank. She wasn't't sure if she wanted to go through with such a thing—for a number of reasons. Would she really want to forget… everything? If she did, then there's always the possibility of leaving the Kocari Wilds and slipping back into Fereldan, where there was a nation of people who knew her face, her name and her story. Would she honestly want to make that mistake? She wasn't't sure if she wanted to come across the chance.

If only Tamlen was still…

"There has already been a discussion with the people. You'll be accepted as our own and will be allowed the… special… benefits that the other's have." She curled up, tucking her knees beneath her chin. Her eyes looked away from him, averting the gaze elsewhere.

She was torn… She didn't't really want to endure anymore disappointments, and if she didn't't remember any of the ones she had now—well, great. Perhaps she'll be as senseless as the common chasind. That could be a good thing, in the end.

"I'll go along with it…"

And without have another word said, he was gone, the door closed behind him. She fell backwards onto the bed and sighed… still conflicted… She didn't't know if she should wait… or forget. This conflict, she couldn't't decide on. Really, she couldn't't. Not being able to decide is the worst kind of conflict one could have, it seems…

Now, all that talk of survival Morrigan preached, the idea that love is nothing but a weakness, it all seemed to make sense. It made sense in the beginning, a little bit of sense—hell, it was reasonable thinking. It was logical. No doubt that she finally learned her lesson, but after all this, she just wanted to go back. The heart was her weakness… Without it, she would probably be better off.

Lay down

Your sweet and weary head

Night is falling

You have come to journey's end

"I think we shouldn't't stay long after morning comes. I feel as though our welcome won't last for very long…" That's what she said before she had left him to surround herself with curious and nervous elves.

Leliana was always the cautious one. She was always careful, and observant. Smart as well, Zevran could say. Often he asked her to share this 'vision' of hers with him, and every time she's refused. He knows her almost too well, but she doesn't know everything. Often he avoided talk of important things. He hasn't't talked much about his past life, with the exception of Elle of course. That was… best described as a one-time sort of deal.

It was sort of on a need to know sort of thing, sometimes. Like when the dalish folk tried to pry into business that was not their own. Zevran imagined that it would've happened sooner or later, but they didn't't need to know that he was from Antiva. They didn't't need to know if he grew in the city, or in the wilds. It was of no importance to them, really.

Leliana was, of course, so very willing to share information with the elves. Many things, really. She told them many things, some personal, some stories—they loved to hear her stories, though. It can be said that they were at least charmed with her tales and songs.

So, they were given… one tent to share. Zevran didn't't honestly have a problem with it. No, not at all… In fact, he said nothing of the matter, despite the looks Leliana shot him. The ones that would normally make Zevran smirk and laugh at his own mischievous nature. Those looks. The kind that say to him, "I know that you're thinking of something naughty, because what sexual deviant wouldn't't when given such a golden opportunity?" Or something along those lines.

The bard was still settled around the fire, however. Still very content with lying on his back, as it were… which was funny, because he usually enjoyed—oh, hell. That's obvious, in such a case. The elf sighed and waited for Leliana's return, and she was certainly taking her time.

Not that he could complain… He rather enjoyed being alone. Though he could hear the distant sound of voices outside of the tent, he was content. Or at least thought he was.

He wasn't't sure what time it was when he soon returned. He wasn't't truly paying attention, and he even began to nod off to a pleasant nap, actually. Maybe not pleasant… No, it wasn't't really pleasant. He had just slipped into a comfortable state of… nothingness. Numb, even. Only one problem was keeping him from having sleep; his stomach was upset, it seemed.

He didn't't feel nauseous, or sick. He wasn't't sure what he felt, but he suspected his stomach wouldn't't be letting him sleep. It was almost unfair, but he didn't't try to think about it too much…

… because when he actually did think about something, he thought of her and felt restless.

Now he groans. Damn, he thought of her again. Sometimes he has to remind himself to forget about her. It was annoying, the way her pretty pale hues were shaped—the shade of blue very maddening. There was a time when there was a spark in her eyes. Like the first girl he fell for—but instead blazing fire, hers were more intense, focused, as though she willed the fire in her blue hues. Fire that she kept tamed—tamed, these thoughts made him shudder.

However, the last few days he saw her, those pretty pale hues did not show any controlled fire, no spark that ignited a flame.

He wanted to die for it. Nothing ever turned out right, and it just wasn't't fair… because he knew it was his fault. He had ruined her love for him—love was probably stretching it. There was no one who imagined like her… Her words, the way they were put in order and just the sound of her voice, every small detail lured him in. She brings out the best and worst of people. Her dalish nature is very deep within her, despite the fractured life. She used to laugh, and she laughed so beautifully.

But he stole her laughter and in its place, silence.

But it wasn't't as if he tried. It takes two—and it's not easy for two, but it's not any easier when everything depends on one. Zevran, despite the frustration and unsettling nothingness, he tried to convince himself he was not in love. Falling in love is the worst thing that could happen to anyone…

… Zevran turned on his side and kept his eyes shut, trying to relax. He had nothing to do but reflect—it was all that was on his mind at the moment. It was the single thing that was troubling him. She was a ghost, and as much as he would like to imagine he was amazing and everything was fine—their history was for sale.

During Zevran's distraught overview of the past, Leliana returned, lifting the tent flap and poking her head in with a smile. His ear twitched and his eyes opened as she crouched slightly, walking in and settling on her bedroll, smiling. Grinning like a fox, as it were. She giggled and brought her bow and arrow down between herself and him, and he of course smiled—though it felt out of place, he did it anyway, and she sat on her knees whilst he propped himself up on his arms.

"So, I think they like us a little more… Or at least me. I warned them about your… ways." Zevran had laughed whole-heartedly, momentarily forgetting about his troubles for the moment and tilting his head… Although, he didn't't really see himself sleeping with someone anytime soon…

Shocking, yes, but after his last roll in the hay, he wasn't't really for the opportunity.

"Leliana, you're bad for business…" He laughed, and she seemed to smile some, as though pleased with herself. But she was aware that it wasn't't really something entirely worth noting.

"You'll be sleeping well tonight, I hope." She removed her armor to reveal the undergarment she worth beneath it and sighed, as if it had been on her mind all day. The bard seemed to sigh, rolling her shoulders before having flop down on the bed roll, rubbing her eyes. Zevran leaned back again and closed her eyes, his hands behind his head.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Oh, my mistake… It's just the night before, you seemed to be having trouble sleeping." Instantly, the idea made Zevran… nervous, almost embarrassed, but he didn't't show that.

"Hah—I'm sure I don't talk in my sleep, do I?" This earned a giggle from the redhead, and he looked to her out of the corner of his eye, trying to mask his concern by maintaining his… facial expression. The girl crossed her legs and also tucked her hands behind her head, a smirk tugging her lips.

"No, you have yet to start talking in your sleep… I wouldn't't be surprise if you started to, of course. You're on step short of doing just that…"

"Then what is it I do in my sleep that makes you think I don't sleep well, ham?"

"You move almost constantly…" She stated before closing her eyes, her smile becoming less and less. Zevran was surprised by this, but eventually just turned his eyes back up, shrugging as if it were nothing. His eyes closed as well as he decided to thing of something else to speak of—and that was easy.

"Did they say anything about her?"

"No, they haven't seen any sign of her, and they don't have any idea where she would've gone…" This was troublesome… It really was. There was no magic that could show him where she was, no one he's talked to seemed to be able to help him with his quest. This was all his fault, he knows it all too well… Zevran allowed himself to look displeased.

"This is the fifth clan we've ran into." His hand reached to his face and ran down, sighing heavily as he tried to think. Where could she have gone? Where does a Gray Warden go to when they want to hide? Where would someone go if they wanted solitude?

"Maybe we should visit a chantry or two."

"She's hardly into the religion, Zevran…"

"Mm… Good point." He rested his hand on his chest and took a deep breath in. "Where else would one go to when running away?" He asked, and she seemed to be deep in thought, trying to come up with something… Some sort of refuge, but there was little refuge so close to the Kocari Wilds.

"If we go any further south, we'll be facing some serious difficulties…"

"True, Leliana… Very true… However, it's a place worth strolling through, yes? How I see it, is if we don't at least check, we might travel all over Fereldan and find nothing until we go to the Wilds. Obvious, if we do all that traveling, no doubt she'd be feral and wild like the other crazies that come from that Maker forsaken land… I have a feeling that if her sanity is lost, it won't be easy bringing her back."

"It's going to be difficult convincing her to come back, what with the way you treated her."

"Please." Zevran scoffed and sat up, looking down at her with his nose raised slight. "I did not tell her to run off. I did no harm, nothing of the sort." He denied it, and she seemed to allow this denial for the time being. Instead of arguing, she cast a glare of sorts and then closed her eyes. She looks terribly nasty and ugly when she scowls like so… She turned her back to him and yawned, tucking her feet in a bit as she rested her head on her bag of clothing, which acted as a nice pillow.

"Goodnight, Zevran." She said, and he rolled his eyes and fell back, lying down again.

"Yes, pleasant dreams…" He said with a low tone. Leliana had blown out their light source and fell silent, and though she might not have instantly fallen asleep—he was certain neither of them would be sleeping for several more hours.

Zevran did not dream… His sleep involved nothing but darkness, and that darkness remained for hours. Though these were hours, it felt as though he never got enough sleep.

He found sleeping more enjoyable when sex came before it. Cuddling, too. Cuddling was always nice… so was pillow talk… Waking up was nice as well when with someone. Though Leliana was always there when he opened his eyes, he knew for a fact that it was just for a while. He didn't't really like her the way he used to anyway… and he didn't't think he'd like waking up with her in his arms, either…

Then he remembered that Elle never really stayed in bed for long with Zevran. She either crept away when he was asleep, or she told him that she wasn't't tired, rejecting the offer of "just-sleeping" all together, no matter what his intentions were. He couldn't't blame her, though… He could've been a bit more gentle with her on that night…

Then it came back, that weird feeling. Something unsettling and… frustrating. It made it impossible to eat sometimes… Sometimes it made him angry, even crazy, but none of this showed on the surface. On the outside, he remained Zevran, the easy lover—oh but he didn't't feel like it anymore.

By the Maker, he'd get himself back into the saddle one of these days…

"Zevran?" Leliana was not asleep yet, it seemed. He sighed, signaling to her that yes, he was awake. She paused… making his thoughts pause as well as he waited… He waited, almost frozen in anticipation.

"Do you miss her?"

"… Mm… Do you miss her?"

"Every day." And with her answer, he refused to answer her question with anything. Mostly because, well… he didn't't know.

.:Conclude:.

I think my spell-check broke… I'm pretty sure it's broken… Yep, I believe that could be the case. I have a very old version of Microsoft word, you see. Please tell me if something is wrong. I hate looking over what I've wrote and finding that I spelled nearly everything wrong.

Lyrics above, "Into the West" by I have no clue who… R&R!

Edit, I put my chapter into an online spell checker, but if anyone could help me with my spell check problem on word, I'd appreciate it. Google has failed me, for the first time, in problem solving.