Hiya! Another of my Christmas fics for you. This one was written from prompts from gryffindor_j. Please make sure you read the warnings. It's not a light and fluffy read.

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters engaging in sexual activity are 16 years or older.

Warnings: Language, little bit of dirty talk, infidelity, a het kiss, Christmas as an afterthought, angst, no fairy tale ending.

Author's Notes: Written for hp_yule_balls. This is different to what I usually write, and the pairing is a new one for me. I hope that you're happy with it. Thanks to my marvelous Beta, DragonDi, and to torino10154 for advice and reassurance.

Secrets and Lies

'James Potter! Where are you?'

James grimaced when he heard his mother's strident voice over the familial din that was created when every Weasley and Potter in Western Europe (plus partners) converged on The Burrow for a family Christmas. As the older females descended like avenging angels upon the kitchen, kicking the menfolk out despite the fact that James' dad was actually a better cook than anyone bar Grandma Weasley, James had quickly taken himself out of the firing line. He grabbed a jacket and slipped outside, grateful for the unseasonably warm weather and lack of snow as he found a quiet spot around the corner of the house. He was hidden away so that, unless someone actually came looking for him, he wouldn't be seen, but where he still had a good view of the front yard so that he could observe the new arrivals.

Almost everyone was here now. Uncle Charlie was typically late... 'probably drinking with that lot from the Dragon Reserve,' Grandma Weasley had said disapprovingly, and Uncle George had taken Fred home for the antidote to the diarrhea potion he'd swallowed – concealed by his sister in his pumpkin juice – and a change of clothes. But there was only one latecomer that James was interested in seeing and... there he was.

James smiled as a lanky young man with soft brown eyes and bright blue hair materialized in the front yard. He watched as Teddy Lupin stretched, swinging his arms above his head. His jacket rode up and James' mouth went dry as a tantalizing strip of pale skin sprinkled with dark brown curls was revealed. He pushed off the house, wiping his suddenly sweaty palms on the seat of his jeans. He had taken one step forward, intending to call out to Teddy, when another pop made the words catch in his throat. Bright, blonde hair obscured James' view of Teddy's face as the newest arrival let out a tinkling laugh and threw herself into those strong arms.

'Settle down, Vic,' James heard Teddy mumble, amusement and annoyance battling for dominance in his tone.

Teddy's gaze wandered around the garden and heat roared through James when it finally found him. His cock hardened as Teddy smiled warmly then it gave a throb as the other boy's eyes traveled from James' face to his feet and back, lingering on James' lower body for far longer than necessary. When their eyes met again, Teddy winked at him over Victoire's shoulder before he pulled out of her hug. He tore his gaze away from James and smiled down at his girlfriend, jealousy twisting James' stomach when Teddy wrapped an arm around the young woman and led her towards the house. Just as he reached the top of the steps, he threw a hot glance over his shoulder at James – whose breath hitched at the look – before he disappeared through the front door.

James leaned against the house again, hand sliding over his hip to palm his groin, fingers squeezing his erection. The sensation dragged a loud groan from his chest and he closed his eyes, palm rubbing over the bulge in his pants as his breathing hastened. With his eyes clenched shut, he could pretend that the hand grabbing at his groin was Teddy's calloused hand, that the fingers that had crept under his jacket and shirt to pinch at his nipples were Teddy's talented digits. He could almost feel the hot wash of the other man's breath on his neck, almost hear the harsh, rapid intakes of breath as they raced each other to completion...

'James!'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, quickly pulling his arm out from under his shirt and, as he peered around the side of the house, he shoved his hands into his pockets.

'Here!' he called back, seeing his mother's red hair flick over her shoulder as she turned towards his voice.

'What are you doing around there?' she asked with a frown, then she shook her head. 'Never mind. Come inside. Lunch is ready.'

James let out an exasperated grunt as Al's arm once again invaded his personal space and he gave his brother an irritated poke with his elbow, pushing his forearm off the table. Al threw an annoyed glare at him over his shoulder then turned his attention back to Uncle Charlie, who had finally arrived with a distinct odour of Ogden's about him. The room was filled with loud chatter and laughter as everyone caught up on each others' news.

James' eyes drifted yet again to Teddy, who was seated opposite him – next to Victoire. James scowled when he saw his cousin lean in close to feed Teddy a piece of turkey off her fork. He rolled his eyes, feeling vaguely nauseated by the over-the-top display. He stabbed a potato with his own fork – more viciously than the tuber vegetable deserved – then his fork clattered to his plate as something firm and warm brushed over the front of his pants.

'Are you alright?'

James looked up at Teddy who raised an eyebrow in inquiry. His eyes danced with mischief and something darker, something hot and heavy that made James' mouth go dry.

'Fine,' he croaked defiantly and Teddy smirked as the pressure on James' groin increased.

'You look a little... strained,' Teddy murmured, reaching for his glass of mead, his foot now rubbing along the length of James' hardening cock. 'Final year at school wearing you down? Perhaps you need some peace and quiet. A walk after lunch? Or a lie down, maybe?'

Fire flared in Teddy's eyes and for a moment, they glowed with a golden undertone, a tint James knew well. He saw it every time Teddy came in his hand, his mouth, his arse. It was enough to make him as hard as stone, and his hand shook as he brought his own glass of Muggle ale to his lips.

'Perhaps,' he almost whispered, desire making his voice rough and deep. 'You might be right.'

Teddy's foot slipped lower, pressing almost painfully against James' balls before forcing its way beneath him. 'I usually am,' Teddy said, with a nonchalant air then he chuckled at something Hugo was saying as his big toe wriggled against James' perineum.

James sucked in a sharp breath then bit his lip when Teddy shot him a warning look. He nearly cried out in disappointment when the teasing foot deserted him and Teddy turned away to respond to something James' dad had asked, leaving James aching and desperate for more.

The way he always felt around Teddy.

He and Teddy had always been close: Teddy the risk taker, dragging the younger James into trouble time and time again then using his innate likability to charm his way out of the bad books. James cried himself to sleep for a month after Teddy started at Hogwarts, and his near-obsessive stalking of the other boy during holidays had driven his parents insane. Not Teddy, though. He always had time for James, and James would do anything to emulate and please his hero, getting into scrape after scrape under Teddy's direction. But it was worth the punishments to see that look of pride, of approval, in Teddy's chocolate-brown eyes.

Teddy was big brother, best friend, and awe-inspiring role model all rolled into one – until James hit sixteen, and Teddy Lupin became something entirely different.

It was late one night during the last Christmas holidays that James first realised the attraction; overhearing Teddy rub one off in their shared bedroom had made James hard and breathless in a way he'd never been before, and pretty soon, Teddy was the sole focus of James' nocturnal fantasies. He was terrified at first – Teddy was a boy, after all. Boys didn't wank thinking about their best male friend... did they? Confusion and fear made him edgy, made him mouthy and downright nasty, and one day, he yelled at Teddy, screaming at him to... 'Leave me the fuck alone! Don't you have other people to fucking annoy?'

They had never yelled at each other before, and the hurt and disappointment in Teddy's eyes had just about broken James' heart. Immediately, he began to apologise, close to tears when he saw Teddy's wary, hesitant expression. They were each others' soft place to fall, and James was devastated when he realised that he'd just added a dangerous trap door to Teddy's safe place, not because of anything the other boy had done, but because James was confused and frightened and wanted things he couldn't have.

Teddy forgave him - of course – and wrapped his arms around James, quietly reassuring him. 'It's okay, Jamie. I'm sorry. I just... You don't want to be around me anymore, and I don't know what I've done wrong. I'll give you some space...'

'Don't go!' James had gasped out without thinking, clinging tight to Teddy's arm as he made a move to leave. 'Always want you with me - that's the problem. It's me... I...'

He felt Teddy's shoulders stiffen as comprehension dawned then a hand tentatively cupped James' face.

Teddy kissed him that night. And it felt so right.

Discreet kisses turned to covert gropes in dark corners then – on James' seventeenth birthday – Teddy had snuck into his bed and kissed every inch of James' body before slowly opening him up and fucking him so deeply that they became part of each other.

Afterwards, they held each other and whispered 'I love you' into each others' ears.

James knew that Teddy was dating Victoire; that he had been for nearly five years now. After their first night as lovers, he'd asked Teddy why they were still together and Teddy's eyes widened, sorrowful and scared. He told James how badly people treated blokes who liked other blokes; how the Potter and Weasley families – wonderful as they were – would never get over the fact that Teddy, the orphaned boy they'd welcomed into the fold, had hurt and betrayed Victoire by falling in love with her cousin; how important it was to Teddy to be accepted at work where he was already considered a freak because of his parentage...

And James understood.

Teddy told him that they should stop, that James needed to find someone who wouldn't keep him hidden away like a dirty secret, but James shushed him with a kiss.

'One day,' he told Teddy with a shining optimism. 'One day, we'll be able to be together properly and we'll laugh about this. You'll see.'

So, even though Victoire was the one who sat on Teddy's knee on the couch, who kissed him farewell when he went off to Auror Training, who was allowed to call him 'boyfriend', James knew that he was the one Teddy thought about in his bed at night, that he was the one that Teddy shared his hopes and dreams with, that he was the one to whom Teddy whispered, 'I love you' in the dark.

And for now, that was enough.

The clink of dishes made James aware that the table was clearing and he quickly rose, taking his plate into the kitchen where Grandma Weasley was exacting revenge for Charlie's late arrival by making him do the dishes. James smiled at his uncle's despairing expression then hastily left the kitchen before he could get roped in to help. Adrenaline began to pump through him as he pushed his way through the throng of increasingly drunk or hyper bodies on his way to the stairs leading to the second floor. He paused on the bottom step, looking over his shoulder. He felt Teddy's gaze on him before he saw the other boy, brown eyes boring into him with an intensity that made James' skin prickle all over. A tiny smile curled the corners of James' mouth then he turned and walked up the stairs.

Al and Hugo were in the bedroom he and Al shared, so James waited in the bathroom, knowing that Teddy would find him. As he leaned against the washbasin, waiting, he cupped his rapidly firming cock, massaging lightly. Teddy liked it when James was already hard and wanting. Anticipation made James' skin feel too tight, made him fidgety, and he was just beginning to whimper in anxiety and need when Teddy strode through the door.

He grinned broadly when he saw James pink-faced and panting. He shut the door behind him, wandlessly casting a locking spell.

James frowned. 'Silencing spell?' he whispered, his voice already hoarse with lust.

'You'll have to be very, very quiet,' Teddy teased, and James almost wept with wanting.

Teddy knew how difficult it was for James to stay silent, but he would. Because Teddy wanted him to.

Teddy brushed the back of his hand lightly along the length of James' cock. 'You're hard for me,' he murmured before he closed his fingers around the denim-covered erection. 'God, I love that. We have to be quick... so many people around...'

James whined desperately and Teddy chuckled as he efficiently unfastened James' jeans. 'You like that, don't you, you kinky little bugger?' he whispered, yanking the jeans and underwear down to James' ankles. 'You like that Al and Hugo are two rooms away? That your parents and grandparents are downstairs? That anyone could walk in and see you taking every inch of my cock?'

James' cock jutted out from his body, precome already smeared over the smooth skin of the crown. He moaned as Teddy leaned into him and pushed their hips together.

'Fuck, yes,' James whimpered, hands gripping Teddy's arse as he ground against his thigh. He loved it when Teddy was like this: rough and controlling and so fucking sexy that James could barely stand it. 'Yes, I want them to see us. I want them to know how much we love each other.'

Teddy took a step back and spun James roughly, pushing his upper body down until his forehead touched the cold marble of the vanity. 'So do I,' Teddy said softly, and James heard the rasp of a zipper being lowered. 'I want to be able to do this whenever we want. I want to be able to bend you over any surface at any time and do this and not be afraid of being caught.'

James gasped as two spit-slicked fingers entered him roughly, probing and scissoring. It felt as though his arse was on fire then, as he shoved back onto the invading digits, he heard a muttered word and felt cool lube coat the walls of his hole. Grateful, he smiled, the burn fading until it was a dull undertone to the pleasure Teddy was evoking.

'James?' Teddy growled into his ear, the head of his cock pressing insistently against the entrance to James' body. 'You want that too? We'll have our own place and I'll be able to fuck your pretty arse whenever I want...'

James opened his mouth to answer, but his breath rushed from his lungs as Teddy breached him with one merciless thrust of his hips. His head hit the mirror in front of him then his hand knocked the soap onto the tiled floor as he scrambled to brace himself on the slippery counter top.

'And I could suck you off in every single room,' Teddy gasped out, his voice low and trembling. He withdrew then canted his hips again, James' body stretching around Teddy's thick cock. 'Fuck you with my tongue in every room... Merlin, James, you are so fucking tight!'

'Gods!' James panted, his hand moving between his own legs to tug at his aching cock.

Teddy knew him so well, knew that talking like that drove James right over the edge. James closed his eyes as the pleasure/pain of the encounter began to overwhelm him. He moaned when Teddy's cock hit his prostate dead on, and a hand slid over his mouth.

'Shh!' Teddy said, biting down on James' ear lobe as he slammed his cock hard and fast into him. 'Not yet, Jamie. They can't know yet.'

James made a startled noise against Teddy's palm as the other boy pulled him upright, holding him tight against his chest as they moved together. Teddy's other hand reached under James' shirt, pinching his nipple hard before trailing down his chest to wrap around his erection. They both jerked James' cock in the same rhythm as Teddy's thrusts, James' head falling back against Teddy's shoulder as his knees began to wobble.

'Look at us,' Teddy said in hushed wonder, his voice strained as he got closer to his climax. 'Look at us, Jamie.'

James' eyes opened and they immediately found Teddy's in the mirror. 'We are fucking gorgeous,' Teddy gasped, his thrusts becoming erratic.

His eyes began to spark gold and the sight of the fire and life inside the other man shoved James over the edge.

'Teddy... fuck!' James said, almost inaudibly as a white haze clouded his vision and heat suffused him.

He rocked his hips hard into Teddy's fist and came in powerful pulses all over their twined fingers. Teddy swore, squeezing James' still-throbbing cock as he thrust one last time. He bit down hard on the back of James' neck as he came, his orgasm ripping a guttural groan from him which was muffled by James' shoulder. He fell heavily against James, pressing him into the edge of the wash basin, his hips rocking slowly as he drew out every last second of his climax. Finally, he was still and the only sound in the room was their ragged breathing.

'Fuck, that was good,' Teddy whispered, hand falling from James' mouth. He pressed his lips to the skin behind James' ear, the tender affection a juxtaposition to their frantic, urgent coupling. 'Clean up, Jamie, before someone needs the toilet.'

James mumbled a reluctant agreement and bit back a moan of loss as Teddy's spent cock slipped from his body. He cast a Cleansing spell over himself, hearing Teddy do the same, then he turned in the tight space between their bodies and smiled at the other boy.

'I wish we could tell them all,' he said softly and Teddy frowned, worry etched in each line on his forehead.

'You know we can't,' he said in a defeated tone. 'I've heard the way the people at work talk about people like us... I'm new on the team, James. I'm already a freak to them – Metamorphmagus with a werewolf father; if they found out I was shagging a bloke...'

'I know,' James said, his voice cracking with sorrow. 'One day, though...?'

Teddy smiled sadly, the bright blue of his hair fading a little, and carded a hand through James' messy dark locks. 'Yeah,' he said, his hand coming to rest on James' nape. 'One day. I promise, Jamie. One day, we'll tell them all and we can be together.'

He dipped his head and kissed James, soft and sweet, then leaned his head against James' brow. 'I love you, Jamie,' he whispered, lips brushing over James'. 'I really do.'

'I love you too,' James murmured, his heart cracking a little when Teddy pulled away.

He watched as Teddy ran his flattened hands down the front of his clothes, smoothing out the wrinkles, then he gave James a final smile before slipping out of the room. James pulled his pants up then turned back to the mirror, licking the palm of his hand and trying to neaten his ruffled hair while he counted to one hundred. Then, he opened the bathroom door and walked down the hall, trying not to limp noticeably as his arse twinged with every step.

The dizzying high from their clandestine encounter was beginning to ebb, and James was left feeling hollow and lost - as he had more and more lately after each of their quick fucks. He knew Teddy loved him – he felt it in every single molecule of his being – and he knew he loved Teddy with his entire heart and soul. Some people never found anyone who loved them like this. Was it selfish of him to wish for more? To wish that he could walk down these stairs hand in hand with Teddy and be welcomed with open arms by his family and friends?

He stepped into the living room in time to see Victoire kiss Teddy beneath some hastily pinned up mistletoe, and every inch of his body began to hurt. His eyes stung and, horrified, he blinked rapidly to stay the tears that threatened. As his dad and uncles whooped in approval, James stared at the couple, his stomach churning as he trembled with anger and pain. He knew that this was the way it had to be for now, but God, he hated it!

As he tried to tear his gaze away, he saw Teddy open his eyes. He stared directly at James, wordlessly begging him to understand. James wanted to look away, to tell Teddy that no, this wasn't okay, and James wasn't going to be alright, but he didn't. Their gazes held as Teddy kissed Victoire then, when they broke apart and embraced, Teddy smiled hesitantly at James through Victoire's blonde flyaways, pain in his beautiful brown eyes.

'I'm sorry,' he mouthed and James nodded once, the aching, gnawing feeling inside easing slightly.

'One day, it will be me under the mistletoe with you,' he silently promised Teddy as he watched Victoire slip her hand into that of the man he loved. 'One day, you will be only mine.'

fin.