Calamity James

By Lily Orange

Ever since Lily took the Marauders and Isabel to see a musical at the cinema in the school holidays, they have become fixated on them; when Professor Dumbledore announces there is to be a school ball, James comes up with the suggestion that they perform a musical at it instead of having a band...

A/N: I was originally going to use this idea just as a one shot but thought it would probably work better if I separated it out into chapters. I have the first three done and hopefully will have it finished by the end of the week! Please review - it's based on a love I have for the film "Calamity Jane"! Just to let you know, I am in the process of writing a new story (details of which are on my profile) which I'm really excited about :) I have exams and things this half-term so hopefully I should be able to start posting in a couple of weeks, I'm totally engrossed! Please enjoy this in the meantime, it's just a little light-hearted musical-centred story!!

Chapter One

There's No Business Like Show Business

* * *

"Mr Potter, please concentrate!" Professor Minerva McGonagall yelled impatiently, glaring at a completely distracted James Potter in exasperation. James was completely unaware, tapping out a tune on the desk and singing to himself. Unfortunately, James' singing, which was supposed to be quiet and barely louder than a hum, was really loud and disrupting the seventh year NEWT Transfiguration class.

"There's no business like show business..." he sang to himself in a relatively tuneful voice. Sirius Black, who neighboured James on their desk, stuffed his fist into his mouth to prevent him from laughing at his best friend's embarrassing predicament. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, who sat behind, were much the same. Peter was laughing so hard he was face down on the desk, shaking and choking over the muffled guffaws he was emitting. Remus was scarlet, trying to exercise control over his desperate desire to chuckle uncontrollably.

"POTTER!" Professor McGonagall persisted warningly, but still James was ignorant and carried on singing.

"Like no business I know, everything about it is appealing..." he continued, this time accompanying it with elaborate hand gestures and a wide grin. Lily Evans, who was sat directly in front of him, had forgotten all about the ginger cat in front of her she was supposed to be changing into a pair of brogues, as the instructions written on the board dictated. Instead she was watching James intently with much amusement, her pale face lit up radiantly with an audacious grin.

"Potter, I will not tell you again..." McGonagall growled menacingly, advancing towards James and Sirius' desk from where she was standing at the front of the classroom, reading the instructions on the spell needed to master the lesson's advanced transfiguration.

"Everything the traffic will allow, no where could you have that happy feeling, when you aren't stealing that extra bow," James caterwhauled, jumping up onto the desk and kicking his parchment notes onto the stone floor of the classroom. His cat, a honey-coloured animal, widened its eyes in alarm as it watched the strange boy clamber onto the desk and increase the volume of his voice, "there's no people like show people they smile when they are low!"

"POTTER! GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANT!" McGonagall bellowed forcefully. Still James carried on, charmingly prancing across the desk singing about show business. The rest of the class were in stitches at James, but Professor McGonagall, who needed the seventh years to have mastered this work by the end of the lesson, was bright red and increasingly fractious. She turned to Sirius Black, who was practically devouring his own hand he was cackling so much and had tears running down his cheeks, and said, "Mr Black, could you perhaps tell me why Mr Potter is dancing across the tables singing and does not seem to be heeding my more than reasonable requests to stop?"

"Well, Professor – HA, HA!" Sirius guffawed as James grabbed Professor McGonagall's hand and began to spin her around whilst singing,

"Let's go on with the shooooow!"

"Mr Lupin?" she asked, glowering at Remus as James dropped her in her desk chair and began running up and down the aisles in between the desks.

"I'm afraid – Professor – that – James – watched – a – musical – at – a – muggle – cinema – over – the – holiday–" Remus replied, gasping between laughs to get his words out. This caused the members of the class to laugh even more as now they were being simultaneously entertained by James' little show and Remus' trying to explain what was going on.

"Please continue, Lupin, and try to be slightly more coherent," McGonagall scowled, her eyes practically bulging in anger at James' prolonged disruption of her class.

"Sorry – I – can't!" he breathed, before collapsing into what could only be described as giggles and joined Peter faced down on the desk.

"Miss Willoughby? Perhaps you could shed some light on the matter?" the maddened teacher said, turning to stare at Isabel Willoughby, who was sat beside Lily Evans and in front of the completely hysterical Sirius Black, who had now resorted to banging his fists on the table as James span past him singing,

"The music, the spotlights, the people, the towns..."

"Well, Professor," Isabel replied, in a slightly more controlled manner than the Marauders, "as Remus said, Lily took us to a muggle thing called the cinema to watch something called a musical over the holiday and ever since then James has been obsessed with musicals and has watched them repeatedly and memorised practically every song included in the ones Lily lent him."

"Why, Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall said despairingly, "did you allow Mr Potter to watch all these musicals repeatedly?"

"He enjoyed watching them!" Lily said defensively between chortles.

"So what musical is this song from then?" Professor McGonagall asked in defeat, acknowledging the fact that James was not going to stop prancing around the classroom singing any time soon.

"'Annie Get Your Gun'," Isabel answered.

"I love that film!" a voice piped up from the opposite side of the classroom to the Marauders, Lily and Isabel. Everybody turned to stare at the owner of the voice, which turned out to be a very meek Hufflepuff named Adelaide Jones, who rapaciously reddened and buried her face into her notes.

"Do you know if he is going to stop any time soon?" their teacher sighed.

"I think he's nearly finished..." Lily assessed as James did a cartwheel across her desk, causing the cats to jump off in fright as he concurrently sang,

"Standing out in front on opening nights, smiling as you watch the benches filling, and you see your billing up there in lights..."

"Yes, definitely nearly finished," Isabel informed McGonagall.

James launched into the final few bars of the song and slowly meandered up to the front of the classroom. When he had completed it, he issued a wide and cheerful grin to the assembled students in the class who had nearly recovered from their laughing attacks and undertook a low bow.

"Thank you, Mr Potter," Professor McGonagall said in a weary voice as he took his seat next to Sirius, who, every time he caught James' eye, was reminded of James' little stage routine and fell about laughing again. "I'll certainly enjoy your presence in detention tonight."

"But Professor!" James ardently protested. "The need to sing the song just overtook me – it keeps happening, it's ever since I watched that musical with Lily and then had this incessant appetite to keep watching them!"

"Miss Evans, I think you need to keep your film collection under wraps and make sure that Mr Potter does not borrow any more of them," Professor McGonagall told Lily sternly. "Now the excitement of that, um, interesting performance is over, please regain control of your cats and attempt to transfigure them into a pair of brogues." When the class finally settled down and only Sirius was left laughing to himself, she leaned back in her chair and uttered a sigh of relief.

I hope you liked it and found it as funny as I visualised it - thanks for reading, please review, I hope you have a brilliant week! I'll just post the next two chapters and then hopefully will be able to post the others by the end of the week. Love and hugs,

:) x Lily Orange x (: