A/N: I needed to get this off my head. This was supposed to be a one-shot, but now I'm not so sure. Anyways, please enjoy. Although I must warn you, it's a little lemony. (May become a lemon, hm?)

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters (dammit)

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Carlisle stood in front of his bedroom door frozen. Behind him, Jacob and Quil also froze, too shocked. There, inside of Carlisle's room door, was muffled moans of passion.

"Oh baby…" someone moaned. It sounded like a woman, a familiar woman, but Carlisle couldn't quite put his finger on who. Thankfully, it wasn't Esme. Carlisle knew what Esme sounded like when she was moaning, and it was a lot more louder than the soft moans he heard from his room… Then who the hell is in my room, Carlisle wondered. But his question was answered all too soon.

From inside his room he heard a loud "Bella… I'm about to… I'm about to… ahhh!"

Before Carlisle could comprehend the anger he was feeling, he kicked down the door with his foot and stood in the doorway snarling. There, on his bed, Bella was mounted on top of Edward and was straddling him... Naked. Edward had his hands place at her waist as he had his back arched and his head tilted back. He was about to have a very loud orgasm, Carlisle could tell, but he was stopped short by Carlisle's presence.

As soon as Edward saw Carlisle, he flipped Bella over onto the bed and hid themselves under the covers. My covers, Carlisle seethed mentally.

"C-C-Carlisle! Dad! Hi, how are you this morning!" Edward laughed awkwardly. Underneath him, Bella looked scared shitless. She should be scared, Carlisle thought. That very thought seemed to burn out Carlisle's last ounce of patience. 100 years of withheld anger with Edward was finally boiling over.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, if you don't get your sorry ass off my bed in two seconds, I'm gonna make you wish you died of the flu in 1918!" Carlisle snarled. His words sounded so vicious that even Quil and Jacob flinched. Edward seemed to shrink profusely, while Bella looked like she might give birth to a hernia.

"Um…" Jacob said awkwardly. He wasn't sure whether he should be hurt, jealous, or extremely entertained. The look on Carlisle's face was just too good, but Jacob knew that if he showed any kind of enjoyment in the situation, Carlisle would kill him. Literally.

Seeing Jacob behind Carlisle, Bella jumped up in surprise, kneeing Edward in the balls in the process and making him fall over. Quil just couldn't hold it in. He erupted in laughter and fell to the floor holding his stomach.

Jacob's face grew hot as Bella pounced out of bed, unaware that she was still naked. The sight of Bella being naked made Quil stop laughing and Jacob moan unconsciously. Quil quickly pulled out his phone and took multiple pictures of Bella, some of them very close up and personal. Jacob almost ran and embraced Bella in all her beauty, but Carlisle's angry presence stopped him.

"Dammit, Bella, put some goddamned clothes on before you give these two perverts a heart attack!" Carlisle spat, unaltered by Bella's nakedness. He's seen her naked a thousand times when he gave her check-ups, this wasn't exactly a big thing for him. But what was a big thing was the fact that they were still in his room!

Edward finally recovered from the fatal blow to his manhood, and more specifically his left nut, and grabbed a pillow to cover himself. He turned to Carlisle with a pleading expression. "Come on, Carlisle. You've had sex on our bed─"

"We kissed! That's not exactly climactic on the sex scale!" Carlisle exploded.

"Are you saying that Esme is a bad kisser? I'm telling on you," Edward smirked. Oh, Carlisle was so close to waltzing over and slapping him that it hurt not to do it. Carlisle wasn't big on beating his kids, but maybe it's about time he started.

Bella, who was still standing there naked, put her hands on her hips and turned to Edward. "Edward, he's gonna kill you if you provoke him. I can see it in his eyes. We're losing him."

"Bella, sweetheart, may I ask why your flashing everyone?" Edward asked in a clipped voice. Bella looked down at herself and gasped.

"Jesus Christ!" she squealed, running to the bed and grabbing a large pillow to cover herself. My pillow, Carlisle seethed.

"Oh for the love of all that's holy!" Carlisle screamed. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Jacob and Quil bolted to the door within seconds while Edward leaped for his pants. Bella quickly grabbed her bra and panties and pulled it on in record timing. By the time Carlisle caught his breath, Edward and Bella were dressed and ready to go, while Jacob and Quil were already halfway there to La Push. No one's ever heard Carlisle scream like that, but man did he sound scary.

Edward was wondering whether he should peel out the window or risk walking past Carlisle. Although, telling by Carlisle's thoughts, coming within 20 feet of him was dangerous. Bella risked it, however.

She walked passed Carlisle, braced for anything, but found herself outside of his room safely. Edward decided to do the same thing, but as he passed Carlisle, Carlisle snapped. Carlisle grabbed a lock full of Edwards hair and threw him to the ground. Bella tried to run to save him, but Carlisle kicked the door closed and locked it. He looked down at Edward and grinned darkly.

"I've decided to let Esme kick Bella's ass, since I don't hit like to hit girls. But your all man, aren't you Edward? You think you can just fuck anywhere you want to in the fucking Peninsula. You think you could just do whatever the hell you wanted. Because your all man, right? So since you think your grown enough to fuck on my bed, I must assume that it isn't considered child abuse if I kicked your ass, right?"

Carlisle edged toward Edward's shaking body as Edward tried to think of ways to escape. The window. Edward tried to bolt to the window, but Carlisle already had him in a headlock before he could even make it past the bed.

Carlisle dragged him to the bed and threw him onto it. Carlisle leaped on top of Edward and punched him in the face multiple times. Edward tried to fight back, but he was suddenly stopped by where Carlisle was sitting. Carlisle sat right on top of his groin, and he was straddling him a little. Edward, whom was still somehow horny from the unfinished orgasmic climax, was turned on by his position. What the hell are you thinking?! He's your dad!, Edward chanted in his head. Still, the sudden erection wouldn't go away.

Carlisle stopped punching Edward and glared down at him. Edward was staring back at him in a daze, almost as if he was lost in some sort of peaceful world. Carlisle felt something hard against his groin, but Carlisle dismissed as something on the bed. He shifted slightly, but was caught off guard by the pleasurable feeling that shot through his body and the way Edward arched his back and moaned.

Oh. My. God, was all Carlisle could think. Am I dry humping him subconsciously?

Carlisle looked down at Edward again, but this time, in confusion. Edward's face was twisted up into a mask of pleasure. He was biting his lip, and his head was turned so that half his face was buried into the pillow. Realization dawned Carlisle about the hard thing on his groin as he remembered that he interrupted Edward's final thrust.

Edward looked at Carlisle's blank face of confusion in embarrassment. The last thing he ever wanted to do in his vampire life was to come when his father was on top of him. But he needed it so badly, it started to hurt. All his little soldiers were waiting to go off into the world.

"Carlisle…" Edward whimpered softly. Edward tried to consider his pride and self intergrity, but his hard-on wasn't gonna go away. "D-D-Don't stop…"

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Shall I continue? You tell me. I do read all of my reviews, and I am very eager to hear what you have to say. So please review!