It's Hard Out There for a (Vulcan) Pimp: Part 2/2

And so it goes...

Spock contemplated the glass bottle in his right hand, considering the practical purposes of such an object for improving the outcome of a freestyle flow. After several strangely slow mental calculations, he eventually decided Kirk's earlier use of it as an amplification device was based on absolutely nothing logical.

"Ensign Gui." The young comm officer staggered forward.

"What can I do for you, Commander?"

"Can you locate a personal voice amplification device within the next ten seconds?" Gui returned in eight, along with Scotty, who for some reason or another had actually had a few of them in his pocket. With a wink, Lieutenant Uhura carefully fastened a microphone to the collar of Spock's blue shirt.

The rest of the room had begun to gather around their corner, low murmurs of anticipation swelling from the crowd. There was a strange rumor going around that the Captain and the First Officer were about to have a battle of some sort and hell, who wanted to miss that. But Chekov was wary.

"Keptin, I am vary. I do not zink the Commander should—"

Kirk ruffled the boy's curly head. "Just beatbox, kid." So he did.

Spock nodded once towards Sulu. "Lieutenant—if you would kindly supply me with a beat."

Hikaru obliged, thumping out a beat that was just as complicated but a bit slower than the one for the Captain had been. The pilot had a strong and still growing feeling he shouldn't have done all those Patron shots earlier—he would never forgive himself if he couldn't remember anything in the morning. But his face broke out in a huge grin when he noticed that McCoy had peeled off to watch from further back in the crowd, giving his raised tricorder—set in camera mode— a wider view of the entire scene.

Spock stood at a relaxed parade rest position, hands again folded at the small of his back again as he faced Kirk, whose owns arms were crossed at the chest. "Not too late to change your mind, Commander. I would if I were you." The corner of Spock's mouth quirked as he inclined his head.

"Likewise." Kirk's eyes widened.

"You're stalling now?"

Spock's reply was to begin a leisurely stroll around his superior officer. Conversationally, he said,

"I am Vulcan-born, you may know me as Spock. My blood runs green; I possess a large...lok."

Every comm officer and/or Vulcan Language I graduate in the room erupted in stunned amazement. From their reaction, everyone else correctly surmised what their Vulcan Commander had so casually stated---including the Captain, who was now 75% less confident than he had been one minute before.

"Shit."

Meanwhile, Lieutenant Uhura was pulled out of her shock by the squeal of a certain nurse. Eyes narrowed, she sipped Spock's near empty drink and her suspicion was confirmed.

"Christine Chapel!" Except for the beatbox, the room fell silent. "Why the hell did you make a MUDSLIDE for a VULCAN!?"

Uhura's glare burned a path through the crowd as it ended directly on the not-so-contrite blonde, who innocently blinked. "Relax, Uhura, it's not like I was trying to drug him or something." She coughed. "I suppose I didn't realize Vulcan physiology would react so strongly to a virgin Terran cocktail."

"Lying bitch." Uhura spun on her heel and immediately reached for Spock. "Baby, you're as drunk as everyone else! Gimme that mic."

Spock trailed a finger over her palm. "Your logic is sound," he agreed, then batted her hand away.

"But I must proceed." He freestyled,

The USS Enterprise

Is my present station

To seek out new life

And new civilizations.

Physics.

Chemistry.

Biology.

An officer of science—naturally.

A huge group of officers in blue sent up a whoop from the audience. "YEAH COMMANDER!"

I bring you a freestyle

With the aid of these two:

Scotty ran forward to pin tiny microphones to Chekov and Sulu's uniform shirts.

Masters of the beatbox

I will introduce to you.

Lieutenant Pavel Chekhov

mistakes "w" for "v"

His accent is strong;

He is Russian you see.

"Vait! Vat is vrong vith my woice?" "Dammit man, don't stop the beat!" "Sorry doctor."

Next our able helmsan

whose talents are not few

The purveyor of this beat

known as Hikaru Sulu.

"GO SULU! GO SULU! GO SULU! GO! GO! GO! GO!" the room chanted.

On the subject of Uhura

for the very last time:

she is an illogical woman

who is logically—mine.

Uhura ignored the lusty whistles and catcalls to smugly grin at a suddenly scowling Chapel.

So I warn you Captain,

kindly cease and desist

unless the Vulcan Nerve Pinch

is something you miss.

Spock yanked the microphone from his collar and dropped it at Kirk's feet. "Spock out."

Pandemonium ensued.

"What the fuck was that?!" "Who the fuck cares? We just saw Commander Spock own the Captain in a RAP BATTLE."

"Hikaru, vat just heppened?" "Something awesome. I love my life right now."

"Damn, Spock is hot. I wonder what he's doing later...?" "You're a moron, Christine."

"I'm no fool, Scotty! I bet 200 credits the Commander was actually a 3-D holograph." "Aye, Ensign! I'm not so sure m'self it was real! But uh, let me grab my wallet, lad..."

As Lieutenant Uhura was already aware of his greatness, she was more focused on Spock's health.

"...are you sure you're alright? Because that wench knew good and well what she was doing and didn't even care that the stuff could be toxic to you! She's lucky she's in a public place right now. Seriously Spock, what kind of degenerate nurse deliberately poisons someone to—"

Her rant abruptly ceased when a pale finger pressed to her mouth. She clenched her jaw.

"It does not matter, Nyota. My current intoxication is not severe and certainly not enough to warrant further concern." Uhura softened at Spock's words and finally gave a small smile, which he returned with a tiny quirk of his own lips. "My system will return to normal except for you," his voice lower, black eyes boring into hers, "the only narcotic I am defenseless to."

He was radiating the exotic heat Uhura knew she'd never get enough of, but would gladly spend a lifetime trying to. She nuzzled her face into his lightly stubbled jaw. "Mmmm, that's sexy Commander. Now prove it."

"As I tired of these human shenanigans long ago," he growled, seizing her hand, "I will accept your challenge." The mess hall's double doors gently whirred shut behind them.

In the corner, Kirk was nursing his bottle with Bones.

"Hey...I never got to do a rebuttal. So I still got a chance, right?"

"HAHAHA. That hobgoblin just whooped your human ass, Jim. And he'd do it again!"

"I hate you, Bones."

Poor Kirk... maybe Spock will help him step up his game someday.

High fives to Babita who gave me the last minute idea for the narcotics line! Oh—I'm sure most already know this but the mudslide=chocolate goodness which is a Vulcan intoxicant and why Uhura was so pissed at nurse/bartender Chapel.

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews, I sincerely hope you enjoyed. :)