Author's Note: Hi Everyone! Here's a present to my awesome Code Geass fans for the holidays and New Year (a little late, I know.) So I've had this fanfiction idea in my head since I saw the episode in Code Geass R2 when Lelouch asks Kallen to comfort him. I wanted to write out Kallen's feelings, because it's obvious in the scene that she is hesitant about kissing Lelouch and thus... conflicted! Anyway, a quick shout out to all of the great fans who favorited and reviewed my other Code Geass fics and yes, I do have some other ideas for Code Geass in the works, specifically a Lelouch x Shirley one that I began a while back and need to finish haha. Anyway, I understand that there are quite a number of Lelouch x C.C. fans as well and am thinking up a new fic for the pairing!
Thanks again, everyone and I would sincerely appreciate it if you left a review. Any kinds of alerts are always appreciated (favoriting etc.) but it is the reviews that truly let an author know how they are writing. That being said, please please please?!
Blurred Line
Finally.
Finally she had found him.
Wait. No. That wasn't him. That person couldn't possibly be the same person as the one she already knew she was falling for.
Not the boy with a mind that would put even the most brilliant professors to shame; a mind that thought up the most complex and perfected scenarios in a matter of seconds; a mind that was currently (supposed to be) leading a rebellion against a seemingly unstoppable empire.
All of this was veiled perfectly behind a pair of stunningly vibrant, violet eyes that encompassed the word 'calm.'
Until now, she realized with a pang.
Kallen Stadtfeld- no, rather, Kallen Kouzuki, leaned her head back against the rough bark of the enormous cherry blossom tree (with, ironically, no cherry blossoms on it); the first object that had registered in her mind as she raced away from a sight she couldn't bare to see.
She couldn't see him like that.
It wasn't him. It wasn't him. It wasn't him! chanted through her head as she scrunched her eyes shut tightly until all she saw were white spots inside her lids.
Exhausted, a deep breath left her mouth as her entire body sagged forward. What had happened to the boy that she was falling for? The one that she lov-
No.
She tasted the metallic, bitter taste of blood as she bit her lip in shock.
Don't say that you love him, a voice inside her head pleaded. You'll lose him like everyone else you ever loved.
Gasping loudly, Kallen fell to her knees, shaking from the chilly air that she hadn't felt before.
Her mother had sacrificed her health and sanity for her to have a better life. Her brother-
Kallen choked. A warped part of her mind viciously allowed her to blame her mother for her own lifestyle but her brother, her beloved older brother had traded his life for the sole purpose of setting Kallen free from this false reality.
Her mother… her brother… they needed her to focus.
Don't love him, her inner voice persuaded, stronger now. Just stand by your cause.
That was why she had gone searching for him. They were fighting for the same cause. At least that was how it was before she found him.
Now she didn't know what the hell he was fighting for. But she'd be damned if she let someone come between her and her goal of restoring pride and honor to the Japanese.
That was what she told herself before anyway.
Before she had actually spent time with him. Gotten to know his passion, his genius, that was so purely him.
Kallen was never one to think of herself as vain. While other girls her age fawned over boys for their physiques or appearances, Kallen was never tempted by such superficial aspects. So when she had met the object of desire of nearly ever girl who attended her school, Lelouch Lamperouge, it was simple to write him off as just another handsome face with no passion, drive, or motive.
And this was a fact that even today she was at least proud to say that she had gotten correct, at least on surface, she had to admit begrudgingly.
He was proved to be a handsome snob who did not attend classes regularly (though she was one to talk) and was too lazy to actually put any effort forth when his genius was revealed.
But she hadn't fallen for him! She allowed herself this small technicality for her sanity's sake.
A bitter, throaty laugh left her lips. If this was for her sanity's sake perhaps she would be better off admitting she was falling for Lelouch than admit that she had fallen for a man behind a mask.
The truth was a hard pill to swallow. When Kallen had fallen for Zero, the vigilante hidden behind a mask and the same ideals she held as an identity, she had unknowingly fallen for Lelouch.
When it was revealed that the masked knight himself was none other than her annoyingly intriguing schoolmate, Kallen was somehow easily able to accept it.
There was a blurry memory that passed through her head at that moment of her mother telling her about love, back when they were an actual family.
"You can love many people, Kallen. But when you find yourself helplessly falling in love with someone, you discover that you could only feel that way about one person in the whole world. No one else can fill your heart like that one person."
Maybe that was why it made perfect sense to her on a subconscious level. She could only love one person and by falling for both Zero and Lelouch, she had to be falling for the same man.
She didn't accept this, she could never fall for Lelouch; Zero, yes, because they had the same vision, but Lelouch Lamperouge? No. Hell no.
Somehow she managed to throw this philosophy in her mind; she differentiated between them even though she had seen the man behind the mask. It was simple at first; Lelouch was still the same lazy bastard in school, skipping lessons to go and gamble on chess matches and Zero was still the genius, able to issue orders for the takedown of the Brittania Empire, it was second-nature to separate them into two beings.
But damn it, somewhere along the way the fucking line blurred.
Kallen spat out into the ground and balled dirt from the earth into her clenched fists.
Somewhere, Lelouch had become comfortable around Kallen, comfortable enough to be Zero without having to be 'Zero,' without having to wear the mask.
And Kallen found herself falling still, harder in fact, for the man in front of her. The man with a face so beautiful and eyes so hauntingly brilliant with genius that exhilarated her, had captured her heart.
So that was exactly what had lead Kallen to search for him when his beloved sister had been captured by his enemy.
Everyone at the base teased her for her obvious infatuation with the boss. But they didn't know him like she did. Didn't know the boy behind the mask of ultimate power.
She had searched everywhere and when that had failed, Kallen had wandered aimlessly in the dark, thinking of her brother.
It wasn't a surprise when she found herself in front of the old abandoned construction site where Zero had started the entire rebellion. The area was a familiar spot of hers to come to when she wanted to think.
An afterthought that perhaps Lelouch did the same flickered in her head and her feet navigated through the site.
And there he was, in all of his perfection, resting on a metal crate.
"You came here after all, eh?" she murmured softly as she approached him, relief filling her body as she had never felt it before.
His head turned slowly but she had seen his vivid eyes snap to her the moment she revealed herself. A small gasp escaped his lips.
She spoke again, walking closer to him. He seemed frozen.
"Lelouch, I have something…-" Kallen cut herself off as she neared him. The sight in front of her suddenly became the perfect way to redraw the bold line between Zero and Lelouch.
There he was, stooped like a coward, his eyes suddenly seeming dull with a needle of refrain in his pale hand, posed to shoot the vile drug into his veins.
Red exploded in Kallen's vision. Her feet lead themselves in front of him, her calm demeanor meant to soothe him lost as he finally spoke.
"Refrain. Kallen you know about this, too, right? You can go back to the good ol' days…"
A tremor crept up her back and she stiffened immediately. Two quick steps and she viciously tore the tool from his hands, smashing it to the floor.
It wasn't until now that she realized his grasp on the little handle had been limp and weak, like he didn't actually want to use it.
Wait. Stop.
A ghost of a smile graced her features, even now she was willing to shelter him with reason and excuses. She wanted to believe that he wouldn't do something so heinous to himself. Not her strong Zero.
Kallen had been desperate back then, desperate to return the vibrant color to his eyes, the passion she was falling for. "Just think of another plan to get her back!" Of course Kallen had made herself so attuned to him, she knew what was bothering him. "Command us like you always do!"
But he remained there, hunched over, his form looking so… broken. Kallen hadn't realized that she had never seen the top of his head before. He had always stood so proud and tall, his perfect figure towering over her smaller, petite one.
She pleaded. "I'll listen to anything you say!" she cried out to him, never thinking, as she suddenly did now in a moment of self-consciousness that she was being too overdramatic for this to be just anyone. Even if it was someone she loved, she was never melodramatic like she was when she begged him just moments ago.
But when you are in lov- She shook her head.
Her head was bent over, unable to gaze at the top of his dark hair any longer and lose the image of the man she had fallen for when he had finally spoke.
A sort of calm had immediately spread over her, she remembered. Because if anyone could talk to make a change, it was Lelouch.
Beautiful as his deep, husky voice was, his words could make any girl swoon. Bestowed with a handsome face and intelligent mind, Lelouch was infinitely more fortunate with his gift of words.
So when she heard him speak, she expected a brilliant plan, an acknowledgement that he did in fact have an agenda, a step-by-step strategy thought out.
But his words had been… so unexpectedly perfect.
So frighteningly overwhelming. So out-of-character. So vulnerable. So brilliant. So exhilarating. So… everything.
"Then… comfort me…"
Kallen's head had snapped back in pure shock. Her heart seemed to be suspended.
With wide eyes, she watched him pull himself up from the crate to stand, his figure still hunched as he stood until he straightened up completely and took a step towards Kallen.
He advanced towards her slowly, her own feet dragging slightly as she took an automatic step back before freezing completely.
His form towered over hers, exactly as she had always seen it, save the defeat that seemed to lay on his shoulders. But her mind didn't remember that at the time. All that it could focus on was the shocking violet eyes. Warm breath fanned over her face, alerting her, if she could focus long enough, to their proximity.
"That's something women can do, right?" he questioned, in a fashion that was clearly rhetorical.
He leaned even closer to her, his warm hand coming between them as he lifted Kallen's chin. His eyes were half open and hooded as he gazed at her through thick lashes.
And all she could see was violet eyes, pale skin, a straight aristocratic nose, and dark hair.
His hand, soft, not at all rough, smoothed over her cheek as he moved his lips towards her. That's when Kallen noticed them; perfect lips moving towards her.
Eyes wide open in frozen shock and anticipation, Kallen felt herself shake slightly as her lips unconsciously lifted towards his more confident and unhesitating ones.
She didn't breath. Her eyes wanted to droop shut and allow her to finally feel the soft pressure of something she had been dreaming about since she had fallen for the brilliant boy. Images flashed through her head. She wanted to be held by those lean arms and run her fingers through that soft hair; wanted to press her body closer to his firm chest and wrap her arms around those broad shoulders. Wanted to become one with someone who shared her passions, someone who she had come to admire.
Just as she resigned herself to her dream, her eyes caught his closing ones and strings were pulling her heart back into place.
Those eyes that she had fallen for… fallen in love with, were lost. She only saw ones that were confused and haunted, mixed up and hopeless.
And they weren't the ones she wanted to see, she realized with a pang.
Her eyes scrunched shut and her hand flew up and across his face harshly. "No!"
The sound of skin making contact with skin reverberated through the empty site.
Kallen felt so weak and helpless when his face turned from the force of her slap to gaze at her. She had almost lost herself to him. Almost resigned to accept things the way they were instead of fighting for what she believed in.
She had screamed at him to wake up and face his demons. But a part of her had still revealed her own selfish intentions; Get a hold of yourself so that I don't have to face this on my own!
The look on his face had her wishing she could vanish in a Knightmare instead of staring into the shocked eyes of her lov-
The skin of his cheek had already begun to turn a shade of pink from the impact of her slap. Probably because no one has ever laid a hand on his aristocratic face, Kallen mused.
The brilliance of his violet eyes again struck her as they reawakened in him. And just like that, images of 'what-could-have-been' flooded through her head.
Soft lips on hers.
Comfort me. She wasn't blind to the meaning. He wanted to forget about everything and to do that, he would immerse himself in a distraction.
If she hadn't stopped him, Kallen wasn't sure if she could have stopped later on.
The thought had her hysterical as she swiftly turned from him and ran, not wanting the hot tears that blurred her vision to fall in front of him.
But even as she had left, not daring to admit to herself that she might have just willingly ruined a secret dream of hers, Kallen only saw the mesmerizing violet eyes that she was in love with.
When she had finally slowed and recognized objects around her, she found herself resting against the enormous cherry blossom tree with no cherry blossoms on it.
A part of her wished he had chased after her but realized that his physical prowess made that impossible, not to mention the fact that she was constantly training herself. Even if he tried to catch up with her, with the speed she was running at it was better if he just gave up. She snorted and then froze with realization.
She had fallen in love with Lelouch Lamperouge; the lazy, cocky, wimpy, arrogant boy from her class. The opposite of what she had always wanted in a guy.
But with each slash against him, a vision of him appeared, negating and outweighing all his faults. Lelouch Lamperouge was handsome, intelligent, kind, passionate, and driven with a dream that Kallen could see as a future.
Somewhere along the way, Zero and him had combined into what Kallen already knew; the person she loved.
As she finally gathered and acknowledged this information, Kallen found herself sitting on the floor, looking at the large river in front of her, admiring the view.
A soft touch on her hand caught her attention as she gazed in wonder at the lone cherry blossom. Glancing up at the tree, she was silently surprised to see it still empty. Perhaps she had simply not looked hard enough. Wouldn't be the first time, she decided with a slightly bitter laugh.
Pressing the velvety petal between her fingers, she returned her attention to the river as the moonlight danced over the still surface, illuminating every minute ripple and wave.
"Damn line just had to blur," she murmured softly to herself.
You know the drill... lemme know how you liked it! Review, please!
P.S. Reviews often equal an incentive for writing more :-D!