Because It's Tuesday.
LostLoveIsDead
A/N: Okay, so this was a challenge found in the forms [.net/topic/44309/16008420/1/] It was to use as many quotes from a list they posted of random quotes they heard people say in New York City. This is possibly the worst thing I have ever written, anything offensive in here was pure humor and should not be taken seriously. I do actually like the Draco/Hermione pair and mocking them here, is just pure humor. Late night boredom and looking for a cure for my writers block. Enjoy!
Rating: T for language
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the quotes that were listed on the challenges form page.
**
Hermione Granger walked down one of the many long corridors of Hogwarts with a tall lanky blonde, as usual- they were seemingly bickering.
"Look, I said you're wrong! You're wrong and you're ugly!" Draco Malfoy yelled in her face, flailing his arms in frustration.
"Real mature Malfoy, like your so perfect?" Hermione sighed turning to him. She stopped walking for a moment, turning to her schoolmate.
"Yes! I am actually! Thank you for noticing!" Draco grinned poking at her temper, Hermione sighed.
"Why do you have to be so arrogant?" She turned her head and they began walking again, Draco took a few bigger steps to catch up to her.
"It's only arrogance if you're wrong." He smiled.
"Ahhhh… I'm tired, and I need a martini." Hermione cringed a little at his tormenting.
"A martini? What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Draco raised an eyebrow at her as the two sat down at a small bench in the staircase watching people go by.
"Draco- you know, you can be a real jackass sometimes." Hermione rested her head against the stone cold wall.
"But you love it!" He laughed.
"We're not friends for ten minutes." Hermione stared straight forward ignoring Draco out of the corner of her eye.
"But it's my birthday! You have to be my friend!" Draco exclaimed.
"Its not your birthday!" Hermione looked at him raising an eyebrow, he smirked.
"Gotcha!" He laughed loudly.
"Ugh. You can be so...so...so slimy sometimes." Hermione said, searching for the correct word.
"Smily? Thanks a lot 'mione." Draco replied.
"I don't mean slimy in a bad way." She turned to him.
"Then how do you mean it?" He raised a very confused eyebrow.
"Like, you just- manage to get yourself out of everything. Slimy... slippery... moving?" Hermione made the connection in her head, it now- sounded utterly ridiculous.
"Oh, so now I'm the bad guy? Let's talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!" They heard someone yell from across the hall, they both raised and eyebrow and looked at each other.
"Do you want to go to the library?" Hermione asked, Draco nodded. They both slipped out of the busy corridor without being noticed. They began to make their way down to the library in silence, when they got there Draco opened the door for her.
"Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true." Draco grinned at her, she just sighed.
"Well- I have spent a lot of nights in here." Hermione looked around at all the books.
"Actually, my wildest dreams came true by the black lake." Draco winked.
"You and I were having two totally different conversations." Hermione said after a minute as Draco realized what she was talking about and his face formed an "o" expression.
"Shh! Quiet down this is a library!" A girl sitting close by said looking up from her book.
"Oh, you and your rules." Draco smiled as he and Hermione walked towards the back of the library.
"By the way, did Pansy die?" Hermione looked up at Draco after she sat down.
"No." Draco said flatly leaning back in his chair closing his eyes.
"Oh… I must have had that dream again." Hermione said nonchalantly before taking a random book off the shelves and flipping it open to a random page.
"Oh! This one is about how Wizards could marry other Wizards and Witches could marry other Witches. I didn't even think that was an issue in the wizarding world." Hermione said flipping through a few pages.
"You know, sometimes I wish I were gay." Draco said stretching as they both began to chuckle a little bit before Hermione cut him off.
"Wait- you were kidding right?" Hermione looked at him after a long somewhat awkward pause.
"Of course I'm kidding." He said after another long pause.
"Oh my god I thought you were gay!" Hermione chuckled and sighed.
"Why must you hurt me when I have shown you nothing but love?" Draco raised an eyebrow at her.
"Nothing but love? Are you crazy?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"Heh! I know, I could barely keep a straight face while saying that." Draco laughed to himself, mentally patting himself on the back.
"So far, I've experienced coldness and evil from you." Hermione sighed crossing her arms pushing the book aside.
"That's because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens." Draco told her, fixing the cuff of his sleeve.
"Thats a horrible thing to say!...but you are right." Hermione sighed.
"You know what Hermione? If you didn't have me, you'd be a nun." Draco said sitting up and looking her in the eyes.
"Sadly, I know." Hermione looked down, a solum expression on her face.
"I know- Its hard." Draco patted her on the shoulder.
"Draco?" Hermione looked up at him.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"I know your gay, I did see you in the closet with Harry that one night." She confessed, referring back to their previous conversation.
"What? No I haven't! It was just the one time!" He scrambled for words while she grinned.
"But I saw you with Ron the other week too..." Hermione cocked an eyebrow looking at him.
"Really? Huh. Well, I must have been drunk when I did that." Draco looked up a little, trying to recall what happened.
"But its okay, I am completely comfortable with you pretending to be straight with me for a while before you decide to come out of the closet!" Hermione said optimistically.
"Oh good!" Draco smiled as did Hermione.
"But from now on, you will obey me!" Hermione laughed as lightening and thunder struck in the background, when did it start to rain?
"What?" Draco asked, somewhat frightened.
"You are asking me to keep your secret! Well, now you owe me." Hermione smiled at him.
"You have to be kidding me Granger." Draco sat back with a raised eyebrow.
"We're going to the dark side!" She laughed with a joyous grin on her face.
"Well, I'm glad you see it my way now at least!" Draco threw his hands up in the air, happy someone finally understood.
"No. This is not Burger King, You cannot have it your way." Hermione looked at him, her eyebrows knitted together.
"What?" Draco asked, getting even more confused.
"If you like the dark side, then we will stay on the nice pretty fruity side." Hermione grinned, tormenting him even further. He looked at her for a moment, then sighed.
"Fine... but Hermione?" He looked at her with his cool grey eyes.
"Yes?"
"Why do you smell like alcohol?"
"Because it's Tuesday."
Fin.
A/N: Well, that was possibly the worst thing I have ever written. I don't even know if I want to see what you guys have to say about this. I swear, my other writing is NOT this horrendous.