~What I've Done~

A Mercy Thompson Series Fan Fiction

(Mercy X Samuel)

By Shadowsammy

Notes: The Mercy Thompson Series is Copyright Patricia Briggs. So...me no own; you no sue. Okay? Okay.

Samuel's P.O.V.

In this Farewell

There's No Blood

There's No Alibi

'Cause I've Drawn Regret

From the Truth

Of a Thousand Lies

I smiled sadly as I locked the front door. Locked it for the last time. I had come to this decision almost two weeks ago.

Lying.

Leaving.

Dying.

What does it matter anymore? I thought grimly. It is not like anyone cares if I live or die. And besides, death is a natural part of life – even for a Werewolf.

The stars were bright against the night sky. I raised my nose in mock salute, sniffing at the air at the same time. It smelled of her. Smelled of sweat and WD-40. And him. Oh, God, it smelled like him, as well.

I growled quietly to myself. Damn him! That man stole my mate, my mate of sixteen years. Even…even if she doesn't acknowledge me as her mate…she is still mine.

I sniffed again, checking the air for any recent scents. The only one that I found was of a stray dog, maybe a German Sheppard, that had passed by about an hour ago. A dog was no match for me, not even if he was that large. I ignored the older scents and began walking the forest trail towards the river.

Silence. Sweet silence. No animals or people lurked nearby and I was left to my thoughts. I wonder what she'll do when she realizes I'm gone…? I shrugged. Who knows. Maybe she won't realize that I'm dead. Maybe she will think I just left.

I was standing at the edge of the river now. It was wide and dark and so very, very inviting. Eagerly, I lifted one bare foot and stuck it in the waters. I almost jerked it back in shock; the river water was freezing! I shivered in delight. My grave would be a watery one, but it would do. Yes, it would do.

So Let Mercy Come

And Wash Away

"NO! Samuel! Don't do it, please! Sam, please, please, please do not do it!"

I sighed, but obediently lifted my foot away from the waters. "What do you want, Mercy?"

She ran up to me, bent over, and placed both of her hands on her knees. Panting, she held up a hand – Wait a minute. But for God's sake, step away from the damned water.

I snapped my head up in surprise. What? How on Earth…?

Mercy smiled slightly. I didn't understand at first either. By the time I did, it was already too late.

Too…late…?

I was already claimed as Adam's mate and you…you were slowly leaving me. And I couldn't do anything about it.

I'm sorry, Mercy, it's just... I sighed, pondering how best to explain. I am a very old wolf.

She slowly came forward, but I held up a hand to stop her. Her eyes widened in confusion. I stepped back one step, then another, all the while getting closer to my goal. Mercy's look of confusion quickly turned to one of understanding. And horror.

"No, Sam, please…" she cried. Tears glistened in her eyes.

I shook my head. "I won't jump. Not just yet, at least."

Mercy stared at me warily.

Watching.

Waiting.

Weeping.

"I…" I began, and then paused. "I know…that what I did all of those years ago was wrong, Mercy."

She opened her mouth (knowing her, it was probably to say something completely inappropriate and off subject…) to interrupt.

I cut her off, continuing, "Shut up, Mercy, and listen. I took advantage of so many of your good qualities. Your kindness, your trust, and even your youth, damn it! I knew that you were young – only sixteen, for God's sake – and yet…I still pursued you!"

What I've Done

I've Faced Myself

To Cross Out What I've Become

Erase Myself

To Let Go of What I've Done

I cried out as the wolf once again climbed to the surface. He tore at my skin, ripping at the shattered memories of my past with sharp teeth. White fur began to spread across my skin in uneven tufts and my eyes lightened to an icy white. My arms and legs swelled to the size of the limbs of a tiger. They were stronger than those of a normal wolf – more useful. Two canine ears burst out of my skull, just above where my hairline had been, and a tailbone lengthened to accommodate my new tail. I dropped to all fours.

Put to Rest

What You Thought of Me

While I Clean this Slate

With the Hands of Uncertainty

Who cares if she loves me? Who cares if ANYONE loves me? I have to love myself first. Otherwise, no one else will ever care for me. But I must live in order to love myself, and then be loved by others. I realized suddenly.

I gazed up at the full moon. It shone brightly above me like a beacon of hope. My lips turned up in a canine grin; they opened in a howl. Then I bowed my head, saluting the moon in all her beauty.

So Let Mercy Come

And Wash Away

"Sam," she whispered, "I love you. I always have, even when I was a teenager. And you were the only one that loved me, besides Bran. But he was my basically my step-father. You – and only you - protected me from all of the Werewolves that would have hurt me. Protected me from those that would have killed the Coyote pup thrust upon them. You loved me when no one else did. Taught me right from wrong. Held me close when I needed comfort and company. Gave me space and independence when I needed to be alone. You, Sam, are the only one that I have ever been in love with." She came forward and wrapped her arms around my neck, tangling her hands in the fur at the back of my neck.

Are you…are you really… I fidgeted, pawing at the ground. Are you really in love with…me? I stared at her; she didn't avert her gaze. I shook myself. Silly Coyote, you never did know how to be submissive, did you?

Mercy snorted, "That's me, the silly one." She smiled, her eyes twinkling. "And yes, you overgrown lapdog, I am in love with you. Do I need to clarify anything else?"

I shuddered and, to both her amazement and mine, I shifted back into human form. She glanced around, gathered my scattered clothing, and brought the articles to me. Mercy blushed and looked away, apparently embarrassed at my nakedness. Smirking, I stood and walked towards her. She stuck her tongue out at me, but kept her eyes averted. I just shook my head and took my clothing from her outstretched hands. I dressed quickly, as the night was getting colder.

What I've Done

I've Faced Myself

To Cross Out What I've Become

Erase Myself

To Let Go of What I've Done

"Od ci back," I muttered affectionately in her ear. I reached forward and ruffled her hair.

Mercy rolled her eyes at the nickname. "Fud blaidd."

Then I sighed. "I-I'm sorry…"

"I told you – it's over and done with, Sam," Mercy said, waving away my apology.

"Mercy, sweetheart, I meant for tonight. ...And for all of the trouble I have given you recently," I sighed again. Why on Earth would she choose me after all of this chaos? Oh, right. She's a coyote; damn girl attracts chaos like a magnet.

"Trouble?" Mercy snorted. "What Werewolf isn't trouble?"

Rolling my eyes, I prayed to whatever God was listening to give me patience. "Mercy, stay on topic, please…"

She gave me a mock-salute. "Yes, Dr. Cornick."

"Mercy," I growled lightly at her. She giggled, but stayed quiet. I continued, "And…I have…an important question for you."

For What I've Done

I Start Again

And Whatever Pain May Come

Today This Ends

I'm Forgiving What I've Done

Mercy raised a dark eyebrow at this.

I cleared my throat. "Mercy, do you, as a free individual and a loner with no declared pack, give consent to this spell?"

She blushed and quietly, but firmly, answered, "I, Mercy, a free Coyote of no particular pack, give consent to the spell of Samuel, a Lone Wolf with no bonds to any pack."

"Then, from this day forward, mine to me and mine. We are pack."

"We are pack."

"And I, Samuel, as Alpha of this pack, formally ask my pack mate, Mercy, to be my lover and mate."

She started slightly. "Of course, Sam. I…" Mercy smiled and took a deep breath. "I, Mercy, formally answer you, Samuel. Yes, I wish to be your mate. Forever and for always."

What I've Done

I've Faced Myself

To Cross Out What I've Become

Erase Myself

To Let Go of What I've Done

My arms found their way around her waist. I held her close, smiling into her hair. "Mercy."

"You'll find none of that if you ever cheat on me," Mercy laughed.

I rolled my eyes again but said nothing – only Mercy could make fun of her name. Instead, I tightened my grip, and growled. My very soul was calling for the second part of the ceremony. But I wouldn't do anything that Mercy did not want, even if it went against Werewolf tradition.

So I was a bit surprised when –

What I've Done

Forgiving What I've Done

– Mercy pulled back and tugged at my hand.

I looked down at her curiously. Did she…? She smiled slyly and, standing on tiptoes, kissed me on the lips. It was soft and brief. And full of passion.

She tugged again, harder this time, and began to lead me back to her house. Our house. At least, it was our house until I bought a new one for the both of us. And with what we were about to do, well, I guessed that Mercy and I would be needing a new house very soon.

Translations:

Left (Welsh) = Right (English)

Od ci back = Silly Coyote

Fud blaidd = Dumb wolf.

Um...translations are from Google. So...they're probably...WRONG! Heh. Oh, well. :D