To Break

A/N: OK, so I changed my mind again. The story has gone back to being three chapters, simply because...well, I have exams coming up and two other stories to work on...and as I am not quite yet sure where to go with Breaking, the next story, this one is on hold for a while. However, I have some really wonderful reviews and to say thank you for those I have decided to post this chapter. To Break is an interesting story, where I test the relationship between Dumbledore and Snape...and it will get more interesting still when I work out where I am going with it. But it will be continued, I promise!

In this story, I know my characterisation of Voldemort is a little non canon, but hopefully his words explain why he is acting a little strangely. May I also point out that this story is not slash—but if you choose to see that, then that's up to you...of course there will always be multiple interpretations of my work!

Thank you to all who reviewed this humble story...the words of advice and praise have made my days this past week; and the amount of traffic has made me so happy so YAY! I hope this lives up to your expectations! SS19 x

"Turn the room upside down. He may have left some clue to his destination; or why he left so suddenly." This time it was the guilt that was tangible. Dumbledore couldn't help it; Severus had never returned from Knockturn Alley...if he had been there at all, for Sirius said none of the vendors there had seen the dark wizard. Albus couldn't shake the feeling that his spy had done something foolish after their argument.

"Here is the note, Albus. Severus said it meant nothing though." Remus handed Dumbledore the note with a small sigh, "I should have stopped him leaving."

"This is not your fault, Remus." Albus soothed, opening the note. "If Severus wanted to leave, there was nothing you could have done to stop him. Please, don't worry yourself. I am sure he has simply gone to clear his head." He looked down at the note in his hand, reading through the opening paragraph—full of figurative speech and metaphors to mask the true meaning of how Voldemort had once again attacked and killed Muggles and Mudbloods. It did concern Dumbledore slightly that Snape had not been summoned about these attacks...but then, he mused, Voldemort didn't want to put Snape under suspicion from Dumbledore.

His eyes were drawn to some pen strokes at the bottom of the parchment. They appeared to be simple lines and crosses—but Dumbledore thought that they were vaguely familiar. "Remus? Did Severus mention these marks?"

Remus glanced at the marks, looking up from the Aurors searching the room, "Severus said he did not recognise it."

"He lied." Dumbledore murmured, so only Lupin could hear him. "This is a code. A code devised by Severus for him and Voldemort to use when they were apart—this was when Severus was Voldemort's closest advisor." He shook his head, "It has been many years since I have seen this so I cannot understand it—but it is a second language to Severus. He will know what it says instantly. I, on the other hand, must take it back to Hogwarts. Severus gave me a key to the code when he joined our side—it might give us a clue to his whereabouts."

Lupin looked at him, "If Severus understood the code, then he lied to us. Why would he do that?"

Dumbledore's eyes were dark. "He may simply be trying to keep the Order safe. We know that Severus likes to be independent, now, don't we?"

"No! They are simply content to sit and watch and laugh as Snape kneels and crawls and begs before the Dark Lord. It is all he is worth—no more than a dog—while they reap all the benefits and the fame!"

Severus' words. Spoken with such hate and anger. Dumbledore was ashamed of the way he had spoken—risen to the bait of Severus' words, tried to win the argument, even though he knew it was simply Severus looking for reassurance.

The boy always looked for reassurance. He needed someone to tell hi he was doing the right thing. And Dumbledore had shot him down. He had seen the hurt...what had become of their relationship now? What would force Snape to take drastic action?

Then Dumbledore remembered his own words.

"They risk their own lives each day, Severus—to check that a wayward follower who switches between light and dark as easy as turning on a light...a follower of Voldemort...does not give away their identities in a fit of blind and selfish rage!"

Words that had been spoken from the innermost depths of his heart—he had meant to tell Severus that he cared and he worried that one day the man would simply crash and burn in front of Voldemort. That one day his secret would be found out and he would die for it. Why had come out so poisonous?

Why couldn't he see Severus now, grasp him firmly and tell him he was sorry?

"Severus!"

Snape turned when he heard the sound of his name being called. It had been exactly twenty six hours since the Order meeting. He knew that—he had been counting every minute.

Every second even. Still he was waiting. Sat in a chair in the grand mansion, pretending to be absorbed in a book when the words simply moved around on the page in front of him; the letters refusing to behave. He simply could not concentrate. But he did look up at Lucius, who strode across the room to meet him. "Dear friend!" The blonde hair wizard exclaimed, "Such a long absence from our circle!" The icy blue eyes turned concerned, and Snape knew that this was a question that had been plaguing his friend, "Is all well?"

Snape shrugged, "I assume so...I simply have not been summoned to any gatherings with our Lord recently. I am sure he has his reasons."

Lucius lowered his voice, "You have heard the rumour? That the Dark Lord believes there is a spy in our circle."

Snape covered his emotions with a fake surprised expression, "Really, Lucius? Well, in that case, I hope it's Pettigrew."

Lucius laughed, "Indeed, dear friend. Indeed." He looked away, "I must go...things to do, a Ministry to break. Take care—and I hope to see you again soon, for you must come and see Narcissa and I at our home—it has been a long time."

Snape nodded, "Thank you for the offer; I am sure we can discuss this matter with the Owl Post—good luck on your mission."

Lucius nodded, and walked away.

Snape was left to continue waiting.

Dumbledore was sat in his office by the roaring fire, head lowered over the parchment letter. He was struggling to use the key that Snape had given him only a few years ago—clearly Voldemort had made some adjustment.

Or Snape had lied.

"Severus?" Pettigrew shuffled over to Snape, "The Dark Lord will see you now."

Snape followed the lump of a man into the Dark Lord's chamber. The high pitched voice spoke almost instantly, "Pettigrew. Leave us."

Wormtail limped away and Snape quickly knelt, head bowed.

"Severus." The voice was neutral, unreadable. "You came."

"As soon as I received your message, my Lord."

"Indeed." Voldemort turned to look at Snape. "As soon as you received my message."

Finally, Dumbledore had cracked the code. He wrote each letter down individually.

There is a spy in our midst.

He felt his breath catch in his chest. So Voldemort knew that someone was selling him out.

I require your presence.

Dumbledore knew that Snape would be called to give his opinions—perhaps he had gone straight away to prove to Voldemort that he was indeed loyal.

But Dumbledore couldn't understand the final part. Why would Voldemort write another sentence, without the spaces, with a totally different message?

I'll show you coward.

And the words, from little more than a day ago.

You dare to call me a coward?

Dumbledore swallowed his fear—Severus. It was Severus' hand.

He snatched up the powder and moved close to the fireplace, "Remus. I need you. Come quickly."

"Severus, Severus, Severus. A long time since we last saw each other, is it not? A few weeks, at least?" The Dark Lord walked around the kneeling Snape, arms folded, voice casual. "I assume that you have heard the news that I believe we have a spy in our circle, Severus? My dearest servant, you always hear everything."

"I have heard my Lord."

"Do you know who it is?" The voice had turned dangerous; "For you Severus know more than I do about my followers."

"I think you already know who it is, my Lord." Snape's tone was deferential, filled with respect that was not quite artificial.

"Indeed Severus, I think I do." A long pause. "I just want you to tell me."

"Where did you find the note, Severus?" Dumbledore demanded of Lupin as they pondered the possible outcomes of Voldemort's letter.

"It was on the ground. Strange though—almost as if it was meant for me to find..." Lupin looked distant, "But then of course we passed it on as we could make no sense of it."

Dumbledore was frozen. "Meant for you to find?"

"Yes. I mean, I don't think it was there when we first arrived, because it was near to the bodies, but then I turned around to look at something on my own and there it was. On the ground just waiting for me to pick it up." Lupin fixed his eyes on Dumbledore, "Is it important?"

"Oh Merlin." Dumbledore murmured, "So Voldemort knew that an Auror—no, more specifically a member of the Order—would find the letter."

"Albus, You-Know-Who does know that Snape is in the Order!"

"No, he doesn't." Dumbledore shook his head, "Severus and I agreed—if Voldemort ever needed information about the Order, we knew he might torture Severus for it—Severus Snape spies on me, and the Ministry, and what I tell him. But he doesn't spy on you. He doesn't know that Severus has any contact with the Order. Unless he suspects Severus of treachery—in which case he leaves a letter for an Order member to find and of course pass it on."

Lupin looked pale, "Albus..."

"Which means...which means Lord Voldemort knows who the spy is already."

"My Lord, I..."

"You will not tell me who you think the spy is, Severus? Why is that? Are you protecting someone? Your dear friend, Lucius, perhaps? Should I use the Cruciatus on him a few times and see if he knows?"

"No, my Lord, I simply..."

"You see, Severus. I laid a plan. A plan to fish out my spy. If you are not a spy, then you should not be here. I'm almost certain. But I want to hear it from your mouth, as I could be quite wrong. Tell me how a letter picked up by an Auror, and an Order member, helpfully identified by Bella, manages to find its way into your hands?" Voldemort paused, "Tell me why, Severus, a letter, addressed to you...but written and signed by the Dark Lord Voldemort does not end up with you before the Ministry awaiting trial? Instead, you come here as the message commands? How come you are even in possession of the letter at all—surely it might contain clues?"

"No!" Dumbledore couldn't bear the pain, "He knew!" He had figured Snape out, "That's what he meant by not being a coward. That's what he meant when he spoke to you! He was saying good bye—his apology to me!"

"But You-Know-Who will kill him!" Lupin jumped up, "We have to rescue him."

Dumbledore leant against his desk, overcome with pain and weariness, "This is my fault. He is trying to prove something to me. But..." The realisation dawned on him, cold and cruel, like the words he had delivered during their argument. "I've lost him."

"Still silent, Severus? Surely your logical and intelligent mind is working it out?"

Snape's logical mind was indeed working—what to do next.

"Might I make a suggestion to help you? I think that you have placed your loyalty in two camps. There is only one way you could have escaped the wrath of the Ministry and received my letter. You are the spy, Severus Snape." He paused, standing in front of the younger man, who was pale and still, almost like a corpse.

"Why so quiet, Severus? Why not try to defend yourself? Or do I speak the truth?"

"I will not lie to you my Lord."

"I have to find him, Remus! I will not leave him at the hands of Voldemort—there is a chance that Tom will be merciful, it depends on how Severus chooses to play his cards." Dumbledore paused, "But I fear...I fear I have pushed him too far...maybe our argument has hurt him so badly." He looked across at the window, eyes sparkling with tears, "My boy..."

"Lie to me, Severus?" Voldemort reached out and grabbed Snape's hair, yanking it backwards so Snape looked into his face, "Surely you have been lying to me since for two years now?"

"My Lord..."

"No. No, I gave you your chance to speak, Severus Snape." He pushed Snape down to the floor, drawing his wand, "So I do speak the truth. You are the spy." He continued to pace around the younger wizard, faster this time, "I always suspected you, Severus. Sitting in Dumbledore's pocket—but you always came to me with such willingness and openness." His voice sounded different—Snape thought he could detect...hurt?

"But now I understand. All the times you came to me and murmured "My Lord"—you were lying to me. All the times you knelt at my feet—you were hiding from me. All the times you kissed my robe and told me that your dedication was total—you were simply laughing at me." Voldemort sounded furious, something Snape had come to fear—he could almost feel the anger sparking of the other wizard. "I trusted you, Severus Snape." He reached down and pulled the wizard up so Snape was kneeling again. He ran a hand through the black hair, "You showed the most potential." He shook his head, still staring into Snape's dark eyes, "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you, Severus. Talk now. Give me a reason."

"I have no reason, my Lord."

"This not like you, Severus. You always spoke to me—never to the other Death Eaters, no for of course they were beneath you—but you talked to me. Or were your words simply what Dumbledore told you to say, to keep me happy, to keep me unsuspecting?" When Snape did not answer, he grew violent, striking Snape across the face, "Answer me!"

Snape didn't know what to say—his mind knew what he wanted—a release. Dumbledore obviously did not care—and now he had done what he had to do—he was going to die here.

Of course he had known about the letter. He wasn't foolish, he had seen Voldemort's full plan—and he had chosen to follow it. He would pay for his actions, of course, but right now he did not care. He simply waited for the blow to fall, the spell to be cast.

Voldemort moved back over next to Snape, "There is something wrong. You might well be a spy—but you know of my power. Anyone else would be begging for their life right now. But not you, Severus."

Snape looked up at him from his place on the floor.

Voldemort understood, "You want to die, Severus?" Voldemort laughed, high pitched and cruel, "You and Dumbledore have argued. He has hurt you—and you have come to me, hoping that I will kill you."

Snape looked away.

"Give me a reason why I should kill you then!" Voldemort shouted, "You have given away our secrets to the Ministry. You have betrayed our fellow members of our circle—you have betrayed me! All the times you let me touch you—were they simply you looking to keep me in the dark? How long, Severus? How long have you been with Dumbledore? Before my downfall, perhaps? When you gave me the prophecy, did you know?"

"No, my Lord."

"Ah, finally!" Voldemort shouted, "A voice! Why should I believe you? All the things we did together—all the things I shared with you—the closeness we shared. You were my advisor, almost a friend and forever my servant. Did those times mean nothing?"

"My Lord, I turned back to Dumbledore when you killed Lily. Certainly not before."

"Oh." Voldemort pointed his wand, "Because I betrayed you—did it hurt, Severus? Knowing that I had not done what you wanted?"

Snape lowered his eyes.

"Not as much as it hurts me now to look at you. Knowing that you have been serving two masters. I could kill you now, Severus Snape. I could free you. But that is what you want. And I have two years worth of betrayal to repay—you will feel the consequences of every word you ever whispered in Dumbledore's ear—every time you shared a moment with him. Every time you told him that you were his most loyal—like the times you told me the exact same thing!"

"Please my Lord..." Snape was not begging for his life. He was begging for his death. "I was your most devoted, and I became disillusioned. Now I am the same with Dumbledore for things that you will not understand—please, just kill me."

"No." Voldemort shook his head. "Your words will no longer work on me, Severus Snape." He raised his voice, "Wormtail!"

Wormtail shuffled in, looking confused.

"Take Severus down to the dungeons and put him in one of the cells—you can then tell the other Death Eaters that I have discovered the identity of our spy."

Snape stood up, "I am sorry, my Lord."

"No, Severus." Voldemort shook his head. "You are not sorry now. But you will be."

As Snape left with Wormtail, Voldemort shook his head, "You will be."

Now you all want to know what happens next; so please go and read the next part which is entitled "Breaking". The trilogy will conclude with "Broken" which is in progress. Thank you for reading; I am indebted. SS19.