Chapter Fifty-Seven:

I held Wesley tight to my side and leaned over the rail of the ship to see the dolphins jumping beside us, chasing the ship. "Dolphins." I told him, and he grinned.

"Dophin!" He giggled and hugged me and I squeezed him even closer to my breast. The sea air was warm and salty and I reveled in the moment—my baby warm in my arms, my still too short hair blowing off my forehead, and the comforting presence slowly approaching behind me. Gil thought he was stealthy—he'd gone to put our carry-on luggage in our cabin so Wesley wouldn't miss waving buh-bye to Grandma on the shore. I could hardly make out Elaina from here, but I waved, and Wesley did too, and a small hand rose up among a crowd of small hands, waving and then tucking down the middle and ring fingers. I love you.

Wesley recognized the sign and mimicked it as best he could and then blew Grandma a kiss and I could feel the older woman's joy, as tangible as the wind around us, even at this distance. And then Gil had finally wound his way through the people and wrapped his arms around me and laying a kiss on the curve between my neck and my shoulder, lifting his own hand to the air, telling his mother that he loved her too. A kiss to the top of Wesley's head as he giggled at the Dolphins again… and the ship was moving.

We waved and waved, even when we lost sight of her, until all the people waving the ship away were out of sight. And then I turned back to Gil, the man who had returned from dropping the very woman we'd just waved to at the airport with news that he'd turned down a promotion, taken some time off, and was going to take Wesley and I someplace tropical.

Flying was out of the question, at least for a little while… at least until Wes was a little better adjusted, so we were taking a cruise ship from L.A. to Hawaii and staying as long as Debbie's shopping fund would pay for, and then some. We'd spent the night with his mother, in the home he'd grown up in, and I'd spent hours with Elaina looking at her artwork and through photo albums of Gil as a smaller, blonder, curly-headed little boy. His glasses had been too big for his face, his smile too serious for his age, and his eyes brighter than anyone hovering over a dead cat ought to have… He was perfect.

Elaina was glad that I wasn't Debbie… and she was glad I'd been brave enough to fight for love. I had been surprised—to the point that I blurted out, "But I lied to your son."

She had smiled, and turned the page in the album—to Gil and Debbie's wedding picture. He was young, handsome, happy… but not too happy. He'd definitely been happier in the last week than he was in the picture, I noted with no small amount of satisfaction. And Debbie—her eyes were cold. She looked happy, but all the joy was directed inwards. It wasn't joy in joining with another person for eternity—it was joy in self-achievement. She was proud of herself, probably for fooling such an amazing man into loving her, even knowing her faults, but it had nothing to do with the man whose arms were around her.

"Your heart didn't lie, honey. He and Wes need you, after her… Who am I to argue with the way God brings about his miracles?"

Normally, I would have nodded politely, quietly reminding myself that randomness was a natural part of the world… a part of the way everything worked. But maybe, just maybe, she was right. …Maybe I'd fallen out of the sky for a reason. Maybe chance was the mechanism by which God worked. Maybe there was someone up there, writing the fates of the universe and of our lives in complex equations, solving for x… Because I couldn't believe in a God who didn't function within the realms of science and math. It was the language of the universe—just, now I thought… there might be someone up there, speaking it to us.

I hardly slept that night—I'd lived by the ocean my entire life, but I'd never been on a cruise. I teased Gil that he'd get sick of me in such close quarters, without the lab and his bugs to escape to. He shook his head, and smiled—"Family time," Gil called it. I had teased him that he'd chosen someplace tropical because he wanted bikini time… and he'd simply grinned, kissed me, and told me he had never felt so happy or so in love.

And if he kept talking like that, I was okay with bikini time.

"What's the cabin like?"

He put his hands out for Wesley and the toddler leaned forward, into Gil's arms. "Small, but not bad… there's no separate bedroom, just a couch that pulls out."

I frowned and he chuckled, guiding us towards it. "Sounds like we've got an hour or so to get settled before supper and a show… and later in the week, they've got several on-ship daycares for a formal night."

I wrinkled my brow. "Can't he come?"

He smiled and kissed me again. "I'm feeling jealous of someone who is much shorter than me. …And his voice is a lot higher."

"And he's way cuter." I added with a smirk, earning myself a playful glare and a pinch in a place that made me widen my eyes and look around in alarm, to make sure no one had seen.

The cabin was small, and the pull out couch wasn't very good. Wesley would probably end up sleeping between us all the way to Hawaii. But that was okay—after everything that had happened, I wanted to keep him close. I wanted to keep both the men in my life close.

We ate dinner, we took in a show directed towards children—Wesley might have been a little young for it. The six year olds in front of us seemed to enjoy it more than he did, but he laughed… he clapped… he fell asleep on Gil's shoulder at least a half an hour before it ended. We snuck out as soon as we could, and walked slowly along the deck, one of Gil's arms tucked under Wesley's bottom, in the crook of his knees, the other wrapped around my waist.

Back in the cabin, I let Gil change his diaper and change him into pajamas, softly humming a lullaby to keep him sleeping peacefully and tucking him into the center of the large bed… and I moved into the bathroom, pulling out the home pregnancy test I'd brought with. I'd told Gil we'd just wait and see if I got my period… but he was not particularly aware of my cycle yet, so he didn't know that I should have gotten it the day before. But then again, we'd been travelling…there'd been no small amount of stress in the last four weeks. It could be anything.

I listened to him hum to our baby while I took the test and capped it, setting it on the counter to wait out the time.

I wanted it to be yes. I wanted to be pregnant, even if it meant that I'd be having morning sickness on a ship on the way home… and probably while we were in Hawaii too. But if I wasn't… that was fine. If I still wasn't by the time we got home, I was going to take Desert Palm up on their surgery. I knew it was silly—the most important people in my life saw me… but it had taken nearly thirty years for me to love being Sara Sidle. Now that I did… I wanted to be Sara Sidle, in every way… I wanted my own face back.

Gil would still have some time off to take care of Wes while I recovered… and then we'd go back to trying. Because Wes was so much better since Gil had been home more. He hadn't been sullen in days… had been playing and laughing more and more. And we had talked about it—we didn't want so many years between them. He'd been an only child, and my brother had been many years older than me. We wanted them to be close.

Still—whatever happened, happened. If I was pregnant… if I got pregnant in Hawaii, I'd wait for the surgery. And if I didn't, I'd wait for the baby. Either way—we were together. We had each other, we had Wesley… that was what mattered.

A knock came at the door and I stood up, flushing the toilet and moving over to it. Gil smiled and pecked my lips. "He's asleep… are you okay? You've been in here a while…"

I glanced at my watch—three minutes had passed. I bit my bottom lip. "I, uh… I took a test…"

He tilted his head. "A test?"

"Well, I… I was supposed to get my period yesterday and—" He kissed me, deeply. "Are you?"

I laughed. "I… I don't know yet. I have to go—" I let out a gasp as his mouth slid over my neck, all softness and heat, sending goose bumps down my arms, his hands pushing my shirt up.

"It can wait…"

I chuckled, letting him back me up against the bathroom wall and close the door softly, to not wake Wesley. "You aren't curious?"

He groaned softly. "I am, but…" my shirt came over my head and he growled softly, pulling me tight to him again. "But I've been wanting to do this all day…"

My eyelids fluttered. I knew he was telling the truth—he hadn't been able to keep his hands away from me, from the inappropriate pinch to the constant contact… arms around me, caressing an arm, kisses on my neck in public. It had to have been driving him crazy. "Wesley…"

He captured my mouth again, tugging impatiently at the button of my jeans. "Is asleep. …There's no way we're waiting until Hawaii to do this."

I laughed, still thinking that perhaps it was risky to try to do this in a tiny cruise shower while our almost-two year old slept through the thin walls… but he'd managed to unfasten the front of my jeans, and the soft, teasing brush of the pads of his fingers sliding underneath the waistband of my underwear had me weak in the knees. …He was right, there was no way we could wait until Hawaii. …We'd just have to be quiet.

I reached behind myself, unhooking my bra impatiently while he moved to his knees, tugging my jeans down and over my bare feet. He brushed a thumb over the flower tattoo at my ankle and stood again, taking my hand and pulling me over to the shower, turning the hot water on. "The band-aid thing was pretty sneaky… I would have noticed the tattoo…"

I grinned, unbuttoning his awful Hawaiian shirt. He'd thought it was appropriate, just like his straw hat. I disagreed, but then… who could say no to this man? Considering the unread pregnancy test on the counter top and the activity in which I was presently engaged… it certainly wasn't me. Mostly, he had me saying yes. Yes, yes, yes…

I don't know how we got into the shower, sans all the remaining clothing—I just know that the water was all around us, hot, but not as hot as my skin felt—I was flushed, shaking all over, my hands running over his body like I could consume him if I simply touched him enough. He hadn't shaved in a day or so, and the scrape of his whiskers against my skin was a delicious pain.

His hand slid down my abdomen, fingers sliding between my legs and deep inside me with no resistance. He growled against my neck when they did and his teeth dug gently into my shoulder. "Oh god, Sara… You feel… you… feel…" My eyes were rolling back in my head when he pulled them away, his right leg rising between my legs instead, his foot coming to rest on the little ledge behind me. My left leg dangled over his and I was up on the ball of my right foot… but I could feel him pressed against me, hard and hot and trembling as much as I was.

I was gasping frantically as his lips came over mine again and he pushed inside me. It was a good thing that he did kiss me—my moan would have certainly woken Wes if he hadn't covered it. My leg wrapped around him, tugging him in deeper and from his resulting growl and thrust, I gathered that he was as lost as I was.

Though we'd gotten to this point rather quickly, our lovemaking was slow. He ground into me and I pulled him tighter with my leg, tightening around him each time he pulled back to thrust again… if we hadn't been on a ship with a giant water heater, the water would certainly have gone cold by the time I was digging my nails into his shoulder blades, seeing stars behind my eyelids, begging for completion.

His breath was hot against my ear, his voice straining with lust and love and overwhelming need. "Sara… you… oh god, I… I don't… ever want… it to stop. I… You feel so… Like you were made for me. Like I… like I just fit."

A single thrust after those words had me convulsing around him, my toes curling, biting my lip so hard I was certain I would draw blood, simply to remain silent, and I could feel him emptying inside me, his grip on my hips enough to tell me that it had been as earth-shattering as mine had been.

We came down slowly—there was no hurry, no rush or pressing obligation. Everything we needed… everything in the world, was waiting for us. For the first time in a very, very long time… we were both exactly where we were supposed to be.