Part 1 — Freddie's Problem

Freddie was spending Saturday night as usual; sitting in bed, watching scifi movies on dvd, drinking a funky juice concoction of his own design, and wishing there was a warm and willing body lying next to him. The movie was this crazy alien invasion flick made in the 1950's called "Robot Monster." It's famous for being one of the worst movies ever made, the kind of movie that is fun to watch because it's so bad.

"I can't believe they put a guy in an ape suit, stuck on an old diving helmet, and called it a robot", he mumbled to himself. It also struck him funny that the entire invasion consisted of this one pathetic ape/robot. "Cheap ass budget," he thought, as he reached for his pineapple, grape, cherry and mango juice cocktail. As he sipped his drink he took stock of his situation and concluded he had nothing better at the moment.

To make matters worse, the robot became attracted to the only hot girl in the movie and attempted to make out with her. This was a problem because the ape/robot had no obvious sex organs and no mouth. Well, he may have had a mouth but his head was covered by that big ass diving helmet. Nevertheless, the failed attempt at seduction caused Freddie's mind to wander and soon he was fantasizing about the girl in the movie. Her long legs and tight sweater made his head hurt and his balls ache. It was hard not to look at her with that cute hour glass figure common to girls before the advent of fast food and supersizing. The 1950's may have had shitty movies but the chicks had great bodies.

"I can't watch this right now," he uttered, and grabbed the remote, switching the tv off. The sudden silence was odd to him. He almost always had some electronic gizmo running, an mp3 player, computer, tv or stereo. Silence was weird, however, it made it possible to think without distractions, and that's what he needed to do right now.

Freddie was almost 16, and like every guy before him, was ill prepared for the crazy effects of puberty. The physical changes weren't that bad, he was glad to be getting taller and less pudgy. The emotional changes were a different story. He could be happy one minute and, pissed off the next. It didn't take much to change his mood either, the increase in detentions at school for backtalk and defiance was evidence of that.

The most noticeable effect, however, was being in a constant state of horniness. All he thought about was girls, or more accurately, parts of girls. Tits, asses, lips, legs, and the best part of all, the poontang. Thoughts of sex dominated his waking hours and often invaded his dreams. The weird part was that in his dreams, no female was off limits, his worst sex nightmare to date involved a highly motivated Ms Briggs. Talk about your psychological trauma.

To make this whole situation worse, he had no one to talk things over with. His dad was dead and he had no uncles or adult cousins that lived in Seattle. The rest of the people he knew were really bad candidates for advice: Spencer too stupid, Gibby too strange, his mother too prudish, and his tech friends too gay.

The only two real friends he had were Sam and Carly, and lately, they were the main cause of his sexual discomfort. Whenever he was in the same room with them, his head ached, and his cock throbbed. It was a strange transition to go from seeing the two girls as pals to hot, sexy women. They even smelled different from a year ago, and smelling them made him dizzy. The past year had been really good to them. They had both developed an adult female form and had become quite beautiful. Carly even got an ass, which was a long awaited event. When a guy goes through puberty he gets hairy balls and big feet; a girl turns into a super model. Not exactly fair but that's the way it is.

As he lay there, thinking about tits, asses and everything else, he came to an important conclusion. His life sucked. The remedy to all his problems wasn't hard to figure out, in fact, it was quite clear. He needed a girlfriend. "Tomorrow" he said out loud, and with a certain amount of determination, "I'm getting down to the business of finding a girlfriend." With that decision firmly in mind, he loudly clapped his hands twice, which shut off the table lamp. He turned to his side, wondering which woman would show up in his dreams. The last thought he had before falling to sleep was of a certain blond haired hotty. Sam Puckett.