Author's note: Hello everyone. So we decided we would let you guys take a look into outtakes we are written. Every so often we'll add new ones into this story section so you guys can read them and learn more about the characters and their pasts.

This was called Hopeless because many of the outtakes are when characters are stuck in Hopeless times. For example, before Alice came around, before Alice left, or before Katie died. Stuff like that. We hope you all enjoy them.

This first one is a glimpse into Nick Graham's past. This was at the time where Jasper and Nick were in the gang.

"Nicky, you in tonight, or what?" Greg asked on the other end of the phone.

I rolled off of my bed and stubbed out my cigarette in an ashtray on the night table. I wasn't really a smoker... usually only when I was drunk... but right now, I was just bored.

"'Course I'm in. Just gimme a sec to get over there. You know how the car's been lately," I told him, going over to my closet to pull out a long sleeved t-shirt to wear under the gang jacket. It was gonna be freakin cold out there. My bedroom windows were already starting to frost in the corners.

"Well hurry the fuck up, man. Chains and knives and whatever, but no guns tonight. We're all waitin' on you," Greg said bluntly before the line clicked off.

"Maybe call me a little sooner than five minutes before you're ready to go then, asshole," I grumbled to myself, shrugging the jacket on.

Whatever. He could wait, and if he didn't, then I'd miss out on a fight. Not like it'd be the last fight... there were always fights.

But I was really in the mood for a fight tonight.

I grabbed the knife that Jasper and I had bought together a few years ago, when we had first joined Greg's gang. I slipped it into my pocket, where I could easily grab it if needed, and then left my bedroom, closing the old, wooden door shut behind me.

I walked down the hall, past a few old bedrooms that I had been in maybe once before, when I had first moved in with my grandpa. I think one of them used to be my dad's room, when he was my age and still living here. The other was my aunt's, when she was young. But she had moved away a long time ago and no one had ever heard from her again.

I think my dad might've said once, when I was really young, that he had heard that she died.... My parents might have left me with my grandpa... or the babysitter?... when they had traveled out of state to go to her funeral? But that memory was fuzzy... it might not have actually even happened.

Why we were in such a big house was beyond me. It was just me and Gramps, and he spent all of his time in a chair in front of the T.V. or asleep in his room. I guess he got up sometimes to go to the bathroom or whatever, but I honestly never saw him move from his chair unless I was the one moving him.

I went downstairs and into the kitchen and quickly warmed up one of those T.V. dinners from the freezer in the microwave. While it cooked, I grabbed my keys from the kitchen table and poured a glass of milk.

A few minutes later, the dinner was ready. I grabbed it out, snatched a fork and spoon from the drawer, and went into the living room with the dinner in one hand and the milk in the other.

"Here, Grandpa. It still might be kind of hot. I'm heading out for the night... I'll probably see you in the morning, kay?" I told him, setting the dinner and glass of milk on a tray in front of him.

Grandpa was not a man of many words. He had used to be cheerful... sort of like Santa, I guess... before he suddenly didn't want to see us anymore. Dad had said that he was sick, but that was a while ago... if he had been really sick, wouldn't he have been...well... gone by now?

I shrugged the thought off, though. He was still here, so what did it matter? When I had moved in with him, he wasn't the same as he had been when I was younger. But then, neither was I. Somehow, it worked.

Grandpa grunted to acknowledge that he heard me, and I patted his hand before I left the room.

I went outside, started my car, and rolled down my window to let my lungs get used to having icicles in them. We'd be fighting outside. It'd be better to be cold and numb already, then to have it sneak up on me mid-fight.

"One time I trusted a stranger 'cause I heard his sweet song. And it was gently enticing me though there was something wrong...." I hit the radio as the speakers cracked. You'd think that with all the money and connections Greg had, he'd at least be able to get me a car that wasn't falling apart.

I drove, listening to the speakers buzz out the song as I neared Greg's meeting spot.

"I hear the thunder come rumbling, the light never looked so dim. I see the junction get nearer and danger's in the wind and either road's looking grim...."

"There he is! There's Nicky! We thought you were ditching us, man!" One of the guys yelled over to me.

Yeah, well, it was either go fight with them to feel alive, or stay at home with Grandpa, where I could pretty much feel Death creeping into both of us. Like the radio had said, either road's looking grim....

It sort of freaked me out, being able to feel him--Death. At least during the fights, if Death came close, it was out of nowhere. No one felt him first. It was a quick stab from a knife and he was there shockingly fast, waiting to pounce on whatever soul still had a blade in him or whatever. But when I was at home with Grandpa, I could always feel him. He was just waiting... and I never knew if it was for me or for Grandpa. I didn't like that feeling.

"C'mon Nick, we're walking. It's not far," Greg told me as I turned off my car and started walking over to where the group had gathered.

I nodded and followed as we started. He hadn't been kidding when he said they were just waiting on me.

"How's it going, man?" Jasper asked me as we walked. I noticed his bottom lip was busted. Fucking Steve....

"It's going," I shrugged, kicking a rock as we walked.

We got there. We fought. And as usual, it was all a blur.

I remember how it started. We had met with the other gang. This was something that had been planned. And I wondered briefly why I never bothered to find out what we were fighting over. Territory? Money? Drugs?

I decided I never knew why we were fighting because I never cared why we were fighting. I was told to, so I did. And I felt good about it. I felt good when I knocked someone out, made someone back down... 'cause then Greg would make sure we were rewarded for it later.

My favorite was protecting someone, though. Like when one of our guys was down and about to be hurt real bad and I came in and beat the shit out of whoever was about to hurt one of ours. That felt the best.

Today, I guess I had gone through all of it. I had apparently knocked someone out, probably more than once, because blood stained my knuckles. And then at one point, somehow, Jasper had managed to get himself into a position that wasn't looking too good for him. He was being held on the ground by some guy who had his hands around Jasper's neck, choking him. So I had gone in with my knife and sliced the guy's arm so he'd let go.

Now, we were back at the cabin, cleaning up, and getting ready to celebrate. We had won.

I grimaced as Jasper wrapped my arm in gauze after disinfecting the wound. The guy who I had gotten off of Jasper hadn't been too happy with me.

"Thanks for helping me, by the way," Jasper said, his voice low as he fixed the gauze tightly.

I shrugged, "You would've done the same for me."

Jasper smiled, if you could call it a smile. It was the closest he got to one, anyway. "Sure would."

We both had other minor cuts and bruises, but nothing that needed serious attention. After he wrapped my arm, we headed into the other room where the party part of the night was getting started.

This was routine. We fought, cleaned up, and then drank and smoked the night away with any girls that Greg had been talking to recently. Usually, he managed to get a good amount to come party with us. He had been eyeing some of the "good" ones recently, but I think that was just because he was bored and wanted a challenge. The "good" ones... or at least, the real good ones... they never came.

"Nick! Jasper!" Greg called to us over the loud, pulsing music that filled the house. A few girls were around him now. We joined them.

"Ladies, this is Nick and this is Jasper. They're probably the best you're gonna get tonight..." he joked, throwing me a beer.

They giggled, beers in hand, already half wasted as they eyed us, taking us in. They were all in skirts and tank tops, despite the fact that it was winter. The one had long, straight black hair fell to her chest and the other two girls looked almost like twins, but they weren't. They both had flowing blonde hair and too-straight white teeth. None of them looked like they belonged with us.

"I've seen you girls around... you don't seem the type to be hanging out with us, you know...." Jasper called them out on it as he cracked open a Coke can. I chugged my first beer and grabbed another off of the counter.

"Just because we're straight-A good girls doesn't mean we don't like to have a little fun sometimes," the one with the black hair said, sipping her beer.

"Who's having fun?" Jasper said, his tone serious. The girls laughed, thinking he was joking. Idiots.

So Greg had succeeded in getting some of the good girls to come. Something new.

"Where's Katie tonight?" one of the blondes asked the other blonde.

The girl shrugged. "You know her. This isn't her thing, especially with Mack around. She wouldn't have come."

"Good. More fun for us," the black haired girl said again, opening another beer and giving me a look. I knew that look.

I chugged the rest of my second beer and grabbed another one, taking a large gulp of it. Jasper glared at me and I looked away from him. I knew he hated to see me getting drunk, but after the fight, I just needed to. Nothing felt better after fighting then just sitting down and taming the adrenaline rush with a beer or two. Or more.

The black haired girl came closer to me. "Wanna show me around?" she asked, leaning in so close that I could smell her hair.

Greg winked at me as the two blondes hung off of his every word. I shrugged, the buzz from drinking two beers so fast starting to hit me a little.

"Sure. Just give me a sec?"

She nodded and I finished the third beer and grabbed another.

"You sure you don't even want to give it a try, Jasper? Not everyone gets mean when they drink, you know? Sometimes it's relaxing...." I told him as quietly as I could over the music, so that the others wouldn't hear.

The alcohol settling in to my blood so rapidly helped me ignore the look of betrayal in Jasper's eyes.

"I don't need that shit to relax, Nick. I'd be a mean drunk and I know it," he told me sharply.

"I just..." the buzz from already drinking three beers in like, seven minutes, was starting to cloud my mind. I squinted. "I just want to you to, you know, have fun. Or something."

"I don't know what fun is, Nick. But since you do, go have it. I'll be around," Jasper told me.

I gave him a defeated look, but left him alone. I knew he wouldn't drink, so I didn't know why I tried. I'd regret trying to peer pressure him into it the next morning, when I was thinking straight. I knew it.

The girl with the black hair grabbed two beers--"For later," she said-- and we walked through the small cabin, me giving her a "tour."

When we came to the end of the hall, my head was spinning and my thoughts were fogging. She pointed at a door. "What's in there?"

I set my empty beer down outside of the door and grabbed my fifth off of her. "Bedroom."

"Can I see?" she asked, coming closer to me and looking up into my eyes.

"Sure," I told her, opening the door, already knowing what was going to happen.

We slipped into the dark room, lit only by the moonlight coming in through the window. We could still here the music pulsating in here, but we were far enough from the living room that we couldn't hear the words to the song.

She sat on the bed with her beer.

"You know, Nick, I've seen you before. Around school, when you go... I've always thought you were kinda hot."

I stumbled over to the bed, beer spilling onto my hand.

"Oh yeah?" I whispered, laying down on the bed and watching the ceiling spin. I tried to drink my beer again, laying down, and most of it spilled onto my shirt.

The girl giggled and took my beer out of my hand. "Let me help you."

She pulled me up so that I was sitting again, which didn't feel like a good idea to me. I wanted to be laying down.

She helped me down the rest of my beer, which made my head rush even more, and then her fingers crept to the bottom of my shirt.

My lips felt numb.

"You spilled beer on you. You don't wanna sleep in a wet shirt, do you?" she asked, pulling it off.

"I g-guess not," I said, letting myself fall back on the bed.

She giggled and her wrist tilted, spilling beer onto her shirt too.

My heart was pounding along to the beat of the music. I could feel it in my chest, in my ears, at my throat.

"Well, neither do I," she said, pulling off her shirt as she straddled me.

This is so messed up, Nick... a voice in the back of my head barely whispered.

I braced myself against the bed sheets and squeezed my eyes shut, concentrating on the spinning and the music as her hands moved across my chest.

"What..." I started.

"Shh. Let's just have fun. We don't have to talk about it ever again after. But tonight... let's have a good time...." she whispered, her breath blowing over my lips before she kissed me.

Fun. Was this fun? Or was I more like Jasper than I had thought?

She pressed herself against me, laying on top of me, and I gave in and kissed her back.

"You... your name. Wh-what's your name?" I stumbled over my words.

"Serena," she grinned, biting at my ear, my neck....

I let her do what she wanted, looking for something--anything--that I could pretend was love.

* * *

I washed my face in the bathroom and got ready to go make breakfast for Grandpa and me. Last night had been insane.

I remembered bits and pieces...

--doing shit with that girl... Serena...--
--stumbling to the kitchen for more beer after--
--being on the bathroom floor, my head in the toilet--
--Jasper coming in and helping me get cleaned up--
--Jasper walking back with me, holding me up the whole way to where I had parked my car--
--Him driving me home and getting me inside...--

Yeah, I owed Jasper. I'd go pick him up for school this morning. Definitely.

I grabbed some medicine from the cabinet, gulped down a few pills for my hangover-headache, and then downed the glass of water. I set my glass on the sink and stared at myself in the mirror for a moment, seeing the bruised cut on my eyebrow and the hickeys on my neck. Perfect.

I shook my head and went downstairs to make breakfast. It was six in the morning... I had probably only slept for a few hours, but that was okay. I'd catch up during class. The teachers didn't care what we, as the gang, did, as long we weren't disturbing them or their class.

I made pancakes for breakfast--partly because it was the only thing I really knew how to make and partly because it was the best hangover food ever. Plus, Grandpa always smiled when I made pancakes and after last night, I was in the mood to see someone being happy, even if it was only a little bit.

By seven, I took them in to him and placed them on the tray in front of his chair. He was asleep.

"Grandpa. I made you pancakes. I gotta get to school, but they're pretty much perfect," I said a little louder than usual. He didn't budge.

"Grandpa." I reached to shake his shoulder. Still nothing.

"C'mon Gramps," I just want to see you smile over them. Just wake up already.

I grabbed his hand and flinched back. He was cold. Ice cold. No living person should feel that cold.

I gulped and took a step back, staring at him. He couldn't be...

No.

No.

I needed a mirror. Something. I had to check.

I wasn't thinking straight. I ran to the bathroom and punched the mirror, the glass shattering around the sink, parts of it catching on my skin before falling to the floor. I didn't feel a thing.

I grabbed one of the shards of broken mirror and ran back into the living room, putting the shard under his nose to check for fog.

Nothing.

He was gone.

Death wasn't waiting anymore.

I didn't know what to do. My hands were shaking, my right arm was bleeding. My left was still wrapped in gauze, so it had missed getting hurt by the mirror.

"J-Jasper," I choked into my phone after somehow managing to dial his number.

"What is it, Nick? You coming to pick me up today?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Jasper, he's gone. He died. I don't ... what do I do? What do I do, Jazz? I made pancakes..."

"What? Nick, slow down. Who's gone?"

I didn't say anything, I just watched, wide eyed, as the streaks of blood rolled down my arm.

Hold it together, Nick. Jasper will help you.

"Your Grandpa?" Jasper asked suddenly, putting the pieces together.

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.

"Nick, I'm on my way over, okay? Just... stay there." His voice was urgent.

Life blurred again.

Jasper came, called 911 for help. He sat with me, cleaned up the blood from my arm, swept up the broken mirror, put the pancakes in the fridge. I didn't want them anymore, anyway.

I was under eighteen, so there was a bunch of legal shit we had to deal with...

Apparently, there had been funds set aside to bury him and all that. His lawyer took care of all of it. The funeral was barely a funeral at all, but I went.

Days passed.

Weeks passed.

They wanted to put me in foster care while they figured out what to do with me, but Greg had his parents set it up so that they'd take me in while the judge was deciding what would happen to me.

Grandpa's lawyer talked to me, suggested that I tried to emancipate myself, since I had been taking care of myself and my grandpa for years anyway, and that's what ended up happening. From what I understood, I could live in the house that my grandpa had, live off of the funds that my parents had left for me after they had died, and then I'd have a social worker come by and monitor my situation from time to time.

It was pretty much like I was going to be living like an adult before I was an adult. Nothing new.

Jasper stuck by me through everything. He helped me move through the days and weeks... I really didn't feel or understand anything during that time. It was like I was in shock, but I didn't know why. Gramps and I had never really gotten close....

I missed a few fights. I was too out of it to be able to go and not get myself hurt. As a result, Greg came by my place one night, after shit had been settled for a little while. He brought a bottle and some smokes and told me to mourn and then let it go. Then he left. And I did.

Somehow, Jasper ended up coming over that night. He said I had called him, but I didn't remember doing it. He sat with me as I drank.

"I don't know why I'm even feeling like this, you know? I mean, the guy didn't even talk to me. He was just sort of there...." I explained drunkenly to Jasper. We sat on the floor in my bedroom.

"Maybe you felt like you guys sort of related to each other... I mean, you didn't talk, he didn't talk, and you just coexisted together...." Jasper tried to reason.

I shrugged and took another swig. Jasper's fist clenched.

"You don't have to do this to yourself, Nick. It's not gonna help," Jasper told me.

"It's helping already," I defended, drinking more, feeling like my head was clearing.

"No, it's not. You just think it is 'cause it's helping you feel something. It's gonna hurt so much worse tomorrow...." Jasper tried.

I was close to finishing the bottle and I held it tightly, staring at it.

"I think... that maybe.... Maybe it's so bad... because he was the only family left. The only family I had left. You know?" I tried to reason. "I was alone before, b-but I had somebody around. I took care of him... l-like... I had a purpose. T-To take care of my family. And now I don't have anybody. No family. Reallyyyy... alone."

"You're not alone, Nick. Give me the bottle."

I stared at him. "You don't drink."

"Give me the fucking bottle, Nick. I'm not gonna watch you go down this road. You're not gonna turn into someone who needs this shit to get through the day. You have to let yourself feel it." He reached and grabbed the bottle from me.

Everything felt so surreal. I growled and lunged at him, trying to grab the bottle back. I wanted it and he had taken it.

"I don't w-want to let myself f-feel it," I said roughly, my fists swinging as I stumbled, catching him across the face.

We both fell to the floor, the bottle smashing.

"What the fuck, Nick? This is what I'm talking about, man. Drinking doesn't always relax you. Look at yourself!" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Do you feel relaxed? Do you feel calm? You're fucking pissed!"

I took deep breaths, trying to get myself under control, trying to prove him wrong. But I couldn't.

The deep breaths soon turned into sobs and I gave up and cried. I cried. I never cried....

Jasper stayed with me through the night. He made sure that I didn't die when I was sicker than I ever had been all throughout that night. And then he was there the next morning when I woke up feeling like shit.

"Go ahead," I grumbled, grabbing a box of cereal. "Tell me you told me so."

Jasper sat at the kitchen table. "Well, I did tell you so."

I nodded. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna start drinking my problems away all the time. I learned. I'm over it."

I sat at the table with my cereal and he stared at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nick, I don't... I don't want to see you like that again," Jasper said slowly.

"You won't. I'm done," I told him. "I'm moving away from it. Going back to how I was... I'll be at the next fight... it'll all be fine."

If I kept telling myself that, I'd believe it.

"Nick... you said last night that your family was gone. But... well... I think of you as my brother. So... you're not alone, you know?"

I stared at Jasper for a long moment, taking his words in.

I had a brother....

If anyone was my brother, it was Jasper.

I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Thanks, Jasper. That... that's what I need. A brother. You're definitely my brother," I told him.

He nodded and got up.

"You up for a fight today? Greg called earlier."

I took a breath and nodded. I had my brother and I had myself. And that's all I needed.

I had to get back into my life.

Author's Note: I hope you all enjoyed that. It was actually written by my amazing beta, Lucy Alyce, so show more love and leave a review!