A/N: Hey guys! New one-shot, kinda long but my first attempt at one of my favorite FMA pairings! I love Ed/Envy! (It's almost as good as Hao/Yoh, but not quite lol.) Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own it, but it'd be a nice Christmas present!

Full Metal Alchemist:

Visit from Dad

"Edward; door!" Ed's mom, Trisha, called from downstairs. There was something in her voice that he didn't like but he couldn't put his finger on it. Sighing at being disturbed he turned off his music, closed his text book, and went to see what his mom wanted.

Upon going down the stairs he noticed that his mother was smiling. Not the small smile she often gave him and Al when they did something 'cute' (more of these went to Al than Ed as he'd outgrown the cute stage) no, this was the smile she only used for one person. It wouldn't have bothered Edward so much if that one person didn't happen to be the one person he absolutely loathed.

"Hohenhiem's home," they said at the same time, he in a flat voice and she in an excited one. Her smile dampened around the edges and Edward felt a surge of satisfaction followed immediately by overwhelming guilt.

"I wish you'd call him dad," she sighed. Edward didn't reply. He squashed down his guilt instead and looked his mother in the eye.

"What does he want?" he said mildly.

"He's taking you out to dinner," she answered just as mildly. Her tone may have been light but the look in her eyes said he had little choice in the matter. It wasn't that his mother would make him go; it was that hopeful look that said she was still holding onto the belief that Edward would eventually stop hating his father. As much as Edward knew her hope was in vain he couldn't say no to his mother.

"Okay…" he sighed. "Are we picking Al up along the way?" Trisha shook her head.

"It's just you and dad," she beamed. "He's taking you out for your birthday."

Edward snorted but didn't mention the fact that his birthday had been last week.

"He's waiting downstairs," his mother continued still smiling brightly.

"Great, I'll be down in a minute," Edward replied. Before Trisha could say anything else to him he ran back to his room, slamming the door behind him. He leaned against it for a moment, listening. He heard his mother go down the stairs and speak to someone. He heard the 'someone' answer back laughing. Edward fought the urge to grind his teeth and went around his room grabbing the things he needed to go, namely his wallet, music player, and cell phone.

He sighed when he glanced at his unfinished homework; depending on how long this took he might have to pull an all-nighter to get caught up.

"Goddamnit," he muttered running a hand through his blond hair. It figured.

He stalled a few more minutes before finally resigning himself to his fate and went downstairs.

"Mom?" he called.

"In here, sweetie," his mother answered. Edward followed her voice into the living room. His eyes narrowed at the man sitting on the couch next to his mother. Hohenheim hadn't changed very much since the last time Edward had seen him. His hair was still long and blond, pulled back from his face like Ed's except for his bangs. As much as Edward hated to admit it, he and his dad looked a lot alike. Their eyes were the same molten gold color and the same shape. Trisha often said Ed acted like Hohenheim but Edward never saw how that could be. The man was perpetually calm and Edward, well, high-strung was a polite way of putting it. When his friend Roy Mustang wanted to piss him off he said Edward was 'moodier than a teenage girl.'

He glared at his father silently, Hohenheim pretended he didn't notice.

"There he is!" he said cheerfully standing up to greet his son. "How have you been Edward?" He smiled at Ed and made like he was going to embrace his firstborn. Edward was tempted to turn his back and walk away but made the mistake of glancing guiltily at his mother giving Hohenheim the chance he needed to wrap his arms around him in a crushing bear hug. Ed stood it for as long as he could then pulled away abruptly.

Not looking at anyone he headed for the door, grabbing his favorite red jacket. He heard Hohenheim speaking to his mother, telling her they'd be back in a little while and something else he didn't quite catch. Edward didn't care. He walked out the front door into the cold December night. It was already dark out, despite it being five o'clock. He waited on the front porch watching the snow fall until he heard the door open and close behind him. His father came to stand behind him looking at the yard.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Edward didn't answer, despite that he'd been thinking the exact same thing. Instead he walked off the porch and towards what he assumed was Hohenhiem's car. It was a black SUV, a rental. Hohenheim was forever traveling for his job so he didn't actually own a car, his company paid for his transportation. Hohenheim pressed a button and the car beeped as it unlocked. Edward stalked towards the vehicle and climbed in. He almost slammed the door shut but refrained at the last second. It would be too immature. Hohenheim got in the driver's side. He closed his door and sat for a moment. He took a breath like he was going to say something important, but changed his mind. "Do you listen to the radio?" he asked instead.

Desperate for anything to get out of having any actual conversation with his father Edward reached for the radio knob, tuning it to the first station he could find. Rock and roll music blared from the speakers as they drove away.

For the first ten minutes they drove in absolute silence save for the music. It was awkward but Ed could deal with that.

"So, uh, where do you want to go?" Hohenheim finally asked. Edward shrugged, looking out the window.

"Anywhere."

"Okay…so…" Edward suppressed the urge to sigh and/or roll his eyes. "How's school going?"

"Doesn't Mom send you my report cards?" he snapped.

"Well, yeah, you haven't gotten anything blow an A-minus since the fourth grade." Edward bit his tongue to keep from saying Wow, you actually do pay attention. "That doesn't tell me how you like it." Edward was going to make a snide remark then thought again. Who said he wasn't mature?

"It's okay," he finally said.

They lapsed back into silence. The radio switched over to what the DJ called 'the Eighties Power Hour.' It seemed that Hohenheim had run out of things to ask him about. Edward's pocket suddenly vibrated and took his phone out. A text message box appeared and he opened it only to find it was from his phone company. Oh well.

"Is Ricky's okay?" Hohenheim asked naming a locally owned burger joint. "It's my favorite restaurant."

"Sure," Edward said. He wondered if the fact that it was also his favorite place to eat was coincidence or a punishment from a god he didn't believe in.

They rode in silence. Edward made his posture as closed off and unwelcoming as possible to stop any attempts Hohenheim might have made at conversation. His arms were crossed against his chest, he was slouched down and turned away from his father, head resting on window. Even in his reflection his eyes were glaring.

It seemed like the entire ride would go in silence, at least that's what Edward was aiming for. Sadly, 'twas not to be.

"So…" Hohenheim started. Edward attempted to ignore him, but the man was nothing if not persistent. "What do you like to do?"

"Do?" Ed questioned.

"In your spare time. Any extracurricular activities? Hobbies?"

"No."

"Do you have friends?"

"Of course I have friends."

"A lot?"

"Sure."

"So are you popular?"

"No."

"A ladies man?"

"A what?!"

At his outburst Hohenheim laughed. "A heart breaker then?" Edward rolled his eyes.

"Definitely," he said sarcastically. Envy kind of counted, right? As if the thought had summoned the hermaphrodite wannabe, his cell phone started to play 'Dude Looks Like a Lady' meaning Envy had texted him. Ed opened his phone to see the words 'I see you.' Edward looked around before he could stop himself then rolled his eyes and texted back 'Do not.'

'But u looked right?' was the reply along with the letters 'lol.'

"Who's that?" Hohenheim asked glancing over.

"Just a guy from school," Ed answered. Who happens to be in love with me and who I may or may not be attracted to in that way, he added silently, wishing not for the first time that his life were less complicated.

Ricky's wasn't very crowded; it was way past the dinner rush. Their hostess was an older woman who couldn't stop giggling whenever she looked at Hohenhiem. Edward rolled his eyes when she left. Praying no one he knew came in, since he and his friends ate here a lot, he opened his menu. After a cursory glance-through of the usual home-style meals he decided to go with his usual.

Their waitress came over, a much more competent looking younger woman, and asked what they'd like to drink.

"I think we're ready to order," Hohenheim ventured glancing at Edward's folded menu. When all Ed did was stare at him he turned his attention back to the woman. "I'd like a cherry soda and a cheeseburger." He paused while she wrote it down. "And could you put ranch on it?" She gave him a raised eyebrow but said nothing. Finished writing she turned to Edward.

"What'll it be, hun?"

For a moment he considered telling her he hadn't decided yet and changing his order. How dare Hohenheim read his mind like that and copy his order to make it look like they had something in common? Okay, maybe that was a stretch but still.

The waitress was looking at him expectantly so he gave in. "I'll have the same," he sighed. He glanced at Hohenheim for any smug or –god forbid- proud looks but his father didn't give any reaction.

The waitress left and Edward was left alone with his father. Oh goody. They sat in awkward silence while the waitress came back with their drinks.

"So Edward," Hohenheim started. Edward braced himself for another lame parental attempt to 'connect' with him. Hohenheim smiled. "Read any good books lately?"

Oh, that was low. Edward loved books and loved talking about them even more. But the books he read were usually considered boring. They were mostly scientific journals and histories of scientific knowledge. The only other person he knew of, his mother kept pointing out, who would be able to discuss this with him was now sitting before him. Edward smiled at the irony of the situation. Hohenheim took the smile as an invitation to go into conversation.

"Your mother told me you're reading Dr. Marco's medical and science journals. That's pretty deep stuff for a young person."

"Yeah," Edward shrugged. It wasn't the first time someone had underestimated his reading comprehension abilities.

"So do you find yourself in agreement with his theories? Or are you opposed?"

"No, the theories are sound," Edward answered getting sucked in despite the best efforts of his natural teenage rebellious tendencies. "I only disagree with him on one thing and it's philosophical more than academic."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

Edward gave his father a flat gaze. "His persistent belief in god." A part of him was disappointed when his father's only reaction was to adjust his glasses.

"So you're a follower of the atheistic mind-set?" he asked finally. Edward's answer was a curt nod. Hohenheim sighed and leaned back in his chair smiling wryly.

"That must disappoint your mother."

"It's not her decision," Edward defended. Hohenheim nodded.

"True, but it's always the way of the faithful to try to save the souls of us non-believers."

Edward looked at him in surprise but Hohenheim was frowning, seemingly lost in thought. "Sometimes I wonder if we don't believe in a higher power or we just don't want to be judged for the things we've done in the name of science."

Looking carefully at his father Edward wondered what exactly Hohenheim did in the science field. The only thing he knew for sure was that he had worked in weapons development and had achieved worldwide fame (a fact he went through pains to hide from pretty much everyone) for his work years ago. In more recent years he'd been reassigned and rarely if ever discussed his work. Ed asked his mother before about his new job but all her answer was to gush that his father was a very important man making all kinds of breakthroughs that would benefit mankind everyday. She could never answer exactly what kind of breakthroughs they were.

Edward debated whether or not he should even ask when the waitress came from the kitchen carrying their orders. She smiled as she set a plate before each of them and asked if they needed anything else. When they both said no she walked away going back into the kitchen. Edward looked at his hamburger suddenly not very hungry. But he picked up his food anyway and took a tentative bite. The warmth of the food brought back his appetite and he and Hohenheim ate in silence for awhile. In between bites Hohenheim grilled him about school and his friends but most importantly girls.

"What about our hostess? She was attractive," he was in the middle of saying when the worst possible thing that could ever happen happened. From his view of the window Edward watched a car pull up. Not an earth-shattering incident in itself but the fact that it was his friend Roy Mustang's beat up four-door Chevy and the first person that hopped out was none other than his green-haired stalker, Envy, followed by Roy and his much more serious girlfriend Riza Hawkeye. Horrified, Ed could only sit there frozen as he watched them approach the door. He didn't notice his father trying to get his attention.

Maybe they won't see me he thought desperately not believing it for a second. Envy had an uncanny ability to find him even against all odds and Edward's most clever evasive maneuvers.

And Edward almost always knew the exact moment Envy was going to spot him. But damned if he wasn't going to prolong the moment for as long as possible. Thinking fast he turned his face away from the entrance and pulled his hood up to cover his face and hair. His bangs hid his eyes and he kept his face down hoping it would be enough but knowing it wouldn't. His father watched his transformation with a puzzled look on his face.

"Edward?" he questioned. On no, he'd used his name. That was the worst thing you could do when avoiding Envy, say Ed's name. Against his better judgment Edward looked towards his friends. Immediately his eyes met Envy's purple orbs and a slow smile worked its way across Envy's face. He turned to Roy and Riza and said something to them. Edward was too far away from them to hear but he could very well guess since Riza and Roy looked his way.

"Edward, are they someone you know?" Hohenheim asked.

"Uh, yeah," Edward answered absently. He so did not want this to happen. Years of keeping his father a secret from his friends wasted.

Helplessly he watched Envy stride over to him flanked by Roy and Riza. Despite his misgivings he couldn't help but admire the way Envy moved with perfect grace.

Envy gave him a smile as he approached that let him know he knew Ed was watching him.

"Hey there, Edo!" Envy greeted Edward leaning down to loop and arm around his shoulder.

"Envy," Edward returned tersely.

"And who might this be?" Envy asked quirking an eyebrow at Hohenheim.

"Ah…"

"Mr. Elric, I'm Edward's father," Hohenheim introduced himself. Simultaneously Roy, Riza, and Envy looked at Ed with expressions of equal surprise written on their faces. Roy was the first to recover.

"Roy Mustang, Edward's friend. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," he said shaking hands with Hohenheim. "This is my girlfriend-"

"Riza Hawkeye," Riza spoke up also taking Hohenhiem's hand.

"Envy," Envy reiterated. He did not shake hands instead looking the man over in mild dislike. If there was one thing Edward loved about Envy it was his ability to pick up on his mood and know the exact right thing to do. And he was an excellent judge of character so the fact that he had an instant distaste of Edward's father reassured Ed that he wasn't being irrational in his intolerance for his father.

"So you're Edward's friends?" Hohenheim winked at Edward. Envy took at seat next to Edward keeping his arm around him. "And are you his special someone?"

Envy smiled as Edward choked on a drink of soda he'd just taken.

"I-it's nothing like that!" he protested. Roy looked like he was trying very very hard not to laugh out loud and Envy looked like a very pleased cat.

"Edward's just downplaying. Actually we're very good friends and I'm hoping to convince him to take the next step."

"What?!"

"Don't be so modest Edward, everyone at school thinks you and Envy are an item already," Roy grinned at Edwards' murderous glare.

"Roy," Riza warned her boyfriend. It was enough to make Roy glance her way and gulp. Riza winked at Ed and he smiled gratefully. Riza always did have a soft spot for him. Something about him probably awakened her material instincts or something.

"Well I think it's wonderful such a cute young lady is interested in you," Hohenheim beamed at his son. This statement brought on a whole new round of badly suppressed laughter from Roy and Envy. Even Riza had to crack a smile.

"Uh dad?" Edward said. His father looked at him. "Envy-"

"-is a huge tomboy and sometimes resents being patronized like that, right Ed?" Roy beamed as he clapped a hand on Edward's shoulder, squeezing tightly. Edward gritted his teeth but said nothing. Why the hell not? Let his dad be proud of him for having a 'girlfriend.' Not that Edward cared if his father thought he was gay…

"I'm sorry," Hohenheim totally missed the silent exchange between Roy and Ed.

"That's alright," Envy snickered. He winked at Edward who shook his head. Really, for a renowned scientist Hohenheim could be surprisingly dense.

"Would you like to join us?" Hohenheim asked.

"Sure, thank you," Roy smirked towards Edward. He pulled up another chair and he and Riza sat at the table. "We just came for dessert though."

"Perfect since we just finished eating," Hohenheim gushed. Edward would have thought it was funny that his father was so desperate to not be alone with his son if he hadn't been busy cursing his own existence at the moment.

The waitress came around again and took their dessert orders not seeming to mind at all the extra people at the table. Edward suppressed a sigh, could life be any more unfair?

"So what is it you do for a living, Mr. Elric?" Roy was asking.

Uh-oh

"I'm a biological weapons engineer for the State," Hohenheim answered.

"Interesting. I'd like to go into the military as soon as I graduate."

"Really? Well, if you're going could you do me a favor and tell Edward to sign up?" Hohenheim teased.

"I'm not joining the military," Edward sighed taking a sip of his soda. He felt Envy's eyes on him and shrugged.

"If you ever need a letter of recommendation just look me up," Hohenhiem told Roy as if Edward hadn't spoken.

"Thank you, sir."

"Please, call me Hohenheim."

"Hohenheim? I've heard of another man by that name," Riza pondered.

Big uh-oh

"Just a coincidence probably," Edward feigned indifference.

"It doesn't seem like a common name," Envy said casting a sly glance Edward's way.

You… Ed thought murderously.

"I've heard that name too. He developed the entire software system the military uses for missile technology and created the bio-bomb that only kills people."

"Well, technically it also kills ants," Hohenheim said. Roy and Riza turned to him.

"That was you?!" Roy said in amazement.

"Well, I can't take full credit; I was just head of the project."

Did he have any idea how arrogant he sounded? Envy's gaze slid to Edward who pretended not to notice.

"Wow," Roy said. Edward didn't know if Roy was being sincere or not, he was a very good liar, which was why Edward thought he'd make an excellent politician.

Hohenheim nodded. "Everyone on the team put in a great effort."

Everyone lulled into an awkward silence that lasted through another visit from the waitress with their desserts and taking drink refills. Riza saved the day by turning to Edward.

"Have you studied for that Physics test yet?" she asked him.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I really need help."

"Me too," Envy said. He winked at Ed. "We could have a private study session," he added wrapping his arm around Edwards'.

"Not likely," Ed muttered but didn't dislodge the appendage as Envy moved his arm up to rest across his shoulders. Odd as it was, having Envy's arm wrapped around him felt kind of… natural. Hohenheim beamed at him from across the table and Edward fought the urge to laugh out loud at his father's encouragement. Hohenheim would flip shit if and when he found out Envy was a guy. (Even if he didn't look it.)

For a moment Edward considered telling him just for that effect but decided against it as they were in public. Besides, he didn't really want to show off to his friends any more of his dad than he absolutely had to.

It was a good thing Envy was left-handed. He kept his arm where it was as he and Ed ate their respective desserts. Well, Envy ate, Ed mostly played with his piece of pie. When he thought Envy wasn't looking Hohenheim gave Ed encouraging looks that made the blond scowl and Roy laugh silently at his expense. Roy and his father got along well, and even Riza seemed taken by the older man's charm. It seemed like Envy was the only one who stayed on is side as Ed repeatedly brushed off his father's pathetic attempts at bonding with him.

That is until Jean Havoc walked in with his date, Mae Hughes. The couple didn't even notice them as the waitress showed them to their table on the other side of the restaurant.

"Disgusting," Hohenheim muttered watching them walk away holding hands. Ed bristled and felt Envy's arm tighten around him in response.

"Sir?" Roy questioned mildly.

"Sorry," Hohenheim smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "I don't believe humans should let their hormones override the natural order of things."

"Those men happen to be our friends," Riza said quietly glaring at him. Instead of taking offense Hohenheim smiled indulgently at her.

"Right…so-" Edward's attempt to change the subject from his father's morals went unheeded as Hohenheim spoke.

"I often find that women are more accepting of differences in people, despite how wrong and sick those differences are," the scientist said patronizingly.

Riza frowned started to say something but fell silent at Roy's hand on her arm.

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?" Roy asked glancing Envy's way then back at Hohenheim before the man noticed. Before Ed could head off the lecture, Hohenheim launched into the pig-headed, ignorant speech he'd been spewing since Edward could remember. Something about love only being able to exist in a man-woman relationship, went against the normal order of things, perpetuating the human race…Ed had heard it over and over again from his father and it had become just one of many reasons he hated his father. He'd learned to tune it out or else he'd end up screaming in frustration at Hohenheim.

Instead he turned his eyes to Envy, suddenly afraid of how he was reacting. Envy's face was a pleasant blank mask. When he caught Ed looking at him he took his hand from under the table and smiled.

For some reason the smile reassured Edward and he gave Envy's hand a squeeze. Envy's purple eyes widened in surprise momentarily and Ed blushed a little. With a sigh he released Envy's hand.

"-right Edward?" his father was saying.

"Huh?" the teen asked. Hohenheim frowned at him. "Oh yeah, uh, all homosexuals are going to hell. Yep. Even though there's no such thing…"

Hohenheim continued to frown at his first-born. Ed gazed flatly back.

"And your mother wanted to send you to Catholic school," he said shaking his head with a wry smile. That broke the tension as Roy laughed out loud. Even Riza had to smile at Ed's blanch

"I can't even imagine," Roy laughed, "That'd be like Envy shaking the Pope's hand."

Envy fake shuddered making everyone laugh again.

"Not the religious type?" Hohenheim asked.

"You could say that…" Envy smirked shooting Edward a dirty look when the blond snorted. Wisely they stayed away from the issue of gays for the rest of dessert.

Just when they were getting ready to leave and Edward was dreading more 'bonding time' with his father he caught his first break of the night. Hohenheim's cell phone rang and he excused himself to walk away. He was gone for several minutes and when he came back there was a strained look on his face.

"Something's come up at the lab, I have to leave right away. I'm sorry, Ed, but could your friends possibly take you home?"

"No problem," Envy answered before Ed could.

"Thank you," Hohenheim said obviously relieved. "Please tell your mother I'm sorry," he added to Ed before practically running out to his car.

"What was that about?" Roy asked. He and Riza had been chatting with Mae and Jean and had missed the entire exchange.

"Edo's dad had to leave suddenly, we're giving him a ride."

"Oh," Roy shrugged. "Why did he have to go?"

Ed shrugged. "Something came up at work."

"Oh," Roy said again. He turned to glance at Riza who was still at Mae and Jean's table laughing at something they'd said. "Looks like she's going to be awhile," he sighed.

"That's cool, Edo and I will just head outside," Envy said and practically dragged out the door despite the blond's protests.

When they got outside the restaurant Hohenheim's car was long gone and Ed sighed in relief. "You really hate him, don't you?" Envy said picking up on his mood right away. Stupid psychic stalkers.

"Yeah," Ed shrugged but there was tension in the motion.

"And no one else does?" Envy prodded. Knowing he'd keep going until he'd gotten everything and secretly wanting someone to finally understand how his father affected him, Ed ran a hand through his bangs shaking his head.

"Okay, so my mom I guess I understand, kinda, because she's head over heels in love with him. But he treats her like crap! He's never home, he's always working. And she tries not to mind but I can see it really bugs her. He wasn't even there when Al was born for Christ's sake! And Al just wants us to be one big happy family so he tries so hard to be cheerful all the time and keeps telling me that he's not such a bad guy and that I should give him a chance ut I know what an ass he is and I don't like him and don't want to. But sometimes I feel like an ass because my hating him just makes it that much harder on Mom and Al. But you see what a jerk he is! And Mom's always telling me we're so much alike, I'm scared I'm going to turn out like him and-" he stopped when Envy jerked him into a hug. He resisted at first but finally relaxed into the embrace leaning his head onto Envy's chest. It was a warm and welcome relief against the chill air.

When he finally pulled away Edward was much calmer but still felt bad about unloading on Envy. He remembered the rant against gays his father had spewed right in front of Envy and felt even worse.

"I'm really sorry about that, by the way," Ed said not meeting Envy's eyes.

"What?" the green haired teen asked. "Ranting about your dad? It's fine, you rant about everything," Envy tried to tease. But Ed shook his head.

"Well, that too but my dad and his stubborn, pig-headed, homophobic-" with each word his voice rose but he didn't quite get to all out yelling as Envy interrupted him.

"No need to get worked up for me," Envy laughed stopping Edward mid-rant. The blond deflated immediately.

"So…you're not mad at me?" he asked suddenly becoming quiet.

"Edo, why on earth would I be mad at your for what your dad thinks? Believe me he didn't say anything I haven't heard at thousand times before. And as long as you don't think those things…"

"Of course not! I would never think that about you, Envy! I l-" Thankfully, Edward thought, Envy chose that moment to cut him off with a kiss. For one blissful moment, Edward let him get away with it, thinking this was better than Envy thinking about what he'd been about to say. Luckily Envy could only seem to think with one head at a time. And actually, kissing Envy wasn't half-bad…

But Envy pulled away suddenly and stared at Edward.

"What did you say?" he demanded.

"Nothing!" Edward defended but too late it seemed.

"Oh no, you were about to say something!"

"Yeah, well you're the one who interrupted me, so I guess you can live without knowing!"

"How was I supposed to know you were finally going to say you love me? I was distracted by your adorable lips! You can't hold me responsible for that!"

"Yeah right! And I was not going to say 'love,' I was going to say 'like!'" Edward lied.

"Whatever," Envy grinned suddenly. "So I guess this mean you're different from your dad after all."

"I-really?" Edward blinked suddenly not mad anymore.

"Really," Envy said leaning in for another, longer kiss. Edward let his eyes slip closed and his arms found Envy's neck, telling himself he was only humoring Envy, that it was because he was the first person to tell him the words he needed to hear, that he was not his father's son, knowing all the while that it was more. And he felt Envy smile into the kiss and knew that he knew too. For once he didn't mind in the slightest.

End