(Set in July)

It's her seventeenth birthday. She's already done the daily routine of make-up and outfits. And she's just about to leave for the set of So Random! when she hears a knock at the door. And an open door reveals her sister.

"Happy birthday, sis." she says, and smiles sort of crookedly. And Tawni has absolutely no idea what to say, which is rare because Tawni Hart ALWAYS has something to say.

"Those shoes don't go with that outfit." she blurts out. And her sister just puts her hands in her front pockets and looks straight into Tawni's eyes.

"You haven't changed a bit." she says, and her eyes sparkle slightly. And before Tawni can stop herself, she's reaching out to hug her sister (and it's all wrong because Tawni Hart doesn't do emotional contact).

"So, you wanna come with me to So Random!" she asks after they've finished hugging. She sees her sister's eyes flash and her face mirrors the almost e m o t i o n l e s s mask that Tawni's been wearing her whole life. Her hands dig deeper into her pockets and she leans against the doorway.

"Nah, I'm good thanks. I'll just wait here till you come home, if you don't mind." she says. Tawni nods in agreement, knowing that even if she didn't want her there, it would be too much effort to get her out. So she smiles her unrealistic smile and props her handbag over her shoulder.

"But before you go, you may wanna take your present." says her sister, passing her a small box with a ribbon wrapped around it. Tawni takes it out of her hand with an odd delicacy, handling it as if it's the most precious thing in the world (which is just may well be).

"Thank you." she says. "It's good to see you, Sarah." and while the name feels foreign on her lips, it makes her smile slightly. Sarah smiles in return and waits until Tawni is out of the doorway to wander into Tawni's apartment and sit down on the sofa, pondering.

If Tawni remembers correctly, the last time she saw Sarah, she was fourteen and Sarah was sixteen. They'd both gotten pizza and refused to talk about how everything "was going", the tension between them, and that Tawni had just been accepted to go on a new tv show called "So Random!". But that didn't matter, what mattered was that Sarah had gotten the vegetarian pizza, and not Tuscan prawn, because Tawni really doesn't want to have wasted spending half an hour at Dominos with everyone crowding around her (well at least it proved that she actually ate food).

When she walks into her apartment she finds her sister sitting on the lounge, watching the light from the tv flash across her face. She thinks her face looks thinner, her cheek bones more definite from the last time she saw her. But then she decides that it's an illusion, caused by her usual tired state.

Sarah looks up when Tawni shuts the door, and smiles at her and Tawni smiles back. And then it's like old times when they're whole family would have "pizza night", (except she remembers Sarah eating more pizza. Oh well, maybe she should've gotten Tuscan prawn) and they'd all watch a cheesy family movie.

"So, um, how's Dad?" Tawni asks when they've finished.

"Oh, he's ok. Trying to keep a low profile, but the paparazzi's laid off a bit, so it's better than it was when you first started out." says Sarah, smiling at Tawni tightly. She just nods her head, and sighs slightly more heavily than she meant to. Her Dad and Sarah had always wanted a more quiet life, while her mother and she had lived for the spot light.

"Hey, I noticed that the moon decoration I gave you was on your shelf. I haven't seen it in ages, why's it up?" Sarah asks. 'Of course you haven't seen it,' Tawni thinks. 'you haven't been here for two years.'

"Oh, I just forgot to put away after Christmas, and I thought it looked nice when it caught the light from outside." replies Tawni, and she can't help but think about the way it looked on top of the tree at Christmas. She'd actually had less trouble sleeping for a couple of nights, with the warm aroma of the pine tree and the shining moon on top of the colourful Christmas tree.

"Good to know you liked it that much." Sarah says. "And I trust that you liked your birthday present." she adds, nodding to the shining crescent moon around Tawni's neck.

"I love it." says Tawni, and once again she's reaching over to hug her sister (and it's all right, because Sarah's her sister and everything's ok).

It's been three weeks since Sarah came to visit and Tawni may just be happy. It's the true happiness, the one that doesn't come from going on a shopping spree, or finding a very cute handbag. For once, she doesn't want to kill everybody around her (in fact, she may find them endearing). She and her sister are keeping a steady relationship, calling each other every week or so (instead of the "I'll call you when I'm not busy and I actually feel like it" calls she used to receive and give). She's also having less trouble sleeping (it only takes her two hours and fifteen minutes to fall asleep), which hopefully, is a good sign.

She's also getting along with Sonny better (because maybe, there is something good to see in the world), and even she admits that it was quite exciting when she first started working in Hollywood (she was born to be in Hollywood, wasn't she?). Her agen-mother even got her an audition for a new movie (and hopefully, she didn't have to sleep with the director to get it).

Life was good (because, everything comes to an end; including everything bad).

It's the day of her audition. She's trying out for the main part-a perfectly flawed girl. The character's anti-social, but has friends, the parents are divorced, but are friends who fight constantly, and she's going through high school (and we all know how crap that is).

"Sweetie, please don't mess this up. It was very hard to get you a slot; the directors very busy." says her mother/agent. The grip on her clutch handbag tightens, and she's tempted to rip it to shreds (but that would be a waste).

"Of course, Mum." she replies, and though she wants to ask, "When the hell have I? Not getting the part is different from fucking it up", but she can't (bloody family obligations).

As she walks through the studio, her mother by her side (she really hopes that she didn't see her wink at the director), she is suddenly caught up in a tangle of arms, and can smell strawberry conditioner (it's the cheap kind).

"TAWNI!" yells Sonny, when she stops hugging her (she's not her sister). "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"I can say the same for you." she replies, smiling uncomfortably. "Who are you trying out for?"

"Oh, the main character, Sadie." Sonny answers. "Who are you trying out for?" she asks. The only reply Tawni wants to give is a hard slap that would wipe that (gleaming) smile off her face.

"Oh, me too." she answers instead. "I've gotta go re-apply some of my make-up, so, see you later!" she adds, trying to avoid the awkwardness (it practically follows her).

After applying her make up (it was a distraction; to distract everyone from herself), watching Sonny audition from the reflection of her compact mirror (she clearly didn't come from a dysfunctional family, no matter where her Dad was), it was her turn. As Tawni was Tawni's -best friend; her mirror- biggest critic (her mother was second). She had a feeling that she overacted it, because she'd already felt mistrusted; worthless; confused, and it was too hard to not relate to it.

But then, she sees her mother blow a kiss to the director (and the script writer, and Chad Dylan Cooper-whose trying out for the love interest) and she loses it (and she doesn't know what "it" is, but she has a feeling it's her grip on sanity). She glares at her mother, yelling at her because she wants her to N O T I C E her and R E C O G N I S E her (because she can't). Everyone stares at her, shocked (well at least Sonny stopped smiling), except Chad, who just stares at her, leaning on the doorway.

"I don't want your pity." she spits at him, and walks out of the studio.

As soon as she comes home from the audition, she stalks into her room, slams the door shut and draws the curtains over fiercely, before sitting down on her bed in a sulk. She's not sure what she wants to do; cry (possibly from hatred of her mother), wallow in self pity, or punch a hole in the wall (which would ruin her manicure). Instead, she flops down on her bed in a lifeless heap. The moon decoration sits on her shelf, and she watches as it catches some of the light that's crept in from the crack in the curtains fall across it; watching it change colours soothingly.

Next to it is a picture of her and Sarah when she was thirteen and Sarah was fifteen. She's wearing a bright blue dress (with matching shoes of course), and her bright blond hair goes down to her shoulders. While Sarah, she wears a black t-shirt, the brand name written across the middle, and black jeans, her hands stuffed deep inside them. Her shoes were old sneakers, covered in mud from soccer practise (Tawni hadn't like the competiveness in soccer). They were both so different.

Tawni had forgotten that Sarah played soccer; she'd always been good at it too. She remembered that one time she'd flown to Seattle to watch a game, and Sarah had scored the winning goal for her team. But then, when she'd gone up to congratulate her, someone had spotted her as the "Random girl!" and had run up to her, setting off a chain reaction. She never had been able to congratulate Sarah.

She tries to call Sarah, but she keeps on getting her voicemail.

It's been two months after the "incident" with her mother, and everything's exactly the same (except for two weeks, Tween Weekly kept on publicising her "diva act". But atleast her mother "did" something to stop it). But in two months, she still hasn't heard from the director of the movie, or Sarah, excluding a few snappy phone calls saying that she was busy.

But on Tuesday, she finds Sonny doing cartwheels in their dressing room, Nico, Grady and Chad (what was he even doing there?) looking at her strangely.

"Ooh, has Coco Moco Coco been released again?" she asks, looking hopefully around her. Everyone just looks at her more strangely.

"No! But I got," says Sonny excitedly, but then her smile fades and her eyes become sorrowful, like they often get when she has to tell someone bad news. "Oh, you haven't heard…" she realises.

"Sonny got the part of Sadie." announces Chad. His face doesn't look mocking, or happy or anything but serious (I don't want your pity). Tawni just nods and congratulates Sonny without a smile.

"We've gotta get to rehearsal!" she says. "And so do you." she adds, glaring at Chad, who nods and goes to walk out the door.

"Sorry." he whispers to Tawni when he walks past her. She doesn't say anything, but she's sorry too.

After the rehearsal, Tawni manages to find out from Sonny where the set is and the date that they will be start filming. To which Sonny replies that there is no set date, but she thinks that the movie will be filmed a couple of blocks away from Condor Studios (great, Sonny can rub it in her face close-up).

Tawni then goes to her mother, who she finds in her dressing room, a bottle of expensive wine in her hand (and she's fighting the urge to smash it against the wall).

"Hi Mummy!" she says, going up to kiss her on the cheek.

"Oh, hello sweetie. Have you seen my coco moco coco?" her mother replies, stretching out like a cat on the lounge. Her platform heels glitter the superficial light, and she realises that it's her favourite pair from when she was a child (acting was just another excuse to dress up).

"Mummy, it's in your hand." Tawni replies. Her mother looks at the bottle drowsily, then switches to her other hand, and upon seeing the tube of lip gloss, bursts into her fake laugh.

"Oh, so it is! Thank you, sweetie." she says. "What would I do without you?" And Tawni can't bring to even think of the answer, let alone say it (forget about her). So instead, she just smiles and tosses her hair back.

"Is there anything I can get you?" her mother asks.

"Actually, there is. I was wondering if you have the number for the director of that movie." says Tawni. And even through their drowsy state, she can see her mother's eyes harden as she remembers the events on the day of the audition.

"Oh yes, he was a nice man. The number's in my purse." Tammy replies. She then takes another sip from the bottle, before reapplying her lip gloss.

"Oh, and honey, I just want to say that I'm sorry that you didn't get the part." she adds, and Tawni looks up from her mother's purse. All she wants next is another statement, like "I'm so proud of you", or "I know you did your best".

"Thanks." says Tawni when nothing is added.

"And I was also thinking we could go shopping one time, together." adds Tammy. For once, Tawni's smile is real. Because, actually, her mother just bonded with her. Instead of going shopping by herself, her mother decided to bring her with her, include her.

"That sounds great." Tawni replies. Her mother smiles back at her absentmindedly, and takes another sip from the bottle, which Tawni takes as her cue to go.

She walks to the prop house, looking around, checking the sarcophagus and banging at the air vents to make sure no one's around (we can't have Sonny, or Zora or Chad thinking that you're jealous, can we?). When she's shaken off the feeling that someone's looking at her, or something's wrong, she dials the number.

"Chris Page here, what do you want?" the voice answers.

"Tawni Hart here." she answers, flicking her hair back (it's not for him, it's for her own confidence). "I tried out for the part of Sadie the other day, for your new movie."

"Ah yes, I was just about to get my manager to call you, but I suppose I'll have to do it myself." Chris says. "Miss Hart, I'm very so-"

"I know, I know. I didn't get the part; Sonny did. And yes, I'm fine!" Tawni interrupts. "But that's actually what I'm calling about. See, I was just wondering if you could tell me why I didn't get the part."

"Ah, well see, um." Chris stutters. "It's not that I think you're a bad actress, it's just that I don't think the part suited you."

"But it suited Sonny."Tawni interprets.

"Well, yes. She just seemed better for the part." Chris finishes. "Now, I've gotta go to a meeting so-"

"Ok, thank you very much Mr Page. I won't keep you waiting any longer. I hope to work with you in the future. Good bye now!" says Tawni, as she hangs up on him. She sits down on the sofa, and lays her head against it (she forgot how tired she was; she's so so so tired). She wants to go home, but she can't bring herself to move (because everything feels so heavy; her head, her eyes, her heart). But finally, she's able to get up and walk away (it's because she let one tear fall, and everything felt lighter).

When she gets home, Tawni sees the (warning) answering machine light flashing, but she doesn't answer it. She just fights an urge to smash it against the wall (because it would just be someone telling her that she didn't get another thing). But instead, she gets ready for bed and takes a sleeping tablet that she stole from her mother's purse (shh, she's really a good girl, so don't tell mummy; she may cancel the shopping trip).

She slept through the whole night. Her alarm woke her up. But she still feels like crap, and her eyes still feel heavy, and she'll still need extra time to do her make-up, because she needs to cover up. And the dark atmosphere that's been surrounding her ever since she called Chris Page still hasn't left, and it's filling her and making her bitter.

And when it's time to do her make up, she's just about ready to smash her mirror, because it wouldn't matter anyway (she's had bad luck a lot longer than seven years), because she doesn't need it to tell her that she looks terrible, she already knows. She already knows that Sonny is better than her. That when her mother looks at her, she's only seeing herself-that when she watches So Random!, she only looks at Tawni so she can see herself, and block everyone else so it's about her and her only.

People only want and like things that are similar to them, difference is bad (it's the same speech over and over and over). The only way to be liked, noticed, recognised, is to be the exact same as everybody else. Because then, you'll fit in.

It's then that she remembers the message that's waiting to be listened to on her answering machine. She doesn't know why, but she's wary to play it (she doesn't want to, she knows it's bad).

"T-T-Tawni, it's your Dad. I-I don't know how to tell you this, but your sister, she-I found her on the floor. I don't know what was wrong with her, but, but she was so pale and cold, and-she's in hospital. The doctors think that she has anorexia. I'm sor-, call me when you get this, sweetie. Love you."

Thank you for calling.

I would really, really, really love it if you review. You don't have to favourite it, or like it, but I would really, really love a review.