Title: Being Simon

Summary: Simon Lewis has been a vampire - literally and figuratively - three times. Why is admitting it each time so much harder than the last?

Notes: Hey, this is just being reposted because I realized that my note was actually a note from my RENT fanfiction which I'm sure made NO sense considering there is no Mark or Rent or Roger or guitars or cameras or well, music, in this fanfiction. So... Right. This was a little fic I wrote that was inspired by me trying to figure out how exactly Simon revealed himself to his mother. Simon is my favorite character, there are definitely not enough Simon fics (thoughin the recent weeks, I've seen the number increase...). Enjoy!

Just a Note: Well, here is my first attempt at MI. Gosh, I hope it turned out all right. Enjoy! Post CoG

*Also shiva is the Jewish period of mourning. Generally, you sit shiva for a week after the funeral and people bring food and such. Lots of bagels. Lots of Jewish deli. Just a word you may want to know for later in the story.

Dedication: To anyone who has ever lost anyone they cared about

Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments

i.

"Why do we have to go Halloween shopping so early in the morning?" eight year old Simon groaned while Clary skipped beside him.

"Because I have a checkup with Dr. Bane," Clary reminded him again. "Besides, if we wait, all the fairy stuff will be gone!"

"That's too girly," Simon wrinkled his nose.

Clary rolled her eyes. "I didn't mean that you should wear it. I'm going to be a fairy."

"No, you're not," Mrs. Fray interrupted. Her and Mrs. Lewis were trailing a few steps behind their children, chatting idly. Mrs. Lewis held the store door open and they trailed in, halting in front of an aisle filled with gory masks and short skirts.

Clary pouted. "You said I can't be a witch or a fairy. Uncle Luke said I can't be a werewolf. What can I be? A pumpkin?"

"You have orange hair," Simon shrugged.

Clary turned her pout to him and he felt his stomach go into little knots. Rebecca was always making fun of him for his "puppy crush", but how could he help it? She always traded snacks at lunch with him, she never minded playing Power Rangers during recess, and she made awesome LEGO towers.

"I mean," Simon thought really quickly. "I mean, why do you want to be a fairy, anyhow? All the girls are fairies."

"Yeah, I guess," Clary sighed. "And the costume store doesn't even get them right. I mean, they don't wear the leaves and flowers. They are leaves and flowers. You know?"

Simon frowned. "No."

"What do you mean, no? Haven't you seen them? In the park?"

Simon shook his head.

"Oh," Clary said quietly. "Well, you obviously haven't been looking hard enough. I saw them yesterday."

Mrs. Lewis laughed. "You have quite an imagination, Clary."

"Oh, yes, she's always making up these stories," Mrs. Fray agreed, but looking a little anxious. "Why don't you two go off and look for some costumes? Come check with us after trying something on, okay?"

"We'll be right here," Mrs. Lewis promised.

The kids went running off, tripping over their feet as they fought to find the good costumes first.

"What should I be?" Simon asked his best friend as they critically observed the wall that towered over them with plastic bags filled with cheap material.

Clary cocked her head to the side, her annoyance forgotten. "You're really pale."

Simon stuck his tongue out. "It's October. Of course I'm pale, it's not summer anymore. And you're pale, too."

Clary ignored him. "Maybe you could be a mime."

Simon shook his head. "I dunno how to mime."

"Oh, yeah…" Clary looked back at the costumes. Her gaze landed on a package to Simon's left. She reached across him and shoved it into his hands. "Go try it on!"

Simon let himself be shoved into the dressing room and quickly slipped on the long, dark material over his jeans and t-shirt. It was itchy and uncomfortable, but when he looked into the mirror, he couldn't help but jump.

"Are you almost done?" Clary asked impatiently from outside.

"Yeah," Simon replied. "I'm done."

He looked like the real thing. Almost. Or well, as real as a mythical creature could be. His skin was pretty pale, considering that for the last week he'd been getting over a cold. And his hair looked really dark, thought hat may have been the lighting. Simon grabbed the last accessory from the bag before emerging to Clary and the mothers.

"I'm a vampire, Mom!" he announced proudly.

Mrs. Lewis smiled. "That's great, Simon. I'm sure all the other boys in class will be jealous of your costume."

"Yep!"

ii.

Fourteen year old Simon woke to a darkened room.

He sat up tiredly, yawning and looking around to his surroundings. Clothes and shoes were strewn across the floor. The blanket Rebecca had made him the year before for his futon was in a ball on the floor. He could hear voices from inside the house, chattering incessantly.

Simon sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Why wouldn't they just go away? All of them! How did saying sorry make anything better? How did being surrounded with people help when all you want to do is be alone?

A soft knock on his door snapped him out of his thoughts. "Simon? Simon, can I come in?" his mother asked quietly.

Simon thought about refusing her, but dismissed the thought. "Sure."

Mrs. Lewis opened the door a crack and slipped inside, shutting it behind her. "It's almost noon," she told him. "Did you just wake up?"

Simon nodded.

"Are you hungry? I have a bagel for you."

Simon wrinkled his nose. "How many more days of bagels and deli food do I have to endure? Isn't shiva over yet?"

"It's only been three days, Simon."

Simon frowned and resisted the urge to throw something at the wall. "Only three days? They've been the three longest days of my freaking life."

Mrs. Lewis didn't bother chiding her son's language. She sat down on the bed beside him and pulled him into a warm embrace. "It's not your fault, you know."

Simon stiffened and pulled away. "He wanted to watch a movie with me that night. You and Becca and Adam were out and Dad wanted to watch something. And I decided to go out with Clary instead. I should have been home. I should have agreed! Maybe… maybe then…"

He couldn't speak any longer. His chest felt like it was being squeezed by a giant boa constrictor and he choked on his words. Wet trails leaked down his face and Simon curled into himself, resisting the touch of his mother.

"There's nothing you could have done. There's no way you could have known, no way any of us could have known. This isn't your fault, Simon."

Simon shook his head. "You don't get it. I don't feel like it's my fault. I just feel like I should have been there… I didn't even say goodbye. I just yelled 'I'm going to Clary's!' and left. He… I heard him say something after I closed the door but I couldn't figure out what it was." Simon took a gasping breath. "I didn't even try to figure it out."

Mrs. Lewis rested her hand on Simon's shoulder. He flinched, but she persisted. "Simon, Dad wouldn't have wanted you to mope around in your room. He would have wanted you to go out and talk to other people, talk to your friends. Why don't you wash up and go find Clary? She's somewhere around. I'm sure she'll be willing to talk."

Simon nodded reluctantly. Clary, he could deal with. Clary would let him blame himself as much as he wanted, as least for now. In a few days, she'd get sick of it, probably, and try to slap some sense into him. But for now, she was one of the few comforts he could find.

Ignoring the fact that his mother was in the room, Simon rifled through his drawers. He pulled on a clean pair of holey jeans and a worn t-shirt of his dad's that had wound up in his laundry somehow. He ran a comb through his hair quickly and glanced into the mirror.

His eyes looked sunken and bloodshot, bags underneath them a deep purple. Across the room, his mom opened the blinds just a little, but the sunlight filtering in made Simon flinch.

"How do you feel now? A little better?"

Simon didn't really hear her. He was too busy staring at the stranger in the mirror. He looked almost unreal…

"Like a vampire," he murmured.

Mrs. Lewis enveloped him in yet another hug and the pair held onto each other tightly, as if they would drown without the other.

iii.

Sixteen year old Simon felt much older than he actually was.

He also felt like slapping Jace or Raphael. Whichever one managed to piss him off more by the end of the evening, really.

"Come on vampire, I haven't got all day you know. I have a date tonight," Jace said, leaning on the entrance to Simon's room. Simon was sitting on his bed, his stomach fluttering like butterflies. No, not like butterflies. Like bats.

"Shut up," Simon retorted, glaring. He was seriously wondering where his common sense had gone when he let Jace into the house. "She'll hear you. How did you even figure out where I live?"

Simon knew the answer before Jace said it. "Clary."

Simon sneered and reached for his phone, but it was knocked out of his hand within seconds. "What the –"

"Look, you need to tell your mom about all of this. You have got to stop stalling."

"Who told you this? Clary again?"

Jace shook his head and grinned cockily. "No. Your, ah, vampire sire showed up in front of the Institute saying that if we could convince you to clue your mom in on all this, he'd go easy on you. Apparently even he remembers what kind of trouble a mother would cause for her kid."

"Raphael had a mother?" Simon snorted and then sighed. "I can't do it, Jace."

"That's why I'm here," Jace said as if were obvious.

"Really? I thought you were just here to piss me off."

Jace groaned and sat down beside Simon's bed. "Listen – what I said in Idris? About not hating you? Yeah, I meant it. There's the possibility that you will leave home and not come back one day. Hanging around us Nephilim does that. You saw how easily your family was convinced you were off visiting a long lost Aunt Josie instead of being held in a prison."

"Yeah, so?"

"Don't you think your mom deserves to know? And besides, she's going to catch on. Think you're anorexic, worry that you've stopped growing, something. And then she'll take you a doctor."

"And I'll be pegged as a medical miracle."

"And you'll be pegged as a freak – which, to be honest, you sort of are, considering the whole Daylighter thing –"

"Which is your fault."

"Which is Valentine's fault. But that's besides the point," Jace waved away the conversation and turned more casual. "How about this? I say everything, I do all the explanations. All you have to say is, 'Mom, I'm a vampire.' Sound fair?"

Simon nodded reluctantly. "All right. Fine. But when she puts me into an asylum, you're breaking me out."

"I broke you out of the Gard while it was on fire. I think I can get you out of a measly mundie hospital," Jace laughed and gazed around the room, wrinkling his nose. "Do you ever clean this place?"

"Yeah," Simon answered, leaping off the bed and landing across the room, in front of his mini-fridge. "When I forget what color the carpet is."

"That's disgusting," Jace commented as Simon took a bottle of deep red liquid and stuck it in his pocket.

"My room or my food?"

Jace considered. "Both, plus you."

Simon chose to ignore him as usual and stalked out of the room, letting Jace follow.

It didn't take long to find his mom. Mrs. Lewis was sitting at the kitchen table, shuffling through a pile of papers. Simon saw after a moment that they were pictures and papers from him and his siblings' childhood.

"Aw, baby Simon," Jace said under his breath, grinning ear to ear. Simon shot him a glare, but that never stopped Jace. "Why didn't you stay that way? People would probably like you more, then."

"You probably should have never been born, because I don't think people would even like you as an infant," Simon hissed.

"Why am I the one with a girlfriend, then?"

"She feels bad for you."

"Wasn't that why she dated you?"

Mrs. Lewis heard the quiet commotion and looked up in surprise, smiling at her son slightly.

"What's going on over there? And Simon, who's your friend?"

"This is –"

"I'm Jace," the Shadowhunter introduced himself, shoving past Simon to enter the kitchen. Simon shut his mouth quickly. Once Jace started, he'd have a long time before he had anything to say.

"Oh, well, Jace, it's nice to meet you," Mrs. Lewis said sincerely. "How do you know Simon? School?"

Jace shook his head. "I'm homeschooled. I'm Clary's boyfriend."

Mrs. Lewis glanced at Simon quickly, as if to see his reaction. But Simon just shook his head, silently laughing.

"You're never going to get tired of saying that, are you?"

"Hey, it's not your cue yet," Jace snapped. "Mrs. Lewis, Simon has something important to tell you. And no, before you ask, he's not gay. I think." Jace twisted around to face the vampire. "Are you?"

Simon groaned. "I'm calling Clary," he decided, reaching for the kitchen phone.

"All right, all right! I'll stop. Don't call her. By the Angel, you are so difficult to work with. I was making a joke."

"Just get on with it, would you?" Simon buried his head in his hands, praying for the conversation to be over and done with.

Jace quickly went through an explanation of the Shadowhunters and the Downworlders, giving brief but informative descriptions of each. Mrs. Lewis stayed mostly silent through it all, occasionally shooting looks towards her son, wondering how in the world he had anything to do with this.

"So," Jace said, finally reaching his conclusion. By now, he as sitting at the table across from Mrs. Lewis, looking very comfortable indeed. "Clary turned out to be a Shadowhunter, but she never knew it, and Simon wound up getting dragged into our world – in more ways than one. Simon, your turn, and hurry it up, I need to pick up Clary."

Simon looked up slowly, meeting his mother's eyes with fear and anxiety. "Mom," he said in a voice barely more than a whisper. "I'm a vampire."

Mrs. Lewis didn't speak. She didn't even move. She simply kept staring at her son in disbelief. A shaking hand covered her mouth in shock.

Simon moaned and shut his eyes, sliding to the ground. "I knew this would happen, I knew it, I knew it! Jace, why the hell did you make me do this? Screw you, Wayland, screw you."

"Mrs. Lewis," Simon heard Jace say. "He's not crazy, trust me. I was there when he rose and everything. Simon's the same person he's always been. In fact, he was reborn a few weeks ago." There was a pause. "In a Jewish cemetery, too. It was a long ride and then we had to get him cleaned up and home before sunrise, it was a pain. I didn't see why we couldn't have buried him in a random dirt patch, really, I mean –"

"Jace, shut up," Simon muttered. "You're ruining your image. You don't ramble."

"Simon?" It was his mother's voice, coming from only inches away. "Simon, honey, put open your eyes and come here."

Simon stayed frozen, his breath halted. She was talking to him?

"Simon, I don't think you're crazy, if that's what you're wondering. I believe you."

Simon still didn't move.

"I love you, Simon." Her hand found its way to his, grasping it tightly. Simon gently squeezed back, afraid of hurting her. "Nothing is going to change that."

He opened his eyes a crack and peered into his mother's anxious, worried face. She was kneeling beside him, maybe a foot away. "Are you scared? Of me?"

She hesitated before shaking her head. "Not of you. For you. But it'll be okay, because we'll get through this together. I'll always be here. Understand?"

Simon nodded in agreement and threw his arms around her neck in a tight embrace.

"I'm a vampire," he said again, testing the words out. They seemed foreign on his tongue - he couldn't ever recall actually saying it since being reborn.

"No," Mrs. Lewis said firmly. "You are Simon."

Even Jace didn't have the heart to break up the moment.

AN: Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Feedback would be great - there just aren't enough Simon fics on this site. He's my favorite character of the series, I really don't think he gets enough love. I'm actually working on another oneshot that would take place a little after this, expanding more on his relationship with his mother, including a bit more of Raphael, and of course, the rest of the gang. I still haven't decided whether I'm going to make it Izzy/Simon or Maia/Simon... I have to admit, it's turning out more on the Isabelle side, but I like Maia a lot, too.

Anyhow, as far as feedback, I'd love it if you could critique me on my characterizations. How do you think I did Clary? And Jace? Oh, if I screwed up Jace, I'd really like to know. Same with the Jace and Simon interactions. I have so much fun writing them, I'm just never sure if they sound right... Was Mrs. Lewis believable? Was Simon? Oh, and of course, tell me what you're favorite part was! Thanks! I really hope you enjoyed it!