Merry Christmas! This is just a story... that was probably a lot funnier in my head before I wrote it out... but whatever! Winter break started this weekend so this is what happens when I have too much spare time and a Christmas-y spirit.

Forcystus walked into the control room, expecting a call from Lord Yggdrasill. As he walked over to the computer console, it took a bit of effort to use only one hand to key in the commands. He'd lost his arm quite recently, and though he already had plans for a replacement, it was a pain for now.

Sure enough, almost as soon as he booted up the computer a red light flashed to tell him he had an incoming message. He pressed a button and a hologram image of Lord Yggdrasill appeared. Forcystus bowed his head slightly, then looked up. "Greeting, my lord."

"Forcystus," Yggdrasill said, looking down at him coolly. "What is your annual report on the status of the ranch?"

"Everything is going well, sir," Forcystus said. "We are ten persons over the quota and Exsphere manufacture is very streamlined. Only one out of every 234 Exspheres malfunctions."

"Very good," Yggdrasill said. "But what about your problem with the uprising?"

Forcystus gritted his teeth and couldn't help glancing down at the arm he'd lost in the uprising a couple months ago. "Everything is under control now, sir. Those responsible have been publically executed."

"Don't let it happen again."

"I won't sir."

"Very well," Yggdrasill said, his expression turning more casual. "One more question. What do you want for Martel's birthday?"

Forcystus hesitated, wondering how to phrase his request. Ever since the start of the Desians, Lord Yggdrasill had insisted on treating Martel's birthday as a holiday and demanded the giving of gifts in her memory. Finally, Forcystus decided to just blurt it out. "I'd like an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model arm cannon with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time."

Yggdrasill stared at him blankly for a couple seconds, then said, "No. You'll shoot your eye out. What else do you want?"

Forcystus' heart plummeted, and he said, "Oh... I guess just some new equipment for the soldiers..."

"Alright." Then the hologram flickered off, leaving Forcystus devastated.

He looked down at his stump of an arm with a sigh. Shooting his eye out?! That was preposterous! He was a Desian Grand Cardinal and was more than capable of handling an arm cannon. What was he supposed to do, walk around with a stump for the rest of his life?

Furious, Forcystus stormed out of the control room. Well, Yggdrasill wasn't the only one giving gifts. He'd just have to ask somebody else.

Fifteen minutes later he sat in his office and pulled out a pen and a sheet of paper. He hunched over the paper, writing very quickly.

Dear Lord Kratos,

What I would like for Martel's birthday celebration is Red Ryder arm cannon with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. I think everybody should have an arm cannon. They're very useful. I don't think random equipment is a very good present.

Sincerely,

Lord Forcystus

Forcystus sat back and smiled, hoping that Kratos would respond to his plea. He folded the paper, put it in an envelope, and left the office to find a Desian to deliver the message. That done, he set off to continue his job overseeing the ranch, content that by Martel's birthday he'd have a brand new arm cannon with which to threaten the human prisoners.

Forcystus went about his work for the next couple days in contentment, counting down the days until he finally got a cannon for his arm. One day, about a week after sending the letter to Lord Kratos, a Desian soldier came up to him.

"Sir! We've received a message from Lord Kratos!"

"Oh?" Forcystus said, wondering what Kratos would need to contact him about. "What did he say?"

"It's just this letter," the Desian said, handing over the paperr.

Forcystus took it and carefully unfolded it, looking down at Kratos' neat, slanted writing with curiosity.

Dear Lord Forcystus,

No. You'll shoot your eye out.

Sincerely,

Lord Kratos.

Forcystus swore and crumpled the paper in his hand. The Desian looked at him fearfully as he stormed away, fuming. Yggdrasill must have gotten to Kratos. They had to be working together in this to keep a cannon out of his grasp. Why? Did they think he was going to try and overpower Cruxis with it? Come on, it was just one lousy cannon!

Forcystus headed back to his room, disappointment settling into his chest as he accepted the fact that he'd end up getting boring old supplies and equipment just like he did every year.

--

A week later, it was Martel's birthday. Forcystus headed to his office, expecting to see a package of shiny new equipment from Lord Yggdrasill waiting for him. When he got there, he did indeed see a large box with Cruxis' emblem on the side, but he couldn't force himself to feel any real excitement over the dull gift.

But then, something else caught his eye. In red paper, a long, thin package sat on the edge of his desk. Quirking his eyebrows in wonder, Forcystus checked the tag.

To: Lord Forcystus

From: Lord Yuan

Yuan had gotten him something? Hardly daring to hope, Forcystus slid back the paper and revealed a shiny new golden arm cannon. His eyes lit up with excitement and he nearly did a dance around the office. He wasted no time in bringing it up to the stump of his arm and trying it on. It fit perfectly, like it had been made for him.

He'd look through his gifts from Yggdrasill and Kratos later. For now, he needed to try out this arm cannon.

Forcystus made his way down to the ground level of the ranch. Desians passing by looked at his new arm in wonder, and Forcystus was unable to shake the grin form his face as he made his way outside.

In the front yard, Forcystus looked down at his arm and flipped a switch to turn it on. The cannon hummed to life as light ran down the sides. He grinned, and pointed it across the yard. "Here we go," he muttered to himself.

A blast of green light rocketed out of the cannon and flew across the yard, where it hit the far wall and promptly came flying right back towards him.

Forcystus barely had time to say, "Oh shi-" before it blasted him in the face, knocking him over on his back. He felt a dull throbbing ache in his left eye socket, and a painful realisation washed over him as he stared up at the sky with one eye.

Oh my god, I shot my eye out!

And that's how Forcystus lost his eye.

Of course, anyone who's seen A Christmas Story knew how this was going to end...