A/N: Hello everyone. This might become more than a one shot, Probably not.
Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns everything.
Appreciate What You Have
It's been two weeks since Dimitri and I spent a night in a cabin. We finally let go of what had been holding us back, and truly became one.
It's been one week since my heart was shattered into a million pieces, one week since I let go of all that Dimitri had taught me.
It's been one week since I became Rosemarie Hathaway; completely heart-broken teen, with nothing but pain in her future and past, the badass novice that is unmerciful to her victims.
It takes a lot to admit you have nothing left. It's even harder to not go and stab the living shit out of the person that took the small fragment of what you had left away.
Our practises still took place, we both wanted each other. It was evident; Dimitri claims to only have broken up with me because our relationship was impossible. Nothing is impossible if you wanted it as badly as he claims to have wanted it.
I go through stages in breakups; first is the sadness, second happiness and third anger. I'm on the third stage right now. But I'm not angry at Dimitri, no I'm angry at how badly I was used.
I let myself love him, and even though I've gone through all this pain, I still do. I would die for him. I gave him my virginity! Dimitri said that he still wanted us to be together, after he clears some things up.
What's that meant to mean.
I was getting ready for another practise when a brilliant idea popped into my head.
It was mean and someone would inevitably get hurt, but I was desperate. He said we couldn't be together, well I'm gonna make myself irresistible. And then I'm gonna start dating again. Just to make him want me.
To make things even more diabolical I will date the one person Dimitri hates more than strigoi. Adrian. Oh this is gonna be a big showdown. That sounded weird. But it doesn't matter. Cause it is!
I picked out red trackies and a black sports bra and headed out towards the gym. I walked in and leaning against the wall was none other than Dimitri Belikov.
"Well, what's the hurry? You're on time! For the first time ever." He stated. He looked gorgeous this morning. Hell, he could look gorgeous if he was in a chicken suit. I just walked in a dumped my bag on the floor. He hated when I did that, apparently it showed some sort of disrespect. He started glaring at my bag and then at me, his was of telling me to move it.
His mouth had formed a straight line, he was fighting not to say anthing. He knew that if he did, it would mean his death.
Ever since he dumped me I've been giving him an extremely cold shoulder. And everything I say just rings with double meaning. "What? According to you it's okay to dump things when ever the hell you want." I said in a tone the clearly told him to get straight to business.
His face held an expression that looked like he had just been hit with a baseball bat. "Okay, you're in that mood today. Well just do your runs and come back to spar." He emphasized the come back part.
I ran, he watched. I still ran. I ran until my legs hurt and I felt like hurling my guts up. I ran until I almost forgot that he had broken up with me. Almost.
Once I was done I headed up to the gym. He sat there pretending like he wasn't watching me like I was a prize winning pumpkin. Once he thought I had caught my breath, he approached me.
About two metres away he stopped and crouched into an attacking position. I didn't bother. If a strigoi really was going to attack us we wouldn't have time to get into an attack position.
Today I was going to let him know what I alone can do. What pain he brought upon me. Today my punches were more accurate, my kicks resembled blunt brutality. Today I was going to win. He wouldn't tell me what needs to be improved; he wouldn't give me a Zen lesson. Today he was going to walk away with bruises; they will remind him of the pain he so willingly entered.
And so he did. I didn't even feel tired, that was until he got angry. "What was that? What's happened to you Roza? You are not the woman I fell in love with." He said. Why would he bring that shit up again.
"First of all; that was me when I really want to win. Second of all; do not ever call me Roza! You are my mentor. You said you wanted nothing more. Well now you don't. and last of all; You are not in love with me. You dumped me on my ass! You had sex with me and then left me, like it was a one night sta-" I was cut off by his low hissing voice. It was fully laced with his Russian accent.
"It was not a one night stand. I wanted it more than you could ever imagine. But you and I will never work. I've tried to get a job at the court but they won't let me. They say that to keep you under control when you are guarding Lissa I need to be there. You also know the other reason our relationship will not work, because if we are together then our charge will be in danger!" He said.
"Don't you understand? I'm too far in, It doesn't matter anymore if we are in a relationship. That won't stop me from loving you and jumping in front of you if a strigoi came. It's shameful, I know, but if we were attacked and I had to choose between you and Lissa, It would be you." I finally admitted. It was the truth.
I didn't wait for him to answer, I ran to my room and collapsed on my bed. The relief of no longer having that little secret bottled up was unmaskable.
For the first night in two weeks I dreamt. But even that is no longer a safe place for me. Almost as soon as I began dreaming it was interrupted by non other than Adrian.
My previously happy dream dissolved and I was sitting underneath a tree on campus. The sun was shining and autumn. Leaves blew around in the wind. They all grouped up and from that group out walked Adrian.
"Dramatic entrance, don't ya think?" Adrian asked as he walked closer to me. He sensed my mood when he entered the shadows of the tree of was sitting under. He ignored it though, "Well, it's been a while since I was a guest in your dreams." He said more to himself than to me.
"More like nightmares," I muttered under my breath.
Adrian, no longer being able to ignore my bad attitude inquired "What's up with you?" Like he didn't already know.
"Well for the first time in weeks I'm able to dream, and even that gets stolen away from me!" I was sick of people stealing bits of me away slowly, and now they have finally taken the last bit of peace I can escape to.
"Okay, jeez. Sorry Rose. I will go then." He called me Rose. That significantly rose my mood from angry to just upset.
Adrian sensing my mood change, turned back to me and sat down, "Tell me what's up." He said in a kind tone.
"Tree branches." I said back as a joke. His face still held worry, "Okay well, if I tell you, you have to promise not to do anything." I said. I didn't want him to get upset. And out of anyone I could name, myself included, he was the one person who would get most upset about my sleeping with Dimitri.
"I can't do that." He said. But then I thought, 'What the hell, he might as well know, I can't change the past.' With that though concluded, I recounted my story from when I spent a night in a cabin with a Russian god, to this afternoon, where a shared a fight with a Russian god.
Adrian's face twisted throughout the story, it went from fury to sadness and then back again.
"Yo- you. Slept. With. Him." Adrian spoke in a hoarse voice.
I didn't want to reply, so I just nodded. He immediately withdrew from my mind and left me alone. I woke up almost instantly when I heard two people arguing outside my window. I looked up recognising one of them to be Russian.
I peered out my window, and to my shock found Dimitri and Adrian shouting. I chucked on my tracksuit and ran out to stop them before they did anything they both regretted.
I reached them faster than I thought they would. Dimitri's usually calm expression was warped in anger and his hands were balled in rage. Once I was close enough to hear what was being said I was stunned.
Dimitri was replying to something Adrian said, "You don't know what happened. I have very valid reasons for doing what I did, and I do not have to justify myself to you." He spoke with a gravely tone.
Then came Adrian's reply, it surprised me more than anything, "Nothing can justify sleeping with someone and then ditching them for no reason, you have her waiting on your every word. And you treat her like nothing; she gave you something that should be treated with love, but instead you throw around her as if she was worth nothing! I would ecstatic if she would love me the way she loves you, you have something many people envy, and one even died for. Appreciate what she has given you, because one day, she might just move on." He spoke as if reciting a very well rehearsed speech.
Dimitri was rendered speechless but Adrian's lecture. I on the other hand wanted nothing more than to kiss the daylight out of Adrian. Because he said exactly what every girl, deep down, wants to hear from a man.
I walked right up to Adrian- no longer caring that Dimitri was there- and kissed him. It was nothing at first but then Adrian kissed me back. He was good, amazing actually. Nothing like Dimitri but a thrill non the less.
We broke apart and he looked me in the eye. And I felt something more. Again nothing like Dimitri, but it was still something. He looked at me like I was perfect. Just like Mason had looked at me. I became aware of Dimitri staring at us and turned to look into his tearing eyes.
I looked back, trying to tell him with my eyes, that he could have me if he wanted. He just fell under my gaze and nodded with a small goodbye of, "Goodbye Miss Hathaway. Ivashkov," He turned to leave and return to his guard.