LOKI
.:chapter five:.
This, apparently, was not my day. Well, of course a day couldn't belong to anyone-that would be stupid. But. I was definitely not having a nice day, contrary to what everyone had promised me. "Have a nice day" my ass, I thought ungratefully. Not only was it totally out of line to tell someone to have a nice day after a huge catastrophe, but as soon as that kind of wish is issued, bad times invariably follow.
And follow they did.
I took a steady, deep breath, and prepared to let the driver know exactly what I thought about being driven to a courtroom in the smelly bowels of Purgatory. I had evidently caused a major stir when I had left the "safety" of Purgatory to have my little chat with Rei. But back to my feelings about the courtroom.
"YOU STINKING PIG! LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!!! I'VE TOLD YOU-"
"Twenty six times, not counting this one, Loki, ma'am," the driver said tiredly. "You've told me."
"WELL I'LL DAMN WELL TELL YOU AGAIN! YOU'RE A LOUSY DRIVER! LOUSY, LOUSY, LOUSY! I'LL BET YOU FAILED DRIVER'S ED FIFTEEN BILLION TIMES!" I screeched, waving my arms wildly as he narrowly avoided hitting several pedestrians.
"SEE WHAT I MEAN??? SEE? SEE? SEE? YOU'RE A MENACE! A DANGER TO SOCIETY! OH MY GOD YOU'RE GOING TO HIT THAT FUNNY LOOKING CAT!"
"THAT'S MY MOTHER!" the driver finally roared.
Pleased that I had finally gotten a reaction out of him, I pressed on. Besides, there was no way he could think a gray and peach cat was his grandmother. Out of line, man. Everyone's out of line, I said sorrowfully to myself.
I pushed aside the horse (which was also in the back of the rather large policemobile) and stomped up to the bars between the back of the policemobile and where the driver was. I was aided along the way by him hitting something in the road, which sent me sprawling forwards and banging my head on the bars.
"OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!" I howled in his ear.
He shrieked (like a girl, I was NOT surprised to hear) and actually hit the person crossing the street. Livid, the driver spun on me and jabbed two malicious fingers at my eyes. I threw myself backwards and hid my face in the horse's back, shaking in what probably looked like grief (or something like it) to the driver. I struggled desperately to squash my giggles, succeeding only in making myself snort.
The driver removed his hat, ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, swore softly, and stepped out of the car. Maria (which is what I had named the horse) and I watched interestedly as he bent down to see if the person he had run over was still in a state of animation. The person obviously wasn't, because the driver swore again, and I gasped loudly.
"Y. you. you're a MURDERER! MURDER! MURDER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"Shhhhh!!!" he waved his arms frantically at me.
"-UUUUUURRRRRRRDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" I was still shrieking.
More arm waving accompanied his frantic attempts to calm me down. Maria seemed to take my cue (or maybe his cue-arm waving can be interpreted in several different ways, surprisingly). At any rate, she began to neigh and rear. Her hooves crashed against the metal floor with a terrifically loud. well, a loud crash, and my screams escalated.
Maria reared back up one more time, kicked the door open, and galloped down the handy dandy little ramp she had created, ignoring the muffled shrieks of the man she had crushed with the metal ramp. The horse then paused and looked pointedly at me. I let out an animated whoop and leapfrogged onto her back. She then whinnied, tossed her mane, and began trotting down the road back to the place where I was originally supposed to be-
"Which would NOT be a cool idea, Maria," I warned the horse.
She kept trotting.
I took this as a sign that she knew damn well what she was doing, and didn't particularly care for my advice. Resigned to the fact that horses were obviously more intelligent than humans (I mean, come on. They can get their point across without uttering even one syllable!) I wrapped my arms around her neck and let her take me wherever she wanted.
I woke up some time later to quiet whispers. I snapped fully awake, but suddenly decided not to let them know that I was awake.
"Awwww, she's so cute when she's asleep!" I heard Duo whisper.
"Yes," Quatre agreed, "but she's a complete monster when she's awake. A frightening, moody, malicious, rambunctious monster that likes to distribute hugs freely," he moaned.
"But that's what makes her fun!" Duo exclaimed.
Ryoga sighed. "I have to agree with Duo, Quatre-san. Bunny-"
"IS AWAKE!" Vegeta roared.
My eyes flew open to see him waving his arms in what appeared to be the same manner that the driver had been. The horse had quite intelligently interpreted this signal as a cue to start shrieking and throwing herself around, so I did so.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" I screamed madly and threw myself off the bed and away from the approaching menace.
Thoroughly startled, Vegeta stopped and looked at me in complete shock. I finished counting to thirty (which I assumed was the number of seconds that it had taken Maria to wage her attack) and sat quietly.
Duo, Ryoga, Quatre, and Vegeta stared at me, thunderstruck. "Wha. what the hell was that?" Ryoga demanded.
I shrugged and laid back down with a satisfied sigh. "Veggie-burger waved his arms at me," I explained, sure that they were intelligent enough to know simple hand signals. But then again, they weren't horses, I reminded myself.
"Maria?" Duo asked, curious.
"My horse," I clarified, closing my eyes blissfully. I had just gone through such a terrible ordeal.
"Uh. you haven't become very attached to this horse, have you?" Ryoga asked tremblingly.
I detected something in his voice that made me sit up and skewer him with an Evil Eye. "Why do you ask?" I demanded, getting slowly to my feet.
Quatre clasped his hands. "The horse, Loki, is a criminal, and was sent back the way it came- I'm afraid that justice must be dealt, which means that the horse will be-"
"Maria's a *criminal*? Are you *listening* to yourself? A CRIMINAL? SHE'S A BLOODY HORSE! WHAT THE HELL COULD SHE HAVE DONE?" I shrieked at him, my eyes bulging.
Quatre shifted uncomfortably, and then looked pleadingly at the others. Duo simply stared blandly at the angel, while Ryoga allowed himself a tiny smile.
"Go on, Q-man," Duo said encouragingly, "tell the nice lady why you sent her horse to jail."
The blood drained slowly from Quatre's face, which made me feel somewhat better. As long as someone else was suffering from the loss of my horse, I was alright. And Quatre.. I would never be able to forgive him, of course. But there was still one question on my mind.
"Why the hell is a bloody horse in Purgatory anyways?" I demanded.
Vegeta grunted and shifted his weight. "He was Satan's horse, and therefore one hundred percent evil. But he did an annoyingly good thing- mainly posing as the Pegasus Elios, and helping you and your brat out during those glitter throwing battles of yours."
My jaw dropped. "Elios is a *girl*?" I asked in horror. SHE HAD BEEN HITTING ON MY DAUGHTER! HOW WRONG WAS THAT? WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!!! AND CHIBIUSA HAD WANTED TO MARRY HER! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
"Loki!" Ryoga said in alarm, "don't worry! You just got the gender wrong and named a guy horse Maria-don't worry! Elios is a guy, and your daughter was NOT in love with a girl."
"Oh, good," I said in relief. "Of course now that I don't technically *have* a daughter, I shouldn't even be worrying about it, now, should I?"
Quatre coughed delicately. I turned my head and stared at him unblinkingly. Evidently someone had named him "Bearer of Bad News" while I had been asleep. How convenient. It was always so much easier to beat up on the good guys. "Miss Loki, your daughter is still living. You technically aren't allowed to see your future, so your daughter was actually sent from the future from another reality."
I felt my eyes blink very, very slowly as my mind tried to wade its way through the unfortunate mess of my circumstances. So Chibiusa was still alive. She was in love with a horse named Maria. Maria was on her-- *his*, I corrected myself, way to prison.
"Oh crap," I said, seeing my short-lived life pass before my eyes. I jumped up and began sprinting towards the door, and then had a thought. I had always been taught to murder those who delivered bad news. With this thought grasped firmly in my dirty paws, I spun around, reached out, grabbed Quatre by the neck of his pristine white dress, and vanished.
"Wow," I enthused, "I didn't even know I could do that! Wasn't that the coolest thing, Quatre-kun?" I said with a malicious little grin in his direction.
Said angel was lying face down spread-eagle on the ground, muttering something that sounded a whole lot like a Latin prayer. I snorted and tiptoed over to him. I crouched down and put my lips right by his ear.
"Oh Quaaaaatreeeee," I cooed.
With a truly terrific howl, he jerked away from me, hit his head on a rock that was conveniently located next to him, howled again, and scrambled to his feet, jabbing a malevolent finger at me.
"You fiend! You've already taken Satan's side, haven't you? YOU HAVE!!! Don't even try to deny it, you evil demonic woman! Born evil, raised evil, and you will die evil! Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil!" he chanted, rocking back and forth.
I folded my arms and looked at him crossly. "Well you may have a valid point. At the rate you're going I'd pick Wuffers over you at any time. Anyways, since you felt the need to dish out unnecessary justice, you're going to help me get my horse back. Is there a convenience store anywhere around here?"
He sighed shakily, and pointed down the road. "Corner 306th and Bones," he said glumly. I must have looked surprised, because then he proceeded to explain to me exactly why there were more than a million streets-- there were really a lot of people with perfectly split souls, and since they all needed somewhere to be, a city was eventually built. And the city (Purgatory, although the entire world was named the same thing) grew to accommodate the souls.
This, however, didn't concern me in the slightest. What concerned me was getting to that store, and then exacting my revenge not only on Quatre, but on the people that wanted me in jail as well. Hella fun!
So, my plan was to simply fly there, buy what I needed, and hightail it to the local jail. Hmmm. But could Quatre fly? I knew angels were required to have wings, but Quatre was a very new angel..
"Can you fly, loser?"
"What did you call me?" he demanded angrily.
"Oh," I said waving my hand airily, "nothing. Can you fly?"
Quatre huffed indignantly. "Of course," he said with a decidedly affronted expression.
I pushed gently off the ground, wafting higher and higher into the air. "Well come on then," I said impatiently. "WE HAVE A HORSE TO SAVE!" I yelled dramatically, thrusting my fist into the air.
Grumbling angrily, Quatre floated up after me, cheeks burning. This sparked my curiosity. Why the hell was he blushing? It made no sense- unless he was blushing because he had no wings..
"Feather boy! Hurry it up! We have to save my horse! Up, up, and AWAY!" I bellowed, shooting off in the wide blue yonder. Wide gray yonder, actually. Seemed that smog plagued big cities even in the afterlife.
"Alright, Quatre," I whispered. "See that bucket, there?"
"Well, we *are* crouching right in front of it, Loki."
"Yes, well, go with me here. I'm going to distract the clerk. You're going to grab the bucket and run like all get out, ok?"
Quatre looked at me disapprovingly.
"Oh, right," I said quickly. "So you'll grab the bucket and *fly* like all get out, okay?"
"Loki," he finally burst out, "that's *stealing*! You're already wanted for going down to earth while your status is in question! You'll be wanted for theft, too! And me! I'll have a criminal record!"
"Poo," I said cheerfully, waving a hand at him. "On the count of three. One, two, three!"
Right after I shouted "three", I exploded out from behind the shelf, threw myself over the counter, tackled the clerk, and proceeded to tickle him mercilessly. He roared with laughter, kicking and writhing beneath me. All the while I was cackling madly. I really do enjoy making people laugh with pain/pleasure. What a joy!
Imagine my surprise, then, when the man flipped me over and trapped my arms above my head. My eyes went wide as saucers.
"Oh shit," I muttered, tugging uselessly at my wrists.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he growled.
I had two choices. I could either say something so stunningly intelligent that he was awed by my intellect, or I could bite his nose. My eyes went to his nose, and I considered this. He had a very cute nose. On the other hand, if I was to bite his nose he might think that I was making a move on him. So in order to make him understand that I was, in fact, trying to escape, I'd have to nearly bite his nose clear off. Not only would that be a sad waste of his cute nose, it would be disgusting and bloody.
"I've called the police," he said amicably. "So, while we wait, what's your name?"
"Loki," I muttered darkly.
His eyes widened. "The Loki? As in the Incarnation of Mischief and Mayhem? As in the one who single-handedly thwarted Satan's plot to kill the world's superheroes?"
"Obviously not," I said sourly. "Number one, I was a superhero, and am obviously not dead. Number two, Wuffers is my buddy, and I'd probably be forced to help him at least a little bit. Number three, I have been told repeatedly that I am completely different than the previous Loki, although I haven't the faintest idea why. Did you know that the cause of death for five out of every five smokers is death?"
Then I bit his nose.
He yelped and rolled off of me, clutching at his nose. I flashed a quite lovely smile at him, wriggled my fingers prettily, and then zoomed out of the store with a whoop. Ah, what fun! What supreme and utter amusement! And I got to bite his nose! WHEE!
"Ya-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I sang loudly as I cart-wheeled through the sky.
Then suddenly I ran into something. A shadow fell over me, and I looked up nervously. There, standing before me, was the guy from the store. His nose had slight impressions left by my teeth, and he looked very upset, which was understandable.
"Heh heh heh. heya, pal!" I said weakly.
Quatre suddenly appeared beside me. "Loki, I don't want to ever do that ever- eep!" he squeaked.
"Oh, that squeak was so cute!" I exclaimed. "Oh hey. Trunks," I said with a quick glance at his nametag, "I'd really love to stay and fight or whatever it is you want me to do, but I have to get to the jail to free my horse and then get back to the forest because I think Veggie wants to kill me or something. No offence, but the concept of being attacked by Vegeta- kun is really one I can handle. You're a total stranger and I've just bitten your nose, so I don't really think that I could stand to fight you right now. So, Quatre and I will be off, then!"
With that speech delivered, I kicked my legs up and let myself drop. Quatre stared down at my rapidly retreating head, and then suddenly realized that I had grabbed his foot. He rolled his eyes heavenward, and then was yanked after me.
I flipped in midair, set my eyes on the jail, and blasted towards that. My cheeks began to flap as I picked up speed, and my skin felt like it was going to peel backwards over my head. And then I went faster. The roof of the jail came into view, and I let out an ear piercing screech as we cannonballed through the roof and into the jail.
I jumped up instantly, completely ignored Trunks, who had followed me in, and raced over to the cell where they were keeping Maria. The horse, upon seeing me, raised an eyebrow. I, of course, was quite taken aback by this, since I hadn't known previously that horses were even capable of facial expression. But really, I shouldn't have been surprised. I mean, horses were the most intelligent creatures ever- so why should I be surprised that they had hidden, secret capabilities?
"Hey horsey, I've come to save you!" I informed it merrily.
He made a loud, distinctly insulting noise at me. I narrowed my eyes. "Well I'd like to see you get out without my help! Ha, take that, jerk! Now where are the keys.?"
Quatre sighed heavily. "Right here, miss Loki. You landed on the guard when you fell in."
I whirled and beamed at the sullen blonde. "Thanks so much, Quat-kun! Throw them here!" I cried.
With a jingle and a toss, the keys to Maria's freedom were in my hands. I waved them at Maria, who followed their movement with two baleful eyes.
"Heehee, you know what this means, doncha? Well, we're going to have to make a deal. I know you probably don't like me very much, but if you want to be freed, you're going to have to agree to some terms."
The eyes ceased to be baleful and became hugely malignant.
"My daughter is a stuck up little priss. I want you to shake her out of it. In fact, bring her here to visit. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that any offspring of mine could ever be so prissy. I also want to punish my other self for having anything to do with that jerk Mamoru. Deal?"
Horse eyes stared into my own, and then filled with humor. Apparently Elios Maria accepted this deal as what it really was- Chibiusa's liberation and one hell of a good time. Maria nodded his head twice and neighed an agreement. I clapped my hands in delight and stuck the key in the lock, and then paused.
"And annoy my mother for me, will ya?"
Another neigh. My face crinkled up in a wide smile, and I unlocked the door. Maria galloped out of the cell, practically glowing with victory and everything good like that. Then I realized that he actually *was* glowing with a real, honest to god horsey blue light. And sprouting wings. And then he disappeared.
I smiled victoriously and turned around to Quatre. "Ah, now wasn't that fun? Now we just need to do one more thing.."
Later that night, after having studiously avoided Vegeta once I got back to the god part of Purgatory, I kicked back in my little tree hut and turned on my little radio to hear the news. There was only a bitty part that interested me, and I had been waiting all night to hear it.
".reporting from Purgatory City Prison, I'm Selma Blair. In a shocking event that leaves many of us hurting, Elios, a horse jailed for the constant abuse of City Limit Laws, which basically means that he went and visited people on Earth without being accompanied by an Incarnation. Well, he was helped to escape by the Incarnation of Mayhem, Loki, and, surprisingly enough, the angel Quatre, who is a recently deceased Gundam pilot. In related news, the judge can't get out of his bed or his professional robes, due to a gallon of superglue which was poured into his bed sometime yesterday.. We were, unfortunately, prevented from interviewing him because the same prankster glued his ugly-- *cough*-- I mean powdered wig to his face. Well, that's it, except for that I want to say something. GO LOKI! YOU ARE MY HERO! YOU ARE THE COOLEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO PURGATORY!!! Hey- what are you doing here? No, it wasn't in my notes to say that. It was personal! What? Get away! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME! NOOOOOOO! I WILL BE HEARD!!!! I WILL-"
Laughing hysterically, I snapped the radio off and fell of the bed, filled with laughter. Trunks, who had followed me home for some reason, looked at me warily.
"Loki, are you feeling alright?"
I exhaled heavily and grinned up at him. "Sure thing, sweetie. I'm fine. I just love hearing about myself on the news. It was a bit different when I was Sailor Moon, but whatever. Hey Trunksie-poo, do you want to play a little trick on one of the two surviving Gundam pilots?"
His eyebrows knitted together. "Yeah, sure, I guess," he said with a shrug.
I giggled and dove under my bed. "C'mere," I yelled. "This," I said proudly once he had slithered under the bed after me, "is my secret lab," I said waving a hand at the massive tree trunk, which had been hollowed out. Trunks, quite predictably, looked considerably startled.
"Yes, this is my lab." Then I held up a piece of paper. "And *this*," I said with an evil grin, "is an e-mail address."
~*~
WHEEEEEE!!!! I updated! Finally! Whoopee, you guys! Hope this chapter lives up to all of your expectations... *shivers at all the expecting readers* Brrr.. Terrifying. Loki's adventures continue! Yay for Loki! And you guys, seriously. If you have any suggestions as to what the hell I can do with this (specifically who she should end up with and what the bad guy should do (if anything)). PLEASE!
And. and. if you're a nutter about romantic comics like I am. I have recently discovered "Mars" by Fuyumi Soryo, and "Paradise Kiss" by Ai Yazawa. Oooooooh my god! Those comics are so. fucking. good.. *faints*
Love you guys!!!!!!
~Crazy_gurl70 (whose name is actually Lily!!! YAAY!!! Lily the Pirate! Arrrrrgggggg!)
.:chapter five:.
This, apparently, was not my day. Well, of course a day couldn't belong to anyone-that would be stupid. But. I was definitely not having a nice day, contrary to what everyone had promised me. "Have a nice day" my ass, I thought ungratefully. Not only was it totally out of line to tell someone to have a nice day after a huge catastrophe, but as soon as that kind of wish is issued, bad times invariably follow.
And follow they did.
I took a steady, deep breath, and prepared to let the driver know exactly what I thought about being driven to a courtroom in the smelly bowels of Purgatory. I had evidently caused a major stir when I had left the "safety" of Purgatory to have my little chat with Rei. But back to my feelings about the courtroom.
"YOU STINKING PIG! LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!!! I'VE TOLD YOU-"
"Twenty six times, not counting this one, Loki, ma'am," the driver said tiredly. "You've told me."
"WELL I'LL DAMN WELL TELL YOU AGAIN! YOU'RE A LOUSY DRIVER! LOUSY, LOUSY, LOUSY! I'LL BET YOU FAILED DRIVER'S ED FIFTEEN BILLION TIMES!" I screeched, waving my arms wildly as he narrowly avoided hitting several pedestrians.
"SEE WHAT I MEAN??? SEE? SEE? SEE? YOU'RE A MENACE! A DANGER TO SOCIETY! OH MY GOD YOU'RE GOING TO HIT THAT FUNNY LOOKING CAT!"
"THAT'S MY MOTHER!" the driver finally roared.
Pleased that I had finally gotten a reaction out of him, I pressed on. Besides, there was no way he could think a gray and peach cat was his grandmother. Out of line, man. Everyone's out of line, I said sorrowfully to myself.
I pushed aside the horse (which was also in the back of the rather large policemobile) and stomped up to the bars between the back of the policemobile and where the driver was. I was aided along the way by him hitting something in the road, which sent me sprawling forwards and banging my head on the bars.
"OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!" I howled in his ear.
He shrieked (like a girl, I was NOT surprised to hear) and actually hit the person crossing the street. Livid, the driver spun on me and jabbed two malicious fingers at my eyes. I threw myself backwards and hid my face in the horse's back, shaking in what probably looked like grief (or something like it) to the driver. I struggled desperately to squash my giggles, succeeding only in making myself snort.
The driver removed his hat, ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, swore softly, and stepped out of the car. Maria (which is what I had named the horse) and I watched interestedly as he bent down to see if the person he had run over was still in a state of animation. The person obviously wasn't, because the driver swore again, and I gasped loudly.
"Y. you. you're a MURDERER! MURDER! MURDER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"Shhhhh!!!" he waved his arms frantically at me.
"-UUUUUURRRRRRRDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" I was still shrieking.
More arm waving accompanied his frantic attempts to calm me down. Maria seemed to take my cue (or maybe his cue-arm waving can be interpreted in several different ways, surprisingly). At any rate, she began to neigh and rear. Her hooves crashed against the metal floor with a terrifically loud. well, a loud crash, and my screams escalated.
Maria reared back up one more time, kicked the door open, and galloped down the handy dandy little ramp she had created, ignoring the muffled shrieks of the man she had crushed with the metal ramp. The horse then paused and looked pointedly at me. I let out an animated whoop and leapfrogged onto her back. She then whinnied, tossed her mane, and began trotting down the road back to the place where I was originally supposed to be-
"Which would NOT be a cool idea, Maria," I warned the horse.
She kept trotting.
I took this as a sign that she knew damn well what she was doing, and didn't particularly care for my advice. Resigned to the fact that horses were obviously more intelligent than humans (I mean, come on. They can get their point across without uttering even one syllable!) I wrapped my arms around her neck and let her take me wherever she wanted.
I woke up some time later to quiet whispers. I snapped fully awake, but suddenly decided not to let them know that I was awake.
"Awwww, she's so cute when she's asleep!" I heard Duo whisper.
"Yes," Quatre agreed, "but she's a complete monster when she's awake. A frightening, moody, malicious, rambunctious monster that likes to distribute hugs freely," he moaned.
"But that's what makes her fun!" Duo exclaimed.
Ryoga sighed. "I have to agree with Duo, Quatre-san. Bunny-"
"IS AWAKE!" Vegeta roared.
My eyes flew open to see him waving his arms in what appeared to be the same manner that the driver had been. The horse had quite intelligently interpreted this signal as a cue to start shrieking and throwing herself around, so I did so.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" I screamed madly and threw myself off the bed and away from the approaching menace.
Thoroughly startled, Vegeta stopped and looked at me in complete shock. I finished counting to thirty (which I assumed was the number of seconds that it had taken Maria to wage her attack) and sat quietly.
Duo, Ryoga, Quatre, and Vegeta stared at me, thunderstruck. "Wha. what the hell was that?" Ryoga demanded.
I shrugged and laid back down with a satisfied sigh. "Veggie-burger waved his arms at me," I explained, sure that they were intelligent enough to know simple hand signals. But then again, they weren't horses, I reminded myself.
"Maria?" Duo asked, curious.
"My horse," I clarified, closing my eyes blissfully. I had just gone through such a terrible ordeal.
"Uh. you haven't become very attached to this horse, have you?" Ryoga asked tremblingly.
I detected something in his voice that made me sit up and skewer him with an Evil Eye. "Why do you ask?" I demanded, getting slowly to my feet.
Quatre clasped his hands. "The horse, Loki, is a criminal, and was sent back the way it came- I'm afraid that justice must be dealt, which means that the horse will be-"
"Maria's a *criminal*? Are you *listening* to yourself? A CRIMINAL? SHE'S A BLOODY HORSE! WHAT THE HELL COULD SHE HAVE DONE?" I shrieked at him, my eyes bulging.
Quatre shifted uncomfortably, and then looked pleadingly at the others. Duo simply stared blandly at the angel, while Ryoga allowed himself a tiny smile.
"Go on, Q-man," Duo said encouragingly, "tell the nice lady why you sent her horse to jail."
The blood drained slowly from Quatre's face, which made me feel somewhat better. As long as someone else was suffering from the loss of my horse, I was alright. And Quatre.. I would never be able to forgive him, of course. But there was still one question on my mind.
"Why the hell is a bloody horse in Purgatory anyways?" I demanded.
Vegeta grunted and shifted his weight. "He was Satan's horse, and therefore one hundred percent evil. But he did an annoyingly good thing- mainly posing as the Pegasus Elios, and helping you and your brat out during those glitter throwing battles of yours."
My jaw dropped. "Elios is a *girl*?" I asked in horror. SHE HAD BEEN HITTING ON MY DAUGHTER! HOW WRONG WAS THAT? WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!!! AND CHIBIUSA HAD WANTED TO MARRY HER! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
"Loki!" Ryoga said in alarm, "don't worry! You just got the gender wrong and named a guy horse Maria-don't worry! Elios is a guy, and your daughter was NOT in love with a girl."
"Oh, good," I said in relief. "Of course now that I don't technically *have* a daughter, I shouldn't even be worrying about it, now, should I?"
Quatre coughed delicately. I turned my head and stared at him unblinkingly. Evidently someone had named him "Bearer of Bad News" while I had been asleep. How convenient. It was always so much easier to beat up on the good guys. "Miss Loki, your daughter is still living. You technically aren't allowed to see your future, so your daughter was actually sent from the future from another reality."
I felt my eyes blink very, very slowly as my mind tried to wade its way through the unfortunate mess of my circumstances. So Chibiusa was still alive. She was in love with a horse named Maria. Maria was on her-- *his*, I corrected myself, way to prison.
"Oh crap," I said, seeing my short-lived life pass before my eyes. I jumped up and began sprinting towards the door, and then had a thought. I had always been taught to murder those who delivered bad news. With this thought grasped firmly in my dirty paws, I spun around, reached out, grabbed Quatre by the neck of his pristine white dress, and vanished.
"Wow," I enthused, "I didn't even know I could do that! Wasn't that the coolest thing, Quatre-kun?" I said with a malicious little grin in his direction.
Said angel was lying face down spread-eagle on the ground, muttering something that sounded a whole lot like a Latin prayer. I snorted and tiptoed over to him. I crouched down and put my lips right by his ear.
"Oh Quaaaaatreeeee," I cooed.
With a truly terrific howl, he jerked away from me, hit his head on a rock that was conveniently located next to him, howled again, and scrambled to his feet, jabbing a malevolent finger at me.
"You fiend! You've already taken Satan's side, haven't you? YOU HAVE!!! Don't even try to deny it, you evil demonic woman! Born evil, raised evil, and you will die evil! Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil!" he chanted, rocking back and forth.
I folded my arms and looked at him crossly. "Well you may have a valid point. At the rate you're going I'd pick Wuffers over you at any time. Anyways, since you felt the need to dish out unnecessary justice, you're going to help me get my horse back. Is there a convenience store anywhere around here?"
He sighed shakily, and pointed down the road. "Corner 306th and Bones," he said glumly. I must have looked surprised, because then he proceeded to explain to me exactly why there were more than a million streets-- there were really a lot of people with perfectly split souls, and since they all needed somewhere to be, a city was eventually built. And the city (Purgatory, although the entire world was named the same thing) grew to accommodate the souls.
This, however, didn't concern me in the slightest. What concerned me was getting to that store, and then exacting my revenge not only on Quatre, but on the people that wanted me in jail as well. Hella fun!
So, my plan was to simply fly there, buy what I needed, and hightail it to the local jail. Hmmm. But could Quatre fly? I knew angels were required to have wings, but Quatre was a very new angel..
"Can you fly, loser?"
"What did you call me?" he demanded angrily.
"Oh," I said waving my hand airily, "nothing. Can you fly?"
Quatre huffed indignantly. "Of course," he said with a decidedly affronted expression.
I pushed gently off the ground, wafting higher and higher into the air. "Well come on then," I said impatiently. "WE HAVE A HORSE TO SAVE!" I yelled dramatically, thrusting my fist into the air.
Grumbling angrily, Quatre floated up after me, cheeks burning. This sparked my curiosity. Why the hell was he blushing? It made no sense- unless he was blushing because he had no wings..
"Feather boy! Hurry it up! We have to save my horse! Up, up, and AWAY!" I bellowed, shooting off in the wide blue yonder. Wide gray yonder, actually. Seemed that smog plagued big cities even in the afterlife.
"Alright, Quatre," I whispered. "See that bucket, there?"
"Well, we *are* crouching right in front of it, Loki."
"Yes, well, go with me here. I'm going to distract the clerk. You're going to grab the bucket and run like all get out, ok?"
Quatre looked at me disapprovingly.
"Oh, right," I said quickly. "So you'll grab the bucket and *fly* like all get out, okay?"
"Loki," he finally burst out, "that's *stealing*! You're already wanted for going down to earth while your status is in question! You'll be wanted for theft, too! And me! I'll have a criminal record!"
"Poo," I said cheerfully, waving a hand at him. "On the count of three. One, two, three!"
Right after I shouted "three", I exploded out from behind the shelf, threw myself over the counter, tackled the clerk, and proceeded to tickle him mercilessly. He roared with laughter, kicking and writhing beneath me. All the while I was cackling madly. I really do enjoy making people laugh with pain/pleasure. What a joy!
Imagine my surprise, then, when the man flipped me over and trapped my arms above my head. My eyes went wide as saucers.
"Oh shit," I muttered, tugging uselessly at my wrists.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he growled.
I had two choices. I could either say something so stunningly intelligent that he was awed by my intellect, or I could bite his nose. My eyes went to his nose, and I considered this. He had a very cute nose. On the other hand, if I was to bite his nose he might think that I was making a move on him. So in order to make him understand that I was, in fact, trying to escape, I'd have to nearly bite his nose clear off. Not only would that be a sad waste of his cute nose, it would be disgusting and bloody.
"I've called the police," he said amicably. "So, while we wait, what's your name?"
"Loki," I muttered darkly.
His eyes widened. "The Loki? As in the Incarnation of Mischief and Mayhem? As in the one who single-handedly thwarted Satan's plot to kill the world's superheroes?"
"Obviously not," I said sourly. "Number one, I was a superhero, and am obviously not dead. Number two, Wuffers is my buddy, and I'd probably be forced to help him at least a little bit. Number three, I have been told repeatedly that I am completely different than the previous Loki, although I haven't the faintest idea why. Did you know that the cause of death for five out of every five smokers is death?"
Then I bit his nose.
He yelped and rolled off of me, clutching at his nose. I flashed a quite lovely smile at him, wriggled my fingers prettily, and then zoomed out of the store with a whoop. Ah, what fun! What supreme and utter amusement! And I got to bite his nose! WHEE!
"Ya-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I sang loudly as I cart-wheeled through the sky.
Then suddenly I ran into something. A shadow fell over me, and I looked up nervously. There, standing before me, was the guy from the store. His nose had slight impressions left by my teeth, and he looked very upset, which was understandable.
"Heh heh heh. heya, pal!" I said weakly.
Quatre suddenly appeared beside me. "Loki, I don't want to ever do that ever- eep!" he squeaked.
"Oh, that squeak was so cute!" I exclaimed. "Oh hey. Trunks," I said with a quick glance at his nametag, "I'd really love to stay and fight or whatever it is you want me to do, but I have to get to the jail to free my horse and then get back to the forest because I think Veggie wants to kill me or something. No offence, but the concept of being attacked by Vegeta- kun is really one I can handle. You're a total stranger and I've just bitten your nose, so I don't really think that I could stand to fight you right now. So, Quatre and I will be off, then!"
With that speech delivered, I kicked my legs up and let myself drop. Quatre stared down at my rapidly retreating head, and then suddenly realized that I had grabbed his foot. He rolled his eyes heavenward, and then was yanked after me.
I flipped in midair, set my eyes on the jail, and blasted towards that. My cheeks began to flap as I picked up speed, and my skin felt like it was going to peel backwards over my head. And then I went faster. The roof of the jail came into view, and I let out an ear piercing screech as we cannonballed through the roof and into the jail.
I jumped up instantly, completely ignored Trunks, who had followed me in, and raced over to the cell where they were keeping Maria. The horse, upon seeing me, raised an eyebrow. I, of course, was quite taken aback by this, since I hadn't known previously that horses were even capable of facial expression. But really, I shouldn't have been surprised. I mean, horses were the most intelligent creatures ever- so why should I be surprised that they had hidden, secret capabilities?
"Hey horsey, I've come to save you!" I informed it merrily.
He made a loud, distinctly insulting noise at me. I narrowed my eyes. "Well I'd like to see you get out without my help! Ha, take that, jerk! Now where are the keys.?"
Quatre sighed heavily. "Right here, miss Loki. You landed on the guard when you fell in."
I whirled and beamed at the sullen blonde. "Thanks so much, Quat-kun! Throw them here!" I cried.
With a jingle and a toss, the keys to Maria's freedom were in my hands. I waved them at Maria, who followed their movement with two baleful eyes.
"Heehee, you know what this means, doncha? Well, we're going to have to make a deal. I know you probably don't like me very much, but if you want to be freed, you're going to have to agree to some terms."
The eyes ceased to be baleful and became hugely malignant.
"My daughter is a stuck up little priss. I want you to shake her out of it. In fact, bring her here to visit. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that any offspring of mine could ever be so prissy. I also want to punish my other self for having anything to do with that jerk Mamoru. Deal?"
Horse eyes stared into my own, and then filled with humor. Apparently Elios Maria accepted this deal as what it really was- Chibiusa's liberation and one hell of a good time. Maria nodded his head twice and neighed an agreement. I clapped my hands in delight and stuck the key in the lock, and then paused.
"And annoy my mother for me, will ya?"
Another neigh. My face crinkled up in a wide smile, and I unlocked the door. Maria galloped out of the cell, practically glowing with victory and everything good like that. Then I realized that he actually *was* glowing with a real, honest to god horsey blue light. And sprouting wings. And then he disappeared.
I smiled victoriously and turned around to Quatre. "Ah, now wasn't that fun? Now we just need to do one more thing.."
Later that night, after having studiously avoided Vegeta once I got back to the god part of Purgatory, I kicked back in my little tree hut and turned on my little radio to hear the news. There was only a bitty part that interested me, and I had been waiting all night to hear it.
".reporting from Purgatory City Prison, I'm Selma Blair. In a shocking event that leaves many of us hurting, Elios, a horse jailed for the constant abuse of City Limit Laws, which basically means that he went and visited people on Earth without being accompanied by an Incarnation. Well, he was helped to escape by the Incarnation of Mayhem, Loki, and, surprisingly enough, the angel Quatre, who is a recently deceased Gundam pilot. In related news, the judge can't get out of his bed or his professional robes, due to a gallon of superglue which was poured into his bed sometime yesterday.. We were, unfortunately, prevented from interviewing him because the same prankster glued his ugly-- *cough*-- I mean powdered wig to his face. Well, that's it, except for that I want to say something. GO LOKI! YOU ARE MY HERO! YOU ARE THE COOLEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO PURGATORY!!! Hey- what are you doing here? No, it wasn't in my notes to say that. It was personal! What? Get away! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME! NOOOOOOO! I WILL BE HEARD!!!! I WILL-"
Laughing hysterically, I snapped the radio off and fell of the bed, filled with laughter. Trunks, who had followed me home for some reason, looked at me warily.
"Loki, are you feeling alright?"
I exhaled heavily and grinned up at him. "Sure thing, sweetie. I'm fine. I just love hearing about myself on the news. It was a bit different when I was Sailor Moon, but whatever. Hey Trunksie-poo, do you want to play a little trick on one of the two surviving Gundam pilots?"
His eyebrows knitted together. "Yeah, sure, I guess," he said with a shrug.
I giggled and dove under my bed. "C'mere," I yelled. "This," I said proudly once he had slithered under the bed after me, "is my secret lab," I said waving a hand at the massive tree trunk, which had been hollowed out. Trunks, quite predictably, looked considerably startled.
"Yes, this is my lab." Then I held up a piece of paper. "And *this*," I said with an evil grin, "is an e-mail address."
~*~
WHEEEEEE!!!! I updated! Finally! Whoopee, you guys! Hope this chapter lives up to all of your expectations... *shivers at all the expecting readers* Brrr.. Terrifying. Loki's adventures continue! Yay for Loki! And you guys, seriously. If you have any suggestions as to what the hell I can do with this (specifically who she should end up with and what the bad guy should do (if anything)). PLEASE!
And. and. if you're a nutter about romantic comics like I am. I have recently discovered "Mars" by Fuyumi Soryo, and "Paradise Kiss" by Ai Yazawa. Oooooooh my god! Those comics are so. fucking. good.. *faints*
Love you guys!!!!!!
~Crazy_gurl70 (whose name is actually Lily!!! YAAY!!! Lily the Pirate! Arrrrrgggggg!)