The finale... dun dun dun...

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Elevator

Ch4: AND THEY LIVED...

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"Sakura Sakura Sakura!!"

Cold shower because the heater broke (again). Was out of milk so only had dry bread for breakfast. Got gum stuck on the bottom of her high heels. Some old hobo tried to hit on her on the bus.

Translates into: not a very good morning for Sakura.

Which was why she didn't bother looking up at the sound of Ino's dramatic cries and continued to type her marketing report. Yup, workaholic - that's her.

"Ino, I really don't want to hear about whatever happened in the janitor closet on the 2nd floor-"

"No, forehead-girl, this is SUPER big news!! All of our jobs are at stake! All of-"

"Ok I'm listening," said Sakura quickly, whirling around in her chair to face Ino. "What about our jobs?"

Ino took a deep breath and sat down on Sakura's desk, fanning herself like she was about to faint. Puh-lease, thought Sakura. Been there, done that. "So I was in the ladies' room, you know how it is--I have these really bad cramps when I'm menstruating-"

"Um, a little TMI!!" Sakura was used to Ino's lack of modesty, but does she seriously need to tell her co-worker something like that?

"It's alright, everyone else is out to lunch... anyway, I was just washing my hands and ready to leave when I heard voices outside the door. And guess who! Guess!!"

"Ino, if you don't get on with it I am going to staple this pencil to your blond eyebrows."

"Ok, ok!" Ino wrinkled her nose. "No need to get graphic. It was Nara Shikamaru, the financial guy, and I kid you not, UCHIHA SASUKE."

Sakura, who'd just taken a sip of water, choked when she heard the name. Damn it just when I almost forgot about him...

"Tell me about it," gushed Ino, misunderstanding Sakura's response. "What amazing luck. I've never even seen him in person even though he's our boss now... except for that time when you screamed at him in the elevator. By the way, how'd you manage to convince him not to fire you? Did you give him a sweet little kiss like I told you to?"

"What, no!!!" yelped Sakura in panic. How did she find out?!? Did she see us? But "no" wasn't technically a lie because he was the one who kissed her, not the other way around...

Sakura ducked her head so that Ino couldn't see her blush the color of a tomato.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, I was just kidding," laughed Ino, much to Sakura's relief. "So back to the story. I heard them talking so I stayed put and eavesdropped. Can you blame me though? They sounded so serious. What if they were talking about how Sasuke had a fiancée or something, wouldn't that be the juiciest thing ever?"

Sakura laughed nervously.

"But boy was I wrong. The first thing I heard was Sasuke telling Shikamaru he was going into hiding soon. Shikamaru said something like, 'That's a good idea, I should do that too.' Then, believe or not, Sasuke said...

'After the company goes bankrupt, will you take care of my fish?'"

Sakura stared.

"I know!!" shrieked Ino. "He has a fish!! That is just so adorable!!"

Sakura opened her mouth. Then closed it. Ino was already a lost cause.

And besides, she had something a lot more important to do in a short amount of time.

Like catch that goddamn bastard Uchiha Sasuke before the lunch break was over and give him a piece of her mind, for example.

--

"I can't believe you're laying me off! What am I supposed to do for rent! What am I supposed to do for clothes? What am I supposed to do for FOOD!?!"

"First of all, the company's going bankrupt, so what did you expect. Second of all, none of your oncoming hardships is my problem, now is it. Third of all, will you keep down your friggin' voice?? What part of 'I'm trying to run away from the yakuza' do you not understand?"

Naruto pouted as Sasuke put the last of his bags into the trunk of the cab and checked his watch (CHEAP new watch, seeing as how he had to pawn his Rolex). His flight was in an hour. With the money from selling his Mercedes-Benz and his luxury penthouse he'd bought a non-stop flight to Tahiti and a bungalow there. It wasn't much but it was a start.

From here on out he was going to be living the life of a fugitive. It was a bittersweet feeling.

"Sasuke, man... I guess this is last time I'll see you for a while huh."

"Well yeah," said Sasuke. "I have to lie low for a couple years at least."

"I'm gonna miss you man. I know I'm a pain in the ass and all but truth is, you're the only true friend I've ever had."

Naruto sighed and started to go, his shoulders slumped dejectedly. Now Sasuke couldn't hear that and see that and not feel bad. He just couldn't.

"Alright, look... this guy Hyuuga Neji owes me a couple favors and I hear he's looking for a bodyguard for his cousin who's an heiress so... seeing as how you have some experience as a security guard you can give him a call. Just tell him I sent you."

Naruto's eyes filled with tears. "Dude you're the best man!! I knew I could count on you!"

"Hey... stay back... I didn't say anything about hugging-"

Stepping back, Sasuke bumped into something. Something hard. And suddenly he felt - just felt - an ominous presence behind him. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that a super large shadow covered the ground and blocked him from the cheerful sunshine.

"Uchiha Sasuke?" said a cold, scary male voice.

Cl-ick.

What the fuck is that really cold thing digging into my scalp?

"You're coming with us."

A burly hand reached over and grabbed his shoulder. Next thing he knew something dark was put over his eyes so that he couldn't see anything, but not before he caught a glimpse of the shiny, black metallic object pointing at his head.

Sasuke gulped.

As he was shoved into a van yakuza-style he heard the same cold voice ask Naruto, "Do you know him?"

"No-noooooo are you crazy? Never seen him before in my life."

At least Sasuke knew which "friend" he was coming back to haunt as a ghost.

--

"What do you mean, 'He's not here?!"

Shikamaru rubbed his temples tiredly. Why did troublesome things always happen to him... "It means what it sounds like - he's really not here. Search the whole floor if you'd like. He left ten minutes ago."

Sakura felt like throwing some furniture around. "Ok, but WHY did he leave? What does he want to hide from? Most importantly WHY the effing hell is this company going BANKRUPT?!"

"How'd you hear about that-?"

Sakura slammed both hands on his desk, causing everything on it to jump.

"I WANT ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM NOW!!!"

This time she really did grab a vase and throw it onto the floor.

"O... ok..." said Shikamaru, sinking low in his chair. "I'll tell you..."

--

Thud.

Sasuke landed painfully on his butt. He would have given his captors the finger but his hands were tied up. As were his legs and feet.

These yakuza people really love going overboard don't they...

From what he could gather from the conversations in the car (since his eyes were still blindfolded) he was brought here to see their boss. And from what it sounded like (and smelled like) they had taken him to an old, abandoned warehouse. Where no one would find his rotting corpse until months later. Is it just Sasuke or does this seem like a really cliché scene in some bad yakuza movie?

Sasuke would scream for help - to the hell with manly pride - but they'd also taped his mouth shut.

Just peachy.

"Boss, this is him."

"Take those things off."

Sasuke's heart soared with hope... but of course by "things" the boss just meant the blindfold and the tape - which, by the way, was ripped off very painfully so that he could face the yakuza boss with a funny pink rectangle around his mouth.

"Hmm, so you're Uchiha Sasuke."

The boss blew ringlets of smoke from his cigar, legs crossed and suit jacket draped casually over his shoulders. He was, like, the EPITOME of yakuza badass-ness. Sasuke felt a shiver all the way down to his toes.

"Uh," he said intelligently.

"Use 'sir' when you're addressing me, boy."

"Yes, sir," said Sasuke.

"And look at me when you're talking."

Sasuke, who had been trying to skim the room for an escape route, reluctantly directed his gaze at the yakuza boss. 20 men in the room, excluding those standing by the windows and the door, armed with guns and who-knows-what-else... yeah. I'm screwed.

"When's your birthday?"

Now his ears were playing tricks on him. "I'm sorry, what?" But noting the irritated glare in the yakuza boss's eyes, he hurriedy answered, "Uh - it's July 23rd... sir."

"Good, a Leo." The boss took another drag from his cigar. "Do you smoke?"

"No..."

"Do you drink?"

"...sometimes."

"Do you sleepwalk?"

"I don't think so..."

"Do you like children?"

"Sort of...?"

"Are you..." The boss leaned forward in his chair. "...sterile?"

"Um," said Sasuke. Aren't these questions getting a little personal? "Not... not that I'm aware of."

The boss exhaled deeply and - did Sasuke imagine it? - looked extremely relieved. He leaned back again. "How many girlfriends have you had?"

Sasuke had no idea what was going on... but if it meant putting off a painful beating or a gory death, then he wasn't going to argue.

--

"...and that's why he left. He should be on the plane to Tahiti right now," finished Shikamaru.

Sakura was stunned speechless.

"SHIKAMARU!!! CRAAAAAAAP!! THIS IS BAD!!!!"

And who is it that just barged in... Naruto of course!!! He was pale and sweaty and had obviously just ran up twenty-nine flights of stairs.

"Sasuke... got caught... by t-the... yaku... you-know-what," he managed to say between desperate gulps for air.

Then he collapsed.

"Idiot, he could have just called me," sighed Shikamaru as he took out his cell. "Guess we'll have to notify the police..."

But before he could press the dial button, a hand reached over and snatched the phone away. It landed with a splash into Sasuke's fish bowl.

He looked up to see Sakura standing before him, a dazed expression on her face. "Let me see that photo."

"What---?"

"I SAID... let me see that photo."

Shikamaru was confused, but he didn't dare disobey a clearly mentally unstable Sakura. He reached into his briefcase and pulled out the photo that started it all - you know, the one of the really fat and ugly yakuza girl Sasuke was supposed to marry.

Sakura looked down at the photo.

And looked.

"Oh," she said. Her eyes grew wide. "Ohhh."

--

"What is my biggest flaw?" repeated Sasuke. He felt like scratching his head but then realized with a start that his hands were still tied up. "Uh... I'm... very..." he thought for a moment. "Bad at tennis."

The boss chuckled. "Yeah, me too. Can you believe you're not allowed to hit the opponent with the ball? Like what's the point of the game if no one gets hurt, ya know?"

"Exactly," said Sasuke. Seriously, who ever said buttering up a yakuza boss was hard?

"Ok, men, untie him. I'm satisfied with our talk. You're not a bad guy, Uchiha..."

Hook, line, and sinker!!

"...I'd say there's no reason to wait any longer. Let's have the wedding tomorrow."

Sasuke stopped smirking. "Wedding?"

"'Course," said the boss as if it was obvious. "Unless you wanted to marry my daughter today? But the preparations aren't ready yet..."

"W-wait!" said Sasuke. The yakuza men had already untied him but he was still unable to move from his spot, as his whole body seized up with fear. "I never said I was marrying your daughter!"

Silence.

"S-she's a lovely girl but..." said Sasuke hastily (suddenly he felt cold... very, very cold). "I'm already marrying someone else you see."

The yakuza boss's cigar hung limply in his mouth.

Did I say something wrong...?

"Get him."

Sasuke turned to see all 20 men close in on him with clubs, knives, katana, you name it... No no no, this was not how he wanted his last day on Earth to be... He was still so young!! Please God - somebody - an angel - save him!!!

"STOP IT!!!"

The door to the warehouse burst open and three figures came rushing in. Sasuke could make out the silhouette of Shikamaru's pine-apple hairstyle and Naruto's spiky head but who was that third person...?

"I said stop it!! Drop your weapons!"

Sasuke finally recognized the angry voice. Haruno Sakura?? That elevator girl??? Is she crazy?! He shut his eyes and grimaced, expecting to hear her terrified shriek any moment when they grab her.

"Young miss!"

"Yay you're back!"

"Woah! It's the young miss!"

"Sweetie! Daddy missed you so much!!"

....WHAT?

When Sasuke opened his eyes, he found himself a witness to the most shocking scene in the history of mankind: 20 scary buff men with tattoos on their back and scars on their face cheering and hugging each other with joy... and their boss, his cigar lying forgotten on the floor, hugging Haruno Sakura while sobbing like a baby.

"Dad... please stop... you're embarrassing me," said Sakura.

It was Sasuke's turn to faint.

--

Three weeks later...

"Shit, I'm late!" mumbled Sakura. She pushed the elevator button another fifteen thousand times, stomping her feet impatiently.

Ding-ding

About time! She thought and ran inside, only to find herself face-to-face with the last person she wanted to see...

"Oh... hey."

"Hn."

Sakura rolled her eyes and leaned back against the wall as the elevator began to go up. "Let me guess. You went to get drunk."

Sasuke hmmph-ed and crossed his arms. "Let me guess. You went to get drunk."

"Ha, not quite. I tried to get drunk but one of my dad's guys caught me. I swear he's got even more people tailing me now."

They were quiet for a few moments.

"You know, I still can't believe you did that," said Sasuke. "If you hadn't gotten a stupid picture of some fat woman off the internet and tried to pass it off as you, none of this would have happened."

"Hey, I thought my dad wanted me to marry some perverted old geezer so of course I had to do that! You're the stupid one, thinking proposing to some random girl you meet was going to work."

"It's not my fault you barged into my office at the wrong time. It's also not my fault that you were worried about losing a stupid job when your father was the head of a yakuza."

"I was trying to cut off my ties with that!! But because you got yourself kidnapped I had to go and save you from my dad and now I can't get him, or the yakuza, out of my life."

"Well, you tried to rape me that time." (Sasuke was out of comebacks so might as well return to that one.)

Sakura smiled. She knew she won. "Actually, YOU tried to rape me that night when you were drunk. Naruto told me, ok? That you come onto girls - and guys - when you're drunk."

She couldn't help but giggle at his expression.

"Wait... what are you doing?" she said in alarm as Sasuke stepped closer. "My dad has taught me a couple moves so don't think I'm defenseless you know!!"

Sasuke grabbed her waist. "Oh...? But are you defenseless to this?" He leaned in and...

Ding-ding

When the elevator doors opened, Sakura and Sasuke were greeted by loud cheers and applause. Not that they were aware of it (being too absorbed in other things... hint hint).

Naruto was happy. "Oh good! The bride and groom are here! Can we cut the cake now?"

Shikamaru was happy. "Whatever as long as the company isn't going bankrupt and I'm the new CEO..."

Ino was happy. "About time Sakura! Get that cherry popped! Damn I need to get myself a hubby fast (can't let forehead beat me)..."

Sasuke's dad was happy. "This isn't as good as Barcelona but oh well!! Pachinko parlor here I come!"

Sakura's dad was happy. "Sasuke, if you two-time my precious darling I'll have my men come and stab you in your sleep! Oh and I want grandchildren fast so get a room already."

"Shall we...?" Sasuke asked Sakura.

"It is our damn wedding night..." she said.

And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END

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A/N: in case you didn't get it (dunno if i made it clear enough) Sakura ran away from home (moved out and stopped contacting her family) and that's why she was so afraid of losing her job... and the picture that the yakuza gave to Sasuke was swapped by her secretly, replaced with a random pic on the internet... and now that the whole confusion has cleared the two are married and the company didn't have to go bankrupt... and Shikamaru's the new CEO because Sasuke married into the yakuza family (and plus he didn't want to be the CEO anymore)... and Sasuke and Sakura both went out to get drunk wanting to ditch the wedding reception... but then realized maybe marrying with each other isn't so mad.

WHEW!

This is the end of a short (but crazy) journey and I'm so thankful for all the reviews. Cheers to Nameless Blossom by the way for figuring it out (gosh darn... guess I wasn't as sneaky with the plot twist as I thought XD).