"Bill, bill, junk, junk, flyer, Dad, flyer...Hello, what's this?"

Jules frowned as she looked down at the dark brown envelope in her hand along with all her other mail. It had no return address on it, just her full name in a messy scrawl she didn't recognize across the front of it. Looking around her front porch the female sniper frowned. Was it from one of her neighbours? Shifting all her mail into one hand the brunette unlocked her front door keeping her gaze on the strange envelope.

Leaving her bag by the door, Jules headed to her kitchen throwing all the other mail onto the counter before grabbing a beer from her fridge and peeling the gold sticker off the back to open the letter. Brown eyes widened as two folded up pieces of paper fell out into her hand. Tossing the envelope aside she looked over the folded pieces of paper seeing a number one in the corner of the smaller piece of paper and a two on the other.

Was that the order she was supposed to read them in? Jules frown deepened. Was this somebody's idea of a joke or something? What if it was a stalker or something? Her hand paused as she went to unfold the first page but the female sniper quickly shook herself of the notion as she finished opening the piece of paper. Anyone trying to stalk her would be crazy. Not only would they have her guns to deal with, but Ed's, Greg's, and the others too.

Flattening the paper out in her grasp she looked over the letter.

Julianna Callaghan,

You have recently found yourself in the possession of something very important and priceless to us. (You don't need to worry over who 'us' is,) just know that we hold the

safety and well being of said possession above all else, and as such, we have enclosed a list of ten rules that you should be followed to the utmost so we don't have to come after the Strategic Response Unit, Team One.

And remember, we hold Sam Braddock in a very high regard so you would do well to not screw up in caring for him!

K. Wagner

Jules stared at the scrawl as it almost leapt off the page and attacked her. Whoever this person 'K. Wagner' person was, they obviously knew Sam... And cared about him… in a strange, slightly creepy way.

Setting the small letter down she picked up the other piece of paper, almost afraid of what the list of rules might be. She bit her lip as the person's messy writing continued onto page number two.

Ten Rules to Owning a Sam Braddock

Rule #1: Don't doubt his aim - Don't even think it!!

Rule #2:Don't let him cook - This is self explanatory. Our dearest Braddock is used to going long periods of time without substance, so the need to learn how to cook has never been a priority. For his self preservation and possibly yours, heed this rule.

Rule #3:Don't let him start fires - ...Again, don't even think it. Way too dangerous.

Rule #4:Don't let him drink the worm - Whilst tequila may be good for the soul, and our dearest blondes drink per choice, it is best to avoid ingestion of the insect at the bottom. Especially after half the bottle... it makes him very grouchy.

Rule #5:He must be taken out for daily walks - Energy has been known to build up quickly in our dearest Sam Braddock. Running has been proven to be the best outlet for this problem; other activities, excluding swimming, skydiving, skating, snowboarding and/or skiing, work well also. Try taking him out to a near-by beach for a run, the sand seems to wear him out faster.

Rule #6:Keep him away from Birds (parrots), monkeys, fish, and any other strange exotic animals -Birds are known to attack our mild mannered Sam, even unprovoked. Parrots, African Gray's especially, are known to be extremely hard on him. Monkeys... There was this time in Madagascar... but we're not allowed to talk about that any more.

Rule #7:Avoid Christmas Carols - Especially in July... I still think throwing that CD down that canyon was a bit much.

Rule #8:Keep him away from airports - Several bad experiences have allowed us to come to the conclusion that Sam, guns/bombs and airports together should be avoided at all costs.

Rule #9:Be straightforward - With the great ability of knowing when someone is bullshitting him; the Sam Braddock will then be forced to force the truth from you. Kind of like Chuck Norris... but prettier.

The brunette frowned when her list stopped short. Didn't the letter say ten rules? Looking over the list again Jules couldn't help but shake her head. She was going to have a lot of questions for a certain rookie tomorrow.

XxX

The heels of her boots scuffed against the floor as Jules made her way towards the conference room where Ed and Greg were sitting. As she appeared in the doorway she saw the rest of the team sitting there with them, minus the blonde she was looking for. "Hey guys," she greeted. "Have any of you seen Sam yet?"

Ed glanced up at her with a nod. "He showed up a bit late, he's still changing." He watched with a smile as the woman turned back around when his eyes landed on the folded up letter in her hand. "Jules?" The female sniper paused, looking back at the team leader. "What's that you got there? Some sort of love note?" he teased.

Jules rolled her eyes holding the letter she had gotten in the mail the day before up for the bald man to see not really seeing the way Ed's eyes widened. "Not quiet." he passed him the chocolate brown paper.

The older man took it not bothering to open it. "Let me guess, 'Ten Rule to Owning a Sam Braddock', right?"

"H-how did you know?" Jules asked gazing down at her boss confused.

The lead sniper dug in his front jacket pocket before pulling out an identical paper to the one Jules had passed him. "Soph gave it to me this morning; I read it on the way to work."

Beside him Parker frowned pulling out a brown slip of paper from his pants pocket. "I got one too, it came in the mail yesterday." he tossed it onto the glass table in front of him.

The three paper wielders exchanged glances before turning to Wordy, Lou and Spike, each who had dug out the same brown paper from their pockets.

"I personally like Rule #6." Spike smirked opening his letter. "The fact that whoever sent this didn't clarify on the monkey thing, kind of makes me want to ask Sam about it."

Wordy chuckled. "I liked ten."

Jules perked up at this. "You guys have a number ten?" Nods around the room made her raise an eyebrow and move to stand behind Spike to read. "My letter stopped at nine."

"Maybe whoever wrote it got a hand cramp." Lou stated. "Six letters all hand written, somebody, somewhere has got to be feeling that."

Taking the brown paper from Spike Jules read the tenth line aloud. "'Rule #10: Do not feed after midnight (he'll go evil)," her eyebrow just about disappeared into her bangs. "Don't get him wet (he'll breed!), and don't leave him in direct sunlight (he'll explode!!!).' What the-?"

"It's from the Gremlins movie." The Italian clarified as he snatched his letter back. "Those are the rules for keeping the furry little bastards all cute and cuddly."

"Right..." Jules muttered. "But why would this K. Wagner person send up these letters about Sam?"

Nobody got the chance to answer her as the topic of their conversation and letters came strolling through the door, not quiet awake.

"Hey Boss, sorry I ran a bit late this morning, I..." Sam trailed off as he looked around at his teammates who were all staring at him. "Uh... is everything okay?"

Ed held up the brown piece of paper in his hand towards the blonde. "You want to explain this?"

"What is it?" he asked stepping further into the room to take the letter.

Greg watched as Sams eyebrow twitched knowing that the blonde recognized the writing. The lead negotiator watched the rookie intently as a blush crept up his neck.

"Did you all get one of these?" Sam glanced around the room seeing all the similar papers. He set the letter back on the table not answering the curious glances shot in his direction. "Excuse me for a minute..." The sniper hissed. "I have a friend to go strangle."

The rest of Team one watched as he dug his phone out of his pocket while heading for the exit. Never ones to miss out on a chance to annoy one another, the rest of them were out of their seats following Sam back down towards the men's locker room.

XxX

Sam punched the familiar number into his phone, his finger twitching as he waited for the other person to pick up. He didn't have to wait long, on the fourth ring an extremely tired female voice rang into his ear.

"This better be a major fucking emergency Braddock. I just got to sleep."

Fighting down the smirk Sam rolled his eyes. He had almost forgotten about the time difference...almost. He defiantly wasn't calling now out of spite. Turning up the volume on his phone to hear better he finally spoke up. "Why the hell did you send them those letters?"

The woman on the other line paused. "Oh." her voice was more awake now, tinted with amusement. "Did they all really get them at the same time?"

"Kate-"

"Oh jeez, relax Sam, We didn't put anything too incriminating in them."

Sam rolled his eyes, not missing the sound of the others hiding behind the row of lockers beside him. "Who was it that helped you?"

"Al sent us the rule about the Christmas carols; she's still bitter about that I think. And Rob and Jake helped with the fire, cooking and the airport rules. The rest were mine."

"Remind me to thank you when you get back on this side of the globe."

"Ohh, snark, I like it. Okay, I will defiantly forget to remind you about this when I get home so you don't turn around and throw us down the canyon like you did to poor Bing Crosby." he heard the woman yawn.

"How long has it been since you slept?" The blonde questioned leaning against the sink.

"For more then twenty minutes?" Kate paused. "Probably about five days."

Sam shook his head. "You should have used the time you had to sleep instead of writing those letters."

"Har, har, very funny Mr. B.O.B." Sam winced at the nickname. "Besides, I could have went in depth about the whole monkey att-"

"No!" the blonde snapped knowing the others were listening. "You couldn't have. We agreed that that story stays in that damn forest."

Kate laughed which was something she hadn't done in a while. "Only you Sam, only you."

There was a moment of silence and the blonde turned his phone back down and lowered his voice. "You doing alright?"

"...It has its moments." He heard her sigh. "With you and Matt no longer here, Alice away doing something or other and no more Dave...it's been pretty hard."

Sam chewed on his bottom lip, the proper words not really coming to him. As if there actually were proper words for missing your friends. "You home soon?"

"Another three weeks." she replied another yawn coming from his phone. "Then your ass is mine and you're going to introduce me to all those people I wrote incriminating letters too." Another yawn.

"Alright, alright, Just go back to bed Kate." Sam stated pushing himself off the sink. "Sorry I woke you."

"Meh, what are friends for if not for the random calls around three in the morning?" Kate joked. "But really, you don't have to wait until I send out letters to call Sam."

The blonde grimaced. "I know, I just never know if you're going to be there to pick up or not." He dropped his voice low enough so his teammates couldn't hear him.

"Try anyways." Kate snapped. "Now, I'm going back to bed before Howlett finds out I'm awake."

"Good night Kate."

He heard the woman chuckle before stating in a much too loud tone. "Oh and Sam, just be glad I never wrote in those letters about you and Matt and a certain Halloween party-"

Click. Sam hit the end button on his phone cutting off the other woman as he glowered at his mobile. "We're not going anywhere near that subject for a very long time." Sighing heavily the sniper felt his shoulders sag as he leant sideways to look around the lockers in front of him. "Are you guys just going to try and hide behind the lockers until I leave?"

He watched as they all stepped out sheepishly from their hiding spot.

Jules was the first to open her mouth. "What Halloween party was she talking about?"

"And who exactly was she?" Ed nodded his head towards the phone in Sam's hand.

"Never mind that," Spike laughed waving off his boss's question. "I want to know more about those monkeys."

Sam growled in the back of his throat. "We're not talking about the damn monkeys Spike."

The Italian cocked his head to one side before darting forward and snatching the mobile in Sam's hand. "Well, maybe we'll just have to ask your friend here."

Ed and Greg exchanged amused glances as Sam shot after the taller man several curses leaving his mouth as he did so.

Jules watched as the rest of the team made their way after Sam and Spike leaving her standing in the middle of the men's locker room by herself. Lifting her letter up her brown eyes scanned the paper in her grasp. After the conversation that had just taken place on the phone it was easy to see…read just how much that, that Kate Wagner person cared about their new rookie.

She smiled to herself remembering the look of utter embarrassment on Sam's face in the conference room when he first read over the letters. Jules stored the image away in the back of her mind, possibly for later blackmail use, or in worse case scenario, use to comfort the horrible feelings she got whenever she thought of how things might have been if it had worked out between her and Sam.

The female sniper let her gaze linger on the lines where the number ten rule should have been, the empty space bugging her. Why hadn't she gotten the creepy movie reference too as a rule too? Jules let out a heavy sigh, blowing the bangs out of her eyes before she slipped her letter into her back pocket and headed out of the locker room.

XxX

The next day a familiar brunette sorted through her mail as she stood on her front porch after a long day at work.

"Bill, flyer, junk, flyer, jun-" Jules froze as she looked down into her pile of mail, once more shocked at the chocolate coloured envelope sitting in her hand. Dropping her other mail back into the box, Jules tore open the gold sticker on the back and pulled out a single piece of crisp white paper.

On it, in Kate's messy scrawl the message was clear.

'Rule #10: DO NOT BREAK HIS HEART OR WE WILL BREAK YOU!'

Okay, I couldn't help myself with the last line. XD This is my first attempt at Sam and Jules together so please don't kill me. I've only seen the first season and a couple of episodes of the second. Heh, 'Clean Hands' amused me…

If you can find it in your heart hit the little green button! Tell me if you liked it or hated it, anything really. Thanks!