A SERIES OF ODES

TO SG-1

(Well, the people I like)

ODE TO JACK O'NEILL/ RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON

Ubersexilicious in your prime,

It looks like you've made a dime,

Perhaps more,

Since your popularity soared.

Jack O'Neill,

No Achilles Heal;

Nothing can ever scare him,

Even that chick, the one that wants all of them;

Jack and Richard, two glorious sexy people,

Two separate characters in one steeple,

One body one mind,

One helping the other, even in Enemy Mine;

Orpheus showed your best side, The ones where you go Ancient show your worst,

As long as those people hold to one rule: No Richard in a skirt;

So, farewell from the viewers,

We wish you well as you become a visitor

To only crappy episodes,

And whenever things get old…

Goodbye my ubersexilicious friend,

You better come back again

(because I love you, and always will,

And without you, life is a constant steep hill)

ODE TO DANIEL JACKSON/ MICHAEL SHANKS

Uber-ubersexilicious, this man is,

From episode one until the last one on the list,

You travel a lot and look sexy while you do it,

Why the hell were you near my home town, did someone lose a bet?

But it's good to know you're near me,

And that if I wasn't broke I could be near thee,

And it's good to hear that my friends get to see you

(so now there's more dirt against me too),

So good luck with your life, Michael,

And if you stay away from scifi your career might not fall down a well

Remember you're forty, flirty, and gorgeous (in a year and a half),

And you're well worth our time (since you always make us laugh);

Oh, this ode is to Daniel too, so…

We love you, you're sexy, and smart…too,

And hopefully we haven't seen the last of you,

Though the bowl cut through season two

Wasn't your best view,

It worked out for the best,

Got you some ladies and a sweater vest,

Though my pimp man never kept a girl,

You had so many in the galaxy you're friends wanted to hurl,

So…you're cool too,

And we love you,

But we love Michael more, for some reason,

Perhaps because it's hockey season,

And he's kicked some glass,

And trying to keep from pucking people in the ass…

He likes the penalty box,

Though you shouldn't, you sexy ox…

So go make more stargate!

Hurry! I hate to wait!

ODE TO TEAL'C/ CHRISTOPHER JUDGE

Would I do you? 'Indeed' you reply,

I can only imagine what you'd be like if you'd ever get high;

Oprah is a thing in your beautiful mind,

Keep up the loving, God you're a find;

If you ever need help with your beautiful show-son,

Call me up and I'll tell if she's "the one";

To many more years of SG-1 DVD power,

Good luck trying get ratings better than a 7/11, 24 HR.

With your now luxurious hair and sexy new bod,

I'm sure those ratings are better than a sexy hot rod;

Teal'c, I'll miss you, my number-one Gou'ld,

See you somewhere, maybe the five o'clock news.