Another Oneshot (although I would add one more chapter if someone asked for it as a Christmas present *Wink*) Yeah I know you all just rolled your eyes at me. Seriously though please review to let me know. I won't waste my time if no one wants it.

This is a bit fluffier than the last Zombieland Oneshot I put up. (Thank god!)

Song:

'You'll be in my heart' by Phil Collins (Cheesy I know but it came up on shuffle today and I was struck with this idea)

I own Nothing

Columbus sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Wichita was under the sheets beside him sleeping deeply. It disturbed him slightly that there was now a third heartbeat that his mind kept tricking him into thinking he was actually hearing.

Realizing it was all too much he got up and slipped out of the room soundlessly. He'd had plenty of practice at it and closed the door to the bedroom without the slightest click. He rolled his shoulders sighing and moved down the hallway.

Little Rock never closed the door to her bedroom. He stopped looking in at her. She'd grown so much, but despite being a legal adult now he knew she would always be the little sister. She was tangled in the sheets of her bed sleeping with the pillow clutched in her arms and her legs hanging off the bed.

A smile graced his lips and he continued to the bathroom. He closed the door and lit a candle. The mirror was covered in water specks, but his tired looking reflection still looked back at him plain as day. He turned on the water and washed his face. After he dried of he ran a hand over his mustache and beard. Wichita kept asking him to shave, but it was one thing he just wouldn't do for her. He would walk into hell and back if she asked but he would not shave. He'd just waited too long to be able to grow them, and besides he thought it made him look a little more rugged. Not that it really mattered since they lived with the king of rugged masculinity. Columbus smirked. His facial hair was not well received by the older man and it pleased him in a way.

He blew out the candle and moved out to the living room. Columbus stubbed his toe into the coffee table and had to stifle a curse as he hopped on one foot. He still wasn't used to the new house. It had been his idea to settle down for a while in the secluded mountain retreat, but Tallahassee and Little Rock had picked the actual place. Leave it to them to pick a cabin with a giant moose head hanging over the fireplace. Columbus just didn't know if it would be appropriate.

He sank onto one of the couches and tried to get to sleep again, but his head just kept buzzing with questions. Why did she insist on taking so many unnecessary risks? His anxiety had been steadily increasing as the date grew near. He opened his eyes and mentally kicked himself for not making the rule when he had a chance: no babies in Zombieland.

He stood up and paced the floor looking backup the moose head. He really didn't want his son or daughter's first memory to be of a decapitated moose. Ignoring the 'decoration' for a moment he started to run through the list of other possible problems again as he had done every night since Wichita had told him he would be a father. The first that popped into his head every time was the fact that childbirth was a complicated and scary thing, especially without a professional. He nearly broke out in a sweat every time he thought of losing her and the baby. Tallahassee had assured him that he could do a little to help with the process, but Columbus could never really decide if it was any comfort. Letting the cowboy that close to Wichita bothered him deeply. On the other hand however Tallahassee had been in the room when his own son had been born and therefore knew a lot more than Columbus did.

He sat back down. Tallahassee was just a god awful problem altogether. He loved the older man no questions asked. He trusted the cowboy with his life and knew that Tallahassee probably felt the same. They had been through thick and thin in the few years they had known each other. It took a lot of painful moments, but they had found a respect for each other and now they were family.

Columbus rubbed his temple. Tallahassee was great, but really? Columbus couldn't get around all the things that Tallahassee did to make himself the last person Columbus would put around an infant. He swore virtually all the time. He drank even when driving. He lost his temper over stupid little things (Twinkies) causing him to go into infantile tantrums. Most annoying of all Tallahassee smoked whatever grass he could find. True none of Tallahassee's little habits ever put them in any danger and none of them were ever even close to being out of control, the cowboy was very careful about it, but still they worried Columbus.

He took a deep breath. In truth though, how long could he protect the baby anyway? Tallahassee definitely wasn't going to be the worse thing his kid would encounter. The zombies were as bad as ever. What kind of traumatic psychosis would his child be in after seeing a half eaten body just lying around on the street? Tallahassee didn't seem so bad after all. In fact he was a bright spot in the picture. At least Columbus's son/daughter would be well protected. The older man had a soft spot for kids. He'd been more of a father to all of them than they had ever had before Zombieland.

Columbus went to the kitchen and rummaged around in the cabinets. He passed over Tallahassee's stash of Twinkies and went instead for the cheerios in the back. They were a tad stale after being packaged for years, but they were still fit to eat. It wasn't often anymore that they got to eat commercial foods. Instead they had learned to live off the land for the most part.

What kind of life could he provide for a tiny helpless child? He chewed the little circles slowly. He shook his head a little. Wipe the blood off the toys and sure, they're good a new. He shuddered. Columbus just couldn't convince himself that he would be able to keep a baby safe. Out of the little group he was the weakest, even Little Rock was a better slayer than him.

Columbus couldn't take it anymore. All of a sudden he felt like he was on fire. He left the cheerios out and pretty much sprinted for the front door. He jammed his toe again and this time couldn't hold back a fairly loud f-bomb that sounded ten times louder in the silent house. Hobbling along after that he made it to the font door and went outside onto the porch.

It was summer and the air was warm with a gentle breeze blowing. The kiss of wind was just enough to cool him and he closed the door to the house. He took a few steps forward to the rail of the porch and leaned in it looking out. In truth, ignoring the moose head, it was really a beautiful place. A lake wasn't too far away and the stars glittered in the sky above the treetops. They were far enough up the mountain that they could see if anyone or thing was coming. He leaned over and rested his elbows on the railing looking out at the land that was as good as his. It would be a beautiful place to raise a child. He wondered how long it would be before Little Rock and Tallahassee got the urge to move on. They never had liked to stay in one place for too long.

When the door opened behind him Columbus was almost too lost in thought to look back and see who it was. Tallahassee closed the door again and joined Columbus at the rail. "Nervous?" he asked. Columbus allowed a smile.

"Why would you ask that?" he sighed. Tallahassee shrugged and offered him a bottle of home made beer. It had taken a lot of work but Tallahassee had gotten pretty good at making booze in the back of a truck. "I can't. I promised," Columbus said rejecting the drink in an attempt to honor his promise to Wichita that he would abstain from drinking while she couldn't.

"She's asleep spit fuck, come on," Tallahassee said pressing the bottle into the younger mans hand. "Lets sit down," he said moving over to the wooden furniture that sat on the porch. Columbus straightened up and followed. Tallahassee lowered himself into one of the armchairs with a muffled grunt. "Man I'm getting old," he sighed as he propped his feet up on the little glass coffee table.

"Still can kick my ass any day," Columbus replied. Tallahassee smiled and held up his bottle.

"The day might come when that too changes," he said before taking a long drink. Columbus brought the bottle to his lips but couldn't stand the strong stuff inside and mimed drinking. "So, Columbo," Tallahassee said in the same voice he always used when he was about to ask a question. "You nervous?" he asked. Columbus shrugged. It had been almost nine months and really Tallahassee hadn't said much about the baby. "Could be any day now right?" he asked. Columbus nodded becoming fixated on a firefly that was flying around aimlessly. He remembered the time when they freaked out because they thought bugs might be carrying the zombie virus. Luckily no animals had gotten the sickness, yet.

"Yep, any day now," he said trying to sound relaxed. Tallahassee smirked hearing the worry that the boy was drowning in.

"Relax kid. It'll all be okay, trust me," Tallahassee said. Columbus was surpassed at the gentle tone the cowboy was talking. It wasn't often that Tallahassee was soft with him. Most times the man just punched Columbus and told him to nut up or shut up.

"How can you say that?" Columbus wondered aloud.

"Because I was in your position at one point," Tallahassee shrugged watching the flickering bug as it flew past his face. "You'll do fine," he added.

"What if I'm not a good father?" Columbus said shaking his head almost relieved to be having the talk with Tallahassee.

"Well you haven't got much to compete with have you? You're in the company of the worst father in the world," Tallahassee said quietly. Columbus bit his lip wishing immediately they hadn't gone this way. It wasn't often anymore that Tallahassee talked about his old life, but every once in a while Columbus would see him take his wallet out and look at the pictures he kept in it.

"You've been good to us," he said sympathetically. "I'm sure you were a great dad, after all you were the one raising him right?" Tallahassee chuckled and shook his head.

"But boy I wasn't ready," he said.

"I know the feeling," Columbus said. Tallahassee took another drink.

"She told me and I panicked. I worried myself half to death the whole time, and she took me to all the classes and all this other crap and I thought I was gonna die," he said scrubbing his hand over his stubbly jaw.

"When did you get it together?" Columbus asked.

"I didn't until the first time I held Buck. I went through nine months of a very different sort of hell then all of a sudden I just lost my mind. Trust me, when the time comes you'll know what to do. You'll get the little guy in your hands and all of a sudden there won't be a thing you doubt about you taking care of him," he sighed. Columbus contemplated what the older man had said.

"Tallahassee… we've never really talked about it because there hasn't been a need, but if…" Columbus trailed off unable to get the question out. Tallahassee was looking at some point out in the darkness.

"I know, if anything ever happens you can count on me to take care of them," he said reading exactly what Columbus was thinking. The boy smiled a little. "You'll make a good dad spit fuck," Tallahassee sighed. Columbus knew the name at this point was more a term of endearment than anything. "What are you going to name it?" he asked.

"We haven't decided really," the boy replied.

"Well are you going to give him a city name or a real name?" Tallahassee asked before sipping at the beer again.

"Probably a city name," Columbus shrugged. "Not that it does any good," he added remembering how the practice had started.

"You want a boy or girl?" the older man asked. Columbus blinked hard. He hadn't given too much thought to it.

"I don't care," he replied. Tallahassee finished his beer and set it on the deck.

"I hope its boy," he said. Columbus laughed a little.

"I didn't know you cared," he said.

"Sure I care. It's my problem too," Tallahassee shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned I'll be a grandfather when the little guy is born," he added. Columbus felt a warmth surge inside of his chest. Tallahassee had pretty much claimed all the kids as his own, but he had always reserved a special spot for Columbus. The older man would occasionally teach him something and afterwards when all the yelling and fighting was done and Columbus got it right Tallahassee would give him a rough hit on the back and say 'that's my boy,' or 'there you go son.' Every time Columbus tried not to make a big deal of it, but it was little moments like those that made him truly feel at home.

Columbus couldn't think of anything to say in response until it just came out. "What would I do without you?" he said sounding much softer than he ever wanted to. He could tell from Tallahassee's face that the older man wanted to ask the same question. They did need each other to survive. Tallahassee was the unbridled craziness and Columbus was the rational thinker. Together they could get out of just about any scrape.

"I don't know," Tallahassee replied shaking his head. "You know I remember the night Buck was born, I was up walking around like you were and she was back in the bedroom. I was just about to finally fall asleep on the couch and boom!" he smiled. "She starts yelling bloody murder because her water broke," Tallahassee grinned. "I just about shit my pants I was so scared," he said. Columbus laughed a little having a hard time picturing anything scaring Tallahassee. The cowboy was about to say something else when Wichita's shouts made both of the boys jump.

"Columbus!" she shouted.

"Well fuck," Tallahassee exclaimed not believing the timing. Columbus was already inside by the time Tallahassee got out of his chair.

The lights were on inside the bedroom and Little Rock was already at her sister's side. Columbus grabbed the doorframe as he almost skidded past. "What? What! What is it?" he stammered. Tallahassee arrived beside him.

"I think my water just broke!" Wichita exclaimed. Tallahassee looked between the girl and her husband. Columbus had gone six shades paler than he normally was. Tallahassee grabbed him just in time because Columbus fainted with a look of shear terror on his face. All out fainted, right in the middle of all the excitement. Tallahassee looked back at the girls.

"You take care of your sister I'll handle this one," he grunted holding up Columbus. "Just don't forget to breathe honey," he said to Wichita as he pulled her husband out of the room. "Columbus. Columbus. Columbus!" he said as he propped the boy up against the wall. Finally Tallahassee slapped him and Columbus jolted into reality.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed.

"I will give you a piece of advice. Be there to hold her hand!" Tallahassee snapped.

"What?" Columbus asked still disoriented.

"You fainted Tinkerbelle! Get your ass in there 'cause your kid's being born!" Tallahassee said pushing the boy up onto his feet.

"Oh god! Oh god!" Columbus breathed.

"What is the matter with you?" Tallahassee asked.

"I think I'm having a panic attack! I can't do this!" he squeaked. Tallahassee rolled his eyes.

"Well you can't exactly call it off. I survived it so can you. Get in there spit fuck!" he snapped pushing the boy into the room. "You're such a pussy," he sighed as Columbus scrambled to Wichita's side. What would that boy do without him?

He watched the chaos from the doorway for a few moments. Little Rock was running the show for the most part. For the last nine months the girl had dedicated herself to studying up on delivering babies.

Tallahassee yawned a little. Wichita shouted as she had a contraction and he decided he needed a Twinkie before he could deal with the situation. It would, after all, be a long night. He began to move down the hall until Columbus shouted his name. Tallahassee poked his head back into the room.

"Take that goddamn moose head off of the wall!" Columbus snapped. Tallahassee gave him a puzzled look and chose to just get back to his Twinkies. The father losing his mind a little was just a natural part of childbirth.

Yeah, okay I really just wanted to give Columbus a mustache *Evil Grin* such stupid ulterior motives I have

Please R&R

Thanks for reading :)