Set just as the Christmas party is ending, spoilers for any given episode (at least in foreshadowing).

Disclaimer: I do not own these charcters. They just visit me while I'm trying not to think too hard.

"Oi, Foster." Cal Lightman called after his partner as she was walking towards the doors of the office after the Christmas party. She paused and turned towards him, plastering on a masking smile. He noticed immediately but smiled back anyways. "Fancy getting a drink with me?"

"Cal.." She started. Something is bothering her, and I think it's me, he thought watching her trying to come up with a lie.

"Before you try, I want to talk to you but I don't want to be here. It's the holidays. Let's go be cheerful." She bows her head slightly, ashamed that she would be trying to come up with a lie. She just wasn't ready to confront what she'd been feeling over the last few days and she had a sneaking suspicion that was exactly what he wanted to talk about.

"Alright, but the first time you make fun of something that makes me happy I'm bowing out, got it?" She points a finger at him and watches him mull this over. He raises his hand to touch his brow before he answers. She resists the urge not to smile.

"Sure Foster. Let's go."

They drive separately and Cal is convinced she has stood him up as he sits alone at the bar for the better part of 10 minutes before she comes in the door. She smiles and it reaches her eyes this time. She leans in and kisses his cheek before sliding into the seat next to him.

"Johnnie Walker black, neat." She says to the bartender. He smiles at her choice.

"So, luv. Tell me what's on your mind." He says turning towards her.

"You're starting this off all wrong Cal." She teases. He frowns. "You're trying to get me to open up without any small talk or chit chat."

"Gillian, we're past chit chat. And you're deflecting." He leans his right elbow against the bar as his brows come together analyzing her every move. She smiles bitterly and knows he'll see it. "See, right there. I know what the emotional response is; I just don't understand why you've been giving me that look all night." He rubs his fingers across his lips in confusion.

"Alright." She says taking her jacket off and turning towards him leaning forward. "Why do most of the people in your life leave you?" She asks abruptly.

"Foster…" He warns. He's even more confused now.

"Because you see everything. It's what makes you who you are, but once you see it you can never unsee it. Right?" He nods and takes another sip of his drink, interested in how she's going to use her psychobabble on him. "What did you see when you were over there?"

"On you?" She nods playing with the glass of scotch the bartender had just delivered.

"Concern, stress, agitation, shame." He reaches for her but she pulls away just a little. "I understand most of those but not the shame. That was actually what I had wanted to ask you about."

"I think you know. I think you know why I felt shame and you want me to say it."

"I do believe that honesty is the best policy." She scoffs at his comment.

"No you don't. You think honesty is the best policy for every one around you while you keep everyone else in the dark. You enjoy being the enigma, while exposing everyone else's past."

"I don't expose yours."

"Not any more."

"Right, so back to the shame." He says not entirely pleased with where he thought the conversation was going.

"You're going to make me say it then?" She asks sighing and dropping her shoulders in defeat. He nods. "Fine Cal. I'm ashamed of how much I need you." She smiles softly as the shock momentarily blurs his features before he covers it.

"What?"

"How many times have you almost died?" She asks morosely.

"I dunno, luv. I lost count after Belfast."

"Exactly. And how many threats to your life have you had in this quarter alone?" She asks gripping her cup tighter, indicating the anger she felt about being helpless in those situations.

"Two at least."

"I can't watch you risk your life. I can't handle not being able to sleep because I'm worried about losing you." She reaches out her hand and lays it on his. "You're the best friend I've ever had. You're extremely difficult but its part of your charm." She takes a huge breath in before continuing. "I can't lose you."

He turns his hand over in hers and captures her hand in his, marveling at the slenderness of her fingers and the warmth she gave off. He smiled.

"You don't have to worry about losing me." He says calmly.

"Yes I do. You're life has been threatened more in four months than most people's in their entire lives." Her eyes shift and her mouth twitches ever so slightly into shame once again. He frowns even harder, if that's at all possible.

"There's something else." He says critically. She tries to withdraw her hand to no avail. She can feel the temperature of her hand changing and watches him take notice of it as he places his other hand on top of hers. "Something you're not tellin'"

"Cal, don't push it." She warns.

"What are you so afraid of Gillian?" He tries to look into her eyes as she bows her head to hide the tears that are threatening to flow forth. He moves his left hand under her chin and raises her face to look at him.

"I'm afraid to need someone again." She lies.

"No, that's not it." He says invasively.

"Why do I have to say it?" She demands, suddenly angry.

"Because, luv, it's your line. If you want to keep the line, then you have to come clean. I can't very well tell you what I see only when you want me to. It doesn't work that way and you know it. Once you open that flood gate, there's no going back." He quips. He watches the emotions roll through her honest face. It was what he loved so much about her. She was a truly honest person, pair that with loyalty to him and an unwavering sense of rightness and he had stumbled upon the best kept secret of a woman in the whole world. He watches the resolve set in her face and knows he's not going to like what she has to say.

"Why did you bring me with you after you left the DOD?" She asks as her opening line. He opens his mouth, and then closes it several times before answering.

"Because you are great at what you do."

"And what would that be?"

"Do I have to say it Foster?" He almost whines.

"Yes, Cal. I want to hear it." She says curtly.

"Read peoples emotional responses and tie them to the emotion they're feelin' and why they're feelin' that way."

"Right." She nods, her hair almost covering her face completely. "So you really want me to define what I see on you, all the time?" He nods, holding his breath waiting for the shoe to drop. "I see love." She says and watches the response. He smiles but doesn't look surprised.

"You know I love you. I call you luv all of the time." He tries to make light of the situation. She smirks, knowing she hit the target.

"You know what I mean."

"Alright, so suppose that I do love you, why the shame?" He bites his finger. Maybe I was right all along and she doesn't love me, maybe I read all of the signs wrong, his self doubt that pushed so many people in his life away came bubbling to the surface and placed a look of disgust on his face.

"No, that's not the problem." She says, understanding the emotions that just roiled through his face. "I love you Cal. Really I do." He straightens a little upon hearing that, puffing himself up a little bit. "No, the problem is that I love you." He looks at her with confusion.

"Alright, now you've lost me."

"I want to ask you something, and I'd like you to be honest with me."

"I'll try." He says rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

"How often do you think of becoming romantically involved with me?" His eyes widen briefly before settling on her eyes. He notices her pupils have dilated since she asked that question and her breathing had become more shallow. He smiles before answering.

"That apparent, eh?"

"Yes Cal."

"So why is that a problem Gillian? What is wrong with that?" He becomes a little hostile, waiting for her to voice the words he fears she thinks about him.

"Because if something happened, if for some reason we didn't work out I'd lose you, forever." She whispers the last word as a tear passes her lid and slides down her cheek.

"You can't lose me forever." He says moving a hand up to her cheek to brush away the tear. His hand slides past her cheek and into her hair. She barely has time to think before he's slid off the chair and brings his lips to hers. She gives into the kiss very briefly before pulling away.

"I can't do this Cal. Really I can't." She grabs her purse and flees before he can watch her response and analyze her.

TBC...