Cherry Vajitas

After a while I wasn't sure I'd ever add another chapter to this, but this one just wouldn't go away. Enjoy.

Chapter Two

Bella POV

Jasper looked at his family and back to me. Then back to his family.

"Bastards." His hands were clenched in fists by his sides. "This was not what I had in mind when I said we should have a Star Wars themed date," he growled under his breath as he tried to hide our family's antics from me. I wasn't having any of it, and stepped forward only to almost be run over by Alice, which was impressive considering she was running on her knees. She was wearing a sheet as a robe and had a pair of pointy green ears wrapped around her head. She paused to deliver what she obviously thought was a heartfelt piece of esoteric wisdom, from one best friend to another.

"Mmmm Bella. Pleased you have arrived we are. In your panties Jasper wants to get. Yeeeeees." She went back to trying to levitate Rose's Bugatti Veyron with only the power of her mind. She failed miserably but she did manage to receive a vision. She sighed.

"Carlisle and Esme are going to ruin the seats some time next week while they're role playing Bonnie and Clyde and Carlisle's 'revolver' goes off too soon. I'll figure out later whether or not I should tell Princess Leia about it. At the moment stopping the Death Star from becoming fully operational is a much more pressing issue." She hobbled away at an astounding pace.

"Wait…Leia?" I raised an eyebrow. Jasper's eyebrows just shrugged in reply.

I didn't have time to ponder the mysteries of Jasper's expressive brows because at that point I saw Carlisle run past with a black plastic bucket on his head. He was chasing Edward and speaking slowly, the bucket making his voice sound weird.

"LUUUUUKE. LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE. I AM YOUR FAAAAAAATHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR." Edward tried to speed up but he tripped over one of the wolves who was dressed up like an ewok. Judging by the handcuffs his audition for the role had not been voluntary. Edward was shrieking as Carlisle swung Jasper's civil war memento sword at him in wide arcs.

"Stay away from me, you mental case! For the last time my name is not Luke and you are not chopping my hand off for authenticity!"

Someone snatched me up and threw me over their shoulder. I looked down to find that I'd been wookiee-napped by Esme's best sheepskin rug draped over what I thought was my brother Emmett, held in place by two ammo belts slung across his chest. Well I guess it made sense; no-one else was really tall enough to play Chewbacca.

"AAAAEEEEEEEOOOOOORGGGGGGGGH!"

"Not now you walking carpet!" shouted Rose, the two Danish pastries that were strapped to the sides of her head wobbling as she ran away from a very short storm trooper. Mike Newton perhaps. The only other person that short was me and there's no way you'd get me to wear one of those white suits; it was like a sports cup for your whole body. And probably smelled similarly.

"OOWRGH?" queried my mobile floor covering.

I couldn't be certain but I was pretty sure Chewie wasn't supposed to be sporting an erection the size of a rolling pin.

"Ewwwww. Dude. Go chase the princess; I don't need to see that." The wookiee flung me unceremoniously to the ground and stormed off around the side of the house after Rose.

A muffled scream came from the other end of the garden. Moments later Edward's severed hand plopped down on the grass in front of me. I picked it up and smacked it repeatedly until it stopped squirming. I bent most of the fingers down, leaving just the middle one extended, giving the bird to anyone who would stand still long enough.

"Look! It's Hand Solo!" Esme cried, trying to impale me with the pool noodle she was using as a lightsabre. "Come over to the Dark side, Bella! We have pizza and ice cream!"

"I hate you. I actually hate you all." Jasper violently bashed his face into the side of the house while his family went insane all around him.

I inched up behind him and grabbed his wrists, raising his arms into the air above his head so they stood out at forty-five degree angles.

"Semaphore? Kinky." I could hear him smirking. "Did you know I was an Eagle Scout for a brief period during the-"

"No, look," I interrupted, holding my own arms downward and away from my body at forty-five degree angles. "We're an x-wing fighter. We can deliver the payload."

"….."

"What?"

"I'm not getting laid any time soon am I?"

"We'll see how the mission goes first."

Short I know, but it tickled me and I hope you enjoyed it.

Sin