Life Starts Now: a Sequel/Song-fic for Sanctuary

Inspired by the song Life Starts Now by Three Days Grace

By The Blind Apprentice

You say that you feel so down

Every time I turn around

And you say you should've been gone by now

And you think that everything's wrong

You ask me how to carry on

You'll make it through another day just hold on.

Cuz life starts now

You've done all the things that could kill you somehow

And you're so far down

But you will survive it somehow because life starts now.

I hate to see you fall down

I'll pick you up off the ground

I've watched the weight of your world come down

And now it's your chance to move on

Change the way you've lived for so long

Find the strength you've had inside all along

Cuz life starts now

You've done all the things that could kill you somehow

And you're so far down

But you will survive it somehow because life starts now.

(All this pain)

Take this life and make it your own

(All this hate)

Take your heart and let it love again

(You will survive this somehow)

Life starts now

You've done all the things that could kill you somehow

And you're so far down

Life starts now

You've done all the things that could kill you somehow

And you're so far down

Life starts now…

It had been about two years since I had seen him. He had stumbled into my church and I think I was able to lift a great weight from that young man's shoulders.

He hadn't been able to come see me because he was away at school but the summer of his seventeenth birthday, he came to me one afternoon a mess once more. He said that he needed absolution for the death of another important person in his life. After delving further into the issue we discovered that Harry had yet again been put in a position that caused him to bear guilt for something he didn't cause and was unable to stop.

But in the end, I did absolve him. It seemed to help.

And there I sat another year on; it was now summertime once more. This year had been wrought with many strange occurrences. The dreadful fog that seemed to suck all happiness from the world and all of the strange kidnappings and deaths. It had been a year of spending much of my time comforting the grieving that was left behind.

And then one evening, Harry stumbled once more into the nave of my church…

"Father, I need you! Please?"

At the first word, I came running from where I had been doing some work in my office. By the time I arrived, Harry was on his knees before the altar silently rocking himself. As I drew closer, I noticed the state of him, he looked dreadful.

"Harry, it's the middle of the night, what has happened? Are you all right?"

"He's gone… I killed him, he's gone."

I knelt beside the boy and brought his face to look at me. The look in those vibrant green eyes will haunt me to this day. Empty, void of life. He looked lost and vulnerable. No wonder he had come to me.

"Harry. What do you mean 'he's gone'? Son are you all right?"

He started to laugh lightly, "Father, I did it. They all wanted me to. I was the only one," then his laughter changed to something entirely, "I had to kill him Father, if I didn't…" By now he was sobbing brokenly into my shirt. "I had to Father, I was the only one…"

He repeated that sentence to himself over and over in an attempt to make it true. Without completely understanding the details behind the situation, I did at least see someone who was trying to convince himself of something that he didn't truly believe.

I pulled the boy to my chest and rocked him. "It's all right son, you're safe, it's all right." We sat like that for almost an hour before he began to calm down, but I realized that he had indeed fallen asleep. I smiled gently at him. "Guide him waking oh Lord, and guard him sleeping. That awake he may watch with Christ and asleep may he rest in peace."

I carried him to my office and lay him on my sofa with a spare blanket and pillow that I kept there for the occasional night when it made more sense to sleep in my office. I knew that tonight was going to be a night of vigil. I got out my rosary, the prayer book, and got comfortable. This boy desperately needed someone and I was going to be there for him.

Somewhere around five, I lost my battle with sleep but was hyper-aware of any noises So when he started thrashing about and weeping in his sleep I was immediately at his side whispering words of comfort and praying that God might grant him rest. After about twenty-or so minutes of this, he calmed and once again fell back to sleep. I moved once more to my chair and was soon asleep once-more as well.

We both were awoken at the noise of the vacuum. Ah for Mrs. Henderson, she had found me many-a-night sleeping and would do her best to not disturb me. She would arrive at about 9 and begin the furthest from my office, so by that judgment, it was close to noon.

I opened my eyes to see Harry slowly doing the same. "Father… Where?"

"You're safe son. You're still in the church. You're on the sofa in my office."

"Oh."

"What would you say to a cup of coffee and some breakfast? I'm sure we can find something."

He looked hesitant for a moment before nodding in agreement.

After a breakfast of toast, ham and some fruit, we were once-more ensconced in my office. He was nervous, his hands were obviously sweating as he continually wiped them on his pants. He took a deep breath and lifted his head to look at me.

"Father…" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat and tried once-more. "Father, I want to explain."

"All right."

"Father, you see, I'm not… I'm not a …normal… person. I'm what you would call…" He sighed in frustration, "Father, I'm a wizard!"

I can honestly say I was not expecting to hear that. But knowing that if I wanted more of the story I kept my mouth shut and just raised an eyebrow as a sign I had heard.

"You see, I didn't know that until I was eleven. I had been living with my relatives and they had never really liked me, you see. I never understood why until they were confronted by a man who told me the truth. My aunt spoke of her hatred for my mother. I also found out that my mother and father were killed when I was a baby. I also found out that my mother sacrificed herself for me. The man tried to kill me but he couldn't. When he cast a curse at me, it rebounded and he was obliviated, or so many people thought. He came back- he had never truly died, he just regained a new body and proceeded to begin tormenting the world. For the first year or so, he didn't really do anything. In-part from tormenting me and causing the death of my Godfather. He was the man I came to you about the first time." I nodded in understanding. "Then last year, he got a student at my school to come up with a way to get his men inside and when they did, they killed the Headmaster. I've never hated someone as much as I hated my former Professor- the one who killed the Headmaster. I thought he was a murderer and I wanted to avenge the Headmaster's death, by taking his own. But now… With what I know… I… I don't hate him anymore. He was a bastard, but he wasn't a murderer. He was just trapped in this situation, just like me…" Harry seemed lost in thought for a while when I thought to prompt him once more.

"Yesterday, you spoke of being the only one. What did you mean? Surely someone-"

"No! Sorry… I mean… No. I was the only one. The man who came back to life, he and I were prophesized to have to confront each other. The prophecy said that "neither could live while the other survived." It was going to be either me or him. I was the only one who could do it. So I had to do it…"

There was silence for a few moments and I sensed that Harry wasn't done with his story so I let the silence rest for as long as Harry needed.

"Father… I… I think I died Father. I don't know what I was expecting… King's Cross… What a strange place. I met the Headmaster." A small smile shown on Harry's face. "I was glad to see him. And then there was this thing… Evidently when Voldemort tried to kill me as a baby, a piece of his soul lodged itself within me, and that's what that …thing… was, a piece of his soul. And it was strange, all I had to do was show it compassion, it hated that and it couldn't live with compassion. So then the Headmaster told me I had to go back. So I did… It was horrible Father, there was fighting… Remus and Tonks…" at this point he began to sob quietly once more.

I reached out to him and handed him a tissue. "It's all right. They're away from all the pain and the grief, they're home with their families now Harry."

"But what about Teddy? He'll grow up just like me, he won't know his parents."

"No he won't Harry. You will be there for him. You, someone who knows the loneliness of a life without parents, you will understand him. Sometimes all we want is for someone to simply understand."

This seemed to help, and Harry was able to collect himself once more and continued with the story. "The fighting went into the school. The people were faced with the most-hated but most-feared person in the world, a kin to Hitler, but with a magic wand. Some of them were afraid, but others…" at this, he started to chuckle lightly. "Mrs. Weasly, "Not my daughter, you bitch." I've never heard her say something like that before. It was awesome." But Harry's smile faded. "Then Voldemort and I were fighting. It was a tough fight… But I won."

There was a thick silence for a few moments until Harry spoke once more. In his tone was exhaustion, and grief, sounds no boy should make. "They were all happy. He was gone. I guess I'm glad… No, I know I'm glad, but…"

"You have to live with the death of another human being on your hands."

He only nodded.

"So now begins the difficult questions."

He took a deep breath and looked at me once more. "Father, do you… Do you think that God…?"

"Will hate you? Condemn You? Cause you to burn in hell for eternity?"

He visibly flinched at each statement.

"No Harry. I don't think that God would do any of those things." Harry's head shot up and he pierced me with his gaze.

"But, I?"

"Harry, I'm going to tell you something that a military chaplain once told me, and I believe to be true. There will always be war, and there has always been war, and war will cease to be once we are all with our Father. Sadly, those who fight the war don't cause the war they're fighting. They are merely caught up in the situation, and for them, it is a fight for their very lives. So I think God understands that under those circumstances we will do whatever is necessary to save our own lives, and I don't think he blames us for it. I think he knows that it is not within our nature to end another's life. So, do I think God would hate you for ending the reign of terror caused by that man? No Harry. In-fact, I think he may even be proud of you for doing such a difficult thing. You see Harry, God loves you. He doesn't want you to be hurt. He doesn't want you to have to feel pain. He only wants for us to be happy. Alas, however, our world is full of imperfect beings that don't always allow for that. Harry, I know you feel guilty. That is natural. In-fact, I would be even more concerned if you didn't! Son, you will be all right- in time. It may take a while, but take comfort in knowing that God will always love you."

By this time, I was grasping firmly to Harry's hands, and he was openly crying, with tears rolling down his face.

I held onto him for several minutes while he cried just trying to provide comfort. He looked up at me with tear-filled eyes, "Thank you, Father."

"You're very welcome Harry."

Harry took a deep breath and let out a sigh. "So, what do I do now?"

"You live Harry. You love, you cherish life, and you do your best. That's all anyone can ask. You've done your duty, and now it if your time. You're young, go have some fun, get out of the country for a while, see some sights. Take time for yourself. Be gentle with yourself, there will be good days, all right days, and bloody awful days, you'll get angry for no reason at all, and you'll find yourself crying for no apparent reason. Know that all of these things are normal, but don't shut yourself away. If you need to talk, do it. If you need to rant, do it. If you just want to sit silently with someone, that's ok too. Just know that you do not have to do this alone. I am here, you have people in your life that you can lean on, take advantage of that. Surely, they will grant you that much. But if not, drop them. If they are not willing or able to give you support, find people that can, but most-importantly, will give you that support. That is what you deserve Harry."

"But they're all happy, they won't understand."

"You're right, some may not, but I think you'll be surprised. But I say again, if you can't find people within your circle, go seeking others, they are out there."

I squeezed his hands gently.

"Do you think you'll be all right?"

He sighed. "I surely hope so."

"I have faith in you Harry, you're stronger than you know. You've dealt with so much already in your young life. I have no doubt, just don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that I'm always here if you need to talk."

He nodded once more. "Thank you."

THE END

A/N: It has been a long time since I read Deathly Hallows- read it once and couldn't pick it up again, I was mad- lol. So you'll have to forgive my vague memories of Dumbledore and Harry in King's Cross and the battle in the Great Hall. Never will forget Mrs. Weasly's quote though, lol.

I hope this was ok for a sequel. I didn't think this needed to go any further. Whether it would have lead to the Epilogue, I haven't thought about it. The most important thing was to help Harry deal with some of his guilt and confront it. I hope I did that.

I won't apologize for my obvious religious view, but that's just me, and I don't want to sound arrogant or anything. I like to base this with psychological background with the spiritual comfort that I find in God and his love.

I wish you all many blessings and pray that God makes himself known to you all.

Peace

Nancy