For General Zargon.

1. Printer - "James, I see we received a bill from the printer's office regarding an advertisement for 'the Gloria Special Calendar'; have you been taking pictures of me while I sleep again?"

2. Storm - Dorian had always wanted to be taken by storm, but he had to admit that Klaus was more like running head-long into an arctic gale.

3. Heresy - "Major, I insist that you instantly take back that horrible thing you said about my hair; that's - that's heresy, that's what that is, I'm naturally curly this way!"

4. Hearsay - While Klaus vehemently declared B's claim that V had said he'd seen the Major and Dorian kissing to be hearsay, he never denied the actual truth of V's words.

5. Treasure - Dorian had no idea why everyone seemed so surprised when he agreed to let the French have the treasure, choosing instead to spend time with Major von dem Eberbach – surely everyone knew that he could break into the Louvre any time he wanted?

6. Forgery - Klaus is well aware that the painting he gives to Dorian for their 5-year-anniversary is a forgery, but he banks on Dorian not having the heart to tell him so.

7. Banshee - Instead of screaming for the pending loss of life like a normal banshee, James screams for the pending loss of money.

8. Truth - Absolute truths rarely are absolute in the grey world of spies and war, but Klaus never doubts Dorian's love for him.

9. Isolation - Four months in strict isolation was the only reason why Klaus gave Eroica's shoulder a firm squeeze when the Brit came to rescue him - the kiss he had no excuse for.

10. Spirit - "I really don't think shooting me with an arrow is getting into the spirit of Valentine's Day, dear," Dorian shouted over his shoulder while running as fast as he could.

11. Check - Klaus keeps his face and body in perfect check – but he can't control his undisciplined heart, which takes an extra, quick beat when he sees Dorian nude for the first time.

12. Tempest - Klaus' mood is a tempest – but Dorian thrives on chaos and laughs into the wind.

13. Lake - "Apparently James got the tickets to America cheap, darling, as long as we visited some woman named Ricki, I think she lives by a lake, and he promised we could go to an opera too, I think it was called Winfrey; I've never even heard of it, so I agreed."
- as one of my betas worry that this is obscure, Ricki Lake and Oprah Winfrey

14. Dictionary - Dorian had long since decided that a "you idiotic faggot" from Klaus translated to "I love you" on Dorian's side of the dictionary - he could only hope that the "I love you" he said in return didn't translate to "you terrible bore" when Klaus heard it.

15. Silver - Once Dorian had thought he'd kill himself the day he found a hint of silver in his hair, but on finding a strand of grey in Klaus's previously jet black mane utterly charming he stopped worrying (and bought some hair coloring products).

16. Sparkle - For a vampire to sparkle like diamonds is simply a bad survival trait – but for elves to do so is perfectly natural, so Klaus was a little relieved that he wouldn't have to kill Dorian after all.

17. Summit - The August Summit of 1985 is quite likely the only meeting in recorded history of NATO agents and various criminal elements coming together for the single purpose of bouncing ideas on how to get a NATO major properly wedded and bedded to a British Earl.

18. Spelunking - "No, darling, I actually think the word 'spelunking' doesn't mean what you think it means and there's no reason to draw that handsome gun of yours, I was really only suggesting how we get into the castle."

19. Leap - It's the 29th of February and Dorian's in Bonn to propose to Klaus on Leap Day (of course, he does so on many of the other 365 days of the year as well).

20. Tea - Dorian reluctantly admitted that stronger measures than a mere cup of tea would be necessary to solve the problem of the Major's odd reluctance, sighed deeply and turned to Bonham with a flourish to give him the order: "Bonnie, dear, I need you to steal me a tea salon."

21. Skirt - Klaus disapproves greatly of G's skirts – but when the drunk Finn made fun of the little transvestite, Klaus's retaliation was immediate – and with his fists.

22. Bagpipes - Klaus actually likes the sound of bagpipes, especially the wailing cries the owner makes when he cuts up the instruments, searching for the hidden micro film within.

23. Locked - "Of course I'm aware that the door was 'locked', dear, but really, if you didn't want me to come in you really should have told me so."

24. Farewell - Bonham's aware that the British have a bad rep for their long goodbyes – but to listen to James take farewell of a two-pound-coin is frankly ridiculous.

25. Humor - Klaus has a great sense of humor, but like the man himself, it is strictly controlled and disciplined – if prone to fits of the more explosive nature.

26. Casualty - Like all wars, the Anglo-German one had its casualties – Major von dem Eberbach's underwear was but one of them.

27. Stain - Dorian never sees himself as a stain on Klaus's reputation; he's clearly a classy decoration of the finest, most artistic kind.

28. Magic - For Klaus, love doesn't exist any more than magic does – but after meeting Auror Potter he reevaluates a lot of things, including his feelings for the British fop.

29. Unicorn - The unicorns don't approach Klaus any longer, not after he had a very stern talk to them about the inappropriateness of their interest in his sexual experience in correlation with him threatening to shoot their horns off if they ever got near him again.

30. Kilt - Klaus might have said he'd rather die than wear a skirt (or even a kilt), but in the end he decided that he'd rather live than be seen dead in one, so he made his escape wearing it and lived to make sure nobody ever knew about it.

31. Dinner - "I did say that dinner would be on me," Dorian purred from the honestly rather uncomfortable position across the dining hall table.

32. Olympics - If greed had been an Olympic sport, James would have taken not only gold, but silver and bronze as well.

33. Obstacle - Dorian ruthlessly removes all obstacles that block his way to win the fair Major's heart; preferably in a way that lets James sell them on eBay.

34. Grease - When Gian-Maria offers to grease Major von dem Eberbach for him, Dorian was at first a bit confused and declined as he certainly needed no help with lubrication if he ever got that far with the good major – later he realized what Gian-Maria had actually meant and was really glad he had declined.

35. Home - Home is where the heart is, and Klaus's heart fits neatly into his shoulder holster.

36. Passionate - Klaus expected Dorian to become less passionate once they'd had sex, but as the years passed, Dorian's ardor prevailed.

37. Kelpie - As the kelpie knelt to let him dismount Klaus mentally shook his head at the relieved looks of the Alphabets – how did they think he got the nickname Iron Klaus in the first place if it wasn't for his resistance to magic?

38. Scales - The Scales of Justice weigh lightly for the Earl of Gloria, but then he has deftly replaced the Feather of Truth with one of lead.

39. Feminine - Klaus's temporary replacement, Major Miston, forces G to wear all male clothes one day, but he neglects to say anything about the rest of the Alphabet, so showing their protest in solidarity, they all show up wearing feminine garb.

40. Lipstick - Klaus yelled endlessly when that ridiculous thief got lipstick on his collar, but after his father was visibly pleased to see the stain, he saved the next shirt to wear for the annual Christmas visit.

41. Chains - "Sticks and stones may break my bones," Dorian replied blithely to Klaus's rather mean comment about his wardrobe choices and then he purred, "but whips and chains excite me."*
*=not mine

42. Parachute - Kissing Dorian for the first time felt like jumping out of a plane without a parachute, but Klaus had always thought parachutes were for wimps anyway, so he did it again.

43. Eyes - Eyes are the windows to the soul – and James's eye is a focused lens of pure dollar green.

44. Bait - When you hunt for Majors, you had better bait your trap well: your prey's not interested in the gaudy, but he might have a weakness for the ruthlessly efficient.

45. Snake - Dorian isn't the least bit afraid of snakes – but he's not about to let an opportunity slip him by, so he screams anyway, to give Major von dem Eberbach a chance to rescue him.

46. Payback - On finding out the utterly irrational hatred Dorian's mother and sisters have of all things military, Klaus finally – finally! – sees his way of getting payback for all those times the Earl embarrassed him with his mere presence.

47. Monopoly - During Monopoly Night at Castle Gloria James is only allowed to be the bank, or rather the pawn shop, but that's okay, because Dorian's underwear's worth more than a hotel in Mayfair.

48. Girdle - "But people will think I'm fat!" Dorian cries and absolutely refuses to wear the girdle until Klaus has given him a (if somewhat backhanded) compliment about his figure.

49. Needle - When the American agent calls Major von dem Eberbach a needle dick, he has no clue why the curly-haired Brit beside the major suddenly starts laughing hysterically.

50. Fairy tale - H.C. Andersen's least known fairy tale, The Earl With The Curly Hair, is often scorned for its homoerotic subtext – Lord Curlyhair the Glorious is obviously utterly infatuated by the dashing Iron Sword Soldier.