Title: Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

Author: vashsunglasses

Rating: T

Fandom: Ninja Turtles

Summary: Three turtles try to 'fix' their brother's behavior… But perhaps Michelangelo's childishness is only a symptom of a much wider problem.

Author's Note: Yes, this is a repost. I removed this story because I disliked it. It's rushed, the emotions and experiences are painted with a wide brush, and the timeline is massively sped up from reality... It also was more popular than I had imagined. I've lost count of the people who contacted me to ask where it had gone, or people who read the notes in the sequels and asked to read it for the first time. So, after careful consideration I've combined all the chapters into one document for reposting.

Prologue

"It's all Mikey's fault. Why can't he just act right for once?" Raphael grumbled angrily as he paced the tiny barred cell he had found himself in an hour earlier. He saw Leo mediating peacefully in the cell across from him and felt his stomach clench. "Damn him anyway!" he yelled as he turned and drove his fist into the cement wall his cage rested against. "Stupid Mikey."

"I hate to say it," Leonardo said as opened his eyes and stood from his meditative position on the floor, "but you're actually right about something for once. Master Splinter ordered us to keep a low profile tonight, but Mikey just had to do something to ruin it." He sighed and rested against the bars of his cage, 'Master Splinter is going to be so angry with me' he thought to himself and cringed as he felt another one of his headaches coming on. Rubbing his forehead, he turned to the cell diagonally across from him and spoke to its occupant, "Hey Don, do you have any ideas of how we could get out of here?"

Donatello didn't even respond from where he sat in the corner of his cage, his knees brought foreword to his chest and his head resting upon them. All he could think of was all of the experiments that would be ruined by their stay in the cells. 'Ruined' he thought, feeling his hands tremble slightly against his shins, 'So many experiments are going to be ruined because of Mikey's stupid attitude!' He clenched his hands to stop them from trembling and looked up at his brothers, "We need to do something about Mikey. Everything would be so much better if he just quit messing things up."

Leo and Raph nodded in reply. Donny stood up and the three turtles walked to where the four cells intersected in the middle, leaving the fourth cell occupied by their still unconscious brother.

"When we break out of here," Leo said solemnly, "We will figure out a way to fix Mikey once and for all."

Raph punched his still smarting hand into his other palm and smirked, "Finally something I can with you about, Fearless. So what's the plan?"

"Hmm," Donny hummed to himself thoughtfully as he palmed his chin with his left hand, "I'll have to do some research when we get back to the lair. There must be something…"

They all stopped talking as they heard their fourth begin to stir within his cell. Each turtle moved back to his previous position as Michelangelo woke from his trauma induced sleep. As he looked at his surroundings, he could see Leo meditating serenely in his cell, Donny mumbling to himself about some sort of research in his cell, and Raph staring around his cell with an ugly glare. Looking at his brothers, Mikey felt the empty place in his heart begin to ache. Jumping to his feet, he threw a big grin on his face and pushed down as hard as he could against the black ache deep inside. "Hey guys!" he said with a wicked grin, "how's it hangin'?" Three glares immediately tracked onto his position and he found himself unconsciously taking a few steps backwards towards the far corner of his cell.

Just then, the door opened at the far end of the room and the turtle's captor entered. Immediately they all tensed, waiting for the opportunity to escape. Waiting for their captor to slip up. And he did. The man, whose name and motive they were never to know, walked too close to Raphael's cage. His neck was snapped in an instant and before long the turtles had used the keys on his belt to escape and were running through the sewers towards their home.

"Whoo hoo!" Mikey yelled as he pumped his fists and ran ahead of his brothers to the lair entrance. "That was a blast!"

The three turtles behind him looked at each other coldly. He could have got them all killed and here he was laughing and dancing as if nothing had even happened…

Something had to be done.

Chapter One

An Intervention of Sorts

It was several days after the cage incident and Master Splinter had decided to take a three week long vacation at the farm house. Leo, Raph, and Donny were pleased to see him go, since it meant they could go through with their plan without interference. Master Splinter was always way too forgiving towards Michelangelo, and they knew that he would have stopped them from doing what they were about to do. But they knew they had to do it for sure, whether or not Master Splinter would ever agree with them. Their brother had been allowed to do whatever he wanted for far too long and it was simply too dangerous for it to continue.

Michelangelo was watching cartoons on the TV monolith that morning when he suddenly felt the presence of his brothers around him. He looked up, saw their grim faces, and cringed, wondering what he had done this time to get him in trouble. As far as he remembered he hadn't pulled any pranks recently. "H-hey guys," he said with a suddenly dry throat. He swallowed the dryness away and continued, "How's it hangin'?"

Leo folded his arms across his plastron and said firmly, "Shut off the tv, Michelangelo. We need to have a talk." A wrinkle between his eyes betrayed the burgeoning headache.

"Can't it wait till the show's over?" Mikey whined, feeling his heart begin to ache a bit at the dark looks on his brother's faces.

"No! You damn moron!" Raph snarled, stomach twisting inside at his fury.

Don grabbed the remote from Mikey's slack hands and shut off the TV. "We all have important things to do, Michelangelo, and the sooner we get this talk done the sooner we get back to them." His hands trembled only slightly as he threw the remote onto the couch.

"O-oh, ok. Whatever you say guys…" Mikey said. He swallowed and tried to paste his trademark grin back onto his face. It always helped against the ache in his chest when he smiled.

Leo took his hands away from his plastron and pointed his index finger right into Mikey's face. "That's what we're talking about! That stupid attitude of yours that makes you think it's ok to smile like that when it's dead obvious to anyone with half a brain that this is a SERIOUS DISCUSSION!"

Michelangelo's smile slipped off his face. He imagined he could hear it smashing into a million pieces on the lair floor.

"Were sick and tired of you always screwing around with your stupid pranks and cartoons and comic books and all that other baby stuff! Raph sneered by his end of the couch, "Grow up already, damn you!"

Don leaned forward over the back of the couch and put his head next to Mikey's ear and for a second Mikey had hope. But only for that second, because the hope was dashed the instant his brother opened his beak. "You are constantly ruining my projects and inventions with your immature behavior. And how many times have you given away our position to the enemy? How MANY TIMES have you ruined things for this family?"

Leo stepped around the arm of the couch and stood above Michelangelo, looking directly into his wide eyes. "You will change your behavior, starting now. You will act like the mature turtle you are supposed to me, or you will face our wrath. And it won't be pretty. We're doing this for your own good, and the good of this team. Please try have respect for that and work with us on this."

Mikey swallowed convulsively and hugged his arms against the deep ache spreading in his chest. "O-o-o-ok Leo." He whispered almost silently. He felt frozen against the couch, scared that if he moved his brothers would yell at him again. But eventually their frozen glares became even worse than the fear and he stood up and walked into the kitchen to get the trash bags he would need to follow his brother's orders and rid himself of his childish possessions.

Chapter Two

Ripples in a Pond

Michelangelo:

His room was practically empty now. Barren shelves still showed the dust rings where once his favorite possessions had rested. But they were all gone now, thrown away at the request of his brothers. He would do anything for them. And so when he went to morning practice he focused everything he had on his katas. And when he cooked the family meals, he made more and more difficult and adult dishes. He hadn't made pizza in at least a week now and on training runs he was silent. Always silent and obedient, just like they wanted. He would do anything for them.

Mostly he just lay on the bed in his room. The ache in his chest had grown so deep and dark that he just didn't feel like he could do anything more even if he had wanted to. And even if he did, he would only run the risk of messing everything up for his brothers again like he used to. So he sat there in the dark for hours at a time and let his mind wander ashamedly to the childish things he had left behind. His brothers would be so angry if they knew so he tried to think of nothing instead. He would do anything for them. He would lie here in the dark for them.

Donatello:

He hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours. But it didn't matter because he was finally getting so much work done. He hated the interruptions that his body forced upon him and he hated even more the obligations that family forced upon him. So he slept at little as possible, ate even less, and spent his ninjitsu time with his mind on his formulas instead. He hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours. And it was wonderful. It had been one blissful week since they had finally intervened with their younger brother and now Donny had so much more time to actually work on his science instead of fixing things or catering to his little brother's whimsies. He hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours and his hands trembled almost constantly now. He knew that his growing anxiety was only due to the many projects he had to look forward to. He knew that everything was fine and so he buried his mind in his research and ignored the ever increasing irritation that was his shaking hands.

He hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours. And without an annoying younger brother to make sure he ate, it would probably be a long time before he ate again.

Leonardo:

He had to be better than he was. A better leader, a better student, a better son. He trained almost constantly now. He submerged himself in a world of katas and mediation and only emerged to eat small portions of rice and tea, and sleep. Now that he had fixed the family's problem, he was finally able to devote the time necessary to his training without any distractions. He had to be better than he was. So that Master Splinter would be proud of him. So that he could keep his brothers alive in a fight. So that he could finally master his body and mind. Especially his mind. A true ninja master wouldn't be so affected by the nauseating and horrible headaches that seemed to plague him now. He had to be better than he was. He had to be better than he was. He had to be better than he was. He had to be better than he was. He gritted his teeth against a sharp spike of pain at his temple and stumbled momentarily in his kata. Damn it. He started again. He had to be better than he was.

Raphael:

He'd always loved Leo more than him. His father had spent more time with Leonardo than with anyone else. Mediated with him. Spoke with him. Told him things that he shared with nobody. And then he'd chosen him as leader over all. Over Raph. But then again, Raph wasn't too surprised because it was obvious to anyone who looked. He's always loved Leo more than him. He couldn't stand to be in the lair anymore. Not and see the devoted way Leo trained. The way Donny worked. The empty shell that used to be his brother Michelangelo. He sometimes wondered why Mikey was acting up against them like this. They'd asked him to grow up. They'd helped him and how did he thank them? By sulking like a baby. So Raph went out. And Raph fought. And Raph drank. And Raph hated himself even more for not being everything Leo was. For not being what Splinter wanted in a son. He's always loved Leo more than him.

Sometimes in the evening when he came home to shower and change for another day out on the rooftops he noticed Mikey cooking lots of big meals. And he wondered why he bothered since nobody ever ate them. Raph's stomach rebelled at just the thought of it.

Chapter Three

Hitting Rock Bottom

The Lair was unnaturally quiet when April O'Neil walked into it. Other than Raph, she hadn't seen her turtle friends in two weeks, and what she had seen of Raph worried her. Something was wrong with him, more than before. The smell of beer on his breath was almost constant now and he never seemed to stop fighting somebody.

She'd come to the Lair worrying about Raph, but as she stood there in the dark stillness, she began to worry about the others as well. She walked to the center of the lair and looked around. She could see the faint blue light of a computer screen coming out from under Donny's lab door. She could also see light coming from the dojo. The rest of the lair was dark and she noticed that Mikey's door was shut. That stood out in her mind because Mikey never shut his door. Something was definitely wrong, and she decided to go Donny's lab and ask him about it.

"Hey Don," she said as she opened the door, "What's…" she stopped shocked when she saw the condition of her friend. He hadn't even looked up from his typing when she entered, but she could see that he had lost a lot of weight. "Oh my gosh! Don, what happened?" she gasped as she ran over to his chair and touched him on the shoulder. He jumped and twisted in his chair in shock. She could see the dark circles under his eyes and how pale his skin had gotten. He was definitely ill. Suddenly he turned back to his work and said over his shoulder, "I have important work to do. Please go bother someone else." She began to back out of the room and as she did she noticed that there were plates and plates full of old uneaten food piled in the corner. She stopped short, "You haven't been eating!" she said accusingly. The next thing she knew, he was up and the lab door was slammed in her face. "What in the world is going on here?" she wondered.

It was with a rising sense of panic that she walked across the lair to the dojo. She peeked into the room to see Leo training fiercely against numerous training dummies. She took a step into the room and the air was knocked from her lungs as a sudden kick threw her against the wall. Leo stopped in shock, seeing her gasping for breath. Then his face drew into a scowl, "What the shell are you doing here?" he hissed, clutching at his head.

"L-Leo, I…"

"You wouldn't have gotten hurt if you hadn't suddenly interrupted my training like that!" Leo roared, "What were you thinking?"

April stood up on shaky legs, "I was worried about you guys. Something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong April," Leo said with a strange look on his face. "Actually, everything's going better than it ever has. I'm finally able to train as much as I want."

"But Don's been locked up in his lab and I don't think he's been…"

"Good." Leo cut off. "I'm sure Don is glad that he can do his job without interference."

"And Raph's been almost constantly fighting, he…"

Leo rolled his eyes and walked back to the center of the room and began another kata, "Raph always fights," he said as he moved through the stances, "I don't see what your problem is April."

April bowed her head in defeat. "Fine. Fine Leo. Whatever." She moved towards the door, "but could you at least tell me where Mikey is?"

A shrug was all the response she got as she closed the door behind her.

Before she knew it, she stood before Michelangelo's closed door. She could see from under the door that it was dark in there. The light was out. It was with trepidation that she opened the door and turned on the light. As she blinked away the sudden brightness she saw that Mikey was laying motionless on his bed. "Mikey?" she whispered as she walked into the room. As she walked closer she could see that his eyes were open and that he was just laying there facing the wall, staring at it. His eyes were empty. It was like a punch in the gut. She backed away from the empty shell of a turtle and had made it back to the door when a voice spoke, "I cook for them every night April, but they don't eat any of it."

April's voice caught in a sob as she turned off the light and shut the door. What had happened to them? She needed to call Splinter and tell him-no! She thought back to what she had seen throughout the time she had known the turtles and realized that calling Splinter back would be the worst thing she could possibly do. She'd call her cousin, a psychiatrist, and ask her for help. She had to do something, and getting information about what could have happened would help her, she knew.

She wouldn't let them down.

Chapter Four

An Intervention for Real I

After explaining the situation to her cousin the psychiatrist (minus the mutated turtle part of course), her cousin told here that counseling would be best, but since April was so insistent that they couldn't use that method, she sent April four copies of a book entitled "The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families". April read the book and then sat Casey Jones down and made him read the book. Which was a struggle, but the dark look on her face soon shut his complaints up. The two of them then discussed the turtles and what April had seen and they were both in agreement that what the book had described fit the turtles' problems.

"We're going to have to make them read this somehow." April said.

"How?" Casey replied, "These are four NINJA we're talking about here Ape, remember? And anyway, why don't we ask Master Splinter to help? He'd be able to make them read it, no prob."

"Because Casey," April shook her head adamantly, "I think Master Splinter is part of the problem."

Casey scratched his head as he thought about that, "I guess you're right about that April. I never really thought about it, but how would a mutated rat know how to properly raise children anyways?"

"Exactly," April replied, "He's done the best he can, but I think the ultimate source of the problem is how he has raised them. If we want them to get better, we'll need to do it without him around. That way when he returns things just won't get worse instead of better." April put her head in her hands and sighed, "I feel so guilty talking about Master Splinter like this!"

Casey put his arm around her shoulders, "Everybody's got some problems April. Just because of this one thing, it doesn't make him a bad guy. Anyways, we gotta talk about this if we're gunna help the turtles."

"You're right, Casey." April said with a slight smile. "Now we just need to figure out how to get Raph into the Lair and then figure out how to get four ninja to read a book they probably don't want to read…"

Casey stood up and pumped his fist in the air, "Just leave Raph to me, April! I can get him there no problem. All you gotta do is get them reading and then hopefully get them to talk stuff out."

"Give me the easy job why don't you…" April said with a wry grin as she too stood up. "Let's go make an intervention!"

"Mikey?" April said softly as she entered his room and walked toward the bed where he still lay. "Can I talk with you for a minute?" There was no reply but she could see that his eyes were open so she continued, "Mikey, please? Please, Mikey, I really need to speak with you." Mikey's beak parted and he took a ragged deep breath before turning to face her. "Thanks Mikey," April said. "I really need your help. Something's wrong with your brothers."

"W-what do you mean, something's wrong?" Michelangelo asked in a rough tone. April winced at his unused voice and wished she had brought him a glass of water or something. He sat up slowly, "Are they hurt? Was there some kind of attack?"

"They are hurt, Mikey," April said watching as Mikey snapped to alertness at that statement, "But not by outside enemies."

"Wait, what?" Mikey said, confused.

April took a deep steadying breath and continued, "They're hurting themselves. Donatello hasn't left his lab in two weeks. He doesn't eat what you leave him and I don't think he is getting food anywhere else either. Last time I saw him he was so thin and sickly… But he didn't seem to notice or care. When I tried to confront him with it, he actually threw me out of the lab."

"Oh my God, Donny!" Mikey said and began to rise up from his bed.

April put a hand on his plastron to stop him from rising and said, "Wait! He's not the only one. Raphael has been fighting topside almost nonstop since two weeks ago. He's also been drinking almost constantly and Casey says he hasn't seen him eat much either. And Leo has been training obsessively in the dojo this whole time. He was so focused on that that he accidentally kicked me when I went in the room."

"He KICKED you?" Mikey said fiercely. "Where? Show me!"

Blushing and looking down, she lifted up the bottom of her sweater to show the deep black bruise covering her stomach.

Mikey stared incredulously at her for a moment, and then his mouth curled with uncharacteristic anger, "I'm going to go beat the crap out of Leo for this!" he snarled.

"No!" April cried, dropping her shirt and grabbing his shoulders, "Don't do that! Remember what I said, something's wrong with him. Something's wrong with your brothers, and…" here she paused, then said, "and something's wrong with you." She waited, wondering if he would take offence. She was surprised by his sudden bitter laugher.

"Don't worry about that, my brothers already got to me on that one. Said I was a big immature baby and that I needed to grow up and quit ruining everything."

"What?" she whispered, realizing what had happened, "That's not true Mikey, and that's not what I meant, not really. You laying around in bed all day and throwing away all the things you love is what's wrong with you. Your attitude earlier was more of a symptom of the problem in your family's dynamics." She saw his confused look and continued, "Come on, I've got a book that explains everything, but we've got to get your brothers to read it too. If we are going to fix things, it's got to be a team effort."

Suddenly Raph and Casey stood in the doorway. "We're here to help," Raph said, "I'm sorry, I hadn't realized how crazy everything had gotten with my bros." Casey smacked his shoulder a little and glared at him meaningfully. Raph rolled his eyes, "And also how crazy I've gotten." Casey smiled. Raph smacked his fist into his palm, "Now let's go pry Fearless and Brainiac out of their hidey-holes."

Chapter Five

An Intervention for Real II

Mikey peeked his head around the lab door, Casey standing behind him. His eyes widened as he saw his brother's condition. It was even worse than he had thought. The smell of the discarded food hit him then, and he gagged slightly. 'How can Donny even stand to live like this?' he thought to himself, 'Is his science really so damn important to him that he's willing to kill himself over it?' He drew himself up with determined glare and slammed the door open against the wall. "Like hell am I going to let this continue bro! You're coming out of this room right now, and then I'm going to feed you till you want to fucking puke!"

Donny's head snapped around and he glared bitterly at Mike, "What the shell did you just say to me?"

Casey jumped in the middle of the two glaring turtles and waved his hands around wildly, "Whoa, whoa whoa, guys! No fighting! Let's all be nice little turtles and go into the living room, hmm?" He pointed his thumbs towards the door and smiled hopefully.

"I'm not going anywhere," Don sneered arrogantly, "I've got more important things to do than whatever stupid game you two have going on in the living room. In case you haven't noticed, my inventions are the only thing keeping this family in comfortable living conditions. You want live in the dark? Fine, be my guest. Find somewhere else to live, but whatever you do, get the shell out of my lab, now!"

"Damn it Donatello!" Mikey snapped, "you're coming with me and you're going to eat and that's final!"

Casey grabbed Mike's shoulder and leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "Not that I don't think you're doing a great job of it, man, but maybe it would be better if you took your Raph impression out into the living room for a minute, huh? Let me talk with your brother. I think I can get him to listen to reason, but not if you two are doing the Raph vs. Leo show, ok?"

Mikey jerked his shoulder from Casey's grasp and stomped from the room, "Fine, whatever man. I'll be in the kitchen making some chow," he muttered as he walked away.

Casey turned back to the purple wearing turtle, only to find that he had back to face his computer screens and was typing as fast as he had been before he had been interrupted. Casey walked foreword and leaned down to whisper in his ear, "Something's wrong with Mikey. Haven't you noticed? I mean since when does he flip out on you like that?"

Don's typing slowed slightly. Seeing that he was making process, Casey continued his speech, "And he's not the only one. Raph's been drinking non stop for the last two weeks."

Don's fingers drew to a halt and his head tilted slightly towards Casey's voice, "And Leo kicked April in the stomach a few days ago because he's been training so much that he's stuck in some sort of 'fight mode'. He didn't even apologize."

Donny drew his breath in with a startled gasp, "Leo hit April?" he asked breathlessly. "Is she ok?"

Casey rested his hand on Donatello's shoulder and turned him around to face him, pointing his thumb behind him at the open door of the lab, "Why don't we go out to the living room and you can see for yourself, hmm?"

Raph remembered what Casey had said about what happened to April, so when he opened the door to the dojo, he did it as quietly and cautiously as possible. When his brother didn't immediately jump out and attack him, he opened the door wider and motioned to April to come closer. As she did, she could smell the alcohol that seemed to pervade him now and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

They stood there in the doorway for a moment, watching Leo's frenic pace and pain squinted eyes as he did a rather vicious looking kata. "What. Do. You. Want?" Leo said slowly and sharply, punctuating his words with sharp strikes of his sword into the air.

Raph smirked mockingly, "We want you to come out and play."

April wanted to smack him. Their usual rivalry crap wasn't going to cut it this time.

Leo seemed to agree. He didn't even turn his head to look at his brother as he said, "Fuck off, Raphael."

"Ok, now that's it!" Raph slurred as he charged into the room, "You are coming out of this stupid dojo right now or-"

His drunken tirade was ended abruptly as Leo swept his legs out from under him and sent him crashing against the opposite wall. Leo gripped the sides of his head as his head seemed to vibrate with his brother's words, "And would you shut the shell up? I have a headache."

Raph's head popped up from where he had brought himself to a sitting position on the floor and he his sneer grew even harder, "A headache huh? Yeah, that's probably guilt from kicking April in the stomach you jerk."

"Actually I had the headache before I-" Leo's words stuttered to a halt as he seemed to realize what he was saying. "April?" he asked quietly.

Raph snorted and pointed wordlessly towards the doorway where April still stood.

Leo stared blankly at her for a moment, then his eyes widened in horror as she lifted up her shirt and showed him her bruised and blackened stomach. "W-what have I done?" Leo said, horrified.

Raph stood up slowly and took a few wobbly steps forward towards his brother, "You've done the same thing all four of us have done. Since that thing with Mikey, we've all fallen apart. Don hasn't eaten in a week. Mikey just stays in his room all day with the lights out. And me, hell I haven't been sober since last Tuesday. Something's gone wrong with us, Leo. And maybe there's always been something wrong with us. But April and Casey brought some books or something, and they think they can help us. All we gotta do is go into the living room and let them. What do ya say, Fearless, let's go already and get this over with."

And when Raph walked out of the dojo, Leo followed him.

Chapter Six

An Intervention for Real III

By the time all three of his brothers were out in the living room, Mikey had prepared a simple meal for them. Pizza, the ultimate comfort food. Unfortunately, all he could whip up on such a short notice was frozen boxed stuff, but it any type of pizza was better than all other alternatives he could think of. As he brought it in and placed it on the coffee table, he noticed the squint to Leo's eyes and ran back into the kitchen to get him a couple Tylenol and Ibuprophen, knowing that the combination of pain killer and muscle relaxer would help a headache better than anything. He also grabbed a sports drink for Donny to help him gain back lost electrolytes and a coffee for Raph who obviously needed sobering up.

"Thanks Mikey," April smiled at him as she saw the attentive care he gave his brothers. She waited until everyone had eaten and drank before she stood up in front of them, holding up four identical pink books. "Before we do anything else, I'd like to ask you guys a favor. Could you do that for me?"

The turtles nodded slowly.

"I need you to please read this book for me. I've got a copy for each of you and both Casey and I have already read it."

Raph looked askance at Casey and he wasn't alone, "Wait! You read a book?"

Casey didn't even crack a smile, "Of course I did, man. My best friends in the whole world were falling apart right in front of my eyes… Well that, and April can be really pushy when she gets her heart set on something," he cringed at the glare April set on him. And when she turned it on the turtles they cringed as well and each one silently reached out for the books in her hand.

She smiled, "Now make like good little ninjas and read silently!"

As each turtle finished the short book, April could see the gears begin to turn in their heads. And when they all finally finished and gave each other knowing looks, she sighed in relief. Things would have been a lot more difficult if they had stuck with their denial of the situation.

Leo finally spoke what was on everyone's mind, "We're a dysfunctional family, aren't we?"

April and Casey nodded slowly. April replied, "Yes Leo, I think so."

Mikey was the next to speak, "So what do we do now?"

Everyone looked at him for a moment, then Donny replied thoughtfully, "I think we need to go through everything step by step. Why exactly are we dysfunctional?"

"Well that's obvious!" Raph said, "We're all doing that "Roles" thingy in the book. We're all dutifully acting out some Role, like actors on a stage, instead of being well rounded and stuff." He looked slightly sheepish as everyone stared at him for a second, then relaxed when they all smiled in agreement.

"Great!" April said, "Then how about Casey and I go for a walk or something while you guys discuss things!" She grabbed a mildly surprised looking Casey and hustled him out of the lair before anyone could object.

"Ooookay…" Mikey said softly as he watched their abrupt departure. He turned to Donny and grinned apologetically, "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier, dude. I was just really worried about you and it slipped up!"

"NO!" Don, Raph, and Leo spoke at once. Mikey jumped.

"No Mikey," Donny said softly, the sports drink having helped his hands stop shaking, "We're the ones who are sorry."

"We unfairly blamed you for a problem that lies with all of us. I hope you can accept our apologies," Leo said, headache finally subsiding.

"I should have known better than anyone what it was like to be blamed for messing up the family, Mikey," Raph said, having finally sobered up completely, "I'm sorry, bro."

And with that, the smile that had been absent from Michelangelo's face for two straight weeks came back as if it had never left. "No problemo, brothers mine! I forgive you. Now let's get cracking at this stuff so we can get better and make sure that what happened to us these last two weeks never happens again! I don't think I could handle that again…"

"And you won't have to," Leo said. "Now let's get cracking, I've got the book marked where it talks about the different roles and it seems that the first one describes Don pretty well:"

"The Do-er does a lot of things. The Do-er provides most or all of the maintenance functions in the family. The Do-er does a lot. But because it is a dysfunctional family, that's about all that the Do-er has the time or energy to do. So the Do-er feels tired, lonely, taken advantaged of, neglected, and empty. But the Do-er gets a lot of satisfaction out of being so accomplished at his or her tasks, and the family encourages the Do-er either directly or indirectly. And the Do-er's own unhealthy guilt and overdeveloped sense of responsibility keeps him or her going."

"Do you really feel that way Don?" Mikey asked ashamedly. "I never meant to make you feel guilty and stuff."

"None of us did, Mikey," Raph interjected. "It was all subconscious stuff."

"Exactly," said Leo. "But now that we know what we've been doing to Donny, we can change things. For one thing, I think that the three of us are long overdue for some science and mechanics lessons. At least enough so that we can all contribute to the maintenance of the Lair's defense systems and all of our vehicles."

Donny's eyes widened at the thought, "You guys would actually do that? You actually want to help out?"

Mikey nodded vigorously, "If it means that you aren't stuck being the Do-er then, sure!"

"Definitely," Raph nodded. "Now I think we can all recognize the next one on the list," he said with a twisted grin:

"The Lost Child deals with the family dysfunction by means of escape. But actually, in a sense, this child is taking care of the family's needs for separateness and autonomy. This is the child who stays in his room a lot. Or is the one who is out in the woods, playing by himself. He or she is alone, but it is not a healthy aloneness. It is a deep loneliness that pervades those who have this role"

"Wait…" Leo said thoughtfully, "So we've all been living out our desires for autonomy through Raph…"

"Whoa!" Mikey said, "That's mind-blowing. So, like, we push him away and make him be lonely so that we can feel like we aren't too smothered by being cooped up in the Lair so much?"

Donny nodded, "I think so. I think that's exactly what we've been doing. And the solution seems pretty simple actually. We all need to spend more alone time outside the lair, make a point of it really. If we do so, our dependence on Raph should lessen." He turned back to the book, "And the next one on the list seems to be about you, Leo:"

"The Hero provides self-esteem for the family. He goes to law school and becomes an internationally known attorney, but secretly feels awful because he has a sister in a mental hospital and a brother who has died of alcoholism. But he carries the family banner for all the public to see. He makes the family proud; but at a terrible price in terms of his own well being."

Raph snorted, "That's definitely Leo."

"So, by making him be perfect for all of us, we're actually messing him up?" Mikey asked. "I never really thought about it that way before. Being Leader must suck."

"I don't know about that, Mikey," Don replied, "But perhaps being Leader all the time sucks. We should all take turns at being Leader and train in strategy so that he isn't under so much pressure all the time."

"Now that's what I've been saying for years!" Raph grinned. "And now for Mikey, our little bro. They've got him down to rights right here:"

"Often one of the younger siblings, the Mascot provides the humor and comic relief for the family. He or she gives the family a sense of fun or playfulness, of silliness and a distorted type of "joy". The cost to the Mascot is that his or her true feelings of pain and isolation never get expressed, and he remains an emotional cripple."

"So basically," Don said quietly, "We've been forcing Mike to be happy all the time and then complaining about it."

"Damn." Raph said regretfully.

"It's nobody's fault but our own that he acts that way." Leo said, "But I think we've used him as our little puppet enough. We've all got to learn how to be fun and playful on our own, within ourselves, and take the pressure off Mikey to be the one who always has to cheer us up." Leo sighed and began to shut the book, "I think that's everything-"

"No it isn't bro," Mikey said flatly. We've forgotten the very last one. I think both Raph and I have experienced this one way too often:"

"The Scapegoat gets to act out all of the family's dysfunction and therefore takes the blame and "the heat" for the family. He is the "black sheep". He acts out, and then the family gets to say, "If he wasn't such a delinquent, we'd be a healthy family." The cost to the scapegoat is obvious."

The room was silent for a long time. Then Leo spoke firmly, "No more Scapegoats. Final."

And everyone quickly nodded in agreement.

"So," Raph said finally, "How exactly are we going to go about this. Shouldn't we have a plan or something?"

Donny rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Perhaps we need to do something to jumpstart our development into a healthy family…"

"We could have 'lessons'," Leo said, and maybe we could dedicate a day for each of us to get the ball rolling with sharing our 'areas of expertise' with the rest of the family…"

"Cool!" Mikey yelled, jumping to his feet, "I get dibs on tomorrow!"

Note: All quotes are from a real book called "Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" by John and Linda Friel.

Chapter Seven

Michelangelo's Day

Mikey woke earlier than he had in a long time. He then proceeded to wake up all of his brothers. Although Leo was used to getting up at the crack of dawn, his stay in the dojo had worn him out and he had slept harder the night before than he ever had. Raph and Don had also slept pretty hard. The only one who hadn't slept much was Mikey, but then he'd been spending so much time in bed those past few weeks anyway that he honestly wasn't all that tired. He took the time to re-fill his room with his old stuff, which April had kept for him instead of throwing it all away as he had asked her. Laying his hands on his comic book stash, he thought that he had never been so happy to have someone ignore his wishes in his life.

But now that all of his brothers were awake, he lead them into the kitchen to begin his first lesson in having fun. Cooking: Mikey style.

Mikey looked at his three brothers' drooping eyes and grinned. This was going to be awesome! "Ok, guys, welcome to Cooking 101!"

Leo interjected, "But Mikey, you know I can't cook-"

"Nonsense, big bro," Mikey replied, "Cooking is the easiest thing in the world as long as you follow the directions. If you can do all that strategy leadery stuff, then there's no reason whatsoever that you can't also cook!"

Donny nodded, "Mikey's got a point there, Leo. Cooking is just an edible form of chemistry really. Which actually gives me high hopes for tomorrow when it's my turn to teach…"

"Well, let's get crackin'!" Raph said, popping his knuckles loudly, "The sooner we get this stuff cooked, the sooner we can eat it. I'm starving."

Mikey grinned wickedly, "And since you said that Raph, I'm going to give you the job of cracking the eggs for our pancakes. Donny, I want you to use this recipe to measure out the right amounts of the dry ingredients. And Leo, I want you to help Donny and learn what all the measurement abbreviations mean and how to properly measure wet and dry ingredients… You do know how to do that stuff, right Don?"

"Sure, sure," Donny said absently, reading the ingredients off the recipe card.

"And what'll you be doin?" Raph asked as he got the eggs out of the refrigerator.

Mikey rolled his eyes, "I'll be the one taming the skillet and stuff. No way am I letting three cooking newbies play with the stove. Now Raph, I want you to crack three eggs into this bowl here. You always crack the eggs into a separate bowl so that you don't get yucky surprises mixed in with the other ingredients."

Raph stopped short and his eyebrows rose suspiciously, "What do you mean, surprises?"

"Oh, just the usual," Mike shrugged, "Egg shells, rotten eggs, dead embryos…"

"What?" Raph asked, shocked, "You're kidding me right? Embryos?" Don and Leo stopped what they were doing to listen in.

"Yup, embryos," Mike grinned wickedly as he put the cast iron skillet on the stove and turned on the flame, "Every once in a while you find a little embryo in your eggs that snuck past the inspection process. But it's not all gross surprises you find in eggs though, bro. Sometimes you can find an egg with twin yolks! I've always thought of that as a lucky sign myself."

Leo and Don went back to what they were doing and Raph began to crack his eggs… all over the place.

"Dude!" Mikey exclaimed, "don't hit them so hard! Be gentle, Raph."

Raph gently cupped a new egg from the container and tapped it against the side of the bowl and this time everything went smoothly. "Sweet!" Raph smirked triumphantly, "I did it!" Raph's next two attempts also were successful and before long his part of the breakfast was ready.

Leo nervously brought the bowl of dry ingredients to his brother, with Donny shooing him on, "Umm, did we do it right?" he asked nervously, biting his lip.

Mikey nodded solemnly, "You did it perfect bro. Great job!" He took the bowl and poured the eggs into it, then getting a fork he began to mix the batter.

"Yes!" Leo cheered, "I did it! Whoo hoo!" Mikey grinned from his place by the stove as he watched all three of his brothers do a victory dance around the kitchen. He added a bit of milk straight from the jug and watched his brothers stop dancing and glare at him suspiciously.

"What?" Mikey asked, as he began to mix again.

"You didn't measure that out!" Leo said accusingly. Donny and Raph nodded vigorously in agreement.

Mikey rolled his eyes and grinned, "Ah, but you forget, I'm a Cooking Master. I don't always have to measure all my ingredients. I've made pancakes enough times that I can tell on sight how much milk it'll need…" Mikey's face and voice grew serious. "But if I catch any of the three of you trying to do it before I tell you you're ready we'll have words, got it?"

His brothers grinned at each other, then bowed deeply to their youngest, "Yes, Cooking Master Michelangelo," They said.

Mikey felt the remnants of the cold spot in his chest vanish as it was replaced with glowing warmth. For once in his life he was actually teaching his brothers something, and they were treating him with respect. He felt tears come to his eyes and quickly turned away towards the now slightly smoking skillet.

"Now, my pupils, you're ready to learn the secret art of pancake frying." Mikey said mysteriously, waving his arms like a magician over the skillet. "First thing you need to see is if it's hot enough. To do that, you get a drop of water from the sink and drip it into the skillet, like so. If it sizzles and evaporates away into steam like it's doing now, you know that it's hot enough."

"Oooh!" Leo said wonderingly as he watched the water sizzle away into nothing.

"And now, we pour some of the batter into the center of the skillet, let's say about five inches across. If we wanted, we could also do what's called 'Silver Dollar' pancakes and just make them about two inches across. Those are good too. But today I'm in the mood for the bigger size ones."

His brothers nodded in agreement and watched as he poured the batter into the skilled and turned the fire down to medium, "So we don't burn them. Now, can anyone tell me how to know when it's time to flip the pancake? If we do it too soon it will still be gooey and stick to the spatula, and if we do it too late it will be burnt on the bottom. So how do you check?"

Leo just looked lost.

Donny rubbed his chin thoughtfully and said, "Don't you just lift up a corner and peek at the bottom?" and sighed when Mikey shook his head.

Raph was staring at the skillet thoughtfully when he saw something strange, "Hey! There's bubbles coming up on our pancake! Is it supposed to do that?"

Mikey clapped his hands and grinned, "Very good Raph! Good eye!" Raph puffed up proudly as Mike continued, "It has to do with the bubbles. When most of them pop and leave dry looking little holes in their place, we'll know that it's ready to flip.

Leo's eyes widened in amazement. "That's so cool…" he murmured.

"I'll say!" Donny replied, "Who knew that cooking was so scientific? Incredible."

"And speaking of which," Mikey said, "It looks like this pancake is ready to flip" He did so, and they watched as the perfectly golden underside was revealed. When the pancake hit the skillet it actually expanded a little and the three kitchen neophytes were amazed at how very cool cooking really was. And not just cooking, who would have thought their little brother could be so cool?

For the next ten minutes or so Mikey quickly cooked up a stack of pancakes, but when he was finished, half of the batter remained in the bowl.

"Hey Mikey," Raph said curiously, "What's this extra batter for?"

"Well we could put it in the fridge for later," Mikey said, with an evil glint in his eyes as he took the bowl, "Or we could do THIS!" And he dumped the entire bowl over Raph's head.

There was silence in the kitchen as the cold batter ran down Raph's face and onto his carapace. Mikey cringed slightly, waiting for his bro to blow up at him like he usually did. But something else happened instead. Something extraordinary.

Raph threw back his bowl covered head and laughed.

Leo and Don could only watch in amazement.

Mikey sighed in relief. It seemed things were going to change for his family after all. And as he watched Leo and Donny grab the extra flour and eggs with mischievous glints in their eyes, and as Raph continued to laugh and laugh and laugh, he knew that everything would be ok after all.

Chapter Eight

Donatello's Day

Donatello had been rather disgusted when he realized what a mess he had made of his lab and himself. He looked like the one of the walking dead, and his lab smelled similarly. He could understand Michelangelo's rage from the other day, now that he had the chance to really think about his actions. It was strange, he had never considered that he might have a problem before, but now that he looked back at the past two weeks, he could see how the change in Mikey had caused a destabilization of the entire family unit. With the way everyone had become codependent on the others for their emotional and mental outlets it was only natural that making one change in the family structure would cause everyone to over react in order to subconsciously achieve stability. But in an already flawed system, such an action would only make things worse and not better.

He had collected all the plates of old food in his room and hadn't really relished the idea of having to wash all of them, only to find Mikey standing by the sink waiting for him. He hadn't even said a word, but immediately took some of the dirty dishes from his dumbfounded brother and began to rinse them off. "Come on, dude," Mikey said as he worked on the first dish, "I'm running out of dishes with you hoarding them all in your room like that. Let's hurry up and wash these so we have something to eat off of come dinner!" And so Mikey washed, and Donny dried, and Donny began to think that maybe they had seriously misjudged their younger brother's maturity all this time. So he wasn't the most serious turtle, so what? He was always there for his brothers when they really needed them, heart and soul, and maybe that's all that mattered.

"Thanks Mikey," Donny said as they put the last of the dishes back into the cupboard. "Umm, would you like some help with dinner?"

Mikey looked up surprised, then grinned to himself as he remembered how everyone had helped him at breakfast earlier. "Naw, dude. You need to rest up for tomorrow so that you can pound some knowledge into our heads and stuff."

"Thanks-"

Mikey interrupted, "You already said that, Don. Now go get some rest, you need it. I'll wake you up for dinner and then it's off to bed again till morning got it?"

Donny bowed, "Yes Cooking Master Mikey!"

Mikey grinned, "I could so get used to that!"

"Well," Donny said as he paced in front of his attentive brothers after breakfast the next day, "I've done some thinking and I've come to the conclusion that perhaps I need to spread my work load around. There are many things I do for this family that could easily be done by one of you, and it would be to a tactical advantage to have everyone know how to maintain the security grid and our vehicles."

Leo nodded, "I agree, Don. It would be best for all of us to be versed in repair and maintenance of security devices."

Don smiled, "Thanks for the support Leo. I've decided to delegate a specific responsibility to each one of you along side giving you all basic training in computers and mechanics. The computers and stuff will wait till we start sharing training later, but right now I think we can handle the handing off of certain responsibilities.

"Raph," Donny said.

Raph looked up.

"I'd like to ask you to take over family finances for me."

Raph's eyes widened, "What? You want me in charge of the money? Why?"

"Well Raph," Mikey said, "You are the one who always wants to be in charge of stuff. This will give you the chance to do that, like you've always wanted!"

"Exactly," Don said. "That's exactly why I chose you, Raphael. Also, I chose you because I think you're best suited for it."

Raph sighed, "Ok Don-san, if that's how you want it, I'll try it out. But if we end up bankrupt or something don't be too surprised."

"We won't," Leo said with a confident smile, "I think you're perfect for the job."

"And now, Leo, I've got something for you to work on as well. We all know you are the master strategist of the family so I want to delegate the security grid to you. I'll still handle the hardware and software end of it, but I need you to work on the design and placement of devices around the lair. And since you will eventually know the security system inside and out, I hope to leave basic maintenance of it in your capable hands. Is that alright?" Don asked.

Leo smiled, "That sounds awesome Don, thanks. I've already got some great ideas for things, but I hadn't wanted to say anything because I didn't want to step on your toes."

Mikey sighed roughly, "That Role Playing stuff was really bad for us, wasn't it?"

"You're not kidding, little bro," Raph replied. "So Donny, what sort of thing do you have in store for Mikey over here?"

"Well, actually," Don said haltingly, "I've kind of picked out a pretty important role for him… I want him to be my lab assistant… If he'll accept the position of course."

Michelangelo felt as if his jaw would hit the floor it dropped so low, "You want ME to be your lab assistant?"

Don smiled reassuringly at his brother, "You forget, little bro, I've seen you cook. Remember what I said, cooking is like edible chemistry. I've seen the mastery you've gained over cooking, and I see no reason why you couldn't help me out a bit around the lab. What do you say?"

Mikey stared blankly for a moment, then jumped off the couch and began bouncing up and down, "That sounds totally awesome, Donny! I can't believe it, I get to be a lab assistant, so COOL! Well let's get started," he said and began to move towards the lab.

Donny grabbed his arm, "Hold up there a minute Mike, I've got to get Raph and Leo settled with their new jobs before we do anything. You know me, once I get started in the lab I tend to loose track of time…"

"Not anymore you don't!" Raph snapped. "We've got your back, Don-san, remember that. We won't let you get lost like that again."

Donny smiled and felt tears creeping up in his eyes. He blinked them away sternly. He'd have time to cry later, right now he needed to be there to show his brothers how to go about their new jobs. And his hands weren't the least bit shaky.

Chapter Nine

Leonardo's Day

In the early hours of the morning Leonardo meditated on the events of the past two weeks and two days. So much had changed since Splinter had left for his vacation. No, scratch that, so much had changed since their strange abduction by that mysterious man. At that time two of his brothers and himself had made a terrible decision and had deeply hurt both their younger brother and themselves. But perhaps it wasn't a completely bad thing that it had happened. Because if it hadn't, they wouldn't have realized that they were cramming each other into Roles and becoming too codependent. If it hadn't come to a head, then he wouldn't have started to learn how to cook and have fun from Mikey, and he wouldn't have finally taken some of the numerous responsibilities off of poor Donny's back. And today he himself would finally lay down some of the many burdens of Leadership that Master Splinter had piled down upon his shoulders so many years ago. He didn't know what Raph planned to teach them tomorrow, but he did know that he was actually looking forward to it. What he wasn't looking forward to was the return of Master Splinter in less than a week… How would he react to the new family dynamic? Leonardo was afraid he knew the answer.

"So, guys," Leo said as the four brothers stood on a rooftop in the early morning light. "I decided to play a game of strategy today. The objective is for each one of us to cross a designated space in full daylight without being seen," Leo grinned at the stunned looks on his brothers' faces. "Each one of us will have to devise their own strategy without guidance from anyone else. The rest of us will watch and both evaluate our brother's strategy and be there to jump in if something goes wrong. Raph, you get to go first. Take all the time you need to prepare-"

"Prepare nothin'," Raph interrupted, "I don't need to prepare for this." Then he leaped off the roof onto the fire escape.

Leo and his brothers rushed to the edge of the roof to watch their brother's attempt to cross the busy street.

Raphael palmed a loose brick that was sitting in the old fire escape and threw it with a loud clang into a bunch of metal trash cans down below. He then quickly crossed the leaped from telephone pole to telephone pole to the roof across the street, while the humans below were busy looking at the fallen trashcans. He smirked at his brothers from across the street and waved.

Leo looked at his brother in shock then his eyes unfocused as he pondered the pluses and minuses of Raph's plan. When he looked up again, he was startled to see Michelangelo and Donatello standing on either side of his temperamental brother. The three of them burst out laughing at the look on their Leader's face. Leo shrugged and watched the movement of pedestrians and traffic below before leaping across the gap at a moment when no one was looking up towards the sky.

"Now before you say anything," Don spoke sternly, "Mikey and I didn't break any of your rules. We both saw that Raph's distraction had worked out better than he thought so we simultaneously jumped across as well."

Mikey grinned and patted his blue bandana'd brother on the shell, "Yeah Leon, it was like, in stereo and stuff."

Leonardo nodded to his brothers and gave them a congratulatory smile, "You all did a great job…" he paused for a moment, then his voice grew mischievous, "too bad none of you could figure out a way to cross the street without making a huge mess. Ninjitsu is the art of invisibility, remember. Knocking over trash cans is hardly invisible."

Three turtle jaws dropped together as they thought back to how their brother had crossed the gap. Silently, and almost effortlessly.

"But since you guys did so well with this test," Leo said with a full smile growing on his face, "I think I'll teach you all how to read the movements of humans. It's not easy, and it's taken me a lot of study to master, but I know for a fact that my three crafty brothers can do it."

Mikey's eyes grew huge, "You mean, I can learn how to be all stealthy and stuff like you? How is that even possible, you move like a dancer or something. You're light-years above us, it's like comparing Marvel comics to DC comics. The super powers in DC comics are way, way stronger than the ones in Marvel! Superman is way stronger than Spider-Man. You're in, like, an entirely different continuity than us, bro."

Raph slapped his little brother across the head at that, "Like shell he is! You might be in a different continuity than him Spider-Mike, but if I've got to be any superhero, I'm definitely Batman! All I gotta do is whip out a tiny little green rock and ol' Supes over here is my bitch."

Leo's head snapped up, "Hey! Superman could kick Batman's ass any day of the week and you know it. If he ever decided to take down Batman, he'd never even see the blue streak coming before he was completely destroyed!"

Raph got into Leo's face, "I'd like to see him try."

Leo pushed right back into Raph's face, "Bring it, Bat-brain."

There was a long deadly pause.

The air grew thick with tension.

Which was quickly broken as the two combatants broke into uproarious laughter and fell against each other, tears streaming out of their eyes as they shook with mirth.

Donny smacked his forehead in disgust, "How did this conversation end up being about comic book super heroes anyway? Batman vs. Superman… sheesh!"

"Don't forget Spider-Man, bro!" Mikey said.

"How could I," Don replied as he watched his still laughing older brothers roll around on the rooftop in an impromptu wrestling match. He could hear the mumbled words 'superman' and 'batman' float up to him from the ridiculous spectacle unfolding right before his eyes. He sighed as he realized that the conversation topic wasn't going to change any time soon. He bowed his head in defeat and said, "So… Which superhero am I?"

Mikey nodded solemnly, "Dude, you're so totally Beast that it's not even funny."

Donny tried to place the name for a moment before a furry blue ape looking man popped into his mind. "Hey! Why do I have to be the furry, blue guy!" He tried to grab his little brother but all he saw was a blur of green and orange darting away from him. "Come back here, Spider-dork! I need to have a word with you!"

"Oh my stars and garters," Mikey cackled as he ran away from the grasping hands of his chasing brother.

If someone had been watching from the air, they would have seen two green turtles laughing themselves sick in the middle of a Manhattan rooftop, with two more turtles running in circles around them. Despite the oddity of the participants, any witness would have found it a heartwarming sight.

Chapter Ten

Raphael's Day

His brothers probably thought he was going to send them out alone today, and maybe he was, but that was only after he made them do something that was a long time coming for all of them. Too many bottled up emotions over the years lead to a fucked up turtle. All three of his brothers had played some serious repression games in the past, but today all that would change. Today they would finally express all their darkest emotions. Revel in them. Throw them in each other's faces. And then… take them out into the night and release them into the solitary wind.

Raphael looked at his brothers lined up on the couch in front of him and smirked at their expectant and eager expressions. They actually thought they knew what was coming… How cute.

Raph pointed to each brother dramatically in silence, then pointed to himself as well and said, "We're all seriously pissed off at each other, and it's time we expressed it."

Mikey immediately raised his hand.

Raph rolled his eyes, "Mikey this isn't school. Just say what you wanna say."

"Oh, well, um," Mikey stuttered, "what if I'm not actually angry at anybody?"

"Bullshit!" Raph snapped, "You're the angriest of the bunch and you'd know it if you weren't so repressed. Playing out your Role as "Mascot" or whatever has messed you up. I know for a fact that you have some serious rage bottled up somewhere and today we're gunna find out where and release some of it."

Mikey's eyes widened, confused. "What is it that I'm so angry about then, if you're so sure I'm all mad and stuff?"

"You want a list?" Raphael asked amusedly, "Ok, fine, here's my list of Michelangelo's anger: You're angry that you got labeled as the youngest. You're angry that no one appreciates all the efforts you take to cheer us all up. You're angry that you were stuck with the nunchucks when it was obvious to everyone that you wanted ninjakin like Leo."

Mike's head jerked up at that. "What do you mean it was obvious that I wanted ninjakin?" he said in a humorless tone. His fists tightened so much that his knuckles were white, "What do you mean that it was 'obvious to everyone' that I wanted ninjakin?" He stood up and began to tremble, his heart practically vibrating in rage, "If it was so damn obvious that I wanted ninjakin, then why the fuck wasn't I given them? Why do each of us have to carry different weapons anyway? That's just fucking stupid!"

Raph's eyes widened in surprise with Leo and Donny following suit. "Damn," Raph muttered to himself, "Who knew that he was so pissed off about that… I thought he would be mad about the youngest thing."

Mikey was yelling now, "I never even got a chance! Leo picked first. Leo always got to pick first. He got to pick the first color, and he got to pick the first weapon. And who cares about what Michelangelo wants. Fuck Michelangelo, let him get last choice, who cares anyway, he's just the stupid younger brother who doesn't know what he wants anyway!"

Leo stood up and walked silently over to his enraged brother, "You wanted the ninjakin, Michelangelo? Really? I-i-it might have been obvious to everyone else, but I never had any idea… I, uh, here!" he pulled his swords from above his shoulders and presented them to his brother's flabbergasted face. "If you really wanted them so bad all these years you can have them." He bowed his head.

Mike pushed the swords back towards his brother, "Weren't you paying attention, Leon? I said it was stupid that we all assumed that we just had to have different weapons. I don't want to take your swords away from you."

Leo's eyes filled with gratitude and relief. He hadn't really wanted to give up his swords… "Hey, Mikey?" he said thoughtfully, "Would it be ok if maybe we got you a katana and wakizashi? I mean, they're kind of samurai weapons, but I think you'd be good at using them. And you could keep your nunchucks too, if you wanted."

Mikey's eyes widened dreamily at the thought and his anger was forgotten. He sank back down onto the couch, thinking about the many things he could do with a katana/wakizashi combination.

Raph met Leo's eyes over with a questioning look. It hadn't escaped his notice that Leo had made this decision without waiting for what Master Splinter would say. He also knew perfectly well that Master Splinter would not be pleased about the little bro's new weapons. Leo gave him a sharp look in return, straightening up and returning to his seat without a word. It seemed that Leon's secret anger was with Splinter. But perhaps now wasn't the best time to express that, not if he wanted everyone to keep their focus on themselves and not their father…

Donny suddenly spoke up, making his brothers jump at his voice, "Speaking of pointy weapons, I think I want to add one to my bo. Specifically I want a yari, a spear. There's only so much one can do without a blade, and I've noticed that there are several distinct advantages to having one. With a yari I can do pretty much everything I do now, only I'll also have a blade available to me if I need it."

Raph's eyebrow skyrocked, "Since when does Don-san the pacifist want a blade?"

Donny's eyes grew hard and cold like flint, "Since I'm sick and tired of being the weakest one on the team. As I just said, blades give a distinct advantage to the user, and I refuse to be the only one on the team without one. You wanted to know my anger, well that's it. I'm sick of being the one that's strong with electronics and weak at everything else. I want to be as good as my brothers," he paused, "Is there a problem with that?" he yelled, glaring around at everyone.

Leo smiled soothingly, "Of course not Don. If you want a yari, then you can have a yari. I promise you that. And if anyone has a problem with that they'll deal with me." His voice grew ominous and his brothers could feel the anger directed, not at them, but outwards somewhere in the distance, perhaps to a distant farm…

Raph swallowed and jumped up to distract his brother's attention. He didn't want them to get so caught up in being angry at their father that they forgot about themselves. "Ok, I think we all know my anger so we don't have to discuss it. How about we all take a walk and split up and take some time to cool off and think about what we've learned about each other and ourselves." And as they all got up to grab their coats he thought silently to himself, 'Splinter will have to wait."

Epilogue

Splinter came back. His three week vacation was finally finished and he had missed his family very much. He was looking foreword to going back to their regular routine and regular ways, but when he walked in the door to see his sons lined up in front of him with serious looks on their faces, he had a sneaking suspicion that perhaps it wasn't to be.

"Master Splinter," Leonardo said, "We need to talk."

"No, it is out of the question," Splinter said after his sons finished telling him what had happened while he was gone. "Donatello may change his weapon to a yari if he wishes, but Michelangelo may not fight with blades. I forbid it!"

Leo saw Michelangelo's head drop as disappointment colored his face; his vision went red, "No father, I have allowed him blades if he so wishes, and that will stand."

Mikey's head popped up in complete shock and amazement while Raph nodded approvingly and a tiny smile graced Donny's face.

Splinter's eyes narrowed, "Hamato Leonardo! I have given you a direct order and you will not disobey it. Michelangelo is not suited for swords."

Leo slammed his fist into the mat, "That's his decision to make, not yours, not mine. He's not a baby anymore! In fact, he hasn't been a baby for a long time now! It's time we treated him like an adult, and that means letting him choose what weapons he wishes to fight with!"

Splinter hissed with displeasure at his willfully disobedient son, "You will not contradict me. I will not allow it. All of you, to the wall and do flips until this foolish notion leaves your heads!"

They hesitated.

"Now!" their father yelled.

Don, Mike, and Raph, made to stand up, but Leo blocked them with his hand. He hadn't even shifted his weight. "No father, I'm afraid that I will not allow you to punish my brothers and myself for doing something that is within our rights."

"I am your father and your Master," Splinter said sternly, "punishing you is within my rights."

Leo stiffened, "Within your rights? After all we've done for you? So are you telling me that it's ok for us to fight to the death for you, but we can't even make the simple decision of what weapon we use to do it? Or does this special rule only extend to Michelangelo? Is he never allowed to grow up? Why is it so easy for Donatello to change his weapon but for Mikey to change his weapon is forbidden? And while we are on that subject, why do you allow Raph to leave the Lair whenever he wants but forbid the rest of us the same right? Why do you allow Donatello to stay up working all hours of the night but make sure the rest of us get enough sleep? Why do you force me to be the Leader of the group and then allow the rest to goof off? What I want to know, father, is, WHY. HAVE. YOU. PLACED. US. SO. RIGEDLY. INTO. THESE. ROLES? !"

Splinter stood up stiffly, "I will not be spoken to in such a way by my own sons. If that is how you all feel," he looked at his sons and saw the glare in Leonardo's eyes, the flat look in Raphael's face, the way Donatello had turned his head away from him, and the feeling of distance that radiated off Michelangelo. "If that is how you all feel, then perhaps I no longer have a place here." He stood up and picked up his traveling bag and staff, "I will return to the farmhouse, and perhaps someday my family will return to me from wherever it is they have wandered, since it is obvious that they are not to be found here."

All four turtles gasped at the rejection in their father's voice. They had expected him to be angry, yes, but to all but disown them? The thought had never even crossed their minds. Each felt it as a punch in the gut and they could only watch silently as their father, their Master, their teacher, walked out of the Lair and out of their lives.

The End

The last true lesson a parent can teach a child, and the hardest lesson to learn, is the ultimate truth that fathers are not the perfect people that children imagine them to be…

Important Note: I know it's the job of the author to get the story line across, but I thought I'd take the time here to explain exactly how the turtles have changed in this story.

Michelangelo, by teaching about cooking to his brothers showed that he wasn't just a little kid but had actually attained mastery at something. He gained the respect and admiration of his brothers. He even proved himself so well that he was given the opportunity to be lab assistant to Donatello, though this job will mostly just be him helping out with stuff. I also thought that perhaps part of his slacker behavior was him feeling pushed out of the top spots by his brothers, especially Leonardo. I showed this by him secretly (or so he thought, thus the anger) wishing he had been able to choose the ninjakin. He could never be a Leonardo clone or anything like that, if he uses swords, he'll definitely use them in a Mikey fashion…

Donatello will now be able to have more free time because he has shared his workload with his brothers and will have Mikey available to help him keep an eye on his ongoing experiments. He doesn't feel quite so alone now since finding out that Mikey has a bit of talent at chemistry as evidenced by his culinary skills. He's learning to have more fun, and will also be applying his intelligence to learning military strategy from Leonardo. He was open enough to let loose his anger to his brothers and even to finally accept the heavy responsibility of a blade instead of hiding behind his bladeless bo staff. He's beginning to accept the fact that he can't stand back and let his brothers be killers for him, while he speaking peaceful platitudes about non-violence in the background.

Leonardo was always the only one who thought strategically. There are so many instances of his brothers leaping mindlessly into battle while Leo runs behind them yelling (figuratively) "what about strategy?" that its about time that his brothers learned how to think strategically themselves. By learning about his brothers and basically by humbling himself to them he is learning how to be a better leader by learning to follow someone else's lead. He's learning to laugh more, as evidenced by his playful behavior in recent chapters. And lastly, he is finally going against Master Splinter by single handedly making the decision to allow his brothers to change weapons. He hasn't truly expressed his anger at his father yet, but with Master Splinter coming home it's only a matter of time.

Raphael has been portrayed through most of this story as being more intelligent and thoughtful than it seems on the outside. He notices problems that others don't see. He clearly sees the breakdown of his family for what it is, but doesn't know how to fix it, thus first messing up by targeting Mikey, then the drinking problem. Raph is trying very hard to change and this is shown by his deliberately care free manner during these past few chapters. He showed respect to Mikey in the cooking chapter, submitted to Don's idea of him being family accountant (which I think suits him amazingly well), didn't get mad at Leo when Leo showed him up on Leader Training Day, and now was able to pinpoint at least Mikey and Leo's anger pretty much exactly (Don's a bit of an enigma to him, thus the "Don-san" honorific). He's the only one who is, as yet, able to openly cast blame at Master Splinter for their upbringing, but he holds back because he knows that his brothers aren't ready.

Well, on to the grand finale! I hope I am able to bring things to logical conclusion, if not exactly the happy one some of you might want… But then again, real life doesn't always give us what we want, does it?

More Important Notes: This is not the end of my writings in this universe of mine which I think has officially crossed into AU territory. There will be several one-shots featuring the turtles adjusting to their new lifestyles, and then, hopefully another multi-chapter fic where I attempt to patch things up between Splinter and his sons in a reasonable manner. And by reasonable, I mean that they won't all just hug and make up. This is a deep hurt, and it will be a very long time, if ever, before it heals.

Some people have objected to Mikey's choice of weapons. I would like to add that he is just trying swords out, and depending on how things go, he may end up choosing an entirely different weapon, or even just going back to nunchucks… The point is not the weapon but the ability to choose and the trust involved in allowing him to handle a blade.

And as for Splinter. Why did he react so harshly? Well, I see him as an old fashioned Japanese man, so for him the kind of independent behavior the turtles are displaying would be seen as a slap across the face. Part culture shock and part a father's difficulty in admitting that his sons might actually know more than him. Though it didn't help that Leo blew up at him like that… So, there's a bit of blame to go around, though I am firmly on the turtles side in this.