Disclaimer – I own nothing!!!

(Author's Notes: I actually don't mind Twilight. I'm not a fan, but it gets kids reading and some of the concepts aren't half bad. Like vampires with superpowers. How awesome is that? This fic can basically be attributed to the fact that my little sister has seen New Moon like, four times, and it's getting kinda old. Also the fact that even if I can co-exist with Twilight fans, I bet Dib couldn't...)

Arrival

Dib shoved his hands deep into his trenchcoat pockets and tried to project the biggest sulk of his life.

Unfortunately, Gaz was immune to compassion and continued down the street.

Dib tried to catch her eye, which was hard with that squint, then decided to risk it.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Uh-huh."

"I could wait outside if you want..." please oh please let her say yes.

"I don't think so. I need you to carry my things."

"Oh."

He'd thought it had been bad last year. He was still having trouble coming to terms with this side of his scary sister. Why, why did Dad have to be working at the lab today of all days?

Well if he was going out, he was going out fighting.

"We could see District 9 again...?"

She zapped him with the glare of doom.

So much for that then.

Dib knew they were near the theatre now; scrunchies and glitter and pink things all scattered on the streets. It looked like some vengeful god had smashed an enormous girly piñata. And the screaming.

He remembered the screaming. Late at night it woke him into a cold sweat.

There were so many of them.

Girls. Short girls, tall girls, fat girls, skinny girls, girls of all races and religions, all colours and creeds. Some were queuing, some were chatting, some were dragging parents or siblings or reluctant boyfriends, and all of them were trying their hardest to shatter Dib's eardrums.

Dante must have forgotten to mention this circle of Hell. The lustful, the gluttonous, the traitors, Twilight fanatics had to be in there somewhere. He'd probably just avoided them; that's what Dib would have done, anyway.

Gaz finished her survey of the horde and began her approach. Dib sighed.

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

He followed.

Gaz paused at the outer fringe of the crowd. He reached her side and gazed at her quizzically. She grunted, took his arm, and advanced.

Four minutes and several possibly fatal injuries to unfortunate movie-going bystanders later, Dib found himself hauled in front of the clichéd spotty teenager manning the entrance booth.

Well, if he was going to get out, this was his last chance.

Almost as if she had heard his thoughts, Gaz twisted his arm hard.

"!"

She released him. With his uninjured arm he snatched the tickets from the smirking kid.

"It doesn't start for another forty minutes you know."

He heard Gaz's patience snap.

"WHAT?!"

Dib turned and ran. He shoved through the throng of squealing girls and broke through to reach the open street, leaned against a wall and panted. He could swear he'd heard an explosion, and the screams from the entrance seemed more terrified than jubilant.

Someone tapped his shoulder. He screamed and spun around, falling over in his haste. A large box of assorted junk food was dropped into his lap. Gaz looked down on him with disdain, which was actually pretty positive from her.

"The ticket selling kid?"

"I obliterated him."

"Okay. And the snacks?"

Gaz shrugged.

Dib pulled himself to his feet and hauled the box up resignedly. It had a strap, Gaz must have got it from one of the staff, but he wasn't going to ask her to confirm that. At least that made it easy to carry.

He was adjusting it when he saw Zim.

In his human disguise, with GIR in that dumb looking dog suit.

"ZIM!" He shouted automatically.

The alien jumped and glared at him, he reached behind his back for a weapon...

Wait, no, not reaching for something. Trying to hide what was in his hand...

But Dib saw.

Two tickets, the very likeness of the two Dib himself had in his pocket.

"You... You're here to see New Moon?!"

He went to approach Zim, to do what he wasn't sure, when Gaz's hand clamped around his arm again.

"Wait. That dog..."

"Zim's robot? What about him?"

"I have to destroy him."

Dib smiled, "yeah! I'll get Zim, you grab GIR and do... whatever you did to Cousin Ricky when he broke your GameSlave 300! Finally Gaz, you and me, united against the extraterrestrial menace!"

She twisted his arm again.

"Araaagh! Why?!"

"Forget your stupid thing with Zim, Dib. This is a real war. That dog... he's team Jacob."

"I- what?!"

But Gaz was gone. She honed in on GIR and the robot, in an uncharacteristic moment of sense, started running. Dib was left alone with just a tray of snacks, his alien nemesis, and four-hundred Twilight fans for company.

He sidled up to Zim.

"Sooo..."

"Humph." Zim crossed his arms.

Probably best to come right with it, "didn't have you pegged as a Twilight fan, Zim," he smiled.

Zim glanced sidelong at him, "GIR wanted to come."

And just like that, Dib had empathy. "Oh yeah, Gaz dragged me along too."

The crowd reached a new level of cacophony and the pair turned to them.

"Filthy humans, screeching and writhing in your... filth!"

"Huh, yeah, you should have seen it last year when the first one came out. The entire city was gridlocked, and they say there's even more of them this year."

Zim turned to him, curiosity brightening his eyes through the contacts.

"You mean this is an Earth tradition? A pilgrimage of some kind? Will there be a live sacrifice?"

Dib didn't like the way he asked that last one, but it probably couldn't hurt to talk to him. It was either Zim or Gaz anyway.

"You don't know Twilight? But you said GIR-"

As if summoned the crazy robot appeared; pushing them aside. He turned back and yelled: "Edward is a big stupid dookie head! Solidarity for the canine brothers! All my iguanas have exploding purple toes!" and promptly disappeared again, followed by a snarling Gaz.

The pair watched their respective sidekicks vanish into the crowd. Zim broke the silence.

"So this... twilight thing. In what manner do you worship?"

Dib sighed into his tray, "we don't, Zim. Well, Gaz maybe, and a few- well most of the girls and some of their moms, okay. But it's not a religion, just some dumb books that got made into some dumb films that Gaz keeps dragging me out to see."

"I see, but why? What is it about these "dumb" things that drives the hideous dirt-children into such a disgusting frenzy of noise and sweat?"

Eeeew. Dib tried to erase that last part from his mind, "I don't know, Zim. But it scares me."

The noise reached a fever pitch. Zim was suddenly thrown to the ground as GIR slammed into his head.

"Yaaay it's starting! The moment of the rapture is at hand, and only the true believers will survive the fire and destruction! Lets go get popcorn!"

As the demented machine dragged Zim's possibly unconscious form towards the doors Dib felt a sudden drop in temperature.

"Uhh, ready to go Gaz?"

She snatched his bruised arm and they entered once more into the breach. Zim may have been on the wrong track with the whole religious thing, but Dib did offer up a prayer as he passed through the doors.