Originally written on 11/12/2009 and posted at Paradox, the Sheldon/Penny LiveJournal Community.

"What were you two doing?" Leonard had asked.

Sheldon, tired of constantly cutting himself off, had answered immediately: "Penny and I were discussing your relationship." He had pronounced the word in a way that made it clear exactly what he thought about it. Out of the corner of his eye he had seen her right hand lift into the air to rest on her forehead. "Specifically, I was advising her to end it, because I thought it more prudent that she enter into one with me."

The discussion that had followed was relatively short, mostly because Leonard had left to sleep at Raj's. He suspected a lot more had been said than he had actually heard, because he was given to understand that as much as seventy to eighty percent of communication was nonverbal, which of course didn't help him at all. He was relatively accurate in interpreting body and facial cues if the opposite party gave him the opportunity to concentrate and think. Which, in this case, they didn't.

After his initial statement he really hadn't gotten a chance to get a word in edgewise (not for lack of trying, of course, but Penny had sent in his direction a few looks from which he deduced that he wasn't helping). There was a lot of back-and-forth that quite frankly Sheldon wasn't able to keep up with, because it was a lot of discussion about relationships and feelings and, "if this is what I'm feeling now—"s.

Leonard had been very, very angry.

Sheldon had ended up drowning most of the fight out by cubing numbers in his head. Penny at least was trying to keep her voice low, and it all became background noise. Only one time was he pulled back up to the surface; Penny had said something and ended her sentence with, "Right, Sheldon?" And, at his blank look: "We'll hold off on—anything—for a while—until it's okay. Or at least better. Right?"

Sheldon wasn't too happy at this prospect, but he had nodded stiffly. In response, Leonard had left. Sheldon didn't know what this meant, and he didn't get to ask, because an upset Penny (muttering how much everything sucked) had left as well.

"So, dude, what happened last night?"

Sheldon shot Raj a look and sat down at the cafeteria table with his tray. He spared a glance to the vacant chair next to him, where Leonard was supposed to be sitting, and where he wasn't. It threw the table off balance.

"Many things happened last night, though I assume you're referring to something about Leonard."

"Well, yeah, he slept over at my place."

Howard, who had been paying very little attention to the conversation until that point, looked at Raj. "You guys had a sleepover?"

"No. Leonard just... slept over," Raj said. Howard continued looking at him. "He slept over but it wasn't a sleepover!"

Wolowitz looked back at his food, a little sullenly, Sheldon thought. He had hoped that this had distracted them from the original point, but then Raj resumed the conversation.

"But seriously. What happened."

This was rapidly turning into his least favorite conversation, almost surpassing any dialogue on spelunking.

Likely sensing Sheldon's annoyance, Raj continued, "Leonard just told me last night that he and Penny broke up because 'Sheldon's a gigantic douchebag.'"

Sheldon raised his eyebrows, then chose his words. He didn't particularly like the prospect of telling them what happened, partially because he was so inexperienced in this realm and he wasn't wont to speak freely about something in which he was not an expert.

"Penny and I altered our relationship paradigm," he said simply, and then began to unwrap the utensils he brought from home.

"Wait," Howard said. The other two looked at him. It took a few moments before he spoke again. "Wait." Another pause. "So you're saying that... you and Penny. Danced the... horizontal tango."

Well this was revolting.

Mistaking the expression on Sheldon's face for confusion, Howard continued. "Did the nasty. Hopped on the good foot and did the bad thing."

"'Had sex,'" Raj clarified.

Sheldon spared Wolowitz a scathing glare that didn't seem to worry the engineer at all. "Not that it's any of your business, but I feel that I should inform you that two people can alter the nature of their interactions without engaging in coitus. When we upgraded our relationship from colleagues to friends, did we have sexual intercourse?"

That shut Howard up. It also made him a little green, Sheldon noted.

Satisfied and perhaps a little smug, he returned to his lunch.

"But still." Raj seemed hell-bent on continuing this conversation. "Did you screw with Leonard's relationship with Penny?"

"You can hardly 'screw' very much more with something that was doomed in the first place. I merely helped to end it perhaps a bit sooner than I predicted it would have."

"Raj, you're missing the crux of the question here." Wolowitz leaned forward, folding his hands on the table. "Can we skip to the part about you and Penny?"

"Penny and I have developed feelings for each other. ...Raj, you just stuck your elbow in your dinner, are you aware of that?"

He turned his attention back to his food, but a sudden movement caught his eye. Raj had hit Howard on the shoulder with his fist, then held out his palm.

Sheldon frowned as Howard shook his head.

"No. Bazinga. Definitely."

"How is 'bazinga' in any way an appropriate response—?" Sheldon wondered.

"No—he just said it—by they way—" Raj's attention was now directed at Sheldon. "—dude, not cool—but still."

"But still what?" Sheldon wanted to know.

"I'll believe it when I see it," Howard responded, ignoring Sheldon.

Huffing, Sheldon decided that enough was enough and stood up. If the two of them were going to divvy off into their own conversations it was time for him to leave. Normally Leonard was there and he had a chance to provide somewhat stimulating backup conversation, but. At the moment that wasn't possible.

With Leonard staying at Raj's, Sheldon had the night before been forced to stay up far past his bedtime in order to choose a suitable cab company and driver. But even though Mr. Hoffman actually obeyed traffic laws (remarkable for a cab driver, Sheldon found) and kept his cab clean (Sheldon put down a towel just in case) it wasn't the same as when Leonard would drive him. For starters, he didn't even attempt to make conversation with Mr. Hoffman because he wasn't planning on knowing him for long; and besides, the man completely skipped over most of the 'th' sounds in his words. In the morning his brain wasn't stimulated as per usual and he figured it might affect the quality of his work. It might have been in only a minute way, but minute amounts did add up. To compensate Sheldon had taken to watching the traffic lights and predicting whether or not it would turn yellow and then red before the car reached it. He was accurate over ninety percent of the time.

And, in the afternoon, Leonard and he would usually discuss their research or debate about comic books (more specifically, Sheldon would discuss his research then idly half-listen as Leonard chattered about his). Sheldon usually saw this time as a metaphorical 'cool down' period. It was jarring, in a way, for that to change.

After work Sheldon sat at his desk, taking advantage of the solitude to focus more on his research in order to make up for any slippage due to an insufficiently warmed-up brain in the morning. Despite their assurance to not engage in a 'relationship' for an undetermined amount of time for Leonard's sake, Sheldon surprised himself by finding that he wouldn't have minded spending time with Penny in this 'down time' in order to pester her about the state of her apartment, or allow her to pester him by sitting in his spot or putting things back in his refrigerator with the label facing inward and the cap not screwed on tightly enough. She had switched shifts with another waitress; she normally didn't work dinner on Mondays but the next day she was appearing at an audition that conflicted with her Tuesday work schedule.

Koothrappali and Wolowitz came over around five o'clock sans Leonard.

As soon as Howard walked in the door he asked in his particular loud announcer-voice, "Where is Penny?"

Sheldon made a point of saving his work and closing it before answering the question.

"She is working tonight, Wolowitz." He turned in his chair to face them. Then he frowned. "Well, where's the food?"

"The food?" Raj.

"Yes. The Chinese food. You know we have Chinese tonight. Usually Leonard picks it up but I'm assuming he's still at your apartment."

"Well, we assumed Penny would get it," Howard interjected.

"Penny's at work," Sheldon repeated. Honestly, the man had a Master's, even Sheldon knew that one didn't need a that to understand this concept.

"Well how were we supposed to know?"

"When I said we were having Chinese tonight, that was the social cue for you to pick it up. I have never before told you we were having Chinese because I always assumed you knew so. I told you tonight because you were going to pick it up. I already called in the order and now it's getting cold because you are here wasting time dilly-dallying when you could be driving to the restaurant."

"See?" Wolowitz said, turning to Raj. "If it had happened, don't you think he would be any more human?"

"It's Sheldon, you honestly think he would change?"

"Exactly my point."

"No, dude. You haven't seen Leonard yet. They're not joking."

"See, I can tell you don't believe it because you'd be flipping a bigger bitch. You just want to win."

"Excuse me."

Both Wolowitz and Koothrappali turned around, their faces resembling the face of a cat Sheldon had seen just before his father ran over it with the truck.

"It's 5:08. Dinner starts at five and neither of you seem to be moving to pick up our meal."

Raj grumbled something at Howard, did an eye-rolling expression in Sheldon's direction, and walked out the front door.

Satisfied, Sheldon stood and went to the kitchen in order to pre-wash his utensils while Howard began to flip through the channels on the television.

He had surmised that his two compatriots had been discussing his and Penny's relationship status, but Sheldon didn't care enough for their opinion on it and nor did he have any great desire to prove anything to them (honestly, he was one PhD above Raj and Howard put together, what did he need to prove?). So he let them speculate as he himself speculated on his situation with Leonard.

After Howard and Raj went home and Sheldon was making himself a glass of warm milk, the front door opened. Thinking that perhaps Raj was coming back for the jacket he had forgotten (it was Wii Bowling night and the exertion had presumably caused him to be uncomfortably warm because he had taken it off), Sheldon turned around and gestured toward the coat closet where he had hung it. But—

"Oh. Leonard. Hello."

"Sheldon, I'm just coming home, and this just means it's unlikely that I'm going to kill you. I don't want to talk."

"Alright."

Sheldon put his milk in the microwave and timed it as Leonard walked towards the back room.

"Leonard."

Usually when someone said that they didn't want to talk Sheldon wouldn't push the issue, but he felt compelled to say this.

"While I never believed your relationship was going to make it in the first place, I truly am sorry for being the catalyst to its dissolution."

Sheldon didn't quite know how to explain it in order to have Leonard understand; he could hardly explain it to himself. It had taken the better part of a week to comprehend what had been going on in terms of his hormone levels and emotions while Penny had (unknowingly to him) "turned the tables." It would have taken him much longer than that had she not kissed him in his kitchen, and tasted of chocolate. Even Sheldon knew at the time that her kiss hadn't meant anything to her, that it was just the last act of her performance, but it had done something irreversible to him.

However, he didn't get the chance to attempt to explain anything, as apparently what he had said made Leonard angry all over again.

"You know what Sheldon, I don't want to hear about your, your omniscience or whatever it was, because you're really crap as a friend, you know that? I'm going to talk to you when I'm ready so I'd appreciate it if you'd shut up beforehand. No matter how incapable you are of that," he muttered, turning around to go back to his room.

Sheldon considered calling after him, but he wasn't sure for what, but in either case Leonard had made a clear rule and he wasn't sure of the consequences if he violated it.

The microwave beeped in the background.

He had been examining his feelings in regards to his roommate the past few days, and had come to the conclusion that he was upset by the disturbance in their relationship as friends and roommates. Of course, he had fought with Leonard before, but usually the fights lasted only at most two days before they figuratively 'blew over.' This one had so far been lasting for four, and the resulting stress interrupted Sheldon's circadian rhythms.

Of course he felt bad that he had hurt Leonard and for that he apologized, but Sheldon was quite unable to understand why he was still angry. From what he observed during the month-long period of time that Leonard and Penny had been together, they hadn't done much past sex and the occasional outing. Aside from being more physically intimate with each other their interactions had remained static as compared to when they had been friends.

After getting over the initial surprise that he had noted their dynamic to such a degree despite his disinterest in social interactions besides his own, he had asked Penny about the matter (he would have asked Leonard directly, but since Leonard had taken to ignoring him the effort was useless).

She'd replied, "Sweetie, it's gonna take him a while to get over it and get used to it. You can't expect him to follow your train of thought and be fine with it after only like a week."

"Why not?"

At this point she had fixed him with a look that from previous experience he knew meant 'because that's how it is and you won't be able to change it not even through sheer force of will.'

(He disagreed, but nevertheless decided to make no attempts.)

On Thursday Sheldon walked into the ground floor landing with his messenger bag and his towel. His stomach did an odd, not-unpleasant turn when he saw the back of Penny's head, blonde hair dangling from a ponytail at the nape of her neck. At the clenching of his stomach, his first reaction was to think of what sort of pathogens could possibly be harbored in the cab he had just exited, but then she turned around it happened again, so he deduced that it had to do with her.

"Hello Penny."

"Sheldon." The right corner of her mouth quirked up.

Sheldon remembered the last time they had met at the mailboxes.

"What, were you going swimming? It's a little late in the year for that," she commented as they began to climb the stairs together. "The towel," she elaborated when he just looked at her.

"Oh. No. I don't swim."

"You don't swim, you don't dance... what do you do?" She was smiling a little as she said this.

"I play Halo." Wasn't this obvious? "You missed Halo night. I believe that some of Leonard's latent anger was directed toward me via the game because I have never lost to Leonard and Wolowitz before."

"Oh." She paused, and Sheldon tried to figure out if this information made her uncomfortable. "Well you know I had to work, to make up for all of Tuesday I missed. What did you do Tuesday? Charlotte said she didn't see you guys."

"We went to Big Boy. It is the backup plan should you be absent on Tuesday. I frankly don't trust any of the other servers in that restaurant of yours."

"Wait." They paused, halfway off the second landing. "You have a backup routine?"

"Of course. I have to be prepared for the worst." He frowned down at her, feeling as if he were missing her point.

"That would have been helpful, Sheldon. Like, constantly."

"For when?"

"Like for all those times you freaked out because one tiny itty bitty thing went wrong!"

Sheldon stared at her. "It's for emergency use only!"

Penny sighed. "Of course." She started climbing again, and Sheldon followed her. "So aren't you going to ask me how my audition went?"

"I assumed you would tell me whether I asked or not."

"I think it went well. I'm not gonna get my hopes up, but I don't think they hated me."

"I suppose that's promising."

Penny shot him a look, and did a double take. "Sheldon are you smiling?"

"No." He made sure he wasn't anymore.

"Aww, you're smiling!" At this point she smiled. Sheldon looked down at his hand that was clutching his towel, wondered how hard he would have to scrub his hand to get any of the germs off that no doubt were transferring to his skin due to its contact with the towel.

Thrown off guard, and eager to get himself back on track, Sheldon said as they reached their landing, "It's interesting to note that in Russia most civilians don't smile on the street or in public. There's a conception that it makes the person appear foolish."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that in Russia most—"

"Never mind. Sheldon, how is it that you know the social customs of every place beside your own?"

They paused on the fourth floor.

"Tonight is pizza night."

"Yeah. Thursday. I know."

They looked at each other.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

He sighed impatiently. "Well you weren't here yesterday, and you're here tonight, I thought social protocol dictates that you make up for your irregular absence from last night's activities by 'hanging out,' if you will, tonight."

Penny smiled the smile that usually preceded sarcasm. Sheldon prepared himself for the worst.

"You asking me out, Sheldon?"

"I'm asking you in to our apartment." He pronounced each word clearly because in truth he was once again thrown off guard. "Which perhaps might be novel for you as usually you ignore the purpose of a door and a lock by letting yourself in anyway." He considered. "If you're thinking that it qualifies as a date—well, I suppose, if you would like to think so, but all five of us are going to be there eating pizza and watching the third disc of Firefly so—"

Sheldon heard the door behind him open, so he cut himself off again

Turning around he saw Leonard standing in the doorway, keys in hand, presumably to go pick up the pizza as ever since the incident three years ago Sheldon refused to allow it to be delivered directly to the apartment.

There was a silence between the three of them, for which he was grateful in comparison to the yelling that went on earlier. He looked between Leonard and Penny. Penny was looking at the floor, her face turning red, causing Sheldon to want to touch it. He had done that before, hadn't he? It wouldn't be disallowed by their promise to Leonard if he had touched her face before she had shattered his carefully-structured life in a few choice moments?

"Yes," came her voice, startling him. "Yes, I will hang out with you, Sheldon. All four of you. Tonight. For pizza. With all four of you." Her voice was unnecessarily loud. "And I'll sit on the armchair," she added.

"Okay," he said, confused. Was he supposed to care about her choice of seating?

A movement to his left indicated that Leonard was going downstairs. Sheldon watched him; his head was bent, and his brows furrowed, and he didn't say anything. He was rounding the corner on the third landing when with a jolt Sheldon remembered: "You asked them to distribute the pepperonis evenly, right?" he called after his roommate, a little panicked.

There was no answer and he felt a hand grip his arm and drag him over the threshold.

"What?" he yelped as she shut the door. "If the pepperonis aren't evenly distributed there's a chance that with imprecise cutting—"

"Sheldon," she interrupted. He pursed his lips, annoyed. "Remember that thing about back-up plans?"

He nodded, stiffly.

"Well, you're gonna have to let go of your craziness for a while when it comes to Leonard because he's taken this a lot better than most people would have."

"But I'm not—"

He cut off because she did something unprecedented and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. He stood there, feeling awkward with his arms still sort of just held out by his sides.

"Penny, isn't this a violation of—"

"Friends hug all the time, Sheldon."

It was strange hearing her voice directly below him.

"But we never did."

Her head moved against his chest. He looked down; she was shaking it.

"Do you ever stop talking?"

"Yes," he answered.

"Then shut up and hug me back."

Sheldon obeyed.

Once he got past the initial surprise, he considered their situation and decided he liked it. She was warm and her hair smelled nice, and when she moved her head the light reflected off of it in interesting ways. Penny's back and waist were smooth curves melting into each other. Contact with her skin initiated the warm buzzing feeling with which he was starting to familiarize himself.

"Damn!"

It was the most unpleasant voice Sheldon could have possibly heard at that moment, with the exception of Barry Kripke.

He and Penny broke apart to see his two other compatriots standing in the doorway.

"Look at that," Howard muttered, obviously disappointed. With an exaggerated sigh he reached into his front pocket and pulled out a wad of money, rifling through it. He extracted three bills and shoved them in Raj's face.

Raj took the money, his mouth hanging open as he stared at the pair of them. Sheldon rolled his eyes and moved to the kitchen, quite annoyed and wondering if that was grounds for giving Wolowitz a strike.

"You bet on us?"

Penny sounded infuriated. Sheldon deemed a strike unnecessary at this point.

"Penny," said Wolowitz, sounding like a car salesman. "Raj and I put money on everything no matter how unlikely it is. I got ten for Leonard, but if you hook up with me I'll get six hundred." There was a pause. Sheldon turned around to see the man do his frankly ridiculous swagger toward Penny, whose jaw was clenched. "How'd you like to make three hundred dollars?" He raised his eyebrows twice in what Sheldon hypothesized was supposed to be in a suggestive manner.

"I can probably make more than that as a reward for kicking you in the nuts."

"I'll match and raise whatever they pay!"

Sheldon was unable to see Penny's exact expression because she took a step forward that took it out of sight from his view in the kitchen, but in any case it made Wolowitz back away.

"If you're done," Sheldon said to Wolowitz, moving to the shelf to pick up the Firefly case. "I think we'd all appreciate it if we moved on with our night without having to listen to your futile attempts to mate."

Penny had seated herself in the armchair at this point, jaw still clenched, her arms and legs crossed, and concentrating with surprising force on the blank TV.

It seems this increased distance between the two of them renewed Howard's courage. "Four hundred? Five hundred?" he said as Sheldon put in the disc and settled himself in his spot. "A thousand?"

At this point Sheldon shot him a look.

"Gosh, excuse a man for trying," Howard muttered.

The next few weeks passed in this manner. Raj cornered him at work and talked about how "uncool" he was. Howard's remarks ended up getting so annoying that when Penny poured her Diet Coke on him, getting soda all over the floor, Sheldon had barely cringed. Leonard still wasn't talking to him above the bare minimum, but he had started to allow Sheldon into his car on the way to work as long as they didn't converse.

The routine wasn't preferable, but Sheldon was just beginning to settle into it when Leonard deigned to start speaking again.

"I'm still peeved at you," was how his roommate broke his silence.

Sheldon stared at Leonard, trying to decide if he was allowed to answer.

"You can talk to me," Leonard added.

"Oh. Good." Sheldon cleared his throat. "Well, that's understandable."

"But..." Leonard said, looking at the floor. They were in their apartment, Leonard lingering by the armchair, Sheldon in his desk chair.

"I've been thinking."

"I certainly hope so. —Sorry. Go on."

"It's just... I don't know. I guess I appreciate your consideration for me in the... aftermath of all this. Yours and Penny's."

He paused.

"Okay," Sheldon said, wondering if that was what he was supposed to say. Leonard didn't seem to acknowledge his response.

"And... I don't know. This is. Uncomfortable, I guess. But. I sort of see how this is affecting you."

This was uncomfortable.

"Oh."

"And. I was pissed that it happened, because, well, obviously, but..." He began to fiddle with the corner of the armchair cushion. "It's like you won, again, you know?"

"Won what?"

"Penny."

Sheldon was confused. "I'm confused. Were we in some sort of competition?"

"I don't..."

"Was Penny a prize? Because as far as I know trophies don't choose the 'winners', if we're forced to be metaphorical here, and she made it clear that this was her choice and her choice alone. I admit if I hadn't interfered this wouldn't have happened, and I certainly didn't choose to interfere, I was perfectly content with the manner of my existence until—"

"Okay, Sheldon, let me talk, okay?"

Sheldon tightened his jaw.

"Yeah, I get it, okay? And maybe—that—was part of the problem. I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is we're okay, or something. Not completely, but. I'd still like it if I didn't have to... see... anything, but, I mean, I'm not involved, so."

Silence.

"Okay," Sheldon said. He thought that he may have heard Leonard say that things were settling back to how they used to be, and he thought about asking him to clarify, but this felt fragile so he resigned himself to spending the better part of the night in bed thinking about this conversation. "That's a relief, I suppose," he ventured.

The other man nodded, causing Sheldon to relax, as this was good evidence for his hypothesis. Then Leonard cleared his throat, turned around, and left to go to his room.

Sheldon sat in his desk chair.

Then he sighed, and turned back around in order to shut off his computer. He was startled by the sound of the door opening.

Penny was shutting the door behind her, quietly, a smile on her face. Sheldon opened his mouth to say any number of things to her but she beat him to it.

"I was listening at the door."

"Penny!" he said, standing. "Do you have any notion on the concept of privacy? I can type up a guide—"

Penny approached him. "Yeah yeah yeah, listen—"

"You seem to be doing enough of that for the both of us—"

She kissed him.

It gave his mind that rare blank state for a moment before he detached himself.

"Is this allowed?"

Penny rolled her eyes. Once again he wondered why she did this so often.

"Honestly, were you even here when Leonard was talking?"

He frowned. "Of course I was."

"Really? Because it sure doesn't sound like you were."

Sheldon didn't know how to respond to this, so while he was figuring this out he glared at her.

"We're alright. He's still unhappy, but he can stomach it, is what he said."

"Oh."

Penny laughed at him.

"I was coming over to give you some good news," she went on. "I got that part I was telling you about. Despite, you know, the fact that I'm such a shitty actress."

Sheldon recognized the callback to their argument, the one that had started everything. Penny didn't look particularly angry or challenging as she said this, like she usually did when she was ready to win a fight.

"I never said those exact words," he responded. "And in any case I had been in the process of admitting that I was wr—wasn't exactly correct in that assessment."

"Congratulations would have worked, too."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you." She leaned upwards, tilting her head, and Sheldon felt his rate of respiration increase, his peripheral vision blur—she was very close now, and when she spoke next her voice was quiet. "You're saying a lot of right things tonight. ...Here. Have a chocolate."

Penny held something in front of his face. He blinked, and then gave her a look, but it didn't have the desired effect; she laughed.

"Oh, don't look like that! It was a joke. Here." She popped the chocolate into her mouth, locked her fingers around the back of his neck, applying pressure that prompted him to bend forward. "We can share."

THE END