And… here goes another instalment. People have a way of giving me ideas ;)

These were inspired by suggestions from two LJ correspondents. The first bit presumably takes place early on, *before* Guy's drunk dialling escapades. The second one immediately follows the events of Chapter 2.

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Phone Booth

On King Richard's 36th birthday, by orders of His Highness Prince John, a coffin-sized iron booth was brought into Nottingham's central square. It was painted red and had a sign on it that read "Call the Castle". Apparently, it was an initiative to bring local government closer to the people it was supposed to oppress, er, serve.

Curious townsfolk who peeked inside saw that the contraption was equipped with a sort of curved detachable handle and had three buttons embedded in its far wall. The first one was labelled "Sheriff", the second "Master-at-Arms"; the third, simply, "Lady Marian". Apparently, pressing the button would allow the caller to connect with his or her intended victim via the black devices they had been spotted carrying around.

So those three had not gone collectively insane, after all, talking into little boxes.

An hour after it was installed, the booth was besieged by a mob of peasants who had assembled from nearby villages, waving their scythes and pitchforks and clamouring to call Vasey.

After the first twenty-seven calls had turned out to be expletive-ridden tirades, Vasey ordered castle guards to be posted outside the booth in order to charge fines for bad language.

That quickly drove the peasants away but left the booth easily accessible to an assault by an equally impressive, if less belligerent, mob of women queueing and cat-fighting to call the Master-at-Arms.

Just as Guy was about to go berserk after hearing a hundred and twenty two proposals of marriage and seventy-nine proposals of no-strings-attached sex in quick succession, none of them from Lady Marian, his ordeal was mercifully cut short: the button, not meant to withstand such extreme wear within one day, got hopelessly stuck, and the calls no longer went through.

Guy went to his chambers for a night of peaceful sleep, but on his way upstairs overheard Lady Marian cooing into her device from a darkened alcove – and as soon as he heard "Robin", he sprinted out of the castle toward the square.

Of course; the guards had been knocked out, and the abominable outlaw had appropriated the booth as his personal seduction headquarters.

Thankfully, the scourge of Sherwood had the good sense to escape once Guy showed up.

With a look of savage satisfaction, Guy pulled out his curved dagger and gouged out the calling button for Lady Marian.

That, unfortunately, left the angry peasants as the only claimants of the box's services, and the following day, after listening to a couple dozen more calls where he was branded "an evil oppressor" and "an enemy of the people" by the peasants who had just received a primer in non-four-letter offensive language from the Earl of Cu...Huntingdon, Vasey ordered the box moved permanently to the guards' barracks for use as an additional outhouse.

From that day onwards, he regularly received calls consisting of rather inappropriate sounds whenever a guard happened to accidentally press the button while using the convenience.

But it was still better than the peasants.

***

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The Morning After

Something did not add up.

Guy's head jerked up from where it was snugly settled on Marian's shoulder. His device was ringing.

Which would have been, by then, a pretty usual occurrence – what with Vasey's habit of calling him a dozen times a day – except that Vasey's device was in pieces after the Sheriff had used it at the scapegoat for his disappointment at Guy's, er, indifference.

Who in the world could it be?

Guy and Marian exchanged puzzled looks, and Guy carefully stretched his arm out of the bathtub and reached for the device.

- Hello? – he ventured.

- Do you love me? – was the breathy greeting at the other end.

- I, er… - Guy felt slightly awkward about declaring his love to an anonymous male caller when his true love, sans attire, was next to him in the tub after a very satisfying bout of… redemption. – Who is this?

- How dare you, Gisborne, not to recognize your ki… prince? – was the angry rejoinder.- Tell me you love me, Gisborne, or else you will never be Sheriff!

Of course. Guy had only seen Prince John once, months earlier, and his voice had sounded different in person. The prince had always called Vasey before, but with Vasey's device out of commission, it looked like Guy was next in line. And the Sheriff part, unfortunately, was a credible threat. Prince John's moods were nothing to snigger at.

- I… love you, - Guy ground out.

Marian turned sharply to look at him – her intent stare, from a distance of about three inches, was hard to ignore.

- Who is this ? – she hissed.

Guy waved his hand dejectedly. Great.

- It is not what you think, - he mouthed.

Marian arched an eyebrow.

Guy shook his head.

- Your Highness… to what do I owe the honour? – Guy continued, throwing Marian a pointed look. She grimaced, but at least did not move away from Guy.

- What has happened to the Sheriff, Gisborne? – John inquired in a petulant tone. – I have been trying to reach him for a full day now and every time I get a stupid message saying that he is unavailable!

- Oh, he is available, Your Highness, - Guy assured him. – So available, he is downright desperate, - he added mentally. – it is just that his device is… damaged.

- Damaged? – John's voice, when angry, rose to a shrill, almost girly pitch.

I cannot really tell him that it is in fifteen pieces now, can I? Or else if Vasey finds out, I am dead…

- It is… not working, - Guy offered lamely.

- Tell him it got wet, - Marian whispered.

Guy waved an impatient hand at her and pointed to the device. Doesn't she know how peripheral sounds carry through these things?!

- It was… dropped, Your Highness.

John emitted a loud sigh.

- Oh well, I will send Jasper over with a new one, - he grumbled.

Guy rolled his eyes. Just what we need here. The pri…nce's little helper.

- Why was Vasey so careless anyway? – John was whining. – Doesn't he know how difficult it is to procure these? I will now have to execute the Sheriff of Muckington just to give Vasey his device! - For once, his voice carried a genuine note of regret.

Shite. Guy could not very well tell him that it was Vasey's unrequited… interest in Guy's person that had driven the Sheriff to distraction. Or else he might never become Sheriff, after all, for provoking such carelessness. But he dithered over his options. For all his prowess with a sword and impressive physique, Guy was not always fast when it came to thinking on his feet. Or when it came to thinking seated next to an undressed Marian in a hot tub.

Then the inspiration dawned.

- He was exhausted by the duties of office, - he offered excitedly, unable to conceal his relief at having found a suitable excuse.

- Well well well, - John mused. – Looks like the old man is growing too tired for his burden.

Yes! Guy pumped his fist in the air. This was going better than he thought.

Marian smirked at him.

- In that case, - John continued, - I will really need to start thinking about Vasey's replacement. I say, Gisborne, - he continued with studied indifference, - I suppose that under these circumstances I will need to get to know you better… much better. What do you say to coming to London next month for a… chat? Nothing major, just the two of us…

Guy clenched his teeth, suppressing a groan.

- Do you love me? – John asked again.

This is too much, really.

- Hello? – Guy yelled into the device, ignoring John's response. – Hello? Hellooo? Forgive me, Your Highness, I cannot hear you! – he pressed hard on the power button and, once certain that the thingy had been shut off, dropped it on the floor with a sigh.

- Now, where were we, my lady? – he smiled, turning back to Marian. John will wait. – I believe I still have quite a few sins to wash away, don't I?

***