Chapter 19: Promises That I Can't Keep

My longest victory is now a memory. A constant reminder of a life I once lived.

These four walls are cold and lifeless, but the security they create keeps me warm.

As a child my father and I would venture across the open water with such grace and such care.

As a child my father left me…

And as a child I died so very long ago.

Ziva corrects a few words in her report before resaving and reprinting.

A few of the other Agents battle over a game of War with a faded and torn deck of cards.

The wind howls and whips against the windows and walls of the Naval building.

A few drops of freezing rain draws her attention and she looks over her shoulder quickly.

An Agents passes by and climbs the stairs while she returns her focus back to the printer and grabs the sheets of paper. As she walks back to her desk, she moves a few papers and pens, trying to find the stapler. Sighing, she looks over to Tony's desk and grabs his famous Mighty Mouse stapler.

"I admire you, Tony…" She says aloud.

Gibbs slowly stops his steps as he eavesdrops on her private conversation.

"A genuine sense of humor…and a directness for knowing what you need and what you want." She sighs. "You disgust me."

She throws his stapler inside one of his desk draws as jealousy takes over her senses.

His thoughtful expression turns into a light grin.

As she finds her seat, she senses someone near. Turning her neck she notices Gibbs staring at her.

"Report is finished." She grabs a hold of it and stands to place it in the center of his desk. "Anything else I should be doing?"

"I never said you were supposed to work." He looks outside at the violent storm. "It's a snow day."

"Snow day?" She questions. "I do not know what those are."

"A snow day is another form of a party." He sees her confusion grow bigger. "A snow day prevents people from getting to work, kids from getting to school…"

"I find it hard to believe you of all people accept a 'snow day'."

"I never said I accepted it." He walks over and stands in front of her. "I'll take a look at it tomorrow." He looks quickly at her report that is lying face up on his desk. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"I caught wind of food. Second floor cafeteria. Some of the cooks are spending the night." He does not give her a way to find an excuse. "Let's go."

"I said I was not hungry, Gibbs." She becomes irritated from his verbal control.

"I'd like to talk to you, Ziva." He finds his voice to be unusually shaky. "Just come down with me. You don't have to order anything."

She balances her weight on both feet for a few minutes; then walks behind him as they make their way to the elevator.

Two different lunch-meat sandwiches sit on each of their plates. French fries dangle all around the sandwich while a few fall from the plate and land on the table. Their drinks consist of ginger ale; nothing special.

Gibbs takes a bite of his sandwich and begins chewing. When he notices she hasn't made a move to taste her own, he picks up her plate a bit and tilts it towards her.

"I said I wasn't hungry, Gibbs." She feels like smacking him in the back of the head for not understanding that her stomach just did not feel like eating. "Must I set it in rock?"

"Stone--and no." He shrugs. "You can always wrap it up to go."

She quickly finds her napkin and begins to open it, but he stops her by putting one of his hands over one of hers.

"It isn't time to go." He says lowly.

She swallows; his touch is simple, but electric. She reaches for her can of soda and pops the top. After a few seconds she realizes half of the can is gone.

"Thirsty?" His face is flawless.

"Apparently." She swallows again before reaching for whatever is left in the can and downs it.

Several more minutes pass between them and he has finished his sandwich, but as he nears the end of his fries he watches her begin to work on her sandwich.

He knows her game. She is wearing a shield and a helmet. She figures with action there is less time for conversation--and she knows he wants to speak with her.

"Drop it, Ziva." His voice is anything, but angry.

"I do not know what you mean, Gibbs." She takes another bite of her sandwich.

"You're trying to avoid this conversation."

"What conversation?"

"The one we're supposed to be having." He takes her plate from her. "Put the sandwich down."

"Need I remind you that I know a hundred ways to kill?"

"Sandwich. Plate. NOW." He grows louder by the minute.

She swallows what is in her mouth and nearly tosses her sandwich back in her plate.

"Why would I want to speak with you?!" Her anger makes her nostrils flare.

"Why the hell are you so angry with me?" He can hardly understand.

"Forget what I said, Gibbs. There are no feelings. I have no feelings for you. None. None at all." She rolls up her sleeves because she wants to find something to do as the clock ticks. "I want my sandwich back."

"No."

"Can I have my sandwich back?"

"No."

"May I have my sandwich back?"

"No." He leans in closer to make sure that only she can hear him though the cafeteria is practically empty. "You can't drop a bomb on me like this and then take it back. Bombs don't work that way. Once they go off--they've served their purpose."

"The only purpose this bomb served me were humiliations and a severe case of a nervous stomach."

"Humiliated?" He laughs; clear and honest. "You didn't shout it out to the world, Ziva."

"Worse. I told you." She bows her head and shakes it in confusion and shame. "I can't find a real reason this could ever work."

He saddens inside, but he continues to listen--afraid that any simple word from his mouth might shatter whatever else she wants to say to him.

"We come from different backgrounds. A different way of life. Our…age difference…"

The frown he did not know he was wearing begins to deepen. He never wanted her to feel like this when she thought of the possibility that had always been there between them. And he feels guilty that he put her through the wringer--he diverted her from her true feelings as much as he could because he knew how to.

He knew how to because he forced his own feelings to stay deep down inside. The only mistake was the actual task at hand. His way of shoving thoughts behind in the back of his mind could never be on the same page with shoving his feelings deeper into his heart.

"Ziva."

"What is it…Gibbs?" She looks scared.

"I can't promise you that we'll last forever…or that we'll fall during a case, hit our heads, lose a chunk of our memory, and end up living down in Mexico somewhere…" His attempt at humor does not create much of a laugh from her, but she begins to smile. "…but I can promise you that I will try to make this work."

"What'll they say?" She feels fear rise in the pit of her stomach. "Tony will take it completely out of context. McGee will never look either of us straight in the eyes again…and Director Shepard…"

He nods to let her know that he understands what she is saying. He has thought the same things himself.

"And what about an conflict of interest?" She looks uncomfortable. "What if our feelings get in the way of our work? We're both on the field…you are my team leader."

"It isn't right, Ziva." He tells her more sharply than he wanted to. "But for you?…For us? I'm willing to try my very best in such a long time." He inhales and exhales sort of loudly.

"This will change everything."

"I know."

He hands her plate back to her and she begins eating. The both of them continue to think to themselves until she breaks the silence.

"Tiffany Carter told us a sad story earlier today." She mentions the case.

"Tiffany Carter created a sad story." He adds his own opinion. "I suppose she had a valid reason."

"All reasons are valid if created out of feelings."

He bows his head now and thinks about what that could mean for the both of them.

"Anything the matter, Gibbs?"

"Nope." He gives her a small smile.

She finally finishes her sandwich and begins to push her fries around her plate.

"You gonna eat those?" She shakes her head and offers them to him, but he declines. "Back to work?"

"I don't know about work, but we could go for a walk…" He shrugs.

"It's freezing outside!" She exclaims.

"Inside, Ziva." He grins at her slightly shocked expression.

They both get up and dispose of their trash.

Tony arrives with his shoulder bandaged. As he spots Ziva, he makes a crooked bee-line for her desk.

"Well hello Ms. David." He winks at her. "Did you miss your lover boy?"

"Not this time, Tony." She smiles at his usualness. "How is your shoulder?"

"Just fine. You know, for a big, tall, tough guy like myself--" Gibbs walks by and flicks Tony in the shoulder. It causes him to wince and in a throaty, painful whisper he says, "Ouch."

Gibbs grins all the way to his desk. As he puts his coffee cup down, he hit's a few buttons on his keyboard to bring up his inbox on his computer screen.

"I thought I told you to take more time off."

"Is that a question?" Tony wonders.

"Does it sound like a question?" Gibbs wait's a few moments for Tony's answer, but Tony never gives him one. "I suppose you can be the Probie for the day."

"Wait a minute boss--Probie? Come on, I'm far too advanced to take that title."

"It wasn't a choice, Tony." He looks at Ziva. "Gear up."

She jumps from her seat and snatches her bag. As she throws it over her shoulder, Gibbs finds his weapon and badge from inside his desk drawer.

"Stand by for information, DiNozzo."

"Roger that, boss."

Ziva steps from behind her desk and Gibbs waits for her to pass in front of him. This display boggles Tony's mind, but he can not seem to figure out why.

As the elevator doors close, she casually looks to her left.

"That's enough to get him going." She lightly warns him.

"Eh--I know."

As they feel the elevator begin to move, Gibbs can not fight the laugh that wants to escape him. In a matter of seconds, Ziva erupts into her own fit of giggles.

As the elevator finally comes to a stop, they quickly regain their serious expressions and storm out of the elevator--ready to take on yet another case.

Author's Note: That about wraps it up, everybody. Thanks for sticking around to read the ending. I hope you found some sort of pleasure out of reading some if not all 19 chapters. I'll be back before you know it--a new fic is already in development. You might be interested, or you might not be. Either way, it was pleasure to read each and everyone of your comments.

-Geekery